Going public

[Jess]

To people in our everyday lives, we haven't really let people in on the fact that we are in a relationship. For me, it was because I knew this was something very real, very good, and longterm. I worried because it started so early people wouldn't give Justin a chance, figuring he was some fling or a band aid for my grief. Those that meant something to me have known since the beginning, but most people don't know. Having now been together 10 months, we decided it was time to stop not talking about each other since we had nothing to hide. Thus, the last 48 hours have been Facebook check ins with him or I tagged and pictures. To ease people in, there haven'the been any of us together yet.

 

It may seem like a silly process, but for us it was time and it feels good to be open.

[Guest Mel4072]

That's awesome! I did the same thing and was overwhelmed with all the attention I got.

[Guest TooSoon]

I just waited until I was ready and once I was ready nothing else mattered.  Enjoy this!  It is exciting!  Sometimes I think to myself, how can I be 43 and think it is "like" over the top cute and blush worthy that my "boyfriend" posted something to my Facebook page.  Lol! 

[Trying]

I completely understand the holding back and the excitement of getting it out there in open.  It's a big relief to be honest and let the chips fall where they may.

[Bunny]

I get it. Although I've been pretty public about my relationship for the past year, I had not taken him to any events with my husband's car club until very recently- even took him to the car show we started 15 years ago. I mean, they already knew I had a boyfriend, I just wasn't ready to take him into that world until now. It is a bit surreal to hang out with him and husband's BFF...it all felt really good though, not awkward- and they've all been super friendly and happy to meet him.

 

Something has just clicked in the last month, a shift inside of me, where I feel totally okay with all of this- on a whole other level. I have a boyfriend. This is my life now.

 

 

Congrats on taking this step!

[klim]

yep i get the holding back. My relationship was never hidden but never flaunted...if you get my drift. MY sons knew everytime I went out and even when I vacationed but I didn't post facebook pictures until recently. I wanted them and my inlaws to adjust with out being bombarded with images. And when I finally did It felt right

 

[Guest nonesuch]

Mine wasn't hidden or flaunted, either.  Part of that was because Current Beau wanted to proceed very slowly- not because I was a widow, but because he'd been burned the last time he dove into a relationship.  That, and he took six months to take his profile off the dating site. 

[lcoxwell]

Jess, if I am not mistaken, you and Justin started your relationship along the same timeline that New Guy and I started ours. I was worried about many of the same things, particularly that people would judge me for getting involved "too soon". New Guy is not a man to go online to any social media sites, and he lived a little over two hours away, so I didn't have to worry about people finding out about us, until I was ready. Once I did go public with our relationship, I was overwhelmed with support and encouragement, from very unlikely people (like Kenneth's children - every single one of them). There is just something heartwarming about reaching that point, when you can be open and tell the world that you have found new love. I hope your experience in sharing and going public is every bit as wonderful as mine was.

[Sugarbell]

!!

 

Yay! Happy Dance!!

[hachi]

Living with my NG for well over a year now, and still finding it hard to be "public" about it. I think it is just me. People close to me know him, and I have shared most every part of my life with him. He knows all of my friends, and my close family. I am hosting a family reunion next weekend where he will meet the rest of them. I am just beginning to realize what a step this is, for both him and me. Neither of us has been "public" about our relationship, but have let people figure it out as necessary.

 

The last time I was in the company of my extended family it was for my Aunt's 80 birthday and NG did not come with me, as it was early on in our relationship.  I didn't really even mention him to anyone who didn't already know about him. My sister brought her new "boyfriend" and was very keen to introduce him to everyone. I think I was relieved to not have to deal with it and I just went under the radar for most of the day.

 

This time, my NG and I are hosting the party, so I guess that it is as public as it gets. My sister has a "new" new guy. She wants him to be there to meet everyone. They have seen each other 6 times. I don't know whether to be amused or confused.

[Guest nonesuch]

I should also say, I don't tell a lot of people about my home life because it's none of their f---ing business.  I don't want Boss 1 or Boss 2 thinking, "Oh, Nonesuch doesn't need a raise.  She has a man with her."  Well New Beau isn't rich, either.

