arneal

Widowed -- I'm off to find your other thread now to read about the strange happening

Momto -- sad, isn't it? I think what stumps me most about dating sites is how many people are there looking just for sex and how many seem to think that's all anyone wants. I guess the translation for 'looking for long-term relationship' is 'looking for long-term f*** buddy'

We are here for you!

Good for you, still_lost! Family is sometimes the worst when it comes to this stuff. And the idea that all widows/widowers come into money is the stuff old movies are made of.

Right momto! In other news, is it just me or has the 'like' button disappeared?

TooSoon -- as an academic colleague originally from the east coast (South Jersey, so Philly was my regular hanging spot), I can totally understand. However, this probably long post may give you a bit of food for thought My LH lived and breathed where we used to live. I felt stagnant. I was led to go back to school for my doctorate and he supported that. As I got into my studies, I felt horrible about my job location as I'd visited the southwest and wanted to live here. I started applying for jobs like a madwoman and eventually landed an administrative faculty position in Southern California. LH was totally with me. We moved, leaving everything he'd known his entire life. We got here and he was unable to break into his field (music) here. He had already been deemed disabled but still played occasionally; however, once we moved, he didn't play outside of church. He wasn't fulfilled, but he accepted it. Sort of. I don't think he ever resented me but there's no way to know for real I suppose. Three years before he died, I didn't get a contract renewal; as the primary wage earner in our home, it was tough. I decided to try to advance my opportunities in online teaching since I'd also obtained a post-doc in teaching online. Again, LH was fully supportive. I am doing that now, trying to financially regroup, especially after he died. I was afraid when the regular full-time gig ended, but took the leap and it was the best thing I could have done. It allowed me to be here for my special needs son when he needed me and with LH in his final days. Couldn't have done that with a full day in the office and a commute in heavy traffic both ways. You might want to give it a chance. Maybe ... I had colleagues who shared time at first; they maintained an apartment in one state while their spouse worked in another until it was all settled. I have a doctoral student now whose husband stayed in Alaska while she moved back to Maine for a job and to care for her elderly mother. They lived that way for over a year -- he just moved to Maine toward the end of last year. Just some things for you to consider. All the best!

Yay, fuchs -- hoping all continues to go well!

So important, Virgo. It's about developing a connection. The problem is that the scammers try to take advantage of widows and widowers ... they see us as vulnerable open wallets so many times it seems. However, as you know what you want, you can more clearly see the fakes. It's nice to have someone to talk to and go out with, someone who wants to be around us for the people we are. If sex is in the cards, it'll happen.

Okay, Virgo -- out with his girlfriend?! Really? Pins in eyes for sure! Semper -- yay!!! Your date reminds me of my first phone conversation and date with NG last spring. All the best, friend!

Momto - there are some major creeps in the world. When my first husband died, my nextdoor neighbor's husband tried to get my attention. Ew.

Mike - I love what you said right there ... That sums it up so well. Trying, your point is well-made about having courage to take a chance ... I think those of us who had a desire did just that in one way or another. Fuch -- be gentle with yourself. Spend time going through the boards here to see the wonderful, weird, and crazy stuff a bunch of us have been through (it's okay to laugh about some of the near-disasters, especially in the online dating laughs list -- we all do!). It's like the scripture says, to be wise as a serpent and harmless as a dove: pay attention and beware of the trolls while having an open heart to the possibilities. Bravery is a must because there are so few ways to know if you've made the 'right' step. And if you discover you haven't, bravery is needed to dust yourself off and move forward. Don't let loneliness guide what you do -- that's the trap I fell into in the early days after my LH died and it taught me a lot. This journey will toughen you up, that's for sure, but again the best thing to do is to be good to yourself!

