On line dating vents and laughs......

[RobFTC]

am  supposed to get offline fall in love and give him my money????

 

Well, now that you mention it, yeah, they would love this :-)

 

When you think of these folks, imagine a packed little boiler room of scammers. I get likes and winks from the 28-32 year old women's profiles with the lovely pics and the Gmail accounts tortured into the description or stamped onto one of the photos.  (Like someone aged 30 would work for me!)  I laugh at the thought of the slimy little guys hoping for a good nibble.  Just curse them like us poor folks living in the US curse political canvassers, and you'll be in the right mood! :-)

 

Take care,

Rob T

[Needytoo]

I have two guys that right now driving me a little nuts.

 

First guy I have chatted with for a long time, he stood me up once for a coffee date. Every couple weeks,he sends me a message. I don't get it.

This other guy I really don't know what to think.I swear he is always online. Why? Doesn't he have a life outside online dating sites?  A year ago he chatted with me and ghosted and now I am his best friend? I don't get it.  Really trying to be open, but I am finding it hard.

 

Might need a break soon.

[First Widow]

Thanks for the research Klim!  I've been doing my own research the past week with non pic profiles on 4 different sites.  I'm convinced some of the messages I got right away were fake members to get me to pay the monthly fee. LOL  Match even appeared to like other members for me.  Any recommendations on the best site?

[arneal]

That's funny, klim!

[RobFTC]

Hey First Widow,

 

I have always liked the features on match.com, and I have found it much better on results this go-round.  I have a better profile and (especially) pics, and I am more playful in my approach.  I find that okcupid.com just doesn't have very many people, and using pof.com on the web is so sad that I don't want to be there despite the good numbers (though the app sucks much less).  I hate hate hate the swiping apps (Tinder and Bumble) - all my time there has gone into a black hole no matter what I do, even as uptake of the apps has gone way up in my somewhat-sparse area.  I clearly don't have the Twitter-style mojo for those sites.

 

Needytoo, IMO any serious guy should stop messaging and make a date, almost not EVER break it (is someone bleeding?), and he should make it clear if he's interested.  If he doesn't want to meet, he could be married, but wtf do you even care?  I believe that decent people also let you know kindly if you're not the one - I did that the other day after two dates with a nice woman who just wasn't "it" for me.  I know guys don't always feel the need to do that until the relationship is further along, but I don't like that.

 

Take care,

Rob T

[calimom]

Thanks for the research Klim!  I've been doing my own research the past week with non pic profiles on 4 different sites.  I'm convinced some of the messages I got right away were fake members to get me to pay the monthly fee. LOL  Match even appeared to like other members for me.  Any recommendations on the best site?

 

Firstwidow:

Learn from others here. There are wonderful women who, for whatever reason, who: A) engage with obvious online scammers. (it is a complete waste of time); and B) engage with men who are not right for them.

 

There is a lot to be said for the *delete* feature, and the *ignore* feature. Neither are as entertaining as the stories you might tell, but it will be far more productive to focus on what you ARE looking for than what you ARE NOT looking for. Like everyone, your mileage might vary, but the best advice is to move forward into your new life with what's going to work for you, whether you're looking for marriage or simply a nice person to spend time with.

 

Wishing you luck and most importantly - lots of fun!

[Forgottenwife]

Any recommendations on the best site?

 

I found my Chapter 2 on OkCupid. I think it depends on the area you live in, and what works best for you. I liked the easy interface and being able to see how well we matched up on important issues.

[Portside]

 

  Any recommendations on the best site?

 

 

Also, there are many niche sites that cater to rather narrow slices of folks looking for a match - perhaps one of them may be for you. If you are a woman of faith - look for a site specializing in your area of comfort. There are sites for farmers, engineers, gardeners, bakers, etc., etc., etc.

 

Maybe check some of them out - you never know . . . . . I found my match on one.

 

Good luck - Mike

[imissdow]

First widow: it depends on where you live and who you are. My sister is dating a guy she met on match. I've done pof, OK Cupid, Christian mingle, eharmony, and briefly match. Christian mingle& eharmony don't seem to have enough people using them. Pof I got a bunch of guys looking for a hook up and couldn't hide or filter them out. I didn't care for that.  I probally should try paying for match, i didn't really give it much of a shot. I keep going back to OK Cupid I like that they ask questions and I can typically weed out the guys who are looking for a fling. I still get scammers and guys looking for a hook up but I use the hide and delete feature often. So after a bit it feels more my style.

[klim]

I think it might be slightly regional which is better and also the age demographics is different.

I'm  50 ish  and near Toronto and I find the best to be POF......but friends have liked Match. I thought eharmony wasn't any good at all. I've had minor success with tinder and okcupid, but feel like they are better for a younger crowd.

 

Of course these are recommendations from someone who hasn't really succeeded!

[arneal]

I agree with Portside's point about niche markets. I found my NG on a special site for interracial dating as I was looking to expand my horizons a bit.

[trying2breathe]

I did a halfway attempt at on-line dating, never posted any photos of myself and after a year, realized that absolutely nothing came of it.  Not much ventured, nothing gained.  I think it was more curiosity rather than really wanting to get out there.

