SoVerySad

I and another widow are planning to get away to Myrtle Beach, SC at the end of this month thru the first week of May - exact dates for us pending. We're trying to get there before the summer crowds and pricing. I thought I'd post it here in case anyone would like to make it a larger bago and join us to spend some time together there. We'll have 3 teens with us. Kids of any age welcome or solo adults as well. I know it is often hard to travel without your spouse, so a bago can be a nice way to do so where you can meet others. Myrtle Beach is beautiful and has a lot to do. Anyone interested? UPDATE: We'll get there Friday, April 29th and leave Wednesday, May 4th.

**** I have updated the group calendar with additional meetings for anyone interested **** I'm trying to get a MeetUp Group for young widows and widowers started in my area. Chambersburg is about an hour from Frederick, MD, 1/2 hour from Hagerstown, MD, about 40 minutes from Gettysburg, PA, about 45 minutes from Martinsburg, WV, and an hour from Harrisburg, PA. Our first get-together will be this Sunday, 4/10 at 1 pm for anyone within driving distance. For details and sign up info, pm me.

Sending hugs! It just doesn't feel right without them. Last year when we went away, my son said he's so tired of there always being that empty 4th chair where his Dad should be. It was so honestly raw, it broke my heart.

I can so relate to your post. If I knew a secret way to help, I'd gladly share it. I really think part of the problem with trying to focus is just not having time to clear your head and think. There is always something that needs done when trying to do what two once did. Sending tight hugs...

Sending you love and the tightest of hugs from another recent 3 year wid. I've grown so fond of so many of you who started this journey around the same time as I did. So much heartache and challenges we've faced together over these 3 long years. I'm really rooting for you to continue to find happiness MrsT, though I know you will always love and miss Tim. The missing doesn't lessen any, does it? More hugs...

Wow, amazing!! Thanks for the update. Of course, I'll continue sending her my best wishes for continued progress in her recovery. Such a difference this will make in her life and all those who love her. Happy hugs...

Yes, I'm in that same timeframe boat as well. At least I'm in good company.

Oh, BH2, wish I could reach through my screen and give you a tight hug!! I'm so relieved the call has finally come. It can feel wrong in a way to be happy for this opportunity for your niece since it comes as a result of a tragedy of another person. The important thing to remember is that the tragedy didn't happen because of your niece. Rather it just happened and the donor or their family wanted there to be some chance for the gift of life for someone else to lessen the tragedy for another. I'm hoping all goes well and sending much love to you, all your family, and to the donor's family as well.

Sending you tight hugs, SB. That must have been very triggering for you.

I suffer from extreme anxiety issues. It is awful and exhausting. I have really tried meditation/mindfulness, but I cannot seem to stop my mind enough. I just had one of my kids' teachers recommend essential oils to me. I'm willing to try it. Like you, I've had a lot of life issues that I can't get a break from which exacerbates it, but sometimes it seems to hit out of nowhere. Getting myself lost in music can help me sometimes, which has been the most helpful thing I've found to personally help me. I have to have it loud enough to drown out the sound of my heart beating, though. Sending you calming hugs...

I am so sorry, my sweet friend. I wish I could magically fix things for you. It hurts my heart that yours is hurting so much. I'm sending you tight hugs and much love. I am going to be up for a while tonight, so if you just need a listening ear, feel free to give me a call. Doesn't matter how late. My body has gone on a nighttime sleep strike as of late. More love and hugs...

Spent my Saturday evening waiting for my son to finish his schoolwork assignments, which were due last night, so I could check them over before he turned them in. He didn't make the midnight deadline for some of them. Honestly, I started feeling stressed out and then just didn't care. After the week we've both had, I understand it was hard for him to get everything done. It is hard to care about 18th century world history when you are afraid something is wrong with your heart and your father died from heart issues. I didn't get things I should have gotten done this week either. We'll get them done today and take the late deduction. I guess I've lowered my standards, but I think I've adjusted them to our current reality.

Eileen, I'm sending you tight hugs. It is a lot to try to do all this as a solo parent. I also don't understand wanting to "celebrate" Autism Awareness Day. I love my son who is on the spectrum immensely, every unique part of him. I am his advocate, his protector, his greatest fan. But I wish he didn't have it. His childhood years were very hard on the whole family. The fighting/advocating with the school is continuing and he will be a senior next year. Watching him struggle to make friends has been heartbreaking for me and I no longer have my spouse to talk with about it and share my hurt. I have no idea what the future will hold for him and thus for me as well. I, too, hope your new venture will bring you some deserved relief. This is a hard life and it does suck in many ways. I'm glad you took a few minutes to vent with us and let it out a little. Sending you love and tight hugs...

Yes, it was a hard time for me as well. I think it has been common for others as well. Time is a very weird thing for many after being widowed. Some things feel so long and others short. I think having to stay in the day to day to survive affects this. I'm sorry it is all feeling so hard right now and that you are hurting so. Sending you a tight hug...

Wow, Maureen, I also have a allergic reaction to the patch stickers they hook the leads to (the square ones that feel a little like foam with a snap on them). The night before my surgery to implant my defibrillator, I started with reddened and swollen areas around each one. I showed the nurse I had that night and he said he had never seen anyone react to them before, but clearly I was. I was so worried they would have to wait another day to do my surgery, but thankfully they didn't. He was used to working sometimes in another area of the hospital where they used a different type, so he had them send those up to try. I didn't react to them. Later in my stay, one of the other nurses tried to apply the ones I react to. When I told her I reacted to those, she argued with me showing they said hypoallergenic on them. I told her to go check the nurses notes. There was no way I was going to allow her to put them anywhere close to my recent surgery site where the ICD wires went into my heart. Now I know I'm not the only one. I also react to band-aids and most medical tapes. The Cardiologist did say they could do a longer monitor for my son, if needed. I hope it won't come to that, as he really didn't like wearing the monitor. But if need be, he'll have to.

