RobFTC Posted April 8, 2017 Share Posted April 8, 2017 Hi folks, I should pitch in here. As the guy I am now, I would not rush to kiss on a first date, and not doing so is more about not getting ahead of myself than lack of interest. I would not typically set up a date while on a date, I would arrange that awhile later, so I knew what I wanted to do and had some time to plan it without being distracted by your presence; again, not setting up a date on a date would not be evidence of non-interest. I would generally try to limit texting to logistics, rather than being really chatty. And I too would be looking for signs of interest to gauge my pace. I would absolutely show interest if I had interest, and I would absolutely follow through with everything I promised. Some of these things are new behaviours for me as a result of reading. Guys can rush into failure, and fighting that impulse and taking time seems worth it from recent experience. I was burned to the point of being crispy by moving too fast and having the wrong kinds of communications via text messages two-plus years ago, and after some processing time I finally reoriented my mindset last year to prevent a repeat. Now I get to make fresh mistakes, right? Take care, Rob T Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
arneal Posted April 8, 2017 Share Posted April 8, 2017 Thanks Rob! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kjs1989 Posted April 8, 2017 Share Posted April 8, 2017 That is a great reply, Rob. It kind of reminds me of how NG proceeded. He simply said he had a great time, hugged me and said he would like to do it again soon. He left it at that. He called a couple of days later with an invite to a blues concert. I liked how it played out. No kissy kissy, just a nice hug and a genuine expression of enjoying the evening. It gave me time to think and regroup a bit, too, so that when he called I was truly ready and happy to hear from him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
First Widow Posted April 8, 2017 Share Posted April 8, 2017 Another thank you to Rob. I may have learned more reading that post than I did in some of my college classes. LOL Realizing I've probably done the same "moving too fast and having the wrong kinds of communications via text" with my first online dating adventure so if this doesn't work out I'll be back for Rob's master class. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Momtojandj Posted April 9, 2017 Share Posted April 9, 2017 It's happened again . Date the other night , awesome time , chemistry. He reached out , scheduled date for yesterday but then called to change to today , he had his son last night . Then I get a text this am ... hey there , I forgot I promised to do something with my mom . So sorry . I swear I give ...this was the second time from online that something like this happened . I don't usually have good first online dates ,when I meet people in real life , I have managed to date them. Online ? I give ! Very very sad , it shouldn't be this hard. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
klim Posted April 10, 2017 Share Posted April 10, 2017 that's no fun Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
momtokam Posted April 10, 2017 Author Share Posted April 10, 2017 I'm sorry....😔 Maybe he will redeem himself. Don't message him first though. Mr Bumble took until tonight to contact me after our Thursday lunch. We now have a date set up for next week. I told Mr Tinder that he wasn't for me. I knew it was the right thing to do. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Momtojandj Posted April 10, 2017 Share Posted April 10, 2017 Momtokam, Good luck on date two... I was curious so I downloaded bumble... I don't understand it yet .. but I'll try lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
momtokam Posted April 10, 2017 Author Share Posted April 10, 2017 Thanks Momtojandj. 😊 It will be date 3 actually, or 4 if we squeeze in another lunch this week. Bumble is exactly like tinder except that when you get a match, the woman has to be the 1st to communicate and it must be within 24hrs. It's hit or miss, just like the rest. I see many of the same faces! Have fun with it. 😁 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
arneal Posted April 10, 2017 Share Posted April 10, 2017 Right, First Widow? I wish I'd seen a post like this before my first online dating experience Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Love2fish Posted April 12, 2017 Share Posted April 12, 2017 May this post serve as my introduction to your group? I lost DW almost 5 years ago. For way too much of the last 4+ years I have been online dating. I am seeing someone now who I introduce as "My last girlfriend." Wish me luck I am introducing myself in this thread because dating has been so much of my life for these last years. All my best stories are about dating. Thank you all for sharing in this 80+ pages of wisdom. As others have already said "I wish I'd seen this before I started dating!! ;D ;D ;D ;D Love2fish Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
momtokam Posted April 12, 2017 Author Share Posted April 12, 2017 Welcome Love2fish. Wishing all the luck that she is your last girlfriend. This on line dating thing is definitely not easy but very entertaining at times! I'm sure you have more to add here from your experience. I started this thread out of frustration but it has evolved to much more, bringing a few laughs as well, along with some good wisdom! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Love2fish Posted April 12, 2017 Share Posted April 12, 2017 snip... Ghosting is just weird and not nice. You are right that ghosting is weird and not nice. And I confess that I was guilty more than once. I will try to explain why that happened without excusing my bad manners. I usually was chatting with 2 or 3 ladies at a time (Match, POF, Seniorsmeet) and doing one or two M&Gs /week. If we had a week of 'getting to know you' messages I would want to meet you. If I turned into a ghost this may be the why. What happened might have been due to simple geography. If I had to choose between meeting several ladies it often came down to something mundane like who lived closer or in the town I'll be driving through next week. The right thing to do would be to tell you, as 1st runner up, the whole story. But what if there is no chemistry with the lady who lived closer? Then I would want to meet you as 1st runner up. But if I told you the 'whole story' already you might feel insulted and not want to give me a second chance. I had that happen for real. So sometimes I was just trying not to burn a bridge. I probably had two or three dates with the other lady before swiping left. It was cowardly and inconsiderate of me not to follow through with you. That is not how I usually did things but it happened and I still feel some guilt. :-[ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Momtojandj Posted April 21, 2017 Share Posted April 21, 2017 So I've decided to take a self imposed break from all online. My self esteem sadly keeps taking a beating on there. The amount of dates I've gone on and that they guy flakes or no interest, has been too much. I know the odds of meeting someone in the real world is tough, but I need to regroup and maybe put my toes back in online at some point . However I have thought to post on Facebook , offering a reward for getting introduced to someone nonmarried, non psycho and interesting . