The road less traveled, but perhaps it is avoided for good reason.

[gretchen437]

So recently I graduated from law school. I am scheduled to fail the bar exam in a few days (not pessimistic but rather everything else proves I will fail). About a month and a half ago, while extremely physically ill, I made a big decision. I am returning to my hometown(isn). When I got married and moved away, I swore I would never return. Now I am and the regret is sinking in.

 

I have always managed to take the hard route through life. I got married at 18 to my amazing husband. I had two children while traveling around and completing my undergraduate degree. My husband died half way through law school. I have trudged along, and completed my law degree while raising my children after he died. At graduation, I for once was on a normal path. I had a post graduate job lined up, and I was making connections in the legal community. For some reason I decided to throw it all away. I decided to move far away with no job lined up and very little possibility for a new job. I am becoming increasingly nervous about leaving the home my husband and I spent so much time together in. The home where he died.

 

At the time I decided to make the move, I was sick. Since my husband died I have barely gone a few weeks without some form of illness taking hold. I was miserable in my job and I hated the career path I was on. I also hated wasting so much of my life commuting back and forth between suburbia and city amenities. My hometown has plenty of family (none of which I particularly get along with, but that's a different story).

 

 

The choice was made for two main reasons: my children and my health. Since my husband died, I have bonded very closely with my children.I would do anything for them. In spite of myself, I must admit my hometown is a decent place to raise children. It has wonderful parks, community events, low crime, and great schools. We are moving into a house from an apartment, which includes us having a yard for the first time in a loooong time. Health wise, the community promotes a healthy lifestyle for the family through fitness classes and extremely fresh produce.

 

I wrote this up largely to help remind myself why I made the decision, but also ask for other opinions. I have essentially rejected financial and career security for the unknown. Right now the unknown is scaring the shit out of my logical self.

[Amor]

I am not sure if I will be of much help.  Taking the road less traveled has been an approach I am taking.  I am almost one year out.  But I have traveled over 3000 miles changed jobs, and had very little to do with logic.  My grief has not been very logical, driving miles and miles until I can no longer drive.  You will be lead to the right place that you need to be at the time and God will help you with the rest.  I wish you well in your new home!

Amor

[MikeR]

Amor,

 

With regard to our careers, everyone has their own definition of success. Some want money, or power, or prestige. Some want a good work environment or a job they enjoy more than they want a big salary. Whatever feels right to you IS right.

 

I made some job changes over my life, both before and after Cathryn died, that were seen by some as a step backward and for sure I gave up some salary when I made those changes. But the improvement in my quality of life was more than worth it. I never regretted the decisions for a second.

 

I think the same thing applies with your decision to move back home - sounds like you made a quality of life decision. Being closer to family (even if there is some friction) is probably also a good thing (well, it is to me - being Italian, family is a very important part of my life.)

 

I think the "logical" concerns you have will disappear if the decisions are ones that will make your life better (by your definition). Even if finances are a bit tighter, having a better quality of life will keep you healthier and happier. That will benefit your children, too.

 

If it helps, I think you made the right decision.

 

Mike

 

[maddalena]

i like your path.  take a deep breath.  you sound wise and resilient, you will find something, and since your kids are all you have left, they sound like a great thing to focus on.

[Gabzmom]

You know, it takes a lot of us awhile to figure out what's important.  I have come to realize the contests, etc. are not important to me in my current line of work.  I feel the relationships I have with my clients, my beautiful daughter, and my circle of friends are more important than climbing that stupid ladder. 

 

With that said, I have been re-assessing as well.  I am considering a change in my career.  Still thinking about it so not truly sure yet. 

 

I hear you, and I understand.  Success in life is not the almighty dollar.  It's doing what you love and being with those you love.  Hugs to you. You are doing a good job and it will all fall into place. 

[kjs1989]

I think you have made good, sound decision, and one for future stability, comfort, and safety for your kids. I have found if my kids are happy and content, I am okay, too. You may be surprised about the career opportunities in your hometown if you are open to possibilities. I grew up in a small town. Thinking about it, I know of several opportunities that would be ideal for someone with a law degree. You never know!

[mmg19]

You've made a good decision.  There is a reason your heart led you back to hometown and family.  My guess is it is your children.  When I think about mine  loosing one parent and I'm the one now to help them become successful adults, I know having the security of family is the choice I would make.

 

I starting a new career path in 2 weeks.  I've never taught school and my degree is not in education but after the loss of LH and needing to support myself and children, I prepared to take the leap.  The security of family close by and the life/work balance of education is the best choice I could ever make.  Money, prestige, and travel will never be possible.  But...there is a peace and contentment in my head and heart that makes it all worthwhile.

 

I'm sorry for all the illnesses you are dealing with and you sound like a woman on a mission to have accomplished this goal.  All the advantages you stated for the kids living in a small town are enough to see why you made this decision.  Good luck on the bar exam. 

[Virgo]

First, congratulations on graduating from law school! Good luck with your bar exam.

 

I agree that it sounds like the right decision for you and your children. You have obviously given it a lot of thought, so it's not a rash decision. We all fear the unknown, but we've all learned that there are no guarantees either. Life is ever-changing and we adapt to the changes.

[gretchen437]

Thank you all for the kind responses. Things have just been so chaotic that I really appreciated the supportive words. Thank you all for being so wonderful.

[BrokenHeart2]

The day before my DH died he said to me out of the blue "the only constant in life is change". He knew change was hard for me and this has resonated with me and helped to try to adapt with the constant change my life (all of our lives) has been since.

Sounds like you are focusing on the really important stuff right now and that is terrific. I hope your move brings comfort, peace and happiness to you and your family. Hugs

[Mizpah]

Hi Gretchen, I'm a lawyer AND I just (well, about 1 1/2 years ago) moved back to my hometown area.  Remember - you didn't have to do well on the bar, you just have to have passed (D = success! hahaha).  Thinking of you.  PM me anytime if you want.