klim Posted August 25, 2016 Share Posted August 25, 2016 Oh I agree on a date you just have to let the conversation flow...be yourself.... I was more talking about the text you send through the online dating site....the opening line as they say. To see if you want to converse on the phone or meet. "I like you're profile, how was your weekend?" .....only takes you so far. Thanks for the ideas this or that sounds like a fun thing to use. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mrskro Posted August 25, 2016 Share Posted August 25, 2016 Klim; I'm right there with you. My last few conversations have gone that way. Hey, how was your weekend/day/night/? - Great, I did x, what about you? - Oh it was good thanks. - and then "when can we meet?" The last guy I asked, why would you want to meet? We've exchanged a handful of meaningless messages. You haven't even attempted to engage in a conversation. I'm thinking I'm doing this online thing wrong, but I have no desire to get ready and go meet someone that can't be bothered to actually try and converse first. I don't have a lot of free time to just go meet someone that I may have nothing in common with. Is it normal for guys (and I'm sure the guys can say the same about women) to rush right too it? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
arneal Posted August 25, 2016 Share Posted August 25, 2016 MrsKro -- I think it depends. There are the creeps who say all sorts of things and then there's, for lack of a better way of putting it, chemistry of some sort. NG and I chatted online for about 15 minutes and I suggested we meet up for lunch because the chats were flowing. That was the first time we 'met' via the online site. We exchanged phone numbers, he called, and we talked and made actual plans. So far, it's going well and we're about three months in since that first face to face meeting that we scheduled for two or three days after the online chat and initial phone contact. I don't know how typical that is. However, the first guy I chatted with online and exchanged numbers with was one of those creeps. We had even talked about meeting, which would have meant I was going to travel. So glad I wasn't able to really consider it! I think the online chat or text thing is fine but I need to hear a voice. Can we make conversation? What's it like? It will be awkward because we don't know each other, but what do we make of it and do we both feel like a face to face will be cool? Be your most authentic self. Sure, look good and smell good, but don't go out of your way to be something you aren't. If bubbly isn't your style, don't try it. You'll be able to pick up on whether he is putting on airs for you too Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RobFTC Posted August 25, 2016 Share Posted August 25, 2016 Is it normal for guys (and I'm sure the guys can say the same about women) to rush right too it? I prefer to get the full experience in person. I figure I can know some details about a woman from the profile, and so I have an idea whether meeting would likely be interesting or not, and my preference is to just make that happen without too many days of messaging. I don't have to worry about filtering out creepers, I have only had a couple of women turn out to be so bad I wished I hadn't taken the time. Your mileage varies, of course. I am happy to message for awhile before meeting, and happy to get on the phone before meeting as well. There's a countervailing risk that the person will chat your leg off and waste time without ever intending to meet. I have had that happen, and won't stay in orbit for that long if I see it heading that way. Take care, Rob T Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SemperFidelis Posted August 26, 2016 Share Posted August 26, 2016 Interesting to hear different perspectives on questioning, and how soon to meet. I didn't ever understand the introductory message of "how's it going?" or "how was your weekend?" call me crazy but I find those to be sort of personal questions, because we have no clue what's going on in each other's personal lives.....and especially being a widow there's just a lot of stuff not ideal for first date discussion.....and I'm not one for pat empty exchanges. That's just me. I would rather share those kind of casual exchanges once mutual and genuine care and interest has been established. Then it feels more meaningful. I like to get the nitty gritty of someone's life....I ask lots and lots of questions(but not hypothetical imaginary stuff.....more like questions about family relations, values, life experiences)so I can construct an image of who this person is. And I will repeat questions later down the road to check for consistency. Ch2 and I waited two weeks to meet....which was a bit long for both of us but it's what our schedules permitted. We got a lot of texting in, in the meantime. Not into the phone conversation thing...... I don't have a good auditory memory so I really rely on a combination of clear words(text) and on nonverbal body language..... Having the visual feedback helps me remember what someone says too.......and HOW they said it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Captains wife Posted August 29, 2016 Share Posted August 29, 2016 Ok - this is a new one. Texted with a man on Match for a bit. He was a fair bit outside my age range but he seemed a gentleman and from his profile we seemed to have a bit in common. So then silence - which is fine as there are plenty of fish in the sea. But then just heard from him again and his text goes something like- Hi, know I haven't been in touch but was thinking about things and have some concerns about you living an hour south of the city. So - why don't you convince me why I should date you given the distance ? 😳 Oh boy- next ! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
