lcoxwell Posted March 13, 2015 Share Posted March 13, 2015 Momtojandj suggested, in another thread, that someone should start a new one on the crazy responses we get through online dating. Fortunately, my one online dating experience has been a huge success, and I am happily dating the one and only man I ever met through an online dating site. So, sadly, (or maybe I should say happily?), I have no "good" responses of my own to share. I would, however, love to read others' funny stories, because, let's face it, sometimes, we just need to laugh. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
momtokam Posted March 13, 2015 Share Posted March 13, 2015 Here are a couple..... 22 year old trying to woo me, I was 48 at the time. I told him I was old enough to be his mother. He told me if I was his mother he would be more beautiful. A guy's first message was to tell me he wanted to put something in me (it was graphic). I responded back with.."does this line actually work for you?" He replied "sometimes". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HvnBound Posted March 13, 2015 Share Posted March 13, 2015 I had one guy ask me if I put out on the first date and I said no and he called me a prude, another guy told me he liked his women "natural", needless to say, I never went out with either. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Momtojandj Posted March 13, 2015 Share Posted March 13, 2015 Thanks for starting this thread :-) So one guy asked about my feet , foot fettish guy. Another guy , wanted to send me a picture , because as he put it .. He's so big most women can't handle him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Captains wife Posted March 13, 2015 Share Posted March 13, 2015 Awesome thread - I have done a lot of online dating so feel like I have seen it all. Literally. I had one man email and tell me I looked to be a very conservative lady - and that a man like him to make me "less conservative" (in bed). Oh boy. I seem to also have issues with pervy men that go away and then return. I got a text last night from a guy that I went out with over a year ago - who, out of nowhere, said he really needed to see me, begged to go for dinner with hm....he was having horny thoughts about me etc etc. (I don't want to elaborate on what else he put in his text) and that he decided he really, really liked me....Oh really? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gracelet Posted March 13, 2015 Share Posted March 13, 2015 This racist Tinder girl dug herself in a hole with me massively... Here's a screenshot because I can't figure out how to upload a picture here, sorry! http://eerilycheerily.com/2015/02/16/idiots-on-tinder/ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
petesgirl77 Posted March 13, 2015 Share Posted March 13, 2015 @Gracelet, I just clicked on your link and spit coffee all over my work desk. I'm trying to dab it off my papers with a napkin. Hahaha..... Totally worth it. Thanks ;D P.S. it's hard to believe people like these exist. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gracelet Posted March 13, 2015 Share Posted March 13, 2015 @Gracelet, I just clicked on your link and spit coffee all over my work desk. I'm trying to dab it off my papers with a napkin. Hahaha..... Totally worth it. Thanks ;D P.S. it's hard to believe people like these exist. She had a real talent. What a knob. Honestly, you couldn't make this stuff up. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest nonesuch Posted March 14, 2015 Share Posted March 14, 2015 I used Craig's List a lot because it was free, and because I figured I'd hit a larger audience there So, one man answered my ad, we email a couple times, I send my number, we talk. He did sound older than me, and he did say in answering my ad, "I'm older than your profile specifies, but no one ever guesses." I let it go. He had a condo in the Keys, one in Boston, and a home in my state. I figured I was pretty lucky to have attracted the attention of an obviously accomplished man. On the appointed day,at the appointed hour, he pulls up in a Mercedes. No joke. I open the door and think to myself, "He's eighty if he's a day." We had lunch (I'd agreed to that) and after a *very* leisurely walk down the street for dessert. That's when he admitted he admitted he was older. He wouldn't expect physical intimacy, he said. It would take him a week to get ready. He just wanted company. That's when I made the rule always meet for coffee first, never a meal. In his defense, he actually is accomplished, and touchingly still in love with his deceased wife. I got home, googled his full name, and found out he'd graduated from law school the year I was born. At least it was Harvard Law School. Tuesday at work, I asked the boss and colleague if they wanted to play a game: How old was Nonesuch's date? "45?" "Boss, we wouldn't be playing the game if the answer wasn't funny." "65?" "Older." "75?" "Older." Boss looks down at his shoes. "I'm ashamed to be a man," he said, and walked away. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Mel4072 Posted March 16, 2015 Share Posted March 16, 2015 That's hilarious! The best for me was a suggestion for a first date. He wanted to go to the spa. The Korean spa. With his 13 yr old daughter and my 15 yr old daughter. First date. I asked "you know that it's nude, right?" I guess that wasn't a problem for him. Ewww. Next! Dude wanted our first date to be at my house, him using my grill to cook and we could have some wine in my hot tub. Idiot! Next! And I found a keeper! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maddalena Posted March 18, 2015 Share Posted March 18, 2015 nonesuch, you are pretty amazing, you have a lot of class. I am not sure I would have handled that guy as well and as kindly as you did. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest nonesuch Posted March 19, 2015 Share Posted March 19, 2015 You'd have had to have heard the story he told about his and his wife's first years together. For some reason, she didn't want to get married right away. She wanted to live with him, first- pretty daring stuff in the late 1940s-early fifties. At that time, in that state, you could be arrested for that under the heading of "lewd and lascivious conduct." I didn't always remember this while going through the process: Sometimes, meeting someone and hearing a tiny bit of his story is a gift to them.. Everyone wants to tell his or her story. I'm not always that classy, but that day I may have been channeling my mother. