JeanGenie

Yup, this is me too. Like maybe we didn't pray or fight hard enough...yeah, right! And, Mike, this could be a whole other topic...so jealous of old couples--do they know how lucky they are? And why are they together and we're not. But to go back to the original issue. I think the shirt itself was kinda inappropriate for work. I mean, there's casual Friday but as Mark said, if a guy wore something referencing a "rack", they'd be in the HR office pretty quickly. There are many more tasteful ways to support breast cancer awareness. Bottom line, as others point out to me frequently, there are all these small triggers that just hit us sometimes. We can't always predict them or understand why they upset us one moment and not the next. Just part of this journey we're on. It doesn't have to make sense. It just is and we thankfully can come here and vent and share because as we all know, we just get it!

A family commitment has come up so I no longer can make it. Sorry...

I've marked it on my calendar! Date reserved!!

Made myself a large salad for dinner and now will sit down with a glass of sangria and The Hallmark channel! Should be doing some work, but there's always tomorrow...

Sept 5 or 6 works for me. I can probably make Sept 20 work as well (19th is out though).

HikerMom, how I can relate...I totally get what you're saying. We function and we appear to be holding it together, getting through day-by-day, but it seems that true, deep down happiness is elusive. As you said, was it never there? Is it there but we are now cynics? Seeing that glass half-full is certainly harder. Sorry it rained on your plans. Enjoy your hard cider and know I'm thinking of you and wishing you a peaceful evening.

Sending you {hugs}. Wish I could be there to provide support and help...

Hello fellow sexy wids! MS, sorry you're not sleeping...that just adds to the anxious feelings. Here's hoping tonight is better for you. No plans for me tonight... Was at my sisters for a small get together this afternoon so now I'm hot and tired. Gonna turn on the AC, slip into my jammies and then cleanup the kitchen. Maybe I'll try to find a movie to watch and get to bed at fairly early. Have a busy day tomorrow...

If August, I won't be able to make it those dates. On vaca the last two weeks of August.

Count me as a "maybe" depending on the date. Can't help with where...not too familiar with the area.

beachbum4715... I sent you an invite. Thanks!

Hachi and Donna, I would love to join you trying to lose some weight. Losing 20 lbs would be a miracle...but I'll start with 10. Just can't seem to do it. Maybe with some wid support and accountability to someone other than myself, I can do this. I'm on MFP. Let me know if I can join you!

How wonderful! Sounds like you found yourself a good guy! Can't wait to hear post-vacation how it all went!! Enjoy!!

So sad...I'm sorry. Sending you strength to get through the next few days...

Life is just so unfair at times. Wishing you peace and sending you virtual {{hugs}}.

Maureen, By now your BIL/SIL have arrived and I'm hoping you are somehow forging ahead through these next few days. What you want to say at the internment will come to you, even if it's last minute. You will speak from the heart. Sending virtual {{hugs}} for strength and support.

Jeff, I'm glad to hear today was not so bad and that you actually had a good day with friends and family. I too find the days leading up to the milestone so much worse than the actual day. It's also nice to hear that you've found a nice GF and can think about future possibilities there as well. Makes me smile...

Hmm, Donna...Not sure. I'd probably pick a) or c) and if I picked c) maybe b) could be worked into the conversation! (How is that for a non-answer?) I've been known to use the occasional sarcasm and there were years when it ran rampant in our house. But I've learned that there is a breaking point where too much sarcasm crosses the line or you've pushed the person too far. So I'm careful now (hopefully) to limit the amount of sarcasm because there does come a point when it's not funny anymore. But I'm an adult and it took me a while to learn that (and am still learning). So you were sensitive to her sarcasm and couldn't laugh it off (and it didn't help that husband thought you were being too uptight too) and I'm guessing even though you tried to respond in a way to laugh along, it probably wasn't received as you intended since your frustration was already shown by then. Hopefully by the time you got home today, it has all blown over.

