arneal

That is rich, momto (pun intended)

Sure, people do that. I know a few people, myself included, who changed phone numbers when I moved. I ditched my Jersey number for one in California not too long after I got here and have family who have done that when they moved as well.

Oh my, klim Do you have his phone number? I used to check area codes and ask them how come their phone number is associated with [X city and state] and the profile says they live in [Y city and state]. Some would vanish, some would get indignant (had one guy ask me why having a # from somewhere else was an issue and get huffy, then disappear), and some would answer right back that they used to live in that one place and since there was still family there, they kept the same #. However, the weather claim is a new one to me!

Oh, Widowed! Sending love and light your way. And since there's probably more of us here who don't have the extra to send for bail money, might I suggest punching some couch pillows instead before you see him at the work related events? ;D We don't want you losing your job and your freedom over someone who isn't worth you. {{{hugs}}}

It sounds like this guy is ready to have more than FWB and despite recognizing that you are still not fully ready for a deeper connection. However, the fact that he wants to get together without sex says to me that he might see you as worth it. How do we know when we're ready for a relationship? We give it a go. Might we get hurt? Yep. Even if we hadn't been widowed, we might get hurt in relationships. That's life. There's also the point that he talks to you about the possibility of a relationship -- why don't you talk to him?

Great point, Jen -- and hope things go well with #3!

Glad to see I'm not alone :-[ NG and I aren't long distance but I go through the insecurity thing. As was mentioned, time certainly helps. I look back over my first marriage (we were together for nine years) and there was no trust. The second marriage (we were together for 16 years) grew into a very trusting situation. And now here I am, six months into a new thing I typically do a good job of talking myself off the worry ledge but it's also about getting to know how a new person thinks and interacts with the world. NG is very different than my first or second husbands and I am still getting used to that.

Wow, klim! Yes, thankfully you were able to sleuth out who he was and that there were some issues at work there. So sorry

There is nothing wrong with being guarded. Each of us here has been through something. Not the same 'something', but a something that had the same result: we are without the person we were with before. There is no rule and as has been stated, feelings change. When my husband died, I figured I wouldn't look to have another man in my life. It wore off pretty quick. I surprised myself in fact. Take your time. Live your life. Take care of your children or your dog if you have one. I was widowed the first time at 30 and focused (primarily) on my son. When I didn't, I made some mistakes that I would not repeat when it came to being on the scene. You have to develop a space for yourself and let life take care of the rest. And still_lost and sikeuritgadeun -- {{{hugs}}} especially.

Yeah, it seems that in either direction, if only one person is doing the asking 1) that person seems needy or 2) the person being asked all the time isn't interested but won't say so. That may not be the intent but it can come across that way. On my first date with NG, I was prepared for us to pay our own way actually, but he whipped out his wallet and paid. I piped up and said that I would get the next one (dropped that hint straight off lol), which I did. Now that it's been around six months, we often split the evening -- one pays for dinner, the other for the movie, or if it's just a dinner out, we alternate if we remember. Bottom line, I offer, he offers, we work it out. However, it helps to just stay in, cook, and watch movies too

This may be a TMI, so I'll apologize ahead of time I think my body has rebooted. My first husband (the first person I was with ever) was not an attentive lover and so I envisioned that I would not want to have sex after that. My second husband was attentive, but it wasn't a favorite past time for me, which I know was frustrating for him as he enjoyed it. Eventually, his health made it impossible for us to have sex and I was okay with that, even though I did desire the feelings occasionally. Fast forward to now with NG: I think of him and want it. There are times when we are close but don't have sex and I'm okay, even though I'm often thinking of jumping him lol. He's away for a while for work and I am already looking forward to when he comes back ...

Yes, nonesuch -- Google is like the NSA for ordinary people! Check out https://ctrlq.org/google/images/ to do a reverse look-up on photos as well. On various browsers you can right click and download the posted photo and upload it to this site. If you are using Chrome, you can right click and I think photo search is built in.