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Portside Posted April 21, 2017 Share Posted April 21, 2017 . . . offering a reward for getting introduced to someone nonmarried, non psycho and interesting. Two out of three seems to be most everyone's experience. ;D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Forgottenwife Posted April 21, 2017 Share Posted April 21, 2017 So I've decided to take a self imposed break from all online. My self esteem sadly keeps taking a beating on there. The amount of dates I've gone on and that they guy flakes or no interest, has been too much. I know the odds of meeting someone in the real world is tough, but I need to regroup and maybe put my toes back in online at some point . However I have thought to post on Facebook , offering a reward for getting introduced to someone nonmarried, non psycho and interesting . I remember all of this, and I would take breaks from online dating sometimes too. The first couple of unkind rejections really stung. But I was lucky to understand quickly that those rejections really didn't have anything to do with me at all and it is not indicative of the person that I am. I quickly learned it wasn't personal. I feel ya, it can be difficult to meet genuine people when you are dating. I don't know about Facebook, but I don't see anything wrong with letting friends and neighbors know you are interested in getting to know available, single men and you welcome their introductions to the best candidates they know! That is a great way to meet people. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
momtokam Posted April 22, 2017 Author Share Posted April 22, 2017 I totally get it MJJ. It can get very frustrating at times. Take your break and maybe you will feel up to it at a later date. I've had a few offers to introduce me to people they know but it never really materializes. When I asked for an update once, they said they didn't want to feel bad if it went south. I'm a grownup, I can handle it! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Needytoo Posted April 22, 2017 Share Posted April 22, 2017 I have taken so many breaks from online dating. I am putting the word out there that I would like to start to date, a few say they know single men but so far nothing. I am not renewing my subscription for Match, just not enough current members in my area. Still on POF. I have to say I am getting better recognizing the guys who are just out there to waste your time. It has been at least a year since I have actually gone on a coffee date. All the guys I have met previously were definitely not a good match for me. Chatting with a few guys and one hopefully we will meet next week. They are all older but I trying to keep open. Even signed up for another online dating workshop. I need some inspiration and hopefully this will help. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
arneal Posted April 22, 2017 Share Posted April 22, 2017 Anyone tried speed dating? I have seen a few ads on Groupon (yeah, right??) in my area. momto -- those flakes and rejections ... take them as you have: learning experiences. I think we've all been there. Once you take your break and decide to get back out there, consider checking some of the free sites as well and set it up to include people in your local area (or as far out as you are willing to travel). I found a very wonderful date on a free site who was close by. This tends to be more likely if you live in or near a larger region, urban area, or well-populated suburban area. Hugs! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
momtokam Posted April 23, 2017 Author Share Posted April 23, 2017 Arneal, here is my post on my speed dating adventure back in December. http://widda.org/index.php/topic,2914.msg35075.html#msg35075 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
momtokam Posted April 23, 2017 Author Share Posted April 23, 2017 NT, I found that many of the same men are on both the paid and free sites. Hopefully the ones you are talking to will at least materialize into coffee dates. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
arneal Posted April 23, 2017 Share Posted April 23, 2017 That sounds neat, momto. What happened after? Any updates? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
momtokam Posted April 23, 2017 Author Share Posted April 23, 2017 #15 never matched with me. It was still an entertaining evening. I might try it again one day. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Love2fish Posted April 23, 2017 Share Posted April 23, 2017 This actually happened today. I got a phone call from local # that I did not recognize. Hello Oh, hello. Is this ***? Yes. I'm ***. My name is ****. I don’t think I know you. I don’t think I know you either ****, that makes us even. But I hope you know what this call is about. You are in my phone so I’m trying to figure out if I should delete your number. Did you know my husband? No I’m pretty sure I did not know your husband. Have you been dating ****? if you have there is a good chance we had a meet & greet. I usually gave my number to women before we met so they could google me. I should add that I am seeing someone now. Good for you! Is it OK if I delete your number from my phone? Yes **** I think it would be OK to delete my number. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
arneal Posted April 23, 2017 Share Posted April 23, 2017 Momto -- rats. I was hoping you were holding out on a connection story (hugs)! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Create an account or sign in to comment
You need to be a member in order to leave a comment
Create an account
Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!
Register a new accountSign in
Already have an account? Sign in here.
Sign In Now