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I have my husband's pj's. And his robe. The set of pajamas they have shorts are snug in the thighs for me but since I am going to the gym, I figure I will fit them one day ;D

Thank you, Amour!

Tatianakm: I am so sorry! But in a way, you have to feel sorry for your colleague ... it sounds like for her, retirement = death ... for some, they just don't get it. My stepdaughter's grandfather died last year and her grandmother was completely lost. She didn't work, never did bills, never took care of cars or the home maintenance. He was the one who handled all that. My stepdaughter, her mom, and her aunt are still surrounding grandmom to help her cope and learn, which is tough because she is in her 70s and has NEVER done these sorts of things. Each of us, men and women, understand the experience differently. Not to say what she said wasn't insensitive ('no shopping at Macy's every weekend?! Really?), but it made me think about where folks are coming from sometimes. As an aside, after my husband died, my pastor's wife wanted to take me out to prepare for the celebration of life. We went to lunch and on the way out, I commented that she needed front tires on her car. She had no idea what I was talking about. I ended up explaining it as, 'See the tires on that car over there? See how deep the ridges are in the rubber? You don't have that. You need tires.' She commented that she needed to learn more about those sorts of things because both she and her husband were busy so she couldn't just wait for him to take care of it. Then she looked at me with this sort of sad/upset/'sorry I said that out loud' expression. Hugs to you!

Okay, one more: because of my husband's health, the doctor had said he needed to sleep with the head of the bed up higher. This was back in the healthier days and so he boosted it with bricks and boards (McGuyver, anyone?). The day or so after he died, I pulled all that stuff out and flattened the bed. I'm able to sleep peacefully, even though I it took me about a month to even sit on his side of the bed ...

I have two monsters (my four-legged babies ... the girl is 60 lb and the boy is 70 lb) and a California King bed. My girl sleeps for part of the night on what was my husband's side of the bed and the boy turns in about 35 circles and falls down as close to me as possible. He often leaves me about two inches of bed Anyway, it makes the whole thing less painful having them to care for ...

Thank you for this thread. So I found my way to Widda after using an incognito browser window to search for something like what is the right amount of time to think about dating after being widowed. My first husband died in 1999 (I was young, he was abusive, and God saw fit to take him instead of me) and my second husband died February 1, this year (my best friend, who I looked at like he was crazy when he said once that he didn't want me to be alone for the rest of my life if he died). So I never imagined that I would be wanting in a sense to have a relationship of some kind when it's been just shy of three months. I got irritated at the thought because I had told my husband that there was no way I was going through all this getting close to somebody stuff again. I know I'm not ready but the thought is there. One more confession -- I'm with all those who have written about not washing dishes or clothes right away. I tend to have a sink full of silverware and microwave containers because if I do cook, I parse it out into meals that can be heated up quickly or I use paper plates. I'll let it sit until I'm ready to wash them. When I think about it, that's not much different from when my husband was alive -- we would use up all the silverware and then wash dishes ;D

Great thread: I work a sedentary job and decided after my husband died that I needed to get healthier. He was always so loving to say that I was fine as I am, but I have been overweight my entire life. I joined a six-week boot camp at a local gym and have made it through two weeks. I weigh in again on Monday but lost six pounds last week on my way to 20 total.

I had to quote this for multiple reasons -- firstly because I'm originally a Jersey girl as well. I live in Southern California and am quite happy with the home I made with my husband and dogs. I've gotten the question 'So, you live alone? What are you going to do?' as if I can't function on my own. People ask me if I'm keeping both cars. Um, yep. They are both mine. My name is on both titles. I drive them alternately because I like them. However, one of the most insensitive things was an acquaintance who said, 'Well, you know he's in a better place because he was suffering. You know you knew he was suffering. I knew he was suffering when I saw him.' Really? Sigh.

Oh, most definitely! My Christopher and I talked the morning of February 1; he was fussing because the nurses and tech's wouldn't let him rest through the night, said he was tired and was going to take a nap, and would call me later. The next call from the hospital was from the doctor, telling me he was gone, so I still feel like I will get that call to come pick him up, just like in the past. I know that won't happen but every now and again ... Deep breaths, letting the tears fall when they do without apology, and we go on. This is my first attempt at a widow's group. Wish I'd known about something like this when I went through it the first time.

Hi, Missing You and thank you for sharing. My first husband died in 1999 and my second (my best friend) just this past February 1. I am 47 now and am heartbroken, but like you am hopeful because I know he is with God. I take one breath at a time on tough days and smile and laugh as much as possible on good ones. We press on. And now that I've come here, I'm thankful not to be alone ...

Yes, Dean, there is life. It's just different. When it's so new, it's like a toothache no one can do anything about. It's an ache that comes and goes. May 1 will be three months since my husband Left and I have times when I feel guilty for having a good day, for feeling good about something on my own. Over the course of his illness, I had those moments when I wondered what it would be like if he were to die, so I guess I've had a long season of mourning. Years, in fact. But there are the things that do bring me joy, like driving the vehicle he used to drive. It had been sitting in our driveway, broken down, for nearly a year. One of the first things I did after he died was to get it back on the road. I drive it to church on weekends and sometimes around town (it's a '97 Suburban so it's better on long hauls). It feels like he's there. I look at his photo and other things around the house and just ... remember. You'll get there, in your own way and in your own time. I hear you about music. My Christopher was a musician. I haven't turned on the jazz station in my car since. That was the one he liked to listen to when I drove him to appointments. He died in hospital and I can't bring myself to go near one of those facilities, although he had friends at one of the offices and I'm working my way up to going to tell them. But each of us does more, each day or each week or each month. And we have days where the ache is dreadful and we can't cry away or hug away or sleep away the feeling. I had one of those today. But then it passes, or turns into a different day, and like Wheeler's wife said in a response to my post (and I'm paraphrasing), we take it a little at a time. Best to you, friend.

So sorry to hear about your wife, Kenneth. We are here for one another. Reach out as you feel led and know there are many of us going through a similar ache.

Thank you both -- it's good to know I can openly share. My stepdaughter sent me a video of the celebration of life they held back east (we're in Southern California and had one here, but we agreed that she would take his ashes back so he could be buried with his parents) and I watched it today. It was already a low sort of day but that did me in. My eyes are still swollen from crying and other than that sense of missing him, I can't say what it is. Sad doesn't cover it. Like you, Wheeler's wife, I knew what to do, it's the living without the other half of my heart that's weird. I walk around the house, talking to the dogs, talking to Christopher in my head, because it feels like nobody else would understand what it is I want to say about a thing I saw on TV or something that happened with work.

Hello. I found this site through a blog and am very grateful. I lost my second husband on February 1 of this year after an extended period of illness. He had been fighting congestive heart failure since 1999, had survived prostate cancer, survived being intubated last spring, and survived fistula surgery in the fall since the doctors said his kidneys were in trouble. His kidneys held in so he never went on dialysis. They diagnosed him with the flu when he went to the hospital the Saturday before he died. We talked each day since we had decided it would not be good if I caught the flu from him. We talked Monday morning and he said he was tired, that he wanted to rest and would call me later. The next call that afternoon early was from the doctor, telling me he was gone. I have my moments of being 'okay' (whatever that means) but then something happens and I cry hard for a while. I've done everything I can at this point in an automatic sort of way. I went through the death of my first husband 17 years ago, but that was very different. That was not a good relationship, I was young, my son was small ... this time, I've had to say good-bye to my best friend. Yet, I am hopeful. For what, I can't say. I'm somewhere in between wanting to move forward but am unsure how. Thank you for being there. I hope I didn't share too much? Haven't really had anyone to talk to about this sort of thing ...