PJ, wish we were closer. I'm very much in the same boat. Although tomorrow, I'm getting up my nerve and going to a meeting to start working on a political campaign as we are finally getting a local office open here. I'm pretty nervous, but determined to get out instead of sitting at home watching TV or being on the computer. I can't do phone calls or canvassing as I get my feelings hurt too easily. (This is a tough area for my party affiliation). I'm hoping to be able to contribute by putting together packets, entering data, etc.. I had a wonderful young man call me the other night campaigning for my candidate. We ended up talking for about 25 minutes. I'll bet he had no idea how much he made this lonely widow's evening. I'm trying to get a local younger widows/widowers group started through MeetUp. Just trying to get the word out now. I'm hoping it will take off. I've been trying to convince myself that I'm okay with being alone, but when I'm out, I realize I feel much brighter and alive talking to other people IRL. I'm not interested in dating - just human connections IRL. I also had mostly male friends in high school. Not exactly sure why. Good luck! Maybe we can compare notes with successful strategies.

Kenneth, I didn't have many friends besides my husband. I fought the loneliness by watching endless amounts of TV. I used to love reading, but still struggle with my mind wandering away to thoughts of my husband. TV held my attention more. I was never a huge TV watcher before, but it became a refuge of sorts. I avoided shows he and I used to watch together, except for a few we watched as a family with our children. They still wanted to watch those together, so we did. There was also a panda cam for the Washington Zoo at the time as the panda was expecting. I watched that often, even felt like an "aunt" of sorts when the baby was finally born. I still watch too much TV, though I'm actively working on trying to get out more (but I am 3 years out). I came here a lot and still do. I met a few wonderful friends here who have continued to be part of my life. Some others have moved on. Finally, when I went out, I tried to smile at others as much as I could manage, hold doors, return shopping carts for people, etc.. I realized that there were likely other wounded hearts walking around out there. Maybe I could give them a moment of human contact they were missing and benefit myself as well. Even the minimal smiles and thank yous I received in return helped me feel a little more connected to the world and less lonely. The loneliness is really hard, especially if you were someone who spent a lot of time with your spouse and thoroughly enjoyed being with them. Eventually you may well find that your memories can fill some of the loneliness, but it is likely too soon for you to find comfort in them yet. Sending you more hugs...

What a sweet story. I was raised by my grandparents. April Fool's Day was his very favorite day of the whole year. Each year I remember how full of glee he was to pull pranks on as many people as he could.

My children were older when their dad died, so I don't have helpful age-specific advice in that respect. But I do know how hard it is to see our kids dealing with such a tremendous loss at such tender ages. What we want to fix for them, we can't. We can only support them. It hurts worse than our own pain, IMO. Sending you tight hugs...

I'm so sorry, Fern. Sending you tight hugs...

As an update: We have some good news in that his echocardiogram didn't show any problems with his heart structure, etc.. Unfortunately, though, we still don't know what is causing the heart racing. He came home with a halter monitor on which he needs to wear for 24 hours. It seems weird to be hoping the heart racing happens again, but it would be good if it would while he's having the monitor on. We'll see how that turns out and go from there with deciding on further testing. The Cardiologist said that if he has another attack, he wants me to take him directly to the ER as soon as it starts, so that maybe they can catch it while it is happening to get a better idea of what exactly is going on. My son is not too thrilled about wearing the monitor and we're having some trouble keeping the leads attached to his skin. I told him to look in our first aid kit for medical tape. He asked me if he could just use duct tape instead. I'm glad he asked me first. Ouch!!! Wow, the echo he had done was so triggering for me. I probably sat with my husband through at least 20 of them during our years together. It brought a lot of those memories back. I couldn't believe that now I was sitting there with my son. I tried to turn away, but on the other side of me was a treadmill that reminded me of my experience in my stress test that identified my own v-tach issue. I was glad when the test was over. I was hoping to be able to sleep tonight, but no luck yet. At least we know more than we did yesterday. I'm a lousy waiter, but it is all we can do for now. I was really proud of how brave he was (and me, too, actually). Thank you so much for the hugs and support. It means more than you know.

Finally, the day to see the Pediatric Cardiologist has arrived. Damn, this wait has been hard. As much as I've been looking forward to it, now I'm afraid. Afraid of receiving more bad news and my ability to handle it if so. I have felt so pushed to the edge of sanity already. I'm exhausted from not sleeping and trying not to show my worry. Masking your real feelings is really tiring, isn't it? Hopefully in about 10 hours, I'll have some idea of what we're facing. I can do this... my sweet son needs me to make this as easy for him as possible.

Tight hugs to you, sweet friend! I can so totally relate to not wanting to be in my own head any longer. I somehow need to escape to organize my thoughts, but I can't find the key. Sending you love...

Maureen, I am so sorry for you, his mother (can't even imagine), and all the others suffering from this loss. So very sad. Sending you love and hugs...

Tatiana, I want to reach through my computer and give you a real life tight hug. I'm so sorry you are having to even think about this issue. I definitely think you should do the announcements. Having not been in your situation, I honestly don't know what to suggest on wording. But I don't think you should worry about what might be a "proper" way to sign it. Just follow your heart and think about what might be most meaningful to both you and your daughter now and in the future. Maybe you could sign with/list both your names as he was here for her birth and is her father and then add a notation saying that although he only got to enjoy her for a few weeks, they were the happiest weeks of both of your lives? Just a suggestion. I'm big on not worrying about conventional "rules" in our situations, just doing what feels right. (Understanding that none of this feels right, of course). Again, I'm sending you tight hugs and love...