Jen

If I'm anything to go by, then, yes. Out of the mouths of babes: I'm an inveterate ice chewer. I love ice, crave ice, crunch ice all day long. I've done it for years-- I had tapered off considerably, then ramped up again over the past few months. Yesterday, my ten-year-old son looked up from his tablet and told my mother, "I figured out why Mum chews ice. It's a sign of being sexually frustrated." :o :o :o There has GOT to be a solution... right? Please??

Yay yay YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!

(((((((Jess))))))) I'm late too, and I'm so sorry... I saw your FB post and was thinking about you that day, and since then; I've been running and hadn't had time to get to the puter till tonight. Peace to you, and love~

I don't dream about Jim anymore at all. There was that nightmare, where I was trying to get to him, but he wasn't actually in it at all. I never "see" him anymore. It's been months... sometimes I think that whole life must have happened to someone else, because now it doesn't even seem like a memory. More like memories of a memories, or an old TV show I used to watch. Isn't that awful? I loved him so very much... I still do, I always will, but... I confess, I'm angry at him sometimes-- I wonder if that's why my brain has blocked him out? Why did he leave? Why was it okay to go away and leave me like this?? When he knew good and well how much I needed him??? It's not fair. I want to scream that at the sky sometimes: IT'S NOT FAIR. No, my life isn't terrible now-- I have mostly okay days, and even things to be happy about and look forward to, but nights-- oh, the nights are still so empty. I can't help but worry that they always will be. Oh, R. I'm so glad you checked in, but sorry to rant-- apparently I needed to get that out? I'm about to go to bed... maybe it will unlock a good dream for a change. Lots of love, Jen

YAY BEACH PARTY!!!!!! Been awhile since we had one. ((((((((®)))))))))) Love you!!!

I go through phases... numb for a bit, then raw and anguished again. Little things can set me off; sometimes big things, things that should affect me deeply, don't seem to. This road is so strange... :-\

So many hugs. I'm so, so sorry.

I am so very sorry. There are no words that can fix it... just please know that you're not alone. We understand, and grieve with you. (((((HUGS))))))

So many hugs from here, too...

http://bleeckerstreetpizza.com/ Where is this, and can we go? I'm watching something about it on the Travel Channel, and OMG it looks sooooo good!!! I'm not even a huge pizza fan, but-- wow!!

Oh, Amy!!! (((((((HUGS)))))))) I'm so sorry... that must've been so, so scary!! I would have completely freaked out, and the kids would've been left to fend for themselves! Let the hospital take care of your friend, and you take care of you, okay? All will be well. Just hold on, breathe, and know we're here to support you.

Unbelievable. I'm so sorry. You deserve so much better. (((((((HUGS)))))))

Skin-on-skin contact while I listen to a heartbeat. That's all. It doesn't have to go any further (though I doubt I'd say no). Somebody, please, just cuddle me. Please???

Countdown is ON!!

I've never had the opportunity to attend many weddings-- honestly, I could count the number of weddings I've been to on one hand, and two of those were my own. In two weeks, my sister is getting married-- to a man named James (my dh was Jim). I'm happy for them, of course, but I'm scared stiff about the actual wedding. How will I react? Will I be okay, or will I have a meltdown? If I do, does it matter? Will anyone care, or even notice, as long as I don't make a spectacle of myself? It's my sister's big day, and, I assure you, ALL eyes will be on her (she'll make certain). A date is out of the question; there's no one I could even ask as a friend, so it didn't even occur to me until I read this thread! I'm trying not to worry about it... I'll be nothing but an afterthought anyway, and maybe that's a good thing. If I can keep it together that day, maybe I can go home and cry myself sick that night. No one needs to see that... :-\ ((((Hugs))))

Fuck this roller coaster. Fuck that I'm almost happy for about five minutes, then it all goes to hell again. Fuck that I have to keep visiting this thread. Fuck that I look every minute of my 41 years, and then some. Fuck that it doesn't fucking matter because no one will ever look at me again anyway. Fuck that I give and give and there is no one to take care of me. Fuck that I still need someone to take care of me, but every time I look for a rock it just crumbles. FUCK. IT. ALL. ETA: Is it just my morbid sense of humor, or is it strangely fitting that this is my 666th post? Fuck.

((((((HUGS))))))

((((Maureen)))) Yesterday was 18 months for me... I just can't get my brain around it. How is that even possible? How is it that he's just not here?? This is never going to not suck.

(((Hugs))) I'm so happy for you!!! Enjoy.

Oh, hugs, HUGS. I'm so sorry. This is what terrifies me... it's safer in my hamster ball. :-\

Today is 18 months. I said I was going to stop counting, and mostly I have, but this day has loomed large for a while. Yesterday was bad-- I kept thinking back to where I was on that last day-- who I was, an ignorant, happy woman with no clue that the world was going to end 24 hours later. I'm okay... I am, but it's going to be a tearful day, I'm afraid. I think I'm the only one who remembers...

I went to a bago. Best. Decision. Ever. It was such a relief to be with other wids, who understood and gave me all the love and support I needed. Where are you? I went to NYC, so it was a vacation/bago combined. I highly recommend it. (((Hugs)))

(((((((((HUGS))))))))))))

Oh, hugs, hugs. I'm so very sorry... but glad you found us.

So. Many. HUGS. You are my heroine. Hold on. Keep breathing. All will be well.