momtokam Posted August 29, 2016 Author Share Posted August 29, 2016 Ok - this is a new one. Texted with a man on Match for a bit. He was a fair bit outside my age range but he seemed a gentleman and from his profile we seemed to have a bit in common. So then silence - which is fine as there are plenty of fish in the sea. But then just heard from him again and his text goes something like- Hi, know I haven't been in touch but was thinking about things and have some concerns about you living an hour south of the city. So - why don't you convince me why I should date you given the distance ? 😳 Oh boy- next ! Thank you so much for contacting me again after your quiet spell. I so appreciate it as you have now CONVINCED me why I should NOT date you! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
momtokam Posted August 29, 2016 Author Share Posted August 29, 2016 Here is one from last month... Him- Has it been a while Me- Seriously? Not long enough! Him- Dam your lucky (his spelling) Him- You do have nice legs I really need a face palm emoji! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
arneal Posted August 29, 2016 Share Posted August 29, 2016 I am over here cracking up about the face palm emoji! So, help me understand why people think such statements as 'convince me' and 'you do have nice legs' after writing something weird is going to make the reader swoon?! I am very confused. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SemperFidelis Posted August 29, 2016 Share Posted August 29, 2016 Sunshine.....good grief. That's all I can say for now, lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fairlanegirl Posted August 30, 2016 Share Posted August 30, 2016 But then I was stopped short when I read the next sentence: “...oh and I'm not attracted to BBW's or "very" over weight women..I prefer thin, athletic built women but if you think you have curves in the right places, I will take a look.” I totally get that we all have our preferences (he was a man of some size himself), and have a sense of attraction at a chemical and visual level, what does it for some and what doesn’t for others, and I don't judge, but I was so stunned when I thought of all the women reading that - - any woman who has any grain of self-esteem and self-respect is never going to (should never) send photos of herself to anyone so her body can be judged by anyone to determine if her “curves are in the right places.” Seriously? That is just so offensive and demeaning to all women. That is where he lost me. So he's basically a fat bloke supremely confident that hordes of thin, athletic women are going to find him irresistible. Good luck with that, mate. Buwahahaha. At least he's honest, in an odd, dodging-a-bullet sort of way. Something tells me not many larger women are going to state a preference for a thin, athletic guy and demand to check out bits of his anatomy though... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
momtokam Posted August 30, 2016 Author Share Posted August 30, 2016 Oh boy SunshineFL.....Don't hog this guy all for yourself now! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
arneal Posted August 30, 2016 Share Posted August 30, 2016 fairlane -- you are spot on with that assessment! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Needytoo Posted September 1, 2016 Share Posted September 1, 2016 I have been lurking for awhile. Right now because of some other issues I am facing I decided to take down my online dating profiles. I might try speed dating, next event is Oct. 1. Hope someone is having success with it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
arneal Posted September 2, 2016 Share Posted September 2, 2016 Hope you are okay, Needy. I understand -- after my experience with the creep back in the spring, I put a halt to my online dating adventures. Be well! Hope you'll come back with good vibes from the speed dating event! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
momtokam Posted September 2, 2016 Author Share Posted September 2, 2016 I have been lurking for awhile. Right now because of some other issues I am facing I decided to take down my online dating profiles. I might try speed dating, next event is Oct. 1. Hope someone is having success with it. I hope everything is OK Needytoo. Sending you hugs. I have always wanted to try speed dating but never did. The one time I was booked to go, I ended up cancelling when someone I had just met felt threatened. Yes, that was a stupid move and my first sign that he was psycho! Enjoy it and let is know how it goes! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Needytoo Posted September 3, 2016 Share Posted September 3, 2016 Hi Arneal and momtokam. Going through some renovation nightmares, jerk I hired did a shit show of a job and everything has to be redone. Taken me two weeks to get a lawyer and I meet with her next week. In the mean time I hope we don't get a good rain fall or my basement might get flooded. So needless to say I am having a bit of a trust issue. I did before all of this mess did update my profile and made it less girly hippie and did get more responses. One guy did seem promising then I mentioned my weeping tile issue and he said he has his own issues and actually told me to F off. That is when I took down my profile. I haven't slept a whole night since this all started and started online therapy again. This therapist thinks I am so resilient, haha got him fooled. Got some more sleeping pills from the doctor and slept well last night. Sleep does a body good, doesn't it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