 

 

Forward to now - last week I joined a dating/matchmaking service.  Members are vetted, profiles are posted and dates are arranged.  I attended a party, met some great people and made a couple of connections, met for dinner with one very handsome guy.  First attempt at dating - this handsome guy is still so damaged from his divorce ten years ago, it's sad.  This was probably one of the most depressing dates that I've ever been on.  It was a slap in the face to realize that it's so much more complicated now.  Ugghhh ...... hopefully some better stories to come.

[Guest nonesuch]

Getting you off the dating site is so the dating site can't monitor the communication when he asks for money.

[arneal]

nonesuch - yes, for scammers! I ran into a bunch of those before NG, particularly those who didn't live close to me. What was weird to me was that they didn't want to use texting as often as they wanted to use one of those video chat apps. Ew! How old are you? How about we text or actually talk to one another instead of using some app with lots of colors and emojis?

 

NG and I used the site to message one another. We seemed to hit it off and he lives about 40 minutes from me. I suggested we should have coffee or lunch to continue the conversation and he agreed. Posted his real mobile # to me. I sent him the Sideline # I used for dating purposes and he called me. We talked for about an hour + and set up a lunch date for two days later. We were there for 3 + hours that day. We are in month six now

[imissdow]

So on a whim this week I got on OK Cupid. I'm surprised I remembered my password I haven't been on for almost a year, and that was only briefly. So I updated my profile that was at least 3 years old. Started e-mailing a guy, seemed very nice. Said something about meeting him and come to the realization I have no time. The only nights of the week I am ever free are Saturday and Sunday evenings. Typically if there's nothing planned (about50% of the time) I go out with my DDs or run errands and do chores. So actually I'm to busy to date.  I filled up my schedule so I could make new friends and cope with being single. Yet, if I want to date I need to free up some time. Thus also meaning I will probally be home more often. How does one handle this. At the moment I'm committed to all this stuff for the rest of the school year. I could get out of 2 things but that would succeed in freeing up 1 evening , I really enjoy all of it so it's not like I want out of any of it.  Guess to be fair I need to not get online.

[tybec]

Imissdow,

 

I think you should chat with some possible prospects. If someone is interesting, you find a way in your schedule which are weekend nights.  If something happens, you will change schedule.  If not, you are doing things you enjoy.  Win/win.  ;D

[arneal]

imissdow - you popped in there for a reason Chances are, you are curious about what dating might offer you in addition to what you're doing. Filling time is very different than spending time. Many folks on those sites are busy in one way or another. As tybec said, chat up a few people. A person who has no hobbies or activities becomes needy, quick, and that's a turn-off. We prioritize what we want; having a full schedule is great because if you meet someone who isn't worth your time, you have plenty of reasons not to see them again  ;D

[Needytoo]

I totally understand where you are coming from imissdow.  I had a jam packed schedule and when these guys ask me out, usually with very short warning I had to say no.  Most of them ghosted soon after that.  I can see their point who would want to date someone that is always busy.  Due to a change with relationship status with some friends I now seem to have more free time on my hands, but now I can't seem to land even a request for coffee.  It is good to have alone time but mine is starting to get a little too much.  I have joined some committees at work but still it not filling my time.  Really trying to decide what my next step should be. Should I volunteer, join a social club, try a matchmaker etc. I don't want to get back to where I was insanely busy either.  Not sure why life balancing is so hard. 

[trying2breathe]

imissdow  I get it too, not much time to spare when a date comes up.  And it's a balancing act to decide whether it's worth it to cancel plans, or go with the date.  I'm just getting into this game again, and surprised that so far have had very little notice when asked out.  Makes it even more difficult to try to get together. 

[momtokam]

"If you want to meet me down here we can hang out at my place I can meet you I can come out and get you so you feel safe."

 

Thank you....What a perfect way to make me feel safe for a very first meeting. 😕

[momtokam]

Imissdow,

 

I believe for the right person, we can figure out how to make the time. It's the steps leading up to that point that can be the hardest.

 

Why can't Mr Right just land at my door step already?  Is that too much to ask? 😁

[arneal]

With the holidays coming it might be  bit easier in that many have a day or two when work is closed. That's how NG and I had our first meet up. It was about half way between our homes on Memorial Day Monday. Something to consider, friends!

[First Widow]

"If you want to meet me down here we can hang out at my place I can meet you I can come out and get you so you feel safe."

 

Thank you....What a perfect way to make me feel safe for a very first meeting. 😕

 

Oh my, momtokam! LOL

 

I'm having a hard time believing anything anyone says to on these sites so this may not work out for me.  I finally replied to one guy and in the next message he's asking for my phone number and telling me he is available during the day.  :  Isn't that code for I'm actually married and don't want my wife to find out? 

[arneal]

First - might he work at night? Hoping 😉

[RobFTC]

I finally replied to one guy and in the next message he's asking for my phone number and telling me he is available during the day.  :  Isn't that code for I'm actually married and don't want my wife to find out?

 

Could be, but this work-from-home tech guy finds it nice to break out of my work day to meet someone, and the solo parent likes that it can't effect time with my daughters.  It might be nice to see if you get a corroborating clue before deciding.  Of course, they are supposed to know I'm widowed.

 

Take care,

Rob T