rifatheroffour

I did some laundry, could have done more... I did get some prep work for my audit done, and it went smooth and quickly this morning... I got quite a bit more done in the garage than I even expected... So... overall I'm happy with my goals and accomplishment for Sunday. Next... taking it easy tonight but will try to set more specific goals going forward.

Goals... such a funny and elusive thing these days. So maybe if I write them down somewhere public I'll have more drive to accomplish them. For today... Laundry, prepare for an Organic Audit at work on Monday morning and review & empty a few more boxes in the garage. But of course first goal is get out of bed!

There you go always finding the silver lining.... ;D Glad you are safe.

I'm so sorry you lost your friend. Her story strikes incredibly close to home.

I should do laundry but that would require a level of motivation that I lack at this moment.

I spent the day working on a Duck Race... http://public.westerlychamber.org/events/details/17th-annual-pawcatuck-river-duck-race-7376 Two younger sons away for a band trip, my daughter at a birthday sleepover and my oldest exhausted from the day's activities (plus his GF is on the same band trip as his brothers, LOL!) We had dinner together and now he is in bed while read, post and watch Star Trek Voyager episodes under the fuzzy blanket.

I could use some camaraderie, how about anyone else?

I was waking up to get ready for the happiest day of my life. A long day of two wedding ceremonies and receptions for both our Hindu and Catholic traditions. By the end of the night we were both exhausted but finally together after five and a half years. Today I will treat myself to a massage and some time to myself. We had such a beautiful life together. We rarely fought, I can only remember one real fight and in retrospect it was over something ridiculous. We were made for each other and appreciated it. I miss her so much today.

Happy birthday! This was my wife with art supplies...I have made a local preschool very happy with her extras. I'm glad you can now find the humor and positive in this.

Last week was 27 months, I woke up on Monday went about my day until half way through when I realized why I was in a funk despite having had a really good weekend. It was yet another 13th. You are not alone...

S'mores but I'm going to leave out my mushmallow...they are only good for making torches! After dessert... sleep under the stars or cozy in a tent?

I'm also relaxing on the couch, three of four kids, watching The Day After Tomorrow. Began to clear my garage today and have plans to make major progress with the kids help on Sunday.

IF ONLY...Hell I'll take any dream of her...

^^^This^^^ And young kids are more resilient in the long run than we tend to give them credit for.

Ok, Catnip, your post made me laugh out loud! Kat, Baylee is right on target, try it, you've got nothing to lose. I took my ring off and no one, NO ONE, has said a word or noticed it. I'd feel very flattered... Good luck.

I have also done this and same as you I don't think any of them have joined. I originally found YWBB on my own one night in the wee hours during a fit of despair. Obviously there are other options for grieving such as counseling that work better for some. For all we know the people you pointed here may be some of the many that read and never post. It is at first a neatly disconnected way to get support. It took me some time to find the comfort level to reach out to others here. I have always been a private person and have paid a price for that in the wake of my wife's death. Thankfully I have made some really good friends here. Sorry to be a bit off topic.

I certainly hope so. I know how much we loved each other and I'd like to think we did not take each other for granted. We never got or took the chance to talk about what would or should happen after one of us was gone but I have to believe that she would want me to be happy again and find someone to share love with. And I will expect to find perfect for me or nothing at all... holding hands just because and all.

I also have all the sympathy cards. I did pare down the wedding memorabilia. I have been collecting into one place all of the cards, notes, letters etc. My goal is to make a couple scrapbooks, whatever fits I keep the rest will go. Hoping later this summer to work on this project. The ultimate goal is to create one book of the really personal stuff just for me and other stuff for the kids to be able to see. When it's my turn the personal scrap book goes in the coffin and is cremated with me. I just can't throw it all away, I'll most likely never read it again (ok maybe VERY rarely) but to just throw it away seems wrong. As for the wedding dress, I do have a daughter so until that ship sails I'll hang on to it, otherwise into the inferno with me someday.

Exactly...I have to agree that I am not actively grieving Fal's loss at this point. I find my tears now are usually generated by kid related events (things that I know she is missing out on) and times of frustration about my future. Of course certain triggers can come and go but they are not constant. I wake and see her picture and smile and say hello, not burst into tears. The toughest part of my daily life is not having that someone to really care how your day went, or just to give you that hug when the day was tough. I'm so very grateful to the handful of friends mostly new ones I've met through the board that I can reach out to with texts, emails or phone calls but we all know it's just not the same thing. There are those truly intimate thoughts that can only be shared with one person in your life and to have had that and now lost it is devastating at certain times. To have a thought about a time or incident in your life together that now only exists in your mind and nowhere else and is not appropriate to share with anyone else is almost suffocating to me. But we must forge on I guess, for me it is because I have children that she loved so dearly and did so much for. I must honor her existence even if I can no longer share it...

