On line dating vents and laughs......

[arneal]

(hugs) You know we get it.

[arneal]

Cool! Hope you have good conversations!

[StillWidowed]

Soooo....I'm chatting with this cute guy online.  He tells me that he works a lot.  After a little more idle chit chat, he tells me when he isn't working he's at home all the time because his dog has separation anxiety.  What the what???  I think to myself.  Then I put fingers to keyboard and asked him why in the world he was on a dating site if he worked a lot and when he WASN'T working had to stay at home with an anxiety riddled dog?  I reminded him that a dating site was to well.....actually.....ummm....DATE!

 

His response?  "I didn't think of it that way".  Huh?  I think.  "Maybe I should take down my profile".

Me:  "That's a good idea".  Oy vey!

[arneal]

Oh, wow, StillWidowed! I have two dogs, one of which is a major ball of anxiety. I talk to her lovingly and still go out I am working up to being gone overnight but it's more an issue of having some extra $ to give to someone to check in on them. I have a neighbor who has graciously volunteered so I'm on my way

[Captains wife]

I have been emailing with a guy who gives me one word answers - I have decided to throw in the towel. The last straw - He asked about meeting with drinks - I threw out some dates/times and all I get back is "OK"

 

Next !

 

On the more positive side, had 2nd date last night with cute dad my age with young kids who is very funny. Not sure he's a match for me for a few reasons but I enjoy his company and he is a nice guy. He took me to dinner and a concert and we had too much to drink and kissed like teenagers during the concert. Fun !!

 

Have 2 more dates with different guys this weekend. Just enjoying the casual dating scene for the time being.

[arneal]

Good for you, CaptainsWife! From all the newfangled dating info I've been reading, keeping your options open is what helps you find that right one. You aren't sitting around, waiting for it to fall in your lap.

 

The 'kissing like teenagers' made me smile. Yes, nothing like good kissing for sure NG and I went to a comedy club last weekend and for the first time it was like a storybook date ... holding hands, arm around me, all that. Not used to it at all, but it was nice. My former husband was affectionate but we didn't do this sort of stuff much and when we did, he kept his affections since I wasn't really into it. First husband was abusive, so there's that. But now, I'm ready

[Momtojandj]

So I had a guy email me on match , say I'm a great girl , loves my profile but he's worried about distance . He's maybe an hour away . He emails me a few times, I'm thinking um ok why are you chatting with me , if you feel distance is an issue . Then he stopped. Honestly I don't care. My new horrible attitude. Sigh .

[arneal]

Momto -- that's not a horrible attitude. If he was interested for real, he'd do more than send an email occasionally. Okay, so you're worried about distance; are you willing to overcome it? That's a half hour for each of you if you met in the middle. Not a deal breaker, or shouldn't be. Now if he's hoping you'll chase him, there's that. However, if you're not feeling it's worth the effort, don't do it.

[Guest Justme2]

How does he know you're a great girl if he's never met you ?

I don't get it and gave up a long time ago. But everyone keeps going right back ( ;

[Momtojandj]

Arneal, I'm ok with distance , because where I live I realize I need to be more realistic and expand the distance. He's the one that said he believes I'm too far. Then emails a few times , no mention of meeting, so I wrote him off as he wants a pen pal and that's not for me.

 

Justme2.... He assumes by my pictures and my profile, that I'm a great girl. The reason I keep going back and trying online is because I have to believe there is someone out there for me , and the chances of meeting someone in real life is just as hard.. So try all avenues .

[Guest nonesuch]

Okay, I like honesty as well as the next person. (It's over-rated, like controlling depression with therapy alone)

 

"My herpes has been under control..." is like saying,  "Anyone who dates me will have to pass muster with Mr. Boots and Fluffikins."  It may be true, but do you really want to lead with this information?

 

I would never be intimate without passing on this information. I figure it's in my own best interest to give men an opportunity to experience my warmth and wit, first. In fact, no man has ever back out after hearing this info.  I don't know whether this means I truly an warm and witty, or men are congenitally pre-disposed to take every opportunity to get lucky. I suspect it is the second.

[Virgo]

Mentioning herpes in your profile? Wow! He should be honest and forth coming when intimacy is discussed, not in his profile!

 

My guy and I are still talking and seeing each other almost daily.  It still feels very comfortable.  Earlier today we went shopping for items for his new house. Tonight we're going out.

