arneal

I made a gift for NG - a sex coupon book ;D

klim -- you are not alone. I've had those moments and we deserve a time to grieve for our loss as well, no matter what that looks like. Cry as you need, love.

I went into online dating with what I'd like to think was a fairly open mind. I didn't want a married man but was willing to discuss dating a separated man; LH was separated when we met so it wasn't a problem. I used to smoke and so a smoker, so long as it was occasional, was okay. Social drinkers were welcomed. As far as culture or race, I was looking for a diverse pool so went specifically for sites where the focus was interracial dating. I wanted someone taller than me (I am 5'4", so that wasn't hard lol!) who did not categorize themselves as super-thin, super athletic, or more than 250lb. I must say that I agree with the meetup idea. The first person I met via online dating was a big fraud. It was a long distance thing and for me, that's a deal breaker. In this case, the guy made no mention of coming to visit me but wanted me to fly cross-country to meet him, even though I made it clear I wasn't in a financial position to jet around and even though he claimed to have a good bit of spare funds. Anyway, that fizzled before anything bad happened. NG and I met online after I went to a different site. He lived within 45 minutes of me on a clear traffic day, which is like next door in Southern California We chatted on the site and exchanged numbers that night because the conversation was very good. I gave him my secondary number rather than my main mobile or landline numbers. We agreed to meet like two or three days later at a place of my choosing that was about half-way between us. It's been about six months now and I think it's going well. But in the end, only time tells!

Nothing wrong with making some friends along the way, Virgo -- hope 'the one' shows up for you though

I was thinking back to my first online dating experience. I got caught up in the rhetoric and fell in with a scam artist. He didn't ask for money but I will say that he would try to get me to join him on video chat. I didn't know anything about the various chat things until him, so I am grateful to have learned something new. I downloaded one program to my phone to chat with him; in hindsight, I find it interesting that his profile on the chat program did not have a photo. I never got on video chat but did send some photos. Nothing particularly risque but a bit more revealing than I would have if in my right mind lol. I moved on quickly once I figured out his weirdness. The whole thing lasted maybe a couple months and involved texting and phone calls. I was considering visiting him but thanks to slim finances, wasn't able to really execute a plan. Fast forward to my next online dating experience. By this time I had figured out that I wanted to connect with someone who I could meet face-to-face. I met NG on Memorial Day weekend and we have developed a connection over the ensuing six months or so. We both work quite a bit and typically spend some part of our weekends together and communicate on social media during the week (you'd think we were teenagers or something lol). Texting is reserved for making or confirming plans. I am hoping we'll build some sort of future. I share this little reflection to encourage those of you who are either considering online dating or might want something of a success story from someone who is new to it; I was with my first husband for bout nine years and with my second for 16; I jumped on the dating scene at 47 years old after spending more than half of that in relationships. Online dating can be exhausting -- while my profiles were up, I kicked a few guys to the curb quickly for nonsense and got some 'thanks for your message but you aren't my type' from some. I didn't wait a year to start seeking new companionship after my LH died. This was my second time being widowed and he told me and our pastor at the time that he didn't want me to be alone. It was freeing. Having been widowed before gave me the experience to do what needed to be done when the time came and having been his caregiver for about a year straight, I had already mourned. I say that to those of you who are wondering about the 'wait a year before you date' thing. It's up to you. It's about your experience. And just because you feel ready doesn't mean that you are. And that's okay too. You can pull back or you can run with it. Just take care of yourself. Be happy. Love life as best you can in ways that suit you. Thanks, friends.

Glad you had a good time!

Great points, kjs. My error was related to family involvement too. I felt so empty after being widowed for a second time; this go, I had relationships with LHs family. I suggested future possibilities of certain folks maybe moving in with me. However, I am grateful that it didn't pan out. As I've moved on with my life, I could see major disaster possibilities if they'd been here!

Just don't giggle in your beverage as you think of those posts yourself, momto ;D

Oh, Sunshine

Trying: You might want to have a conversation with him about your likes and so on if you haven't already. There's nothing wrong with not wanting to do something like that. My NG was shocked that I didn't play board games; I explained (kindly) that I am not really competitive. He gave it a bit of thought and surmised that since I didn't really grow up playing them as I have no siblings, I didn't grow that competition gene I think he is sometimes a bit disappointed but I told him he could teach me. In actuality, I just don't pay attention to rules very well so most games tend to overwhelm me even when they are viewed as simple. We've got to work this thing to find some common ground and then accept where our differences are

Trying -- maybe you all could meet in the middle since you like hiking, which it seems like he might enjoy as well. And then you could always swim while he paddle boards. A girl's gotta keep her own pleasures but have fun with her fella as well That is, if you're both open to a bit of compromise.

