SoVerySad

It looks really great. Thank you for all your hard work.

I'm sorry, BH2. I can see where that would hurt your feelings. Maybe it will help a little to remember that you had the most important person's heart - your husband's. Are they still hoping to find lungs for your niece? I've been keeping her in my thoughts - so young and deserving of more time. I've been thinking about you as well. Sending love and hugs...

We had to have our cat euthanized today due to advanced cancer. She was a sweetheart and was literally in love with my husband. She spent every moment with him that she could. After he died, she grieved for him terribly. I felt such a kinship with her. I'm hoping they've been reunited now. There is a small part of me that is so envious of her.

Torn, I've set up my group through meetup.com. If you go to that website and put in your zip code under find a meetup, as well as within the number of miles you'd travel, you can see all the different meetup groups in your area. You may not find one for young widow/ers such as mine, but perhaps you'd find another group you would be interested in. When I looked for grief support groups, I only found a few in my area. Two met regularly - one at the local hospital and one at the funeral home I used. I certainly wasn't interested in attending at either of those places. There was a program that ran in the Spring and Fall for families, but my kids didn't want to go. Churches in many areas will sometimes run programs called "Griefshare". I have a new friend attending one right now. They run one night a week for several weeks as I understand it. It is a scripture-based program which has not interested me as my faith has taken a pretty hard hit and for now I'm not pushing that on myself - just letting it be for right now. You could contact your local hospice agency or cancer treatment center and ask for their social workers. They might be able to tell you any groups in your area. These will usually be more structured support groups than my group, which I am envisioning as more of a social group which ends up providing support through organic interaction. So far, my group has only been announced on meet-up as a new group in my area and I have 3 members already. I want to make some contacts in getting the word out more, but I've been bogged down with kid issues.

Efffff people that have no sense of compassion to someone in a difficult situation and effff me for feeling so guilty when I think to myself that maybe someday they might be in a similar situation and then they might understand (or allowing them to get to me in the first place).

Dear Trying, I am so sorry for the relentless worries. It is exhausting and heartbreaking. I keep thinking if I could just get a break long enough to think and breathe, I could find a way to make things better for my family. But the break never comes. I hope the testing for your youngest turns out well and that things calm down so you can worry less and enjoy life more. You deserve it - we all do. Sending you love and tight hugs...

Tatianakm, Many members here could tell you how they have cried their way through the grocery store. It is really a triggering place for many of us, which is hard because we need to go there. I did so much delivery for dinners for my kids after my husband first died because I minded the grocery store so much. Sending you tight hugs...

I didn't have to change the wall clock in my bedroom when we switched times this past weekend. I had never changed it the last time we switched, so it is back on time now. I meant to do it many times, but was either too busy or just didn't care enough at the time to do it. I'm not sure what that says about me.

Oh Linda, I'm so sorry. You are definitely not an uncaring, calloused person. I lost both of my grandparents who raised me, so my parents to me. It was terribly painful as I had become caregivers to both and loved them so very much. But their losses were no where near as hard and painful as losing my husband was. It isn't about how much you loved someone as much as it is how deeply your life was intertwined with theirs. Your husband was your future and the father of your children. There is no comparison to any other relationship really, so please don't feel hardened if the grief of the loss of your father hurts less. Sending you love and tight hugs...

Tweety, I'm sending you love and hugs on this difficult day. I'm glad you are finding comfort being back.

I am so sorry for the tragic loss of your husband, Jenghes. I lost my husband suddenly due to a heart arrhythmia, so I don't have your same experience. As several people have already responded, please know you are not alone in the manner in which your husband died. I just wanted to send you a tight hug and let you know we are here to help support you and your children in any way we can.

I am so very sorry for your loss, Tatianakm. The loss of your spouse is always heartbreaking and hard to understand. Given that you've just had a long awaited baby, it is even more so. Being a planner myself, I can tell you that it is too soon to be trying to formulate a plan other than just making it through each day taking care of your baby and yourself. Sometimes you may need to readjust that to just making it through an hour at a time. And that is okay. The loss of a spouse is unlike anything else you've ever been through. Having put pressure on myself to be managing it all better (as I was used to doing), I know that made it worse for me. Right now just focus on the basics as Trying has said. She's offered you good suggestions. Again, I'm so sorry for you to have lost your husband at such a promising happy time in your lives. I'm sending you tight hugs....

I am so very sorry for the loss of your husband, Katy. What you are experiencing is normal for many widows unfortunately. It seems like at first you are in a protective fog and also busy with things to do. After a while, as the shock begins to wear off, it hurts more because you've had more time to process the many ways your life is different now. Please know we understand and are here to support you. Sending you a hug...

Lost35, both my children were adopted from Guatemala as infants. We have no birth father information at all for my daughter. We do have only my son's birth father's name. After their adoptions, we used a searcher to try to find their birthmothers to establish contact, should our children ever wish to meet them or their birth siblings, etc.. In one case, we were successful, but have since lost contact. In the other, we were never able to find her to make contact. It is so different there trying to find someone. After my husband died, my son (who was 14 at the time) became more interested in what I knew about his birthfather, which sadly is only his name mentioned by his birthmother in her adoption social work interview. It wasn't on his original birth certificate. After so many years, it would be pretty impossible to find him. It disappointed him to learn that he couldn't have any info about him. He had never asked about him before my husband died. I think it felt like another loss to him in a way. I wish I had any piece of information to tell him, but I don't. If you son is missing his father, I agree with you that his feelings are valid. He may not have spent time with him, but he's old enough to get a sense of what he's lost in not having his father. Your memories you share about your husband likely make him wish more he could have had time with him, but I really think that is a small negative vs all the positives of you helping him "know" his father. I'm sure it doesn't help you to have family making assumptions about his feelings. I have some family who think it strange and perhaps damaging in some way how much my children and I talk about their father. I feel I know them best. I don't know if that perspective from our situation helped at all. I absolutely believe you can miss someone you never met. When I talk about my grandparents who raised me, my kids will often remark that they wish they could have known/remember them. My grandmother died before their adoption, and my grandfather when they were toddlers. Hugs to you and your little guy...

