smabify Posted March 11, 2015 Share Posted March 11, 2015 Sometimes, the best cheerleaders are not the ones with the pom poms yelling "Rah Rah you can do this, you're so strong (words I absolutely HATE), you have been doing this, blah blah blah". Most of the time, the BEST cheerleaders are the ones who look you in the eye and say "yeah, it is hard. It really sucks. Vent away." They do not judge, they do not try to solve everything. They do not remind you how good you have it or how wonderful life is. They listen, they give you a hug, maybe they pray simply, then they go away. To me, that's what a real cheerleader does. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mangomom Posted March 11, 2015 Share Posted March 11, 2015 Agreed. I hate the word strong, too. I can't pick up a car... My most treasured friends are he ones who have experienced their own trauma and know that nothing said will help. So they listen. They cry, too. They are there. I can't stand the cheerleaders because they are also the ones who hear your vent then tell everyone what you are going through to seem self important (kinda like a hs cheerleader 😉) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
singinmomo4 Posted March 11, 2015 Share Posted March 11, 2015 I also hated being told I was so strong. I heard it all the time. All I could think was that they didn't see me when I was alone, rolled up in a ball, screaming and crying. I'm sure they wouldn't see me as strong then. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Baylee627 Posted March 12, 2015 Share Posted March 12, 2015 This was articulated so well. Thank you! Sometimes I feel like others like to append the word "strong" to wids so that they don't have to feel compelled to reach below the facade and discover how despairing, lonely, or terrified we were or continue to be. "You're so strong," neatly keeps things at the surface-level. Just my lil observation... Baylee Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BrokenHeart2 Posted March 12, 2015 Share Posted March 12, 2015 'You're so strong' Uhm, no I'm keeping one step in front of the other. 'The alternate is not an option.' I have actually said that to people. I get the the deer in the headlights look. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mokie Posted March 12, 2015 Share Posted March 12, 2015 I was told I was strong once... I didn't take offense to it, because it came from the man who D's CPR on my husband before the ambulance arrived. I know he was hurting too. But I just told him, "I don't have any choice." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest look2thesky Posted March 12, 2015 Share Posted March 12, 2015 Never really liked be described as strong. She was the one who was strong. I was shattered. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SimiRed Posted March 12, 2015 Share Posted March 12, 2015 Agreed, I don't see myself as strong either, never liked being told that. Like @look2thesky said, "I was shattered", this is me too. Sometimes I struggle with other obstacles in my life and I get the same ole... "If you were strong enough to get through that, you can do this too". Well, I think I'm tired of being the "strong" one, like then, I will keep moving one foot in front of the other. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trying Posted March 12, 2015 Share Posted March 12, 2015 Being told I was strong used to make me very angry, in those early months I had never felt more weak, broken and vulnerable and when someone would tell me I was strong I felt like they were invalidating my feelings. Now I just roll my eyes. I realize that people who have never lost a spouse have no way of understanding and they need to feel like I am doing better than I am. That's about them, not me. Only through sharing with all of you did I come to realize that it was ok to have a day when I couldn't get out of bed or my kids ate cereal for dinner. It's ok to fall apart, get back up, move forward and repeat. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
swilson Posted March 12, 2015 Share Posted March 12, 2015 I've found the empathy of those who understand to be a very comforting thing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wheelerswife Posted March 12, 2015 Share Posted March 12, 2015 I get the "You are strong" comments a lot. In many ways, we have to be resilient, and I understand that people can't fathom facing some of what I've faced. They just haven't yet had the experience to know what we go through or how we manage to get through each day. We all have stories of how we just did it. Sometimes I wish people really knew how weak we feel when we look strong, but then, if they did and they were able to be present to all of that weakness, I'd have trouble just functioning day-to-day. Perhaps it is a no-win situation. Maureen Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carey Posted March 12, 2015 Share Posted March 12, 2015 I despise this. Yet I know it's unintentional. They are at a loss for words about a situation they cant comprehend and pray they never have to. Personally? Dear whatever doesn't kill me, I'm strong enough now thank you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Kamcho Posted March 12, 2015 Share Posted March 12, 2015 . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carey Posted March 12, 2015 Share Posted March 12, 2015 Honestly: How to deal with wids 1. Bring food, tissues, a soft blanket 2. Take their to do lists. Do them. 3. Shhhhhhhhhh. OMG.... THIS is perfect. Priceless. Even 16 months later this still applies lol but I don't think I could get anyone to go for it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BrokenHeart2 Posted March 14, 2015 Share Posted March 14, 2015 Kamcho, I love #3 Shhhhhh They'd have to actually come around for me to say that though ugh Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lmsmdm Posted March 14, 2015 Share Posted March 14, 2015 Being told I was strong used to make me very angry, in those early months I had never felt more weak, broken and vulnerable and when someone would tell me I was strong I felt like they were invalidating my feelings. Yup, this....however I learned I am strong, most of us are. Being a wid ain't for sissys. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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