arneal

Thanks, momto ... needed that. Today has been something of a mess. I woke up at 2:30am, couldn't go back to sleep. Cried until about 4:30. Alarm goes off at 4:45. Went to the gym for my usual morning class and it was good. Came home, exhausted. Just feeling low, lonely, and sad. Thank God my dogs love me, even when my eyes are swollen lol.

Warning - superficial post here lol. So this one guy from kinda far away that I met on an online site texted me a couple photos yesterday ... oh my was he yummy looking. Almost made me want to give the hook up a try. Glad he's not close. Sigh.

Ha, Needy! I imagine there were quite a few 'too much information' moments during that conversation! imissdow -- yes, online dating is like a job! Interviewing, vetting, second rounds, rejections on both sides. Whew!

Oh, Needy! I am so sorry to admit that I had to laugh about your 'sister friend' who you've now discovered is a bit off ... sigh. On the booty call or fast moving folks, I am continually amazed. Maybe I'm just old-fashioned but despite the fact that I'd like to be close to a man, I'm not going to jump out there at the first thing breathing and who makes the suggestion. I had a phone conversation yesterday with the one guy I am texting (one of the 'babe, sweetie' fellows ... it's a good thing he's cute lol), who told me all about why he liked me and although he is aware that we don't live close and I am interested in connecting with someone nearby, he was willing to 'make it work' (huh? make what work? you don't know me!). I let him know that I am not much of a phone person to sit and chit chat, at which point he went on to tell me that he likes to talk and so I could listen. We laughed about it and then he said if things got too quiet, he would 'make me talk'. Again I say, huh? I told him that would probably be more difficult to do than to say and we laughed. I hope that he doesn't get too weird about it.

So despite having a main interest who I met online (and who I have been out with), I still have my profile up on this one particular site. I gave my alternate number to a couple of guys and we have texted. I am slightly annoyed at their terms of endearment (sweetie, honey, dear) or the one's 'romantic' overtures (the other day he writes, 'I woke up thinking of the most beautiful person I know - you') because they don't know me. Just can't be satisfied lol!

Thanks, Trying! Dating is ... weird

Thank you, Tofino -- it is good to hear the male perspective for sure. Yes, Scorpio -- I hope so! I admit that I am concerned about personality differences; I don't rely on astrology but have always been interested in how much people tend to be similar to their zodiac sign traits. I have been reading about how people born under his sign and mine can best get along and have even done some reading on what excites those born under his sign so I (hopefully) don't miss the opportunity should it arise!

I am with each of you ... It's been quite a few years since I was physical with someone; my husband had prostate cancer and after the surgery, sex changed and then went away completely, for a total of nearly six years before he died. I've never been a highly sexed person but as you said, ScorpioGirl, when the possibility of any closeness is gone, it can be maddening! I have been seeing a guy who I really like and it's all I can do to not grab him whenever we are together. I imagine what it would be like to be intimate with him. SoVerySad -- the hugs, oh my ... the smell of skin ... and he's a great kisser as well. I am praying that it's only a matter of time, but it's just about killing me. Jen, I agree with you about the bravery. I'm pondering how to perhaps broach the subject in a casual way (is that even a thing when it comes to sex?) without scaring him away ... patience has never been a virtue of mine ...

Good for you, Virgo. Enjoy and be safe! Tofino -- yes, the online thing is ... weird. Weirder than it should be, in my opinion. I'd like to meet someone in a more ordinary way, but tend toward being an introvert by nature (outside all the mayhem that widowhood can cause) so I don't go many places and my neighborhood isn't as neighborly as I'm used to, so this seems the best option. On Facebook though, I've noticed I've been getting random friend requests from men who have no connection to me and who, after further investigation, have fake profiles. No matter where you are trying to meet people, be vigilant. I check phone numbers when people offer them quickly; if the area code is far away from the place they say they are from, I ask what's up. Some people say that they used to live in the place where the phone number is from (no problem there -- my son still has a Jersey # even though we've lived in CA for many years), but if I don't get any answer? Yeah, I start wondering what's up.

I struggle because my first marriage, which I was also widowed from, was horrid. No other way to describe it. I feel terrible, speaking ill of the dead, but if I knew then what I know now I wouldn't have gotten involved with him. That means I wouldn't have my one and only son now, who is on the autism spectrum with other emotional and developmental issues. I struggle with thoughts that I did my son a disservice. But then, like in Jen's quote, the second marriage was like a dream, making up for the first. And then he died as well. What's strange is the emotion associated with telling someone I've been widowed twice. There are times when I am nervous about saying it, afraid that (since I am trying to date now) that a person I'm interested in will recoil in horror. Other times, I tell it to back people off who I feel are pressuring me to get too close, too fast. How to find balance. And peace ...

Certainly not, Needy! I hear you ... I have come to like going to the gym, particularly when people notice a difference that helps with the mental part as well.

Yeah, crazy isn't it, klim? I had a guy check my profile and when I went to the site to see his, he'd blocked me. What is that? I've had young people (like, younger than my 30 year old) reach out as well as those above my age range. I have a wide age range (or so I thought), but it would be nice if some folks read the profile once in a while ...

Agreed, Momto ... I was able to get distracted by telephone calls and making sure the house looked decent before he got here. The evening was nice, and even though the food at the ballpark where we went to see the fireworks stunk, I think we both had a good time. We talk and text during the week and see each other on the weekends, which is cool. It's nice to connect. I realized that I had no idea how to go about this dating business and decided to do some research; I read information from what seem to me to be good resources on the male-female connection in this new century. One thing that resonated with me was this point that we might feel like a certain person is 'the one', but until that manifests itself, we may want to keep open to conversations, maybe even coffee. That way, if it doesn't work out, we haven't been totally out of the game. Plus, by having other people to talk to, we don't seem stalkerish and desperate with that one person ... the idea is to develop friendships first, not throw it all out there, if you know what I mean To that end, I still check out the emails I get from the one online dating site I am active on. I am hoping to delete the profile one day soon ...

