arneal

SW -- I needed that laugh but yes, exhausting! However, once you find yourself interested in someone who is genuinely interested in you, I think some of that laziness will disappear. NG and I messaged on the site where we met and were really going at it. I suggested a meet and he agreed. We traded phone numbers and that first call lasted about 1.5 hours. When we met we sat and talked for nearly 4 hours. We're in our sixth month and I have high hopes. Before that? I was ready to chuck the computer out the front door because of all the weirdness. On another note, once you both are comfy, no more stockpiling that gas ;D

I agree with Portside's point about niche markets. I found my NG on a special site for interracial dating as I was looking to expand my horizons a bit.

That's funny, klim!

It seems to me there is too much dialogue. I guess it could just be me but when I have been the middle person for a friend I get right to the point. I don't say anything about me. I would suspect the person writing is speaking for himself if I read this o a site.

Congrat's Scorpio! All the best!

Get some, November and enjoy yourself (safely)

So sorry, Mary I made it clear straight off that there is no $ here. Struggling widow, so if the potential person was into me, he knew that right away. And that my son has special needs (even though he doesn't live with me). Oh, and I have guard dogs

Right? LOL! To Maureen's point about references from signif's or family -- agreed. In the case of my NG, they didn't specify that they had to be professional only but more that they could speak to his character. He had me, his friend who recommended him, and his sister. He got the job with no problem. And now that I'm writing this, I realize I was even first over his sister. LOL.

Semper -- I am so with you on this! I posted about my stepdaughter putting me as a reference (didn't tell them I was her stepmom though) and it caused an issue when I mentioned the honest factor (not to mention that she told me after she'd done it ... as if I would just go along). NG put me on his last job app but we were discussing it and I was helping him fill it out. I've had no issues with him on this front and appreciated that we discussed it. Also, he put me as the first reference (over his friend who recommended him for the job - giggle).

That is so great -- congrat's! It's interesting to see your post as well since NG and I were talking some time ago about the experience of getting married, as in what we liked and what we didn't in our previous situations. I don't know if he will ever consider remarrying but I think about what it would be like. Heck, I'm thrilled that we've gotten to the point where he refers to me as 'girlfriend'/'the person I'm seeing'

Ah, profile fatigue -- great description, Captains Wife! It is something how, after a little break, the same folks come back round. I often wonder how many of them are copying/pasting information into their messages to multiple people. Sort of like shooting fish in a barrel, I suppose ...

The one benefit to quantity is that it provides options. Just sayin.

Wow -- so sorry, November! That's terrible

If you aren't down with FWB, be honest. You aren't doing him or yourself any favors. He will continue to think you are okay with it and then 'boom'! You may boil over one day and he'll be caught off-guard. It won't be easy for sure, but better to get it all out in the open. Worst case scenario - he bolts now. Even worse - you don't say anything and resentment and weirdness grows between the two of you. Better scenario - he bolts, thinks about it, and comes round again because he really likes you as well. Stranger things have happened As an aside, I was widowed for a second time early this year. I knew fairly quickly that I wanted to date (LH had been very sick for quite a while so my mourning had started before he actually died). I made it clear to NG early on that I don't share, meaning I wasn't interested in FWB intimacy and that sex meant a lot to me. Better to be up-front, I suggest.

Agreed - SW, good for you! Live your life, darlin.

Right? It will be quite the lesson for your kids about what not to do ... sigh. I look back sometimes and say I really wish I hadn't learned that particular lesson (specifically the abusive first marriage), but then I realize I wouldn't be who I am today without it sometimes that is scarier, especially when I see people who have no clue about tough times and real life.