[arneal]

Oh, Sunshine! Herpes? Really?! Yes, honesty is a good thing but wow, this takes it to a new level.

 

NG and I are still doing our weekends. I realized last week that I get to about Wednesday or Thursday and end up texting him about the weekend; I decided not to do it this week and was pleasantly surprised that he reached out. He's sometimes more of an introvert than I am He also mentioned plans for next weekend before leaving my place, which is cool.

 

Funny on the communication thing: I was fretting for a while because we don't talk during the week. Then I realized we actually do -- on Facebook LOL! In this day and age, being able to share public but private conversations (last night we were talking about flowers and continued it online today -- nobody would have a clue as to what started it) on social media is communication ...

[Captains wife]

Finally some good dating news- had one of my best ever first dates last week with a guy I met on Match. He picked a gorgeous place to meet in Newport for lunch, made reservations and the day of he was running a few mins late so he called ahead to the restaurant to buy me a drink while I was waiting. He found out it was my bday that weekend - so he slipped out in the middle of the meal and asked the waiter to bring me a chocolate torte cake with a candle in it (my fav dessert). So thoughtful, so classy. And as well as being handsome he has a great personality and I saw him tearing up when I was talking about my LH (he asked a few questions). So kind, and sensitive. Who knows where this will go but it was nice to be beaming after a date and see some great, compatable men out there for me. He asked if we can meet up again...and I of course said yes. Swoon...

[arneal]

Yay, CaptainsWife -- you've made my Monday! And happy birthday as well

[Lisa]

What a lovely date. Happy birthday

[RobFTC]

An unusual offer for a first date:

 

"Maybe this is weird for a first meeting...do you have any interest in seeing the movie the labyrinth with David Bowie Wednesday night at 7:00 at the timberline theater with me?"

 

Ooh baby, talk Bowie to me! :-)  I let her know I had a conflict, and no other contact since.

 

Take care,

Rob T

[arneal]

Happy for you, Sunshine!

[Needytoo]

Very nice Sunshine and Captain's wife.

 

Didn't sign up for the speed dating, forgot I had plans that weekend.  Going to go see Adele.  ;D

 

Signed up for OurTime,and it is odd site. It automatically sends you notices so it looks like people are interested in you.  It is creepy.  Did message two guys. First guy doesn't like crowds and rather just stay home.  Kind of hard to date when you are like that.  The second guy too early to tell. 

 

Since online dating is far from what I was hoping I thought I would try volunteering at one of our local charities.  I went to a meeting and all the members were speaking french. (I don't speak french) Guess that one isn't for me. 

[Captains wife]

Thanks NeedyToo. I find dating sites, venues to meet people hit or miss. Very dependent on timing of who's online, who is at venue. With dating site I wonder how much "fraud" is baked into how it works.I found hobby related Meet up.com groups to be a good social outlet. Swooned at date 2 with aforementioned guy I went out with (aka sexy Rhode Island guy) but had odd date encounter with widower this past week. He said to me on the date- I wasn't sure whether to go out you since you are a widow...hmm. I asked him to elaborate and he said last widow date cried on him and it was uncomfortable. Was surprised to hear that from a widower...and no I didn't cry on him...

[arneal]

Needy - excellent reason not to have done the speed dating. Sure Adele was wonderful!

 

Captains - you hit it just right: all dependent on who's online when. The fraud thing is an excellent point as well; I'd read something somewhere that a number of these sites are all tied in together. I was on one and a guy messaged me. We started corresponding and he asked me something that was obviously indicated in my profile; when I said that, he asked me which site I was on. After a few rounds of Who's On First (which site are you on? this one? which one is that?) he told me he was on a totally different site. Weird. I would say the widower comment just reinforces the notion that there is no way to tell when someone is ready to date. However, sad that it was such a scarring experience that he nearly missed meeting such a wonderful person as yourself!

[Guest nonesuch]

Thanks NeedyToo. I find dating sites, venues to meet people hit or miss. Very dependent on timing of who's online, who is at venue.Where I live, POF is pretty much blue collar, OKCupid white. With dating site I wonder how much "fraud" is baked into how it works. I think they use your picture to lure other people into being more active on the site. I'm certain they do when you 'de-activate'your profile, and that's why they discourage you from deleting it entirely. I found hobby related Meet up.com groups to be a good social outlet. Swooned at date 2 with aforementioned guy I went out with (aka sexy Rhode Island guy) but had odd date encounter with widower this past week. He said to me on the date- I wasn't sure whether to go out you since you are a widow...hmm. I asked him to elaborate and he said last widow date cried on him and it was uncomfortable. Well,yeah, it would be. If I wasn't up to going out, I'd cancel and re-schedule.Was surprised to hear that from a widower...and no I didn't cry on him...

