daysofelijah

I just finished my practicum for adding media specialist on to my Pre-K-6 teaching license. I had started working on it before dh got sick and stopped with just the practicum left to do in 2012. It was good to get it out of the way finally. I originally was going to get my master's, but I don't have the time or money to finish that anymore. Plus I'm afraid of the thesis/starred paper aspect. I don't currently work full-time, I teacher sub in our local district. Plan to get a full time teaching job again once the youngest is in kindergarten, hopefully. I'm finding I don't like elementary age anymore and prefer middle school, so we'll see what I end up doing.

I sure hope not, lol. Thanks so much for sharing your situation. It gives me hope. So sweet to hear that you are glad you waited for the time to be right for him. Things are soo much different and more complicated in this Chapter 2 relationship situation, but I do think that it is worth it, whatever the outcome.

I think this is very much a part of it. Thank you for your insight. I'm trying very hard to look at his actions and not stress about the lack of the words. He is much more of a "doer" rather than a talker. Something the exact opposite of my late dh, who would talk about everything but never get it done. I really like that about NG in many ways, except maybe this one!

Mrs. Dan, thank you for your validation. I think sometimes I exaggerate things in my mind and dwelling on them makes me over anxious. I do feel as though I love him, but at the same time I feel stifled and unable to embrace that feeling due to his lack of reciprocation, at least in saying the words. I did say it one time about 5 months in, but have refrained from saying it again until he's ready to say the same. It's not fun to say I love you and not have it said back. And Captains wife, thank you for sharing about how I love you's can come at different times and are harder for some to say. He treats me well, shows affection, we cuddle a lot, and intimacy is great, he's very giving in that aspect. His communication is good, texts me good morning every day and at least a couple conversations throughout the day, and as I said we see each other 2-3 times a week. He shows concern for my emotions, he's understanding about the needs of our kids coming first right now, etc. His actions are consistent. He only pulled back for about a week one time 4ish months ago, and he was honest with the fact that his last girlfriend contacted him and had wanted to get back together, so he had a decision to make there, but decided he wanted to be with me. Financially the divorce left him very bad off, whereas late dh's life insurance policies left me comfortable, so there is some imbalance in feelings there, but it doesn't seem to be a huge issue. That's really the only point where we are imbalanced. So overall, yes, I guess his actions show that he at least cares about me, if it's not love yet. And companionship is something I really need right now, so I guess I'm willing to wait it out for at least a while longer. And he does fun activities with me, things I've never done before, like motorcycling, ice fishing, 4 wheeling, fun stuff I am learning I enjoy. I think I'll leave talk of the L word alone for now and try to let things progress naturally for him. It'll be hard with the stupid holiday of Valentine's coming up, but I guess I'm willing to give it a few more months. If at a year he still can't I may have to re-evaluate. Idk I feel like I'm lucky to have him and if this is the only point of contention right now I can deal with it, though it's admittedly getting harder as time goes by. Thanks for letting me ramble things out, helps to sort my feelings out.

Sorry your week was so tough. It's Sunday! Hoping this week goes better for you.

I'm sorry you're having such a hard time. I know how much more stressful everything is when kids are sick. My oldest just got over strep, youngest has a sinus infection, and the middle two have colds. Winter stinks and I can't wait for spring. It's -14 degrees below zero here today! Yuck.

Background: DH passed away October 2012 (brain cancer). I've not dated at all until this past May when I started seeing NG. I'm 40, he's mid 40's. He pretty quickly asked for things to be exclusive which I was good with. With 4 young kids I don't have a lot of time/opportunity to do a lot of getting out. He also has 2 kids, one lives with him full time and the other half time. We live about 15 miles from each other and see each other 2-3 times a week, usually him coming over to my place. NG was divorced about 2 years ago, separated 4 years. Things seem to go well with us we never fight, seldom disagree, he gets along great with my kids and his kids seem to think I'm alright, lol (they're older teens). He's caring, kind, attentive, almost always the one to initiate contact and time together. The problem I'm struggling with is he wants to move slooow with things. I get that and I agree to an extent, but he has admitted he's not sure when he'll be able to say the "L" word. 8 months into it I'm starting to worry that he's not ever going to. I know he was really hurt in the divorce and wonders if his x-wife of 20 years ever even loved him (she cheated). I don't know if I really want to or even should keep putting time into something that isn't going to go any deeper though. I'm not expecting a ring or a proposal, but I'm not looking for a loveless relationship either. I can admit that my marriage wasn't great. We weren't great to each other, and I want this time to be better. I want a healthy loving relationship. Ugh. We have had a couple talks about my concerns with this so I don't want to keep bringing it up. But the more time goes by I find myself holding back, and even starting to feel resentment at the fact that he isn't able or willing to say this. Or am I overanalyzing all this? Should I just go with the flow and be happy to have the companionship for now?

