JeanGenie

I can relate to so much of what all of you have said. I am 2 yr 2 mos out and I honestly cannot recall the specific day I took my rings off. I had been to the jewelers and got the diamond cleaned and put it away after that. I had his band on a chain around my neck and so I put my band there as well. It rested so nicely inside his. I wear these everyday, hidden under my shirt for no one to see but me, close to my heart. I still wear my anniversary band on my right hand...just because it's too pretty a ring to put away, and it's on the right hand. I did the crazy thing of checking for rings on other people as well. I would look at others and see their rings and think how lucky for them...they are married and have someone who loves them (although as Jen says I do realize this doesn't mean they really are happily married). And here I was miserable and lonely and grieving and I didn't want the world looking at me, seeing my rings, and thinking "lucky her, happily married" because that was far from the truth. It is interesting how this ring is so defining--for both us and how we look at others. We all rationally know the presence or absence of a ring doesn't really tell us anything about that person and their lives but I still find myself looking and making assumptions even though I know better. In fact, my husband was one of those married men who didn't wear his ring often due to his work but I still put so much definition into that band that might be on mine or someone else's finger. Mikeeh, it was hard to take that ring off at first. I tried it and it filled me with more emptiness. I switched it to my right hand and that didn't feel "right" either. So it remained until that day when it came off and it felt right. So remove your ring when and if it feels right. What I've realized though is that if I want to be open to meeting someone else and not be alone the rest of my life, then I need to first love myself and be happy with where I am now, being alone. The miserable being alone or alone being miserable is a good question. Just need to remove the "miserable" part...easier said than done.

Hmm....it depends on the weather...on a beautiful day, I'd prefer to be outside so I'd say hiking. But if it's hot and muggy or rainy, then it's the movies. So if I can only pick one, I'd have to pick movies. Sticking with that theme... Theater OR Drive In? (yes, there is still a drive-in near where I live!)

{{Hugs}} Maureen...much adventures and heartache mixed up all in one. Your niece sounds like a gem though. Must get that from her Aunt!

Yes, it is Saturday night. I'm sorry you're having a miserable day. Unfortunately, I don't think my exciting day/evening is going to do much for you. I spent the day working in the yard weeding, planting, etc., then I've spent the afternoon and until just now, cleaning out and painting the pantry closet in the kitchen and in the dining room. I'm just totally exhausted so I'm stopping for the night even though I'm not done. My hair is a mess and I've got paint all over me. Not quite a sexy sight! Going to hit the shower and then try to figure out something simple for dinner. Will probably crash in front of the TV watching the latest Hallmark movie.

Wow congratulations on finding happiness and someone so special...her message to you is heartwarming. And how nice that on this sadiversary you have happy tears. I'm happy for your happiness! Gives me hope. I hope you get to enjoy (most of) the day!

Need to reply because I can so relate to what you all are saying. MS, I give you lots of credit for even dating. That thought terrifies me. I would just like to find someone by it magically happening. We meet casually, become friends, and then he professes his love for me (yes, I watch too many romcom!). But it depends on the day or the moment how I feel. I can so relate to what Virgo says--I can't imagine being alone the rest of my life, but I can't imagine being with anyone else either. But the attention of a man--but mental and physical--would be nice. I do dream that this may happen someday so I guess that's a good thing. That at 2 years out, I'm realizing I'm actually open to this. Terrified at the same time too.

Lunch on the patio of a local hole in the wall! And on that hot, summer day.... a bike ride OR lounging by the water?

No "dads" here either...lost my father and FIL about 25 yrs ago and now with DH gone, this is just another day on the calendar. Feel sorry for my son and he's an adult--but just another reminder of what we don't have any longer. Also sucks cuz our wedding anniversary is always around or on father's day so just a double whammy...

Oops...wid brain on my previous response!! lol Hmmm...sweet or salty?...tough one, I like them both--together! But if I must pick one, I'd say sweet. Sweet candy OR Sweet baked good?

Yup....sadly all the time...

boat sailboat OR motorboat?