Sugar - first, great job and good for you, turning things around for you and your children. Since you are in a small town and hearing about him, chances are solid he's heard about you too. That means you get to show off how fabulous you are. Keep your head up and has been said, prepare yourself and your children for the inevitable run-into. Keep it light and always have the 'Hey, wish you the best -- gotta run' handy. You mention being embarrassed. Don't be. In the Bible is mentioned the sea of forgetfulness; you'd be surprised how large that sucker is. My LH used to do drugs and had a period where he was really out there. Lived in a small town. He cleaned himself up, got a union job, ended up on various local boards of directors, and had been written up with accolades in the paper. When we started dating, my mother went to a woman she knew and tried to throw shade about him. The woman read my mom up and down, telling her what a great guy and upstanding and important member of the community he was. People cried when we moved out of the town to come west and it was genuine; a few said those city offices would never survive without him. Your life changes mean more than you realize. Live in the now, not in the past. Don't give it power, as you said. You got this. We look forward to your 'You all will never guess what happened' funny story about how you rocked this! :-*

tybec - don't you dare apologize Thanks for sharing as I tend to be overly clinical as well. LH used to tell me to lighten up all the time (psych undergrad major/English minor, counseling ed masters, ed doctorate, online teaching post-doc ... total nerd here lol). I find that I am now in a place of freedom as it were after being his caregiver basically full time for our last year together. I am certainly in a euphoric period and I think NG is too but I'm okay with that. We've spent quite a bit of time discussing our past weird, hurtful, loving, disappointing, and every other type of experience you can imagine. One night, and I might have shared this elsewhere (if so, please forgive me!), he sat me down in the kitchen -- I thought he was going to tell me we were done! However, he proceeded to tell me about a very painful experience with his ex-wife and said it had been bugging him that we hadn't talked about it. I shared something that was very difficult for me as well from my first marriage and life went on. We both got the worst of our pasts off our chests and have grown closer since. I am grateful for the progression and look forward to what happens next. I find myself imagining more but keep it in fantasy land since tomorrows are not promised. But if anything close to my dreams does develop, goody ;D

Yes, Captains Wife, that is so true and I am trying to keep that in mind as well. I am still learning what my own love language is as I learn his ... Also glad you didn't give up! You go, girl!

Yes! Even if it's just doing things without him ... You gotta have your own space sometime and better to know now that he won't be weird about it.

Yes, we all have different standards. NG lives in an apartment that he shares with his daughter and granddaughter, but in SoCal, that costs more than a mortgage. He rides a Harley and drives a utility truck for work. He smokes, but knowing that I don't anymore, he always goes outside when he's at my house. No issues there for me

I love that! Funny, I knew he'd be going through Tucson on his way home; I said something about that and he asked me if I wanted something from there; I mentioned I liked the Hopi jewelry and showed him my necklace and he said I needed more charms for it. I was expecting something like that. However, I'd also said I'd be jealous if he was going through Tucumcari, NM because that's where the wind chime/bell I have next to my front door is from and I really liked it there. So what does he do? He buys me this set from New Mexico. Knowing that he listens to stuff like that is fabulous

Might he be jealous of the time you spend with anyone other than him, Semper?

Hi all: Consider this my junior high moment of the day So NG and I started joking about earning prizes for various things about a month ago. How it started was that I had posted an image on social media and asked if anyone knew the source; he did and I made a comment about him having won the prize. Later, he made a post and said something about whoever could guess the answer would get extra points. I guessed and the next time we were face to face, I joked about wanting a prize. Anyway, we kept it going and during his business trip, he brought me back an American Native-made necklace and earring set for my prize. Absolutely beautiful. I am still over the moon about it as you can probably tell. I wanted to share because I think we sometimes get so caught up in what is or what isn't said or done. He's not an overly wordy person but shows how much he cares through his actions, like being a gentleman (opening doors, walking along the curb, pulling out chairs), holding hands, and being cuddly. We post here about how strange the dating world is, particularly if we haven't been part of it for a long time or ever. I hope this encourages you to hang in there, to look for the signs if you don't hear the words, and believe the best is yet to come. Hugs, all!

So sorry Semper, but good for you. Tell it like it is. Does he have any idea how many folks don't deal with stepkids at all? My son's friend from high school, who also has special needs, lives in a group home; her mom doesn't contact her at all. The stepdad can't take her behavior. What?! My son is a royal handful but I am in touch with his caregiver (he is in a semi-independent living house) and we are in contact as well. He's 21 and learning how to be his own person and I know I didn't talk to my parents much if at all at that age Anyway, I take her calls as much as I can because it burns me that her mom essentially disowned her because of this man. The fact that your NG's son enjoys your time with him says that obviously you are doing what you need to do to build a relationship! Having been a stepmom in both marriages, this sort of thing drives me batty. Had to vent on your vent