 

And yes, many of the sites are the same outfit under different names. 

[SemperFidelis]

Well, as long as these dating sites are using my picture in another state on the other side of the country....I can cope with that.

  Otherwise I'd be pretty embarrassed to be showing up locally on a dating site now.  I live in a small-ish area and I saw several familiar faces  when I was on Match. I'd hate for local yokels to see me on there at present.....especially when I am now in a relationship.

[arneal]

Good point, Semper - you may want to see who owns the sites you currently have profiles on to identify if there might be the off chance that they post to your locale. You may want to just delete them. If you aren't sure, copy/paste your fantastic profile info into a Word doc and save it to your own computer

[RobFTC]

Hi gang, I hope others find parts of this funny enough to make up for the length ...

 

The other week, I happened to notice a, bright, chipper e-mail from match.com, saying this:

 

"Your account updates went through without a hitch. Take a sec to make sure everything looks OK."

                                  Email address:  william_lester3@aol.com

                                                      <View profile>

 

OMG, whatchoo talkin bout Willis?  That ain't me!  But sure enough, I can't do squat.  Can't log in, phone app disconnected, etc.  This sucks, I have already had to fix my TiVo twice and had another computer throw a hard drive recently.  I must be tech cursed right now.

 

So I try to figure out how to contact them - wow, what a horror show.  There might have been a possibility of calling a phone number if I was logged in, but haha, of course I am not, am I?  I find a form that promises a response within 48 hours and fill it in with "I've been hacked!" and as much info as I can think to include.

 

The next day, I wonder - I reload that e-mail and click on <View profile>.  I get to a screen where I am asked to supply my birth date; when I do so, I find I have account access, and can change my password and my e-mail address.  Wow, cool!  I haven't heard from match, so I poke around.  Our friend Clem Kadiddlehopper kept my opening and closing lines, but rewrote the guts my profile with a lot of The Best Words, including making me a divorced native Coloradoan who'd spent a lot of time out of the US recently and was about to embark on an Exciting Venture.  He'd also made me taller, LOL! :-)  Some of it was SO thick and hackneyed it just hurt.  How did this stuff get through the focus group?  So I rewrite a new profile from scratch, mentioning that I've been hacked and would folks please not think any e-mails on MM/DD were from me.  I can't tell any were sent, but who knows.

 

The next day, still no contact from match.  I got a ping from a woman who thought I was cute and wondered if I had a beard or not.  Um, I have had this goatee so long, science isn't sure what's under there, why do you ask?  So I go look at my photos - he's uploaded a couple of clean-shaven photos that I don't think looked like me, or as good as me!  (Hijacks-R-Us must not have had the budget to use good pictures.)  And it took me two days to notice :-(  I fix that and reply to said lass that yea verily I sport facial hair.  She thought the hacker's photos were better, apparently.  Hmph, no accounting for taste!  Hey hon, if you find him, I hear he has this Exciting Venture ...

 

The final calamity was this: after six days (nearly seven), match.com finally thought they Had To Act, overnight, on my earlier trouble report, having seen Suspicious Activity.  (This must have been the Rapid Response Team!)  They announced that they were restoring my profile from backup, at some nebulous time soon.  Which wiped out at least six days of messages, plus all of the sparkly turns of phrase in my new profile that I wish I'd been able to hang onto :-(  And they explained that despite the restore, some settings in a few places would not be set back as they were, and I would have to check those ones myself.

 

Soon after, they sent out one of those little "did we provide you with excellent service today?" surveys.  I admit I had some fun filling that out, including a detailed account of how they messed me up and a suggestion of what would have actually HELPED me after six days of thinking I was on my own.  I hope my rating spoiled someone's bonus; I know some of my phrases should have warmed their coffee.

 

All good now, except for an odd uptick in incoming interest from out-of-state that makes me want to go over my settings a tenth time.  That's apart from the ever-present 28-32 year old gorgeous scammers whose profiles self-destruct like Mission Impossible in an hour or two.

 

So boys and girls, make sure you don't re-use passwords all over of God's green earth, or this might happen to you! :-)

 

Take care,

Rob T