Virgo -- sometimes we do what we gotta. NG has been gone for his new job quite a bit these last few weeks. We saw each other Thanksgiving and then he had to go out of state, so I certainly plan to enjoy his company tonight.

imissdow -- interesting you say that. NG is 52 and certainly loves to just chill (also broke his back a few years ago ... lower back issues galore) but we had a great time at one of those escape rooms. However, while I go to the gym, I am not a particularly outdoorsy sort so chilling (and cooking!) works for me. Now, back to my steaks for tonight

Good for you, Virgo!

Ha! LH was 6'2" and claimed he wasn't tall. I would say when you are 5'4", it's all relative NG is 6' and it's funny that I see him as sorta short.

Ha! I am 5'4" so it's harder to be irritated about height ;D

Don't have the cake and don't eat it, too? And don't let anyone else have it, either?? Sounds like a three-year-old

Agreed, kjs -- the first person I met turned out to be a faker. A couple guys after that ghosted or tried to tell me how to start a relationship by rushing me to meet. Never do that to an introvert. I ended up on a site in late May and like you, met a normal guy. The end of this month will be six months that we've been involved

Totally me after the death of my first husband (yep, widowed twice). First husband was abusive and destroyed my self-esteem. I made a couple of decisions after he died to find out if I was all the things he claimed I was. I got over it quickly and made up my mind not to act like that in the future. Now here I am, widowed again. I made one horrid decision out the internet dating gate but recovered. Have been involved with NG for nearly six months and trying my best not to look back ...

So sorry you've gone through this! One point you made -- him and a woman on the beach, hand didn't look like hers, no ring on her hand. My conspiracy theory Spidey sense suggests he's mad that you've moved on and things are not quite so rosy for him. Perhaps he had someone in his life and she's moved on too. Then, he reaches out to someone he knows cares for him and she's no longer available. Boom! All the weirdness comes out.

Oh, Rob! Sigh ... they just don't quit, do they?

Good for you, Semper! You (and each of us) deserve a positive, loving relationship. Perfection does not exist on this side of heaven, but so long as both parties are clear on expectations and try to be the best they can be, a bit of earthly heaven is possible. It sounds like you have prepared yourself for whatever the direction the path of life will take. Again, good for you. {{{hugs}}} and know you've got family here in your corner!

Bear -- you make a great point. It's important that we be ourselves. I agree that FWB is not for me but I am not against living together. I remember telling my mom when I decided to live with my first husband that I needed to know if he had bad habits, like hanging his underwear on the dining room doorknob. She didn't approve but had to laugh. ;D

Just a random share of what one of my friends would call a junior high moment in the world of dating: So NG is in another state for work just now. We had Thanksgiving at my house; it was the first time in five years that he hadn't cooked for himself. I invited his daughter and granddaughter as well but they went to her mother's this year. He said it seems she's alternating holidays as she spent last Thanksgiving with him. Anyway, we were going to get together for a movie night on Saturday but the weather was so horrible that he didn't come over and we didn't go out. I felt some type of way for a moment but after snuggling in because the rain had gotten fierce, I got over it quickly. Anyway, it turns out the job called him out of state (second time in about three weeks). A few days after he left, he texts to say he was sorry we hadn't gotten together. Fast forward to yesterday. I posted on social media about getting a friend request from some random alleged widowed guy who I didn't know and who wasn't connected to anyone I know. I made a joke of deleting the request. I had a bunch of friends make jokes and so on. NG pops in and posts that the guy better back off. ;D ;D I replied with something like, 'Exactly -- that's what I'm saying'. He put smileys and said he'd be home in a week. Giggle. Thanks for letting me share and hope you're all having a good weekend!

As many have mentioned, the 'rules' are different with different people and when we are at different stages of our lives. After my first marriage, which was abusive, I needed to know if I was as horrid as the husband had said. I had sex two times with this one guy to determine if I could attract someone. Sad but true -- after the things the husband said and did, I just wanted to know if I was attractive. It was not FWB because he wasn't nor did he become a friend. I also wasn't into it at all. I had a short fling with this other guy and again, it wasn't FWB. Don't know what it was -- I thought he was cute for about five minutes lol. Second husband and I were co-workers, then friends, and then started dating. NG and I met online and dated before becoming intimate. I can't bring myself to be with someone I don't have a connection with and while that may set me up for heartache at some point, it's just how it is. Fortunately, my LH (second husband) and I were together a total of 16 years and NG and I have been together now six months, so there's hope for a solid second chance.