arneal Posted September 3, 2016 Share Posted September 3, 2016 Hugs, Needy! I hear you. My former husband (FH -- that's the term I've taken a liking to ...) was quite handy and taught me some of his tricks but it sucks to have to handle every household mishap alone. I hope you meet someone who isn't concerned about his 'own issues'. Ew. Not worth your time if he can't even offer a bit of consolation to a lady trying to keep a house together. NG is a technician and is dying to rewire my audio systems -- cracks me up because the way FH did it quick and easy, not trying to hide any wires, which is the way I would have done it on my own as well. I had an issue with my garage door opener a couple months back; it just gave out. Thought I'd have to scrape up more cash that I didn't have to fix it, but one of the days he was here was an on-call weekend so he had some tools. He got up on the ladder, checked it out, and discovered I had a dead outlet. One extension cord later and it worked. A bit of time went by and I thanked him for fixing it and he commented that he'd found the problem but hadn't fixed it; I had to remind him that where I come from, fixing means whatever you did to get it to work. I think he liked that. You are resilient, my friend. I wrote something about that on my facebook feed today; we are fragile but the other side of that coin is resiliency. It's there -- sometimes it's just not as strong as we'd like Once you get to a place where you are happy (or at least not worried!) about your personal space, you may feel like getting back in the dating ring. In the meantime, take care of yourself. And pop in here to chuckle at our stories Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RobFTC Posted September 3, 2016 Share Posted September 3, 2016 One guy did seem promising then I mentioned my weeping tile issue and he said he has his own issues and actually told me to F off. What??? Good Lord, some people's children. Take care, Rob T Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Virgo Posted September 4, 2016 Share Posted September 4, 2016 Needytoo, I bet he was assuming that you were just looking for a guy to fix things around the house. His response was a very rude, immature, overreaction though. Delete...next!! I'm not online dating, but wanted to share that I have a date tonight. This was very unexpected! Long story short, I've been dating two guys off and on. I decided to take a two week break from both, and have. I recently had to buy a new dishwasher. There was an issue with the outlet. I asked a friend, former electrician, if he could help me. Last Sunday he said he would drop by, but he bailed. I haven't heard from him since, not surprised. Another friend, also a former electrician, offered to look at it. He came by Wednesday and fixed it. He mentioned that he got a divorce last October. I had no idea. Obviously it had been awhile since we had talked. I had plans that evening to see live music at a local bar. I messaged him from the bar that I would have to take him out sometime for drinks. He asked when. I mentioned that I usually have Wednesday and Friday evenings to myself. In fact, I was out now. Anyway, he ended up dropping by. We had a great time. He said he should personally thank the installer for messing with the dishwasher outlet, and the guy that bailed on me. Then he asked me if I wanted to go out Friday. We did! Now we're going out again tonight. It's unexpected because I have known him for a long time. I've never really thought about him this way. He's not the type of guy I would normally be attracted to, but he's a great guy. For those of you that don't know, my LH was a K9 officer. NG is a detective at the same police department. Right now we are just two people enjoying each other's company. If we start dating the fact that he works for the same PD might make things awkward. Especially for him. Side note: he told me about his Match experiences, hilarious!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
arneal Posted September 4, 2016 Share Posted September 4, 2016 Good for you, Virgo. As an aside, many years after my dad died, my mom began a relationship with a man who was our neighbor when I was growing up. Talk about potentially messy -- he had been a friend of my dad's and before my mom had been living with a woman she had worked with for years. It started as a friendship between two widowed people and now they are involved. It can happen and work out. Forget what people say; my pastor just said it today -- people will talk about you, so let them Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Virgo Posted September 6, 2016 Share Posted September 6, 2016 Very true Arneal, people will talk. Well, we were together Wednesday, Friday, Sunday, yesterday, and today! There's just a mutual feeling of comfort and connection. It's nice. We did talk about the potential awkwardness, especially for him, if this turned out to be more than friendship. After talking we both agreed that we wanted to see where it was going. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
arneal Posted September 6, 2016 Share Posted September 6, 2016 Glad you are on the same page and hoping for the best for you both, Virgo! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
momtokam Posted September 7, 2016 Author Share Posted September 7, 2016 Needytoo, I'm sorry you have to deal with all this, and then that idiot and his ridiculous response...Geez! You are resilient....you are strong. Don't ever forget that! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
momtokam Posted September 7, 2016 Author Share Posted September 7, 2016 Sound great so far Virgo! Good luck! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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