 

Boss 2 leaned in one afternoon and quietly opined, "You have nothing to gain by getting married at your age.  Make sure you hang on to your retirement savings."

[Jen]

So, so happy for you both!! <3 <3

[Jess]

Thank you for all of your support and telling your own "going public" stories. It has all seemed to go well so far, which really makes us happy.

 

I've met a lot of people in Justin and his daughter's life this past week (too many to count!) and all of them have been so kind and welcoming, which means a great deal to me. There are no rule books for how to do this stuff, but man I wish there were. Nonetheless, we seem to be figuring it out. My biggest concern really was to make sure people know I am not  terrible person, I care deeply for them both, and will do my best to give them a happy life. It feels like that mission has mostly been accomplished.

[Wheelerswife]

Jess,

 

John and I met quite early into widowhood (2 and 6 months out) and lots of people had opinions.  I was talking with a faculty member recently who knew John as well as several of his colleagues.  Apparently, several of them went to talk to John once they realized I was moving to be with him.  They were very concerned about him.  John told them that life was too short not to be with the ones you love.  Damn.  He was right.  They realized he had his head screwed on tight and he was okay.  (Funny aside...they thought I was much younger than I am...like he had robbed the cradle, too!)

 

The moral of the story:  Life is too short not to be with the ones you love...straight from John's mouth.

 

Hugs,

 

Maureen

 

Maureen

[Virgo]

"Do what you feel in your heart to be right-for you'll be criticized anyway." Eleanor Roosevelt. So true! We're going to be judged no matter what we do. I'm happy for your and Justin!!!

[Brenda]

I just waited until I was ready and once I was ready nothing else mattered.  Enjoy this!  It is exciting!  Sometimes I think to myself, how can I be 43 and think it is "like" over the top cute and blush worthy that my "boyfriend" posted something to my Facebook page.  Lol!

 

This post made me smile.  I too think it's rather exciting to be in my early 40s and have those stupid giddy feelings of being in love again, including the very teenage idea that it's something to be kept secret because I'm slightly unsure about how other (my parents) might react.

 

One small silver lining coming from the shitty events of the past year.  But I'll take it.

[DonnaP]

It's fun, isn't it?

 

CONGRATS!! And best wishes for all the happiness you both deserve <3

[Justin]

Hey everyone - sorry to be posting so late after the thread started!

 

Being completely open feels good - really good. From my first trip to meet Jess in person at a few days shy of 5 months out, I have been upfront with DD and DW's parents that I felt this relationship was getting serious... As Jess previously wrote, we both knew our own hearts, but didn't trust that others would be able to see what we did. After my first trip to see Jess, I told DW's brother about her - he is a great guy I have known over 20 years. His reply was "okaaayyy. Be careful....."

 

In my own sphere, two things seemed to make a big difference for DW's family: over a year has passed since Marsha's death, and her monument has been installed. It's almost as if this "unfinished business" had to be concluded, and now it is okay to move forward. I don't mean to paint DW's family in a negative light - they have always treated me like a son and brother. It's just now that I feel like I truly have their blessing to pursue my heart.

 

Jess, DD, and I had dinner one night during her visit with DW's parents. They both hugged Jess in the parking lot before entering the restaurant and we had a really nice evening. At one point, DW's mother said to Jess, "Thank you for making my kids smile again." Over and over again, I hear people in my life tell me that they are happy for me & us. It moves me beyond words to have so many people care. Since going "public" on Facebook, I have been floored by the number of comments and likes on posts related to us - including many of my friends from here.

 

During her visit here, Jess got to meet a lot of people from my family and day-to-day life. I have not heard one negative comment and am truly humbled by the support we have received. After all of the shitstorm of grief we have already endured (and which continues), it feels so good to have so many people pulling for us. Hell, I have my bosses from work actively discussing a plan to phase me out for our move to AZ. The company owner hugged me again this morning :-)

 

This is all really a bit funny, considering that about 2 months before I flew out to meet Jess, I had resigned myself to working on me & my grief during DD's junior and senior years of high school. Then, maybe I would consider dating. Well, as we all know here, life rarely goes according to plans. And in this instance, I'm glad it didn't.