Needytoo Posted May 17, 2017 Share Posted May 17, 2017 People do have an easy time opening up to me, I should have become a therapist instead. He is showing me a lot of attention with his texts (calling me at work), on one hand I guess I am enjoying it but other hand it feels weird. The brain just goes wild telling me stories. Guess I will suggest we get together again to get to know each other, but there will be no driving together in his car until I feel completely safe. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
arneal Posted May 17, 2017 Share Posted May 17, 2017 Needy -- your post here reminded me of my first face to face with NG; I arrived way early, backed into a near-front parking space, and I layed low behind the steering wheel. I had a bird's eye view of the front door to the place we were meeting, figuring I would be able to spot him and if I got a bad vibe, I could pull off quickly It made me feel much better doing that, as well as telling two friends I trust with my life what was going on. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Needytoo Posted May 17, 2017 Share Posted May 17, 2017 I went to a reiki treatment for our meet and greet. I hope we can get together in a safe spot to get to know each other if not I am alright with it. Did an online course "fix your man picker". she actually had some good points. Focus your "must halves" more on feeling you want to have. She also recommended when reading men's online profile to remember it is a man writing them. If you find three things you like (don't focus on anything you don't like) then it might be worth sending him a message. Interesting. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
arneal Posted May 17, 2017 Share Posted May 17, 2017 Sounds like a great course, Needy! One thing that I once read that included great advice for women seeking to date a man: women typically do not think like men and vice versa. Don't judge based on your own space. Recognize there are different communication styles. Recognize he is probably just as freaked out by you as you are by him. Take the date for what it's worth and don't try to project what tomorrow might bring; on the same note, if he doesn't call or text immediately, don't think the Titanic has sunk -- most men don't obsess over all this like women do (does he like me? will he call to go out again? did he think I looked fat?) lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Love2fish Posted May 17, 2017 Share Posted May 17, 2017 f he doesn't call or text immediately, don't think the Titanic has sunk -- This. Some men are literacy challenged and you will never get a complete thought out of a text message from them. There are worthwhile men who who never had need of writing skills ( I'm speaking to pre-millenials now). Having a sophisticated smart phone is no guarantee of sophisticated thoughts. Then there are guys (I think I am one of these) who are literate but have a healthy aversion to too much texting. Allow me a little rant here please? I had a year+ long relationship with a woman who just had to text several times/day. About important stuff. We had more problems arise as a result of misinterpretation than I can recall without trauma. Our relationship ended with a heartbreak for each of us because of misinterpretation. You must talk IRL to be understood! Here is another story from a meet & greet that I think is hilarious. I usually gave my real name and cell phone # to a woman just before the M&G. I did not ask for her number in return unless a second date was called for. We had agreed to meet the next night when I gave her my # through POF. In the next 18 hours I got over 20 text messages from her. : Her final text was just to let me know she knew that I lived some distance and she was not tied down to where she now lives. TMI and TMT (too much texting) Thanks, I needed to get that off my chest. Please keep this thread alive Needy. We are all living vicariously through your adventure. When I was doing M&Gs all my friends did so through me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Needytoo Posted May 17, 2017 Share Posted May 17, 2017 Sure Love2fish I will keep the thread alive. Remember I said this guy was texting me a lot. This morning he sent me a message through the dating site. I thought it was different but I replied. He just asked me my name using the dating site. ??? (Good thing I took the "fix your man picker course) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
arneal Posted May 17, 2017 Share Posted May 17, 2017 Love2fish -- so appreciate your rant! I saw a meme on social media of a woman who comes home to her signif; she is all mad and begins to tell him how tough her day was and that she was irritated he hadn't texted her all day. He replies that he knew she was busy. She responds that hearing from him would have helped alleviate her irritation about work. I stopped watching there, wondering if this was real life for some people. Don't get me wrong: a well-placed text message is a lift. However, if I'm under deadline and have enough work on my plate to last until 9 pm, a 'what are you doing I was thinking of you' text is not going to get the loving response to the sentiment with which it was sent. And I'm a woman feeling like that. My NG has a demanding job and is not one for a bunch of texting, so I can only imagine how weird he would find such behavior :o Okay, my rant is over now too ;D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Love2fish Posted May 17, 2017 Share Posted May 17, 2017 You must have exchanged names at the M&G right Needy2 ? He was so excited when he met you that his brain overloaded. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Needytoo Posted May 18, 2017 Share Posted May 18, 2017 That must be the reason. Trying to stay open. :-X Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RobFTC Posted May 18, 2017 Share Posted May 18, 2017 Then there are guys (I think I am one of these) who are literate but have a healthy aversion to too much texting. I'm another. I got so sideways with a woman a few years ago just from texting that I couldn't go through doors normally for awhile. That one refused to talk on the phone when texting got weird, which I should have noted as a red flag. Text messages are great for simple logistics or to keep in touch at a distance, but it's not a replacement for better forms of communication. Take care, Rob T Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Julester3 Posted May 18, 2017 Share Posted May 18, 2017 I think nothing replaces good old fashioned talking person to person but however LH and I developed a text/chat culture. He was often on call in meetings and was a consultant so it'd be easier when he'd drop short texts when he had something on his mind and he couldn't call me directly. I do a lot of documentation work so I am on a computer a lot so it was just handy. I'm finding I'm meeting both types of men - those who text and those who do not text much. It's definitely something to figure out with new people. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
