SoVerySad

Tight hugs to you, AW. I'm sure this has been a hard decision to make. I'm hoping that in time making this decision will release you from the worry about what to do hanging over you. I can understand why your brother starting painting would hurt and make you feel angry. Making the decision can be hard enough. Once made, it can take a little while to fully get on board to begin action. I had to leave our home. It was hard, but I want you to know that all the important things about living there with my T moved right along with me. The memories of our life there weren't contained within the walls of that house. They're all in my heart and I can visit with them anytime I want to. I know you are blessed with amazing memories of the time you had with Alex. I hope you can hold them close as you make this transition. Sending you love and more hugs...

This is not a political post. I saw VP Biden talking about his decision regarding running for POTUS. I was struck by how sad and weary he looks. I am so sorry he has had to endure another devastating loss in his life. He has spoken so beautifully in the past about grieving. As I understand it, before his son died, he asked him to run for POTUS. I can see that is weighing on him so heavily. I'm sure he feels pulled to make that wish of his son's come true, yet he also has the knowledge of how deeply grief affects you and your stamina, strength of spirit, etc.. For almost 2 years after my husband died, I tried desperately to make one the goals he had become a reality, even though it hadn't been a shared goal. I felt like I wanted to reach it for him since he was robbed of the opportunity to do so. It took a big toll on me physically, emotionally, and financially. I came to have to accept that I had to let it go and do what was in the best interest for our children and me now. I do believe it was the right decision to make, yet it still hurts my heart to have not been able to complete his goal. I'm posting today to share with anyone else navigating through this new world you've been thrown into that it really is okay to make choices based upon what works for you in your new reality. I wish I hadn't spent so much time and resources trying to focus on achieving my husband's goal. In retrospect, I think he'd understand that I ultimately had to let go of his dream if I'm going to be able to establish my own dreams for our children and myself in this new life.

I might also suggest a gift card for a pizza place that delivers or ice cream places to go for a treat. I didn't feel like eating myself, but the kids still needed fed. We did a lot of delivery or carryout for a while.

I'm so sorry to hear of your friend's loss. My children were older than hers when my husband died, however I might make a few suggestions. First, a DVD or two for them, combined with some microwave popcorn and those theater box candies. It would be a way for your friend to try to give the kids a fun evening without leaving the house to go to the theater where there might be other kids with their dads. One warning - many childrens' movies such as Disney movies have the death of a parent in them which could be very upsetting right now. Maybe some other parents here with young kids could offer some more recent safe suggestions for you or those to specifically avoid. Other entertainment ideas would be good as well depending on their interests. Another idea would be a special photo frame for each that they might be able to put a pic of them with their dad in. I bought each of my kids one and let them pic any pic they wanted. We also have a framed pic of all of us together where the frame says Families Are Forever. It is nice of you to want to do something like this for your friend and her children. Sending you hugs...

What a great sign! Especially given that you were enjoying yourself at the time. Maybe like a way to say glad to see you enjoying life again? Tight hugs...

Anne, Please don't feel like you have to apologize here for sharing your feelings. Most of us have probably experienced them ourselves at some point. Boy, do I remember how slow time feels. Every day felt like an eternity in misery. I sometimes feel I haven't made too much progress in general, but I can tell you that eventually time does speed up again. Just this past weekend, I thought to myself how I need more hours in the day. That stopped me in my tracks as I realized that time was back to going quickly again for me. It does happen eventually. I know that doesn't help you right now when you're in those long, excruciating days, though. At almost 2.5 years out, I still bristle when anyone makes a comment to me about any of this having a positive side or being part of a plan for me. Wrong!! I will find no positive to losing my husband too soon. I will try to move forward and find happiness where I can again, but there is nothing positive about this. We can grow to find new positives in our lives despite the blow we've been dealt and we can recognize blessings we sill have in our lives, but that doesn't mitigate the pain of the loss or make it right in any way. I understand feeling like you won't make it through. I felt that way for a long time, yet somehow we do. Keep reaching out. We'll be here to help you. More hugs...

Sometimes I feel like there must be connections that I overlook or can't figure out. I wish someone could decipher things for me, because finding those connections gives me a sense of comfort. Sending you hugs, MS...

I'm sending you tight, tight hugs. I know it is so very hard and painful. It is hard to predict what might trigger a breakdown and where. I've cried so many places in public. The sadness is just too intense to contain. I'm sorry you have to return the keys and your husband's work supplies. All these little tasks we have to do make it all more real, when all we want is just to find out there's just been some kind of awful mix-up and have them back. I wish I knew a way to help it hurt less. Adding more hugs...