It sounds like you've done a lot of great ideas, just hasn't panned out yet. I live in a small town right now so other than the bar scene the only option is really OLD. I've been fortunate and met a nice guy on Match who lives in the next town. Pay sites like match were much better that the free ones like OKCupid for getting more more serious contacts. These days it seems like the best option. It's how I met my late dh 15 years ago too. Sorry I don't have any ideas, it's a tough thing.

I feel that too. It isn't an immediate anxiety, but a small thought that comes to mind once in awhile. The first few months were worse, 8 months into it now I'm a little more calm about it. But it's still there, a fear that I'm putting my love into someone new and suddenly he'll be taken away. But like someone else said, I think the risk is worth it, experiencing love again is worth it.

My just turned four year old was only 9 months old when her dad died. She has gone through stages of being fascinated with all things dad. She loves tv shows with a strong dad character and watches them over and over. She will honestly blurt out that her dad is dead to other kids she comes across, because that's the only reality she's known. It's hard to be the only one who has to deal with things like that. Not too many people know what it feels like to raise a child who will never know a parent because of death.

Good question. I would like to take my kids on a road trip this summer. Just me and four kids might be too much, but I really don't want to bring my mom along either. I don't think I could handle that, lol. I'm not sure of the logistics of bringing NG along either though, that might be too much for the kids to understand. Ugh, it is so hard! Good luck with your planning.

My brother-in-law offered to buy the plot and hit me with the do you want a double or single plot? I couldn't even process that at the time so I guess I said double plot. When it came time to order the stone though I realized that I was not sure. I was only 37 when he died, and honestly I do have the desire to re-marry now 3 years later. So I went with a single headstone. I make a hobby of adding records and photographing headstones for findagrave. I came across a situation where the first husband passed young and a double headstone was bought, but the wife remarried and must have chosen to be buried next to her second husband (in the same cemetery where her first husband was buried.) So first husband's double stone sits with an empty spot for her name. That made me sad. I had inscribed on dh's stone "Beloved husband, loving father".

Oh my there's some good "bad" stories in this thread. Thanks for sharing. I met my late dh online, and my current guy as well. So things weren't all bad. I don't have horror stories. I don't get what the guys are thinking though, when their first contact is to ask what size my breasts are. I want to say seriously? does that like work for you creeper? But I just blocked and moved on, lol.

My marriage was not great. And as bad as it sounds there's part of me that is grateful for the opportunity to do better the second time. That sounds totally horrible. It's something that I have shared with NG though. I can share deep, scary stuff like that with him. It's not something I'd go tell anyone, they wouldn't understand.

You should get over it? He sounds like a jerk, move on. That's not his place to say and he clearly didn't want to even try to empathize with you. I had been dating my NG 5 months when the three year anniversary of dh's death came this last October. My kids and I had a rough week that week understandably. He was really respectful of our grieving and listened to my frustrations and regret and guilt several times over the course of the week around dh's death date. I feel a lot of guilt that my kids are growing up without a dad, our marriage wasn't great, but I do regret that my kids have to grow up without him. But NG also helped me at the end of the week by saying, "the time for crying is over now." It might sound harsh out of context, but he said it more in the sense that I don't need to feel guilty and it's okay to move on with my life. He respected my time of grieving and gave me the time I needed, and then the support to move past it.

Happy New Year. I was the only one to make it to midnight here. We watched movies and all four kids fell asleep. 12 year old made it until about 11:30. Even NG left for home around 11 because he was so tired he was falling asleep, lol.

I don't think I've ever done an intro here. I used to post a little and read a lot on the old board. My name is Amy. I lost my dh in 10/2012 after a 13 month battle with brain cancer. I have 4 children, currently ages 12,11,8,and 4. Littlest was 9 months old when dh died. It's been a hell of a 3+ years. But I'm currently on an upswing. The kids are doing well. I decided to start a new relationship this past May and it's going well, keeping things at a slow pace. I enjoy reading and will try to do some posting as well. Thank you.

It's a tough thing to move forward with. NG and I will be intimate after the kids are asleep, but sleep overs aren't an option yet. I have 4 kids (12,11,8,4) and he has 2 (18,15). So neither of us has a kid free house to spend nights at unfortunately. It leaves me feeling like a big part of being together is missing. But it's pretty impossible right now. I'm not sure when I will feel comfortable with it, not until we would be engaged at least I think.

I had to get a new bed when NG and I started being intimate. It was just too weird to share the one I shared with late dh. He doesn't sleep over yet, not sure when we'll be ready for that.