NeedyToo, Thanks for your advise re: friendships. There are the few who I've met "after" that I feel the closest with, where there's give and take, where it's not just a one-way street, where they actually seem to care about me and I can be myself...we can laugh together, can cry, and just "be". You're right...I need to not expect the same from everyone and that there is a range. Just something I never had to think about before when my LH was my best friend. I'm sorry you're dealing with your family situation. Like you really need to be pulled into that and that you are the one your BIL is reaching out to. No wonder you're not sleeping and that just adds to the angst as well. Baylee, I hear ya! More of the DGIs. Just want to slap them when they say stupid things like that. I do think of all kinds of good, sarcastic come backs after the fact, just never in the moment!

Don't have much to say. Just sending you {{hugs}}.

Happy Saturday night sexy wids! Just got done cooking dinner on the grill with DS. We've got bats behind our shutter so we watched them as they came out. Counted 36 of them. Just hope they stay outside! Even with them, the bugs were pretty bad so we're inside now where I'll do the dishes while he finds something to watch on Netflix. Then, I'll probably fall asleep as soon as I sit down to watch something!

Donna, glad to hear you had a good weekend... Good luck with the house cleanup and getting everyone to keep it that way. One of the benefits of unfortunately living alone...if there's a mess, no one to blame but myself. NeedyToo, you are right...you should have nothing to feel guilty about and I don't particular care for people who try to make you feel guilty because you can't volunteer on one day. Now for my little vent that I just need to get out in a "safe" place... I'm just tired of investing so much time in maintaining new friendships and it not being reciprocated. My LH was my best friend and over these 2 years I've learned I need this circle of new friends I'm forming because otherwise I have no one. And I've met and made some good friends and we've had some good times and laughter together. But sometimes I feel so forgotten and that the only reason these friendships are being maintained is because I'm constantly reaching out and initiating conversations and things to do or just checking in with them. And I know this is how you maintain friendships, but it would be nice once in a while if someone reached out to me, asked how I'm doing, asked me about getting together. But that doesn't happen and then I question whether I really matter at all to these people, are they really my friend? And I think I'm a good friend and not stifling because when we do talk or get together, we have a great time. But I'm just mad (and sad) that I seem to invest and value these friendships more than they do and then I get pissed at myself for placing so much value in these relationships. And if DH was still here I wouldn't have to be dealing with this at all so now I'm pissed at him too! And it's a beautiful sunny morning and why can't I just be happy and content? Life just used to be so much simpler... And I just needed a safe place to get this off my chest...

Thank you for your post. Gives me hope that maybe, just maybe, if I'm lucky, I will find another someone special, my chapter two...

Jen, I get this and have been there many times (and still am). Trying to figure out my compass and what my life is supposed to be. There are many single people out there who appear happy and living life, why can't I? Why does life seem so empty and directionless without our loved one. And there have been times I have thought too....dying doesn't seem so bad (although I'm not considering suicide) but then I think of my son and I would not want to do that to him. It was only very recently that I have realized that I do not want to be alone the rest of my life. Before that, I could not imagine having someone else in my life and figured I was destined to be alone and sad the rest of my sorry life. Now I have hope that maybe I'll find someone special that gives me a reason to love and go on living. While also fearing it may never happen. So trying to learn to live this new life and find happiness by myself, with myself. Not easy. But all of this is to say, I can so relate. And I'm so excited for you that you are going to Amsterdam. You are forging forward, trying to create good moments in your life. Keeping busy helps and there are times when you realize you're smiling and laughing and say "hey, this was a good moment". This trying to define ourselves is hard though...one baby step at a time though.

I'm sorry this is how your weekend started. To tell you they weren't going and then to post it on FB...that is just cruel and hurtful. Make note...another reminder of who your true friends are. Doesn't help the hurt though. What we're all learning on this journey, the hard way, is who our true friends are and most of mine are the new wid friends I've made, not those supposed ones from before. But it still hurts and people can be so thoughtless and cruel. Feel proud that you treat others better than they do even after all you've been through and that you won't sink to their level. And, yes, the wine can help a bit too! Hope you find some enjoyable moments in the weekend.