Such a positive attitude...I love to hear things like this. I helps to keep me hopeful that I will find myself eventually as well. With kids still at home it is a challenge...5 more years till the youngest finishes high school. Till then I will live vicariously through friends like you when I feel like I am still tied up from doing what I really want to do...now if only I can figure out exactly what that is...LOL!

So it seems silly to "introduce" myself at this point but I joined YWBB June 10, 2013 almost 5 months after my wife died...27 months ago today(13th) my dear wife, Fal, died in her sleep. She suffered from Non-specific Interstitial Lung Disease since 2005. She had been successfully treated on and off with prednisone until June of 2012 when she had to go on 24hr oxygen. By November we spent a week in Brigham Women's Hospital having her evaluated for a double lung transplant. Within the week as part of the transplant workup we discovered she had two lumps on her right breast, cancer. So now she is off the transplant list and we are making plans to deal with a difficult surgery. Since the breast cancer was early stage we decided to wait until after the holidays for further treatment "just in case" since surgery was going to be a challenge. January 9th she lost feeling in her left side while her sister was visiting, she was rushed to the hospital fearing a stroke but her symptoms subsided within a few hours and we went back home the next evening. Saturday she just felt tired all day and we talked about whether I should call her Dr., she said she was just tired. That night she was to tired to climb the stairs to go to bed, first time she did not go to bed upstairs. We had to drive to Boston the next day to stay at a friend's for early Monday Dr. appointments to schedule surgery etc. I was tired and told her I needed a good nights sleep too. I got her all set up on the couch, phone, water, tucked in etc. kissed her good night and went upstairs. I slept so well that night until 4am when I suddenly woke for no reason then fell back to sleep. 8am came and my two youngest children came to tell me that they couldn't wake mom up. She died in her sleep, hopefully peacefully. My children, a few of DW's good friends(one in particular), this site and the new friends I have made here are what have kept me sane. About a year ago I began to realize my heart has the capacity to love still/again. Not sure how that is going to go but I am open to the possibilities.

Falguni is her full name, Fal to most friends, Falgu to family, Mom to our kids...also my sweet babu(her middle name)...sadly no one will ever hear that again.

Based on what I know of you, Maureen, you have banked far more "get it" time than "DGI" time. This too shall pass.

I was born and raised Catholic. 3rd through 12th grade Catholic school. I remember my confirmation interview with Brother Bob in 8th grade. When he asked me why I wanted to be confirmed I told him I really wasn't sure but wanted to complete the "process" and in time when I was older I may better understand my choice. That was 30+ years ago. I'm still not sure some days. Through college I went to church sporadically. I met my wife in college and she was Hindu. We spent many hours discussing our respective faiths and boiling down our understanding of faith to what we considered it's essence for ourselves. We were married with two ceremonies celebrating both of our faiths. For a few years I did not go to church. After we had children it was my wife who led the decision to raise our children as Catholic and we found a Catholic church that we felt comfortable in. For me going to church has been about comfort. It's what I grew up with and there is a level of comfort in being there. The specifics of the faith and rules etc are not my first priority. I appreciate the formality and traditions of the church as "comfort food" but do not always agree with some of the dictates of the church. For me my faith is a personal connection and not about following the religion dictates in specifics. Some will say then why are you Catholic and I can't disagree I may not be the best Catholic. I see religion as somewhat cyclical there are times in your life where your faith and/or practice may wane and may come back in time. What's in my heart and my actions towards others are far more important to me than my following the dictates of a specific religion. Since DW's death I have not had any deep feelings of anger toward God. My faith in the fact that God exists has not changed but my commitment to going to church has taken a beating. This may be in part that I do not feel any deep ties to my church. The Priest we enjoyed for years while at our church had retired a couple years before she died. When she died obviously we did not have a funeral at church for her since first she was not catholic and second we followed her Hindu traditions. I did receive a call from our retired priest expressing his condolences and that she was such a beautiful mother etc. I never got anything from the new pastor. This disconnect bothered and I guess still bothers me and may be the root of my waning commitment. On top of that our current pastor (#3 now) is not very engaging and a bit too old school for me. Not sure what my point here is other than I get it, specific religions are not always right and our faith can come and go...and its all ok.

We are/were donors on our drivers license but when she died with cancer and a severely weakened body due to years of oxygen deprivation they could not use anything from her. The odd thing that just hit me is the fact that we were trying to get her on the transplant list to get new lungs shortly before she died. Until right now I never really thought about the other side. I thought these donations were kept private and you don't know the families. I can see now that I would rather not want to meet the recipient of my wife's organs. Better to just know someone was helped but not have to have the direct reminder that they are better and I have lost.