No, we are pretty rural here. No public transportation at all, which is crazy as we aren't a tiny little town. For now, they've both got some health issues we're working on, so I've been able to shelve the conversation with them. You've all given me good feedback/suggestions for looking at the issue again when we get past these health concerns. Thank you, again.

Thank you for your replies and hugs. I got some sleep today, so I'm feeling a little clearer in my mind at least. I could hardly think straight. I was hoping my son could see my Cardiology group as it is local and I have established trust in them. He'll turn 18 in August, so I thought maybe they could just see him, but they can't see anyone under 18, something to do with licensing. Thank you again!

Thank you, Lost35, for the suggestions. I definitely want to try to get things scheduled to meet as many group needs as possible.

Yay! This is wonderful news! Congratulations to all 3 of you!

Thank you all for the hugs and support. I wish I could say the day got better, but it hasn't. They are referring my son to a Pediatric Cardiologist to rule out a possible arrhythmia issue. I wanted to run screaming from the room when the Ped told me, but I managed to keep my cool so as not to worry my son. My husband died suddenly from a cardiac arrhythmia. Six months after his death, I was diagnosed with the same arrhythmia. I have a defibrillator implanted for protection. I was so thankful that we adopted both our children, as we couldn't pass the issue on to them genetically. Now this? Really? It will likely be at least 2-3 weeks until the appointment. His blood pressure had been much better at the Ped today, but was up again tonight. I'm exhausted, but too worried to sleep now. It really did make me feel better to read your words of support, though, so thanks again.

I've just spent the whole night at the ER with my son. This after having been there twice with my daughter in the past week and a half. My son had an episode of some type last evening. His BP and pulse were very high. The ER doc is really puzzled and couldn't give me any answers, so today I will take him to the Ped MD for f/up workups. My daughter had gone in twice for chest pain, but they're hoping it is just related to her gastric reflux issues. I'm so worried and exhausted. I've barely slept. My husband and I were supposed to be partners raising these children. I need him here to help, but he's not. This new reality sucks. It sucks that my 17 year old son has so many worries about dying, due to his Dad dying suddenly and the drunk driver who nearly killed us who took away the small progress we had made. And I keep hearing from my MD that I need to reduce my stress.

Thank you all for your replies, especially to Catnip and RobFTC for sharing your experiences in coordinating groups. Please keep suggestions from other members coming as well since more opinions will give me an idea for setting up different events. I definitely want suggestions from the Meet Up group members as I want it to be helpful and fun. I actually set up the initial meeting for next month for a 1 pm brunch at our local Perkins. It has a small separate dining/meeting room we can use. It is also easy access from I-81 as we are only 20 - 40 minutes away from MD and WV. I'm excited and nervous at the same time. Nervous seems to be my new normal, but it is nice to feel a little excited along with it. Thank you again!

I read this article earlier and haven't been able to stop thinking about this man. He was recently named the world's oldest man at 112 years old. He is a Holocaust survivor who was held at Auschwitz and other concentration camps. His wife and both of their children were killed in the Holocaust. From the photo showing grown children and grandchildren, it appears he went on and eventually found a Chapter 2. What a will to survive this man has. I am humbled and inspired by his courage and strength. http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/guinness-picks-112-year-old-israel-kristal-as-new-oldest-man_us_56e2f9d4e4b0860f99d8d127

lcoxwell, I can so relate to your post. I'm truly lucky to be here as my heart arrhythmia issue was assumed to be from anxiety and grief for months. One ER doctor had apparently even decided I was going to the ER for the attention from the doctors, likely from loneliness and anxiety per the doctor's notes. On my 3rd time having him at the ER, he told me that he couldn't find anything wrong, but gave me his exact work schedule for the weekend and told me to come back then if I had anymore issues. I thought that was completely strange until I learned from my PCP that he was testing to see if I came back to see him. Talk about full of himself. On my 6th visit, after I was starting to believe that I really was losing my mind, they decided to keep me overnight for a stress test the next morning which identified the potentially fatal arrhythmia. Suddenly everyone flew into action around me, which had me bewildered because I'd been told for months nothing was wrong with me. I'm so thankful I had the stubbornness left in me to keep going back to try to find out what was really wrong. I realize that some medical issues are hard to detect, but I resent them making an assumption it was just grief and anxiety making me needy. Yes, I was an emotional mess at the time, because I was so afraid of my kids becoming orphans and missing my husband. But I was clearly describing my symptoms. I'm really glad you have MDs you feel you can count on now.

For some time I've been thinking about trying to start a younger wids meet up group in our area. I'm finally ready to take the plunge. I am getting my meet up page set up. I need to pick a first meeting time & location, so I'm hoping for some input there. First, what day of week and time of day would you think would be most accommodating? Second, I've been all over the place trying to decide on a restaurant location trying to take into consideration cost, easy access, varied menu options, separate dining room space, serves alcohol or not, etc.? If you were to attend a meet up group in your area, what would your preferences be? I would appreciate any help you can offer. RobFTC, if I recall correctly you have/had a group, so if you can share what has worked for you, please let me know.

Virgo, I thought I was totally confused on my days of the week there for a minute. I hope you have a great time!