arneal Posted May 18, 2017 Share Posted May 18, 2017 Wow! Just saw a news story about a man who filed a lawsuit against his date for the price of a movie ticket. They met online and when they met to see the movie, he says she was texting the whole time. When he asked her to stop, she went outside the theatre to text and never came back. The manager of the theatre wants to give the man a gift card to drop the suit. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BrokenHeart2 Posted May 18, 2017 Share Posted May 18, 2017 This world is going nuts! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Julester3 Posted May 18, 2017 Share Posted May 18, 2017 That is crazy. The lady was rude but still! Crazy! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Love2fish Posted May 18, 2017 Share Posted May 18, 2017 It sure is crazy. He's only suing for $17.31, the cost of the ticket. Why not include the loss of comfort from the children they will never have now? BTW .. A movie is a lousy idea for a meet & greet anyway. She should countersue for dating malpractice. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
arneal Posted May 18, 2017 Share Posted May 18, 2017 Love2 -- ;D ;D ;D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Needytoo Posted May 19, 2017 Share Posted May 19, 2017 Could you imagine being sued for a price of a movie ticket, just adding pressure to the dating scene? My Tommy Texter is back full force. He asked me out, I said yes and then he said: "lets play it by ear". Huh? Have started chatting with some other guys. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
arneal Posted May 19, 2017 Share Posted May 19, 2017 Wow, Needy. Yeah, I think it's time to kick Tommy to the curb. It's almost like he's angling ... throw bait to see where you are in the pond; if you aren't hooked, he figures he can come back and bait you again later. Ew. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Needytoo Posted May 20, 2017 Share Posted May 20, 2017 I understand restarting in the dating game is scary to most of us. I try to be a free spirit but honestly, I do better when plans are set. I am not sitting at home waiting for him. Has anyone tried Zoosk? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Julester3 Posted May 21, 2017 Share Posted May 21, 2017 My 7th stand up, but why am I bothering counting anymore? What is with men 40-50? I quit on free sites. I am considering going in with a paid matchmaker service. Too many games, no simple common courtesy, very crass men out there. I think this is a sign that I'm not meant to have anyone else. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RobFTC Posted May 21, 2017 Share Posted May 21, 2017 I do better when plans are set. If you don't have day, time and activity set, you don't have a plan and I don't think you have a date. Rob T Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
trying2breathe Posted May 21, 2017 Share Posted May 21, 2017 Julester What is it about non-committal guys these days? I'm a member of a matchmaking service, have had some success with it but there are guys there also that say they're interested and then don't commit to getting together. In 5 months of sharing profiles, not one has followed through in a date with me. Thinking that I had a lousy profile, I asked other women members and they have had the same experience with guys not following through. When meeting these same guys in person at a dating event - yes, the very same ones, that's when I get asked out. I think that it's easy to hide behind a profile, look at photos, read the description, and then not act on it. Social media and dating sites have screwed up the dating process, in my opinion. The options seem endless, in reality it's a very different story. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Needytoo Posted May 21, 2017 Share Posted May 21, 2017 Julester I just deleted my Match account, for some reason it isn't very active in my area, lots of unpaid members on it. I have no idea why these guys are doing what they are doing, but I am sure there are women who are standing up men as well. Why are there so many afraid people? You are so right Rob, I guess it really isn't a date. I am really trying to show this guy some patience, but he is also coming off to me as a very cheap. I have been offered a ride in his truck, and a bonfire in his back yard. He is 60 years old and that is the only thing he can think of? He is always showing he is online on POF and if I slip onto the site he instantly sends me a message. Today I am having lunch with another single lady. She wants to start dating again but doesn't want to try online dating so we are going to sign up for speed dating. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Julester3 Posted May 21, 2017 Share Posted May 21, 2017 A divorced mom friend suggested speed dating as well. I need to look into it. I'm much less annoyed today, after all it is a new day. I was also on POF. I deleted my upgraded account last night though I paid for 2 months. I chalk it up as a learned lesson. I know my self value and I know what love looks like and what makes a good relationship. Them trying to convince me that sex is nothing and needs to be given on a first date shows me they know absolutely nothing. I am an educated woman and I need stimulation. They are crass and can't seduce me with their cheap talk. Just crudely telling me how they like sex has no impact on me. Their loss is my ability to maintain my self respect. I have moral and values even though I accept I am a sensual person with needs. I had sensed there is very little there. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
arneal Posted May 21, 2017 Share Posted May 21, 2017 Julester -- I think some of what you see is the fallout from those who don't have that self-respect. They make a bad name for the rest. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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