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lolamei Posted March 20, 2015 Share Posted March 20, 2015 My very first foray into Tinder had a match that led with "are you into anal sex"...of course, I had to respond. What followed was a long conversation of me explaining (as a public service announcement) to him perhaps that line would never work...then he confessed he was really looking for a "friends with benefits" scenario. I pointed out that maybe he should try to make a friend first. The best part is that he then awkwardly tried to pretend to be interested in my life....and the last message was him saying "Do you feel like you know me better? Now can we have sex?" Poor poor simple man....amused me for a few days though! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest nonesuch Posted March 21, 2015 Share Posted March 21, 2015 When you are planning your meet and greet, be absolutely certain you give your date YOUR cell phone number, and not your ex-wife's. I had to call a potential date to inform him I had to cancel. I checked the number twice before I dialed. A woman answered the phone. When I asked for Steve, there was a pause. Then she said, "I guess that is his way of telling me he's started dating." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lcoxwell Posted March 22, 2015 Author Share Posted March 22, 2015 lolamei and nonesuch.....These stories are absolutely hysterical. You two really hit the dating jackpot, huh? (I hope you know I am just kidding on that one). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BrokenHeart2 Posted March 22, 2015 Share Posted March 22, 2015 I'm not ready for this horride single world. Sounds to crazy for me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DrBanner Posted March 22, 2015 Share Posted March 22, 2015 "So, how long have you been divorced?" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest nonesuch Posted March 22, 2015 Share Posted March 22, 2015 Oh, oh, wait - there's more! I emailed a fellow, seemed okay, he could spell and punctuate. But oddly, asked if I could host. "Eh?" I think, "For a cup of coffee?" Then he dropped the bomb, I'm "wasting his time." I hadn't a clue what was going on. About two days later, I realize the "can you host" thing was important. He was looking for a prostitute. (Not that there's anything wrong with that, except it is a violation of Craig's List TOS) I googled his email and one of the things that comes up is a list - a long one- of other email addresses that suggest ownership by women of entrepreneurial spirit. This boob also used *the same email address* to sign the online condolence site of a deceased friend. As in, "Sorry for your loss. Our family always enjoyed camping trips with yours. Bob & Eloise Smith, and children Tim and Sandy." My evil twin emailed him and put his wife's name in the subject line. She told him to practice safe sex, for his wife's sake. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maddalena Posted March 22, 2015 Share Posted March 22, 2015 ah nonesuch, I like you more and more Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest look2thesky Posted March 22, 2015 Share Posted March 22, 2015 Do you host ?? Is he a tick ? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nuggets Posted March 23, 2015 Share Posted March 23, 2015 'So.... what didjer ex-husband die of?' Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest look2thesky Posted March 23, 2015 Share Posted March 23, 2015 I learned early most of these people on tinder and similar sites were amused at how long they could keep a sexual conversation going. As long as you respond they will certainly continue. I guess it's a way for many to combat boredom. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest nonesuch Posted March 23, 2015 Share Posted March 23, 2015 Do you host ?? Is he a tick ? Now, now, arachnids a valuable place in the ecosystem. The man known as "Colonel Jack" is biodegradable, but that's about the best I can say about him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest AC Posted March 26, 2015 Share Posted March 26, 2015 So about a year and a half out, I decided I wanted some company, but didn't want to date, didn't want a relationship, didn't want anything physical. Being lazy, I decided to post something on craigslist looking for someone to just do stuff with. I was *clear* that I was not looking for random hook-ups. I also knew quite well that on CL you mostly get responses from people looking for random hook-ups. Don't try this if you have virgin eyes - you will read some interesting stuff. Here is my post from June of 2012 (1.5 years out) with one of my favorite replies. "Hi, I'm a married Boston lawyer early 60's. Are you open to being the friend and lover of an older married man? I am looking for a young, flexible woman who can cook. Discretion is a must. Do you like other women your age?" BWA HA HA HA I would call this guy, but, alas, I am not "flexible". Much better than this quote were the replies, which were leading toward me finding a "friend my age", renting an apartment, and hosting a bago where everyone hid until the guest of honor arrived, then jumped out with cameras yelling "SURPRISE!!!". Good times... I wish I could post that whole thread. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gabzmom Posted March 26, 2015 Share Posted March 26, 2015 I shut down a profile in a matter of days when I got smiles, etc. from some strangely named profiles. 1. Steele Libido 2. Major Orgasm 3. I can hardly remember - but it was something like: blanketyblank-inya # 3 was the final straw and I shut it down big time. I paid for eHarmony afterward and I actually went on a couple of dates with some nice men. I was never a big dater and shut that down eventually as well. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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