Mark, At 5 months I needed to travel for work. I had traveled several times previously for work but this time I just didn't want to go. However, it was a conference that a select few were asked to attend and so I had no good reason to back out except my own nervousness and fear. And it wasn't the traveling part (again, I had traveled alone on business before), but it was leaving my home base and venturing out that scared me. I did it though. It was important for me though that I had someone to check in with...to let know when I landed, when I settled into my hotel, etc., so I utilized family or friends for that. The business trip itself was busy so that kept me occupied while away. And I personally felt good that I did this....by myself....on my own. Another one of those steps forward we need to take. I know the change in daily habits is unnerving and although time alone and the routine is comforting, I have not yet regretted when I took some risks to broaden my horizons. And, besides...we're all here if you need to reach out to us during your travel. Wishing you luck and enjoyment!

Safe travels! Hope to see you when you're on the east coast!

Congrats on our new home!!

Just watched Silver Linings Playbook with DS. Nice movie for a Sat night...with Jennifer Lawrence and Bradley Cooper. I laughed at some of the craziness in the movie and surprisingly found myself laughing out loud to their comments/references re: her DH.

Sending you hugs BrokenHeart Just passed my 2 yr sadiversary and you hit the nail on the head--WTF pretty much sums it up!! Yes, this all seems so surreal and what are we supposed to do with our lives now?? Beats me but for today, I'll send you some virtual hugs. Be kind to yourself today.

Yup, BeyondLife summed up exactly what I was thinking. I also find the time leading up to these events to be harder than the actual day (of course, not usually recognizing that until after the fact) and it is usually at night, while lying in bed, in the quiet dark that the sadness and heaviness find me. Thankful for wid friends who get it and help me through it. Sending you hugs Gabzmom!

Yup, surreal is the word I use often. I find myself living my life and starting to have "fun" or happy moments. And missing him doesn't consume every moment of my life. I find myself bounding up the stairs or going about my day with a bounce in my step and humming a tune when it will suddenly hit me that he is really gone. And then I wonder was he real? I see the pictures, I have the memories, but was it something I imagined? And how can I be living life without him? And how could I have a happy moment without him? At times it feels surreal. At times it feels guilty. How could I laugh, how could I smile, how could I possibly enjoy life without him. And I realize I need to. I've made new friends. I'm trying to figure out this new life of mine. Is my current life a dream? Are my memories a dream? Which part of my life is the "real" life? Yup, sometimes it just doesn't seem real...

I'm with you all and as Maureen said, I could be here all day...all the quiet and little ways we shared our love. The touch, the look, the 110% support, the person who cares where you are and worries about you and whether you're safe, wanting to comfort you when you're sad, the kiss goodbye, the kiss goodnight. I always wanted to hang in the bedroom the quote "Always Kiss Me Goodnight"...no use getting it now which just makes me sad. As others have told me, because we've loved and it was so good, we miss it so much now. And I do realize now that I do miss that and can't imagine going through the rest of my life without it, but I also realize, it may never happen again... Sigh...

All your comments are cracking me up!! This is certainly a good laugh!!!

Shower... Unless it's a been a hard, long day working in the yard and then I love to soak in a bubble bath! Bar of soap OR Body wash?

Unbelieveable! Too bad I'm too old and too "average". Was good for a laugh though (while kinda sick at the same time)!

Hmmm....tough one...they both would drive me nuts. But I would go with the bed alarm cuz itchy IV I couldn't stop, but worse case with the bed alarm is that I cause a ruckus (unless then they try to restrain me!)! (And I hope you're home and out of the hospital by now.) And now because of how hot it is here tonight... On a hot, muggy summer night, do you like to sleep with... air conditioning OR a fan?

So sad. Life seems so unfair at times. I get that we all can't be protected from grief or tragedy but I feel once in a lifetime is more than enough. Just so very sad...

Thank you all for your responses and support. That's one of the things I love about this board...you can relate and understand when thoughts and actions seem so out of whack. And just as amazing, it wasn't long before I was back on track, packing things up, like the moment never happened.