Thank you, Momto I do enjoy every moment ... until I start worrying about something lol!

Forgot how enticing a kiss can be ... and the smell of someone else's skin when hugging ...

Somehow I stopped getting notifications and missed some great posts ... glad I popped in to catch up! So I started using the 'search google for this image' feature before I act interested in a profile. Sad to say how many photos are fakes -- it's not foolproof but it's a start. I've had a couple men send messages, asking me about what I do, how long I've been on the site, etc. The ones that kill me are the ones who don't match anything I'm looking for. Let's just waste each other's time, shall we? Lol. And the one from cross country I mentioned before? Vanished after I called him on the BS, but tried connecting with me on G+ one day about two weeks ago; had the nerve to say he'd gotten upset because I didn't believe what he said. Mind you, he never answered my questions about all the crap that appeared fake in his profile. After that debacle, I decided to keep my options open for those who were not within driving distance, just because you never know. However, my 'focus' has been on connecting with someone who I could actually meet for a coffee or dinner. The one dude is supposedly about 40 miles away (still quite local for Southern California) and he texts me (I use a service called Sideline -- it's free and gives you a second number that can be called or texted so you don't have to give out your actual until you are ready) every once in a while to ask how I'm doing. I text back, then nothing. Then there was a guy who lived about the same distance but in the opposite direction. Seemed cool, but ghosted quick. I haven't bothered to text him. I did meet a great guy from one site and we've gone out a few times. I really like him and am scared that I'll mess it up so I work hard to just be casual. I overthink it sometimes and just pray that it will get better. We are supposed to go to see fireworks together tonight and I've spent at least three days, trying to figure out what I am going to wear lol! And I will take a nap well before he's supposed to get to my house, just to chill out a bit This whole dating thing is harder than I realized

I have been consistent with my five days per week; I am taking today off as my gym will only have three morning times and I bet it will be packed. I lost 20 pounds during the six-week boot camp and became a regular member. I will start personal training twice per week tomorrow for the month of July to work on my non-existent abs lol. So, three days will be the regular workout and two will be elite individual training. Wish me luck!

Quixote - my first reaction is that your friend was very crummy in how she did all that. To unfriend on social media? Call off a get-together with no conversation? Giving the cold shoulder? Maybe something else is up that has nothing to do with you, but still. Agreed - it's time out for unnecessary drama for all of us. Wishing you the best!

Wow, Rob! That is epic ... I had another phony reach out to me the other day: I liked his profile and within moments had a message; he asked if I wanted to connect with him off the site, gave me his email address, and indicated that he worked as a doctor for the UN. Yes, go ahead and laugh now. The email was a 'doctor.com' freebie address, his profile photo is on at least half a dozen websites with people of different names, and there is no one even remotely related to the UN with that name. Sad ...

JustK - you are not alone ... with this loss or with the reactions to it. People often have no clue Do what you need to do for you and your daughter. Come here, where there is great support. Hugs!

I and others here understand. I was widowed the first time at 30 and the second at 47. My second husband was the other half of my heart, but in his case, I know that God needed him more than I did because he was suffering (multiple health conditions). The first time round was something completely different ... Look into your heart: you know what you did with and for your beloved. And he does as well. As you think about him, you will keep him close to you. As long as we remember, they are never gone ...

Oh, Pauleena ... there are no words for such a sudden loss. Yet, each of us here, in our own way, has been exactly where you are. Not a single man or woman here will EVER tell you that you have to do anything. Other than care for yourself. Your beloved would not want you to stop doing that, to stop taking care of your dog, to completely shut down. Take it one breath at a time. Even when they are ragged and full of tears. Take one step at a time. Come to this space. We are here for you as much as you need us.

Needytoo -- I so was wondering the same thing! Is it that there are trolls who look for women (and men) who have 'widow' on their profile? Is it an automatic assumption that we are desperate? The best one was this guy who sent me a message: 'Are you here for a casual thing too? When are you coming to [named the state]?' -- honestly? No! I am not flying/driving to another state for a hook-up! My profile also states clearly that I am looking for friendship to hopefully lead to something serious. I wrote that I am not looking for a friends-with-benefits type deal. I am not interested in younger men. My profile is very clear about the age range I like, yet I get 'I want to meet you' messages from 27 year olds. My current top range is about 62; I get messages from 70 year olds. And (politically incorrect moment coming -- I'm with you, StillWidowed! ... please don't hate me!) the young ones look like babies while the older set ... thus far anyway ... look a too old and don't seem to have any common interests. Interestingly, there is a story on the news right now about having realistic expectations about dating. This woman is talking about not getting lost in the fantasy of the thing and not getting swept off your feet. Where was she when I was getting chatted up by the Florida guy lol! I have had a couple of other fakers show up on my time line and I just ignore them when I find out. On a positive note (so far), I found a guy near me about who I can check a bunch of the good boxes. We've had two dates (one lunch, one dinner) and I'm doing my best not to blow it ;D

That's one good thing about living in the desert -- I just work out early in the morning before it gets hot. I made it through my 6 week challenge and lost 20lb. I'm now a regular member at the gym so I can continue my strength training and toning. So glad I did it!

Agreed! The crazy part about it is that I know on my profiles I put in the age range I'm interested in. I've had some younger men or men who don't fit my interests as listed try to reach out and I'm like, 'did you not read anything?' lol