That is so great to 'hear', O-o-t-B! All the best to you and your new friend! :-*

Thanks, momto! I just signed up for their newsletter

RyanAmysMom -- I think we'll all shoulder the blame happily ;D My LH had prostate cancer surgery in 2007, so intimacy changed dramatically for us all of a sudden and for the next nine years was basically cuddling and kissing only. I was never one who wanted sex much, most likely because of the first husband (I've posted enough about him around these boards so I won't go into it here ...). Anyway, when LH died last year after other lengthy illnesses, I found myself in a weird new place. He'd told me and our former pastor that one of his biggest fears was that I'd be alone for the rest of my life (he knows I'm not a big 'people person') and I realized pretty quickly that I didn't want to be alone forever. I suddenly had that skin hunger. Being a caregiver had caused me to not attend much to intimacy. After LH died, I realized it had been about 25 years total (between first husband's death, being a single mom, remarrying, second husband's illness, son leaving home, second husband's death) that I'd spent caring for others and not focusing on my needs and desires. I first started seeing NG last May and was about to go out of my mind the first time he kissed me -- I thought I was going to rip his clothes off! However, I managed to keep my cool and eventually we got together. I am grateful but there are days when I can't think of anything but being with him ... greedy, I suppose

Totally agree with Sunshine. The troll I met when I first started the online thing popped up on Google Chat one day a few months after I ended contact -- I'd forgotten he had my email address. I messaged for a moment and then stopped, so he tried to call me via Hangout, which I ignored. I haven't heard from him since and deleted his information. Create that rule and keep on moving forward, Semper.

{{{hugs}}} Semper ...

I am cheering for you, Sunshine! You go, girl!

That is fabulous, Trying! I am so happy to hear how it went. Maybe I will have a good holiday story to share one day

Semper -- you will find a guy who is there for you as you will be for him. I think there are opportunities for online dating to be the jumping off point to meeting a good person in the real world. NG and I met online, messaged on the site, had one phone conversation to firm up face to face meeting plans, and followed through. I hope that it will be a long-lasting situation (it's been about seven months now) but realize there are no guarantees. However, I totally agree with you that continued online back and forth is ... weird ... Hope you find a special situation sooner rather than later and that any adventures are fun and harmless. I know that you will come back with something entertaining though because you are so good with words

Hey there, Trying (and all)! Merry Christmas! This was my first one after LH and first set of holidays with NG. We spent Thanksgiving together -- it was the first one in five years that he didn't have to cook. I was excited for Christmas and was hoping I'd get to meet his daughter and granddaughter; I'd planned to cook and have them both here or to go to their place. However, he said they were going to their mom's/grandmom's as they'd spent the last few years with him. We ended up doing Christmas Eve dinner and exchanging gifts at my house and then he cooked yesterday and I went there. His daughter came back with her boyfriend so I did get to meet her. Weird moment -- NG and I were on the couch, watching a movie. We were holding hands and I had my head on his shoulder. When they walked in, NG introduced me to them and vice versa but I didn't move ... I was caught off-guard (not a real social person anyway). I hope it didn't come across as too weird. Too late to worry about that now lol!!!

So sorry to hear, days. I started dating again after about 25 total years of not being out there. I knew I had no clue I started researching and reading about connecting with men and read that the commitment conversation is often met with the reaction you got from your guy. It's not unusual and can happen in either direction. What it often boils down to is that one person sees a future and the other person is enjoying the moment. It doesn't automatically mean that one is more or less committed than the other (although that does happen) but that they see the experience differently. I hope you are okay and send you lots of love and light {{{hugs}}}

Oh, Semper. If we were in the same area, I'd say I'll be over. There are no words that can do justice and provide enough comfort. Know that I am thinking of you and know that you are so very strong. Thank God for your continued instincts to know that something wasn't right and to not take the crap. Sending much love.

Glad you had a good time, Rob! And back atcha -- enjoy the season!

The coupon book was a success -- he was very surprised. The other gifts were appreciated as well. The funniest moment: one of the coupons was for a fulfillment of a fantasy; he says his fantasies are pretty boring (never gave an example though) and when I said it didn't matter because he was the coupon holder, he giggled. Should make for an interesting new year ;D

You are in my thoughts, Virgo. Becoming a parent for our parents is tough. I am an only child and my mom is back east, so it is a constant thing on my mind. Glad you had a good date though! Good for you!