arneal

Momto -- amazing, isn't it? :

Yes, Needytoo: I tend not to be very trusting but got sucked in a bit on this one. However, I learn quickly and thank God without too much collateral damage ...

So I don't know if anyone has already posted this but I thought I would share. It's called Google reverse image search: https://ctrlq.org/google/images/ We're looking at and reading online profiles, but who knows if the images we see are for real, right? Just like there are services to find out about phone numbers and email addresses, this one gives you a way to search pictures. Just save one or more of the profile pics to your computer and then upload where indicated on the page. It will show you either similar or exact photos. I posted earlier this month about a man who I met on a site that was just pushing all the right buttons; I used this search after considering (note, I did not act on it!) going to visit him. Come to find out, the reverse image search sent me to like three or four different LinkedIn profiles, each with slightly different names and related stories. I sent an email to him that read something like: 'So I think I told you I am into technology; anyway, one of my software algorithms returned multiple hits on your photos and I'll need to understand that before moving forward. If you're trying to maintain privacy, that's cool, but let's get on a video call to discuss.' Can you hear the crickets? No texts, no email response, nothing. I'm sad, but relieved. As Steely Dan says in the song 'Babylon Sisters', love's not a game for me ... I'm not in this to hurt anyone or to get hurt. Be aware, my friends, and be safe!

Jen, you have to go at your own pace ...

Taurus - you'll know when the time is right ...

Oh, BrokenHeart2 ... {{{hugs}}}

Good for you, Widowat33; as an aside, I was widowed the first time at 30, the second at 47 ... I wish you all the best as we take this journey!

Great points, Captain's Wife! I tend toward cautious and have my 'sisters in arms' looking out for me. Thank you for mentioning the 'relationship' guy -- from our conversations I get the impression he is one of those. He is also a widower (longer than I) and I think he's looking for serious. I don't have a problem with that. The more I read here and elsewhere, there is that notion of looking for the hook-up and looking for the serious, so knowing where he's coming from is good as well.

That is true. It's been video since we are at a distance. Still planning the in-person. Let me clarify -- I don't mean like 'Hey, let's get married right now' ... I mean just exploring the conversation, like would I consider it in future. Sorry if I caused more panic with my panic!

Yeah, I thought so as well. I have said as much There are those stories out there, though ... I guess it's one of those things of erring on the side of caution combined with wanting a happily ever after

So I decided to try online dating. I'd never considered doing such a thing before, but realized being alone was not for me. I joined a few of the larger sites for free as well as some lesser known ones. I was copying and pasting profiles all over the place I got a message from a guy on one site and was intrigued enough to pay for a month's service (it was one of those that limited your functionality if you had a free account). We've been talking and texting ever since. We are both feeling quite a bit of attraction and all of a sudden he's talking real serious ... like marriage type stuff. And you guessed it: I've panicked! Has anyone else been through this? I'd love to hear the good, bad, and otherwise :-[

All the best, Needytoo!

Thanks, Tybec -- you give me hope I started talking with a guy online and things seemed to have been going well. Suddenly yesterday, conversation went a bit cold. Now I know I can tend toward the paranoid (maybe he's got lots of work, other things going on...), but I am quite sad about it. I had hoped that we would be a good connection and it seemed to have been going that way. I am not giving up but guess I better take a few more cold showers and chill out ;D

Thanks, TalksToAngels! That's what we need

I had seen this thread but hadn't visited. Now glad I have So I decided to try online dating. Having never done it before, I found it sort of unnerving, particularly when people I had absolutely no interest in tried to chat me up. However, there is one incredible guy who I've been texting and talking to that revs up the engine. I've never been one to take pictures of myself but I have for him -- nothing that will get me in trouble but it's still strange to find myself doing anything like that. I feel like I'm going to pass out when he says he's going to take a shower. I showed his picture to my dearest friend and all she could say was 'Yum' ;D I am praying it's not a game and that one day soon we'll meet in person. God and I are having some serious conversations about what's gonna happen on that date ...

I'm in week four of boot camp; I dropped 11 lb in three weeks and have been consistent with going M-F. It's a good outlet for sure.

Thank you, Jen. I realize I was mourning for some time as he got sicker. I want to find myself in a strong relationship again and am grateful for encouraging friends and family. My mother is in my corner on this point, which is very inspiring to me. I am concerned about how my son and stepdaughter will feel when I tell them I'm looking ... they don't live with me so I have time ...

So sorry, Jen. You will make it through. One day, one second, one breath at a time.

Appreciate this thread. I see that someone mentioned the option for widowed, which I've used (just putting up a couple of profiles to test the waters) but haven't said anything about how long. I did mention in the 'about you' on one site that I'd been widowed twice, but like I said, just testing the waters. On that note, this is my first time checking out online dating sites. For those of you who have done or are doing it, how quickly did you jump into a paid account? I'm not sure I want to go there yet, but if it's a good thing to do, I'm willing to try it. :-\

So sorry to hear of the loss of your beloved. We've all been there and hope you will lean into this forum. I'm new to it myself but find a measure of comfort, knowing there are others out there who are on this same ride. Hugs!

That's so great, bd! Keep at it and know we are here!

Thank you both. I think it was just the emptiness of the day ... today marks officially three months. It's strange but I agree with you, Mike -- I am so appreciative of the gym because I have met some great new friends there, people who are supportive about life in general, not just because I am a widow. I haven't gone out like to a restaurant alone yet (probably because I am doing this boot camp at the gym ;D) but since I am an only child anyway, I think that will be okay. I also know of a widow in the neighborhood and I am thinking of calling her to go have coffee or something one day this week. I think about what dating would be like, but I am learning to live for me again. The rest will come in due time, as God wills. No worries (well, maybe a few ).

So sorry for the passing of your wife. Yes, we've all been in that place. I think the going back to work deal, especially if you haven't seen anyone from there this last month, is dealing with the questions ('What happened?' or 'How did she pass?' or 'How are you?') and the looks. People don't mean any harm but they tend to look at you with this sad expression because your spouse/beloved has died. But you do what you do and you get through the first day, and then the second, and then the third. Just take it slow. And remember, we're here for you.

Thank you, ManutesGirl!

My husband lived with congestive heart failure for 17 years. Whenever we saw his primary doctor, she would say hevwas a miracle because people don't tend to stick around for that long. He had a pacemaker, was a prostate cancer survivor for almost nine years, had been intubated after a severe infection last spring, had kidney issues and fistula surgery last fall, and was going for pericentesis every week for about two months. He was feeling more poorly than usual, went to hospital, was diagnosed with the flu on top of everything else, and didn't come home. In an instant, I went from full-time work outside the house to stay at home worker, primary wage earner, and caregiver to widow. I am taking care of myself as best I can; I have to pay my own insurance so it's tough on the budget and I don't go to the doctor much to avoid the copay. However, as has been said on a few other threads, I have mourned for years now. I am happy that my Christopher is not in discomfort or sick anymore and that he is with God, but I am sad and lonely without him. I am irritated at him because he had once said that he didn't want me to be alone if he were to go and I scoffed at the idea. Now that I am not filling the wall calendar with trips to the doctor and juggling my work around them, I find myself pondering the potential of trying to connect with someone. But I feel too ... scarred? empty? exhausted? afraid? I am not particularly social in that I am very much an introvert. My husband understood and accepted that about me. It's hard to think there is anyone else could. Is it typical to feel so conflicted after caregiving ends? My first husband died suddenly so this is my first experience with caregiving.