SoVerySad

on this date, I married my best friend and love. We shared an amazing marriage of 27.5 years. Life threw us a lot of challenges, but we seemed to grow closer and stronger with each one. We focused on the good things, held tight to each other, and harnessed the power of laughter. Two & a half years ago today, he died suddenly and unexpectedly. It is still unfathomable that he isn't here to celebrate with me today. I remember on our 25th anniversary, hoping that we would reach 50 years together. I feel like I was so blessedly na?ve then, never considering that we wouldn't even make it to our 30th. I so wish we had. I am remembering this sweet man with so much love today - just as I still do every day. Happy Anniversary, darling! Our wedding photo here (I couldn't figure out how to insert it): http://i878.photobucket.com/albums/ab346/tlensbow/IMG_20140921_0002_zpsbeea79d0.jpg

What a special moment for you to share! It made me smile for you both. Hugs...

Sending you tight hugs, darkrose. I'm so sorry for the loss of your husband. There is nothing wrong with you. You have just experienced a tremendous, shocking loss and your world has been turned upside down without warning. What you are feeling are, sadly, very normal responses. It is all very surreal and it is too overwhelming to think about for any length of time. The physical pain of grief, especially resulting from anxiety and panic, can be so deep. So. please don't feel that you aren't responding in a normal way as there is nothing normal about this experience. I'm sorry you don't have much support. I haven't had much IRL either, so I know how lonely and scared that can leave you feeling. I have been so fortunate to find a lot of support from the members of this community and its predecessor - truly life-saving support. I hope you will find that same level of care and support here as well. It can be more of a comfort than you can imagine to find people who understand the depths of the pain of losing your spouse, because they've endured it as well. We'll be here for you. Adding more hugs...

Thank you for the update, AW. I've been thinking about you and your family. I'll keep holding your Grandma and you/your family in my thoughts and sending my hopes that she may continue to recover. I also hope they can get her pain managed so she is more comfortable. Tight, tight hugs...

AC, I've been thinking of you and hoping you would soon return. Hugs, lady...

Linda, your girls are beautiful and they clearly get it from you. You look really lovely. I want you to know how much I admire how you've managed your daughters' weddings and other special life events with such grace. You have really been through a lot of experiences meant to be shared with your partner and father of your children in a short period of time. You have done such a good job of holding it all together so as not to dampen your girls' special days/occasions. I'm sure it hasn't been easy in any way. I hope you feel proud of those accomplishments. Sending you love and hugs...

I'm trying to convince myself that I can separate letting go into letting go of plans, which I clearly must do, and letting go of T, which are not the same. I'm still a work in progress.

BH2, Joe Biden is currently our Vice President. He is not currently running to be President as often our Vice Presidents do, however he has been considering running as he is being encouraged to do so. He's been honest that he isn't sure he has the full heart to commit to running so soon after his son's death. It has been knowledge long before that interview with Colbert that his son was a bronze star recipient. I have known it for some time. I am not sure exactly who shared the information originally, but Biden wasn't revealing any secrets after his son's death. I think his point was just to share that he felt Beau was always humble and more concerned about others than himself and used that as an example. Biden's other son shared the same sentiment about his brother at his memorial service. It appears his family deeply misses him. TS, yes, those words by Colbert have stuck with me as well. I think the important takeaway is that he understood and accepted his mother's grief. I know they remained very close throughout his life. Here is the transcript of the tribute he gave on his show after her death... http://www.third-beat.com/2013/06/19/transcript-stephen-colberts-tribute-to-his-mother/ Beautiful!

Sending you tight hugs of support. It is tiring. Stating that truth isn't complaining - just acknowledging how you are feeling right now. I can totally relate. It is hard to suddenly be in a life you didn't choose or lay any sort of foundation for.

Congratulations on getting the full-time position! You deserved it!

Such a sad commentary on the state of cynicism in this country that a person's first instinct is to believe he is trying to capitalize on the death of his son. Blech! Seriously, it is nauseating. VP Biden has a long history of discussing grief and trying to comfort others. I appreciate how open he is in discussing not only the issue of grief, but how unapologetic he is in openly displaying his love for his family. I was struck by the dynamics of the interview in how it reflected the effects of loss upon parents, children, and spouses, particularly by Colbert talking about "raising his mother" after his father and brothers were killed since she was so "shattered" for a while. I suspect someday my children will have a similar story to tell as I know I have leaned on them as much as they've leaned on me. I also could really relate to VP Biden talking about how he finds himself drawn to others who have experienced deep loss. I feel that way about the opportunity to share this community with all of you here. I appreciate how you find it within your shattered selves to reach out in understanding to myself and others. You can see the full interview here... http://news.yahoo.com/watch-stephen-colbert-full-interview-joe-biden-show-141501516.html

Congratulations to all of you! You look gorgeous and very happy!

Awesome! Great job, Jess!

Gosh, L, I'm so sorry you had to deal with such meanness. Sending you love and tight hugs...

