Quiet

[Wheelerswife]

I think chat has generally been up and down ever since I came on board, gosh, almost 6 years ago.  I haven't been there in months, but there were months in my early days when I was there every night and there was a regular crowd.  Friday nights got really busy.  I doesn't tend to catch my thoughts these days.

 

Maureen

[Guest TooSoon]

I suppose one part of the solution here is for everyone to start posting and keep posting.  I can see others are trying and I've made an effort these past few days.  One thing I can guarantee a massive meltdown somewhere between 5-7 days after I get back from England next week and must start teaching immediately upon arrival.  The thought of another school year (as both a parent and a teacher) has me already in a state of panic (it is August and I'm already fearing the snow).

[Carey]

TS is so right.  Start posting, KEEP posting. The YWBB didn't invent itself overnight. Where do you think those hundreds and hundreds of posts came from ? Don't think what you have to say is irrelevant.  Take for instance that Gates of Hell thread at the other board.  It had been dormant for years when I stumbled on it and it rocked me like nothing else had since the day I became a widow. I NEEDED that post!! Whoever put it up years ago had no idea I'd stumble on it and cry tears of Oh MY GOD there are others, there SO MANY others that had this kind of relationship with their spouse, so many that watched addiction ruin their lives. I felt like an albatross. Until I read that.  So while you think what you have to say is not relevant now because I guess most of us here have been widowed at least a year or so ... you never know how you will bless someone years later. 

[jlp]

I had kind of noticed this, too, but I figured it was probably just because it's summer and people are busy.  That's probably some of it, but from reading the posts on this thread, it would appear that some of us are just having a hard time lately.  Sometimes it's hard to offer (or even ask for) encouragement when you're in a bad place.

 

I found ywbb about two weeks after DH's death, but didn't join for another couple of weeks.  Even then, I probably didn't post for several months, but read every day.  I agree, I think it will just take some time for this site to get more up to speed, but I think it will.

 

[Mizpah]

I agree - it seems lots of people further out are struggling and feel they have nothing to give.  It's unfortunate in a way, because for me personally (and I realize I'm just me and not representative) I always came here more when I was struggling, rather than when things were going well - I found I needed it/others more.  But, like I said, I put these thoughts out there more about the newer widows, who I think could really benefit from "early intervention" and finding others on the same timeline to go through the long-term experience with, beginning in the most raw, most painful period.  Just thoughts - never meant to put anyone in a position where they have to explain and apologize and rethink what they do/don't do.  It *is* "funny" to me though, that my point was to say that people newly out need the support and free discussion with others similarly timelined, and the result is that people further out realize they're struggling with the same issues as each other in a large way.  Oh, widowhood!!!! 

[SoVerySad]

Despite being 2+ years, I've continuously felt in many ways I relate more to those in the earlier stages as to where I am grief-wise. I can't yet begin to imagine being BAG, although I remain hopeful to get there.

[CBB]

I have not been posting as much lately. I really felt like my world totally fell apart after my sons suicide. I felt like I didn't belong anywhere. Still feel that way. My life took a real nose dive last October and I haven't rebounded a bit. I feel like a Leper. Nobody in my RW speaks to me about it. Like it never happened. All my late husbands family bailed early on. Complicated grief? Ya think? Can't afford counseling. Besides, what are they going to do to make it better? Bring them back? We all know the answer to that. Life has body slammed me face down in the dirt and then stomped on me for good measure. But the one good revelation is I no longer fear death! Most days it would be a godsend. It's been all I can do to get out of bed each morning and then I'm pissed off that I can. So my head space probably isn't the best for encouraging the masses. Better I just lay low, if you know what I mean.

[canadiangirl]

((CBB)) Just hugs. It is not right.

[Trying]

(((CBB))) you can talk about it here.  No one expects you to be encouraging masses right now with all you have been through, let us support you.

[cathyr]

Oh my gosh CBB!  You can definitely let it all out here.  This wonderful site is a safe place that you can let it all out and be understood.  You don't have to pretend its okay when its not.  If I didn't have the former YWBB to help express my grief, in all of its stages, I don't know if I would have made it.  Fortunately, many of its former members along with many new widows/widowers have found their way here.  Please keep posting and know we really care and understand.  ((((Big hugs!))))

[Carey]

CBB ... there is nothing okay in a world where you lose both a spouse and a child.  Crushed doesn't begin to describe what agony i'm sure it is. Wish there was a way to truly send hugs through cyber space because I surely do not have the words but my heart aches for you