Thanks for explaining a bit more, klim -- as someone who is not the best conversationalist straight away, I admire those who are at ease like it sounds you are!

I hear you, momto -- I was in the same boat. However, my online scammer didn't ask for anything and instead promised the moon. I was almost going to go see him but then the veneer slipped and I saw the discrepancies. I felt so stupid, but I didn't want to give up. I found a site that gave me better local options and that's how I met NG. I was able to see him face to face within a few days of our first messaging, which let me know that he was a real person (in various senses of the term lol). It's sad that some people get their jollies from hurting others, whether it be by taking their money or seeing what they can make them say or do.

Was this a first meeting? That's a bit quick to get into the boyfriend frame of mind. The thing is, it's easy to start feeling for someone and getting caught up in those feelings can lead to heartbreak if that person doesn't feel the same way. Take it easy, as best you can. I agree that good conversation is a fabulous start. The fact that he wants to see you again is absolutely a bonus. The deal is to take it one date at a time and see what happens. My first online dating thing was weird because I started having feelings for someone I didn't know at all. I was caught up in the moment and he was fraud. I made sure when I met NG that I kept myself in check. We've been together for about six months now and it's all good.

All right, klim! Enjoy ;D

Yeah, momto -- that's messed up for a first meeting opportunity. I mean, life intervenes, but if a person wants to do something, he or she will make time to at least communicate in a reasonable time frame!

momto - your profile was too intellectual for that reader ;D

tryingto - Matthew Hussey offers a number of texting suggestions. His videos are free on Youtube but he of course has paid stuff. Part of it, especially once you've made a connection, is to work on your conversation skills. I know for me, that was one of the hardest. I am an only child who grew into a twice widowed woman. Despite a career in education, I don't do well with cross-the-table-talk generally. it helped me learn how to break the ice and be prepared for our time together. I am much more comfortable now after these months but I still continue to read a lot of information to stay ahead of the curve a bit

Sounds like a good problem to have, momto! I think I mentioned this elsewhere but I realized early into my dates with NG that I was woefully unprepared to date. I had been off the scene (and not really on it, to tell the truth) for about 25 years (across two marriages and widow experiences). I decided to start reading and subscribing to dating advice. I watch videos by Matthew Hussey, many of which are quite funny, but that offer interesting food for thought on how to connect in this dating thing. One point he mentions is having options, so momto, the fact that you've got a number of hits is right in line with the so-called experts. It gives you choices and you get to decide who you will talk to and who you won't. Go, girl!

Well said, trying2 ... I agree. momto - I thought your profile was great and wished I'd come up with something witty like that! Sheesh. Is it a dating site or a literary critique class (says the university prof lol)?

First - might he work at night? Hoping 😉

With the holidays coming it might be bit easier in that many have a day or two when work is closed. That's how NG and I had our first meet up. It was about half way between our homes on Memorial Day Monday. Something to consider, friends!

imissdow - you popped in there for a reason Chances are, you are curious about what dating might offer you in addition to what you're doing. Filling time is very different than spending time. Many folks on those sites are busy in one way or another. As tybec said, chat up a few people. A person who has no hobbies or activities becomes needy, quick, and that's a turn-off. We prioritize what we want; having a full schedule is great because if you meet someone who isn't worth your time, you have plenty of reasons not to see them again ;D

nonesuch - yes, for scammers! I ran into a bunch of those before NG, particularly those who didn't live close to me. What was weird to me was that they didn't want to use texting as often as they wanted to use one of those video chat apps. Ew! How old are you? How about we text or actually talk to one another instead of using some app with lots of colors and emojis? NG and I used the site to message one another. We seemed to hit it off and he lives about 40 minutes from me. I suggested we should have coffee or lunch to continue the conversation and he agreed. Posted his real mobile # to me. I sent him the Sideline # I used for dating purposes and he called me. We talked for about an hour + and set up a lunch date for two days later. We were there for 3 + hours that day. We are in month six now