Much like Hachi stated, it is horrifying to think about all the widows/widowers resulting from that day. I always felt great empathy for the families who lost loved ones that day, but since gaining the firsthand experience of losing T, it is even more overwhelming to think about. They are definitely in my thoughts today. JeanGenie, I can also relate to what you said about how being with your husband was such a comfort. We were on vacation in Myrtle Beach that day, watching the horror unfold on TV. I remember after the plane hit the Pentagon as well, I turned to T and told him I was scared. He wrapped me in his arms and I felt safe. It hurts to realize my safe haven is gone. Hugs to all of you hurting from these triggers today...

Yes, I had a mini tirade about this same thing myself the other day. I am SO tired of all of this - tired of being me, but how do I get away from myself even for a little while? I miss being passionate. Of course, I mean missing the intimate connections with T, but also just being passionate about anything. The energy drain leaves me just feeling like I'm existing. I'm formulating plans to find more meaning in my life, however it seems like when I do, grief or related fallout from no longer having T just sucks away my energy and hope. Thank goodness I'm stubborn enough not to just fully give up. Jen, you are an amazing person in so many ways. I know this all sucks and I am genuinely sorry you and everyone here has to experience this hell. Yes, we will always be widows in the aspect that our lives have been shaped by experiencing such a devastating loss. Having been a widow doesn't mean we won't become new things in addition to it in our futures, though. We can find new happiness as others before us have. We just have to survive and keep trying until we get there. It is exhausting and it hurts like hell. It is completely understandable to lose hope at times. I'm glad you shared your feelings with us, so we can try to support you in the same way you have been so supportive to so many of us. Sending you my love and tight hugs...

Darn, Halloween weekend is a no-go for me as well with the kids' plans already in place. Luckily I will get a mini bago that week to look forward to.

Sending you tight, tight hugs and love...

You've been in my thoughts, Carey. I'm sorry there wasn't more progress on the tumor and that you need to extend your treatments. I understand your feelings about those memories and how hurtful they are for you. Sending you tight, tight hugs and love... (I'd include some energy for you if I had some)

I was very fortunate in that my husband really didn't care about material things much, so it has made it easier to let things go. I kept anything my kids (teens) wanted and some things that I felt I wanted to keep. I really wanted to do the sorting and purging myself. I found just being able to sit quietly and hold an item in my hand for a few minutes, remember any associated memories, and tuck them away in my heart made it easier to let the physical items go. The process itself has been very hard, don't get me wrong. I would do it for a few hours at a time until it became too much. But I'm not really left with regrets about anything I got rid of. I moved our children and I into a smaller place. I found some enjoyment in decorating the new place, as that is something I've always enjoyed. I'm pretty much done with it now. I originally thought it would make things a lot easier. I've had to adjust those expectations. Once I completed making our new place into a homey, nice place to live, I still have to live my here life without T. I am not at a place to consider recoupling, but it saddens me when I read posts where people in new relationships feel they can only have pictures of their late spouses in their childrens' rooms or tucked away in boxes. I respect their decisions, of course. For me, I can't imagine ever not having pictures of my T displayed. I have pictures of everyone else I've loved and lost in my life displayed. I don't understand why it should be different for him. He will always be a major part of my past, regardless whether a framed picture of him is displayed or not. I hope should I ever get the chance to have another relationship, a new love would understand. I recommend you just start slowly and feel out if you are ready. Don't push yourself too hard, take a break when you need it, and remember that your connection with Catherine exists within you, not within any items of hers. Letting go of some of her belongings does not equate to letting go of her. Sending you hugs...

I'm so sorry your Grandma is so sick, AW. I think the best way to be there for your dad is just to be yourself - kind, loving, caring, faithful. That's all he will need and you fully embody them all. Sending you love and tight, tight hugs...

Sending you tight hugs, Fran721. I am so sorry for the loss of your dear Houston. I have felt all the feelings you describe at one point or another. The "why" questions are as maddening as they are heartbreaking. I'm so glad you have people loving and supporting you. They won't be able to fully understand the magnitude of what you are experiencing, but it is good to have them to lean on in the ways they can help you. I hope this forum will continue to be a source of comfort for you. It and its predecessor have meant so much to me. Adding more hugs...

Hugs to you, Mike. It isn't just you. There are so many unexpected triggers that hit me. It is hard when they come out of the blue and you are in a situation in public where you have to handle them. While I didn't lose my husband to cancer, those ads drive me nuts as well. I know it isn't about winning or trying harder, praying hard enough, etc.. I honestly don't know what seemingly turns the coin one way or another, but it isn't lack of love, fight, or faith.

Anne, I'm sending you love and tight, tight hugs. I remember thinking the exact same thoughts that I wish it had been me instead, because my husband would have handled losing me better. I came to realize that he would have been just as devastated and heartbroken, because we loved each other so deeply. He handled many hardships in his life with strength and grace, but he never suffered as wounding a blow as losing the love of his life, his partner, his soft place to fall, his dreams for the future, etc. I think he'd be struggling just as deeply had the tables been turned. I also understand your statement that your whole body hurts. I was shocked at the physical pain that accompanies the emotional pain - as if the emotional pain alone wasn't unbearable enough. Like Jess, I wish I had a way to lessen the hurt for you. More hugs...

Oh, Klim, I'm sorry you are feeling so alone. It is hard not to have our spouses to share the burden of parenting worries and to lean on. I'm hoping that your son starts to feel more comfortable very soon. Sending you tight hugs...