I am so sorry for the loss of your wife (and your dog as well). Thank you for giving us a glimpse of the clearly amazing relationship you shared with you wife. Your words so lovingly describe her. I, too, was privileged to share a wonderful marriage with an amazing partner. I feel very blessed to have had someone who loved me so deeply and added to my life so richly. As such, I also know how devastating the void that is left behind when you lose the love of your life whom you are so deeply connected to. The loss of my husband has been very hard as he was my best friend as well. I adored spending time with him, even after 27 years of marriage (we were high school sweethearts). Finding this forum (actually its predecessor first) truly helped me retain my sanity. It has offered a safe refuge from the storm of confusion, anxiety, and sadness that I've been trying to find my way through. I hope it will be a helpful place for you as well. Sending you hugs of support...

Aspen, I remember well how much I dreaded mornings. It was like reliving being told he was dead over and over again. I would wake hopeful it had all been a nightmare. Then I would see the photo I'd framed of my husband for his memorial service and realize the awful truth. It was so painful. I tried to have things I left to do in the mornings so I had to get up to do them. The sooner I got into doing something to take my mind off things a little, the better I did. Some days I just had to give myself the time and space to feel it all, though. There was no way for me to contain it for long periods. I had to let go and let those emotions out. Sending you tight, tight hugs...

I think bagos with recoupled wids in attendance is acceptable. I can say that it might even be somewhat inspirational - to see others who have found happiness in a relationship again to see firsthand an example that it can happen. That said, the only bagos I've attended were with members from our online wid community. I knew most of the stories of those in attendance and the commonalities we shared, even though some had recoupled. I knew those who had recoupled hadn't forgotten the devastation, fear, etc. and that they would be supportive and understanding. Had I been in your situation with all couples, I feel certain I'd have done the same as you did. I would have felt very out of place. My feelings about being alone would only have been magnified. I get that feeling enough in my world as it is - no need to subject myself to more of it. I hope you'll find another group that is a better fit. I am so grateful for the friends I've made through bagos. I want that experience for you as well. How I wish you were closer! Tight hugs...

It is completely exhausting. I am so sick of being the decider for so much. I'm with you completely. Wish I knew an answer to share with you. I feel ill-equipped to help my teens make important decisions about their futures when I feel so unsure about the decisions I'm making for my own life. I thought I had my life fairly well planned out before losing T. Now it is all unraveled loose ends I have to find a way to weave back together into a future.

PJ, your post made me smile. I'm so glad things are coming together for you and your daughter. I hope all goes well with the closing and move. You're doing a great job reaching your goals! Hugs...

Hugs to you, SMO4. You are such a sweet lady, I'm sure anyone seated with you would enjoy your company. I do totally understand, though, how it just feels lousy to no longer have our husbands to attend things with us. I especially enjoyed going to weddings with my T as we would always enjoy reminiscing about our wedding. I hope it will be better than you expect. More hugs...

Tight hugs to you, Anne. I understand that you might not feel like celebrating. I'm sure your family and friends will as well. I echo the others who say to just do what feels most manageable for you. Let your family and friends know that may be very fluid as it is hard to know exactly how you will feel at the time. More hugs...

Sending you tight hugs, Maureen. These stories of senseless, violent deaths have always been heartbreaking to hear about. However, since experiencing the devastating loss of my T, the thought of others being forced to join our club and experience the same pain is even more upsetting, because we know the hell they face. I'm sending loving thoughts to their loved ones and families. It is so sad.

I'm so very sorry for the loss of your fianc?. I'm sending you tight, tight hugs. This is all so fresh and unreal to you right now, I understand. The pain truly is excruciating. For right now, my best advice is just to concentrate on getting through the day, hour, sometimes minutes. Try not to think about past just that for right now - it is overwhelming enough. Make sure to keep drinking water and eat whenever you can. Those of us who've been through such a loss are here to support you, because we understand. We can't bring your fianc? back, but we can offer our love and support. Come here and post whenever you need us. More hugs to you, honey...

Oh no, MS, I'm so very sorry. Sending you more tight hugs and love...

I'm so sorry, MS. Sending you both tight hugs...

Adding tight hugs of understanding from me as well, BH2.

Yes, this need never seems to lessen as more time passes-so much more to discuss has happened. I miss talking with him so, so much. I still talk to him, but I want to talk with him.

Aw, Jen, I'm so very sorry about your kitties, Peridot and Pigeon. How horrible to lose them both in the same day. Gosh, I wish I could take some of the hurt away from you and your kids. Please know I'm sending you all love and virtual hugs.

It definitely is not too late to join in, widowat33. Please do. Yes, bookstores are harder and harder to find. So sad.

SR, I will gladly send you strength and my love. You can definitely make it through this last step. I know you can. Even if tears erupt, you will know in your heart they are tears of relief that the difficult life situation you were subjected to is over. You deserve so much better than that awful life. I'm truly impressed and inspired by the courage and determination you've shown. Tight hugs to you (and a few extra to tuck into your pocket to take with you to the finalization)...

I can only imagine how painful that must have been, CG. I'm sorry he couldn't be there waiting for you. These situations that keep arising that tear at our hearts is one part of widowhood others can't imagine. It is that "never again" part that is the hardest to accept. Tight hugs to you...