skytrancegirl Posted January 16, 2016 Share Posted January 16, 2016 hi im new here and was referred by a friend who went thru something similar. i came home from work last night and found him dead it was an accidental overdose. i dont know what to feel. i am numb,lost and alone. i have great friends and family support but its not really helping. i want my husband back. we went to the funeral home today and go back tomorrow to make final plans. the reality is sinking in and i'm scared. i feel dead inside. he was not only my husband but my best friend, soulmate and partner in crime. we spent all our time together and did everything together, i honestly have no clue how im going to deal with this.i know i am strong and will get through it. i dont know how but i will. i know its going to be a pure long road through hell. can anyone please offer some advice? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wheelerswife Posted January 16, 2016 Share Posted January 16, 2016 Hi, skytrancegirl, I'm so sorry you had to join us here. Right now you are in complete shock. You are stunned. You don't know what to do. I get it...I really do. Right now, lean on your friends and family. Let them help you with anything you are comfortable with. Making plans for a memorial service isn't something you would imagine you would need to be doing right now, but there are people who will help you. You will get through this awful, painful time, but we will be here for you. Advice for the newly widowed: Eat when you can, sleep when you can, drink lots of water. Don't let yourself get dehydrated. Hugs, Maureen Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
donswife Posted January 16, 2016 Share Posted January 16, 2016 I am so sorry you had to become someone in this group , but I am glad you reached out here Just try and get through every minute , ask people for anything you need know you probably won't know what that is right now please be kind to yourself take care Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
skytrancegirl Posted January 16, 2016 Author Share Posted January 16, 2016 i woke up this morning and freaked out he wasn't there. i cried and cried. i have to make the funeral arrangements today. i have no idea how im going to hold up. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wheelerswife Posted January 16, 2016 Share Posted January 16, 2016 skytrancegirl, First of all, you don't have to hold it together. Give yourself permission to cry, to scream out, to pound your pillows. Making funeral arrangements is hard, but there will be a professional to help bring you through the process. Bring family or friends with you. I developed a lot of anxiety and had panic attacks after my husband died. You are not alone in feeling out of control with your emotions. We send a lot of virtual hugs around here...so here is a big hug to you. Maureen Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
skytrancegirl Posted January 16, 2016 Author Share Posted January 16, 2016 thank you, i need all the hugs i can get! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Callobg Posted January 16, 2016 Share Posted January 16, 2016 I'm so sorry. Sending hugs and prayers your way. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SoVerySad Posted January 16, 2016 Share Posted January 16, 2016 Honey, I am so very sorry for the tragic, sudden loss of your husband. Everything you are feeling makes perfect sense as it is such a shock and an unbelievably excruciating pain. Maureen has given you wonderful advice about taking care of yourself, especially the drinking water. I didn't realize how dehydrated you can become from crying. I'm glad you have family and friends to support you. One thing that helped me was to not look ahead. I remember wondering just as you have how I would ever make it without my husband. Thinking long term was too difficult. I had to just take it day by day, often even hour by hour. Make sure you have someone you can feel free to call at any time during the night. I remember sitting at 3am on the sofa crying and rocking back and forth until it got to a more reasonable time to call someone. You are right that you will make it through this, but you do not have to figure out how right now. We will be here for you to offer our support. Sending you tight hugs... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
canadiangirl Posted January 17, 2016 Share Posted January 17, 2016 skytrancegirl, I am so sorry for your loss. People here truly get it. You asked for advice- make sure you read the pinned post "Our suggestions for the newly widowed" here as it has lots of good collected advice. Best of luck planning the service- do lean on others now, they should help. When I was planning his service, I focused on music and poems and things I knew he liked - depending on where you have the service (mine was just in the chapel of a funeral home) you may have the leeway to craft it so it reflects his unique spirit (this needs to be checked). It eased my pain a very little bit at the time to honour him this way and gave me focus. If you are able to draft some words for a eulogy or tribute if you think you can deliver it the way through, that can sometimes help too (again depending on what the format of the service is and where it is held and what you can bear). Again, it helped me to talk about him and say what I wanted to say...and outside the service you don't get many opportunities to do this, sadly. All the best. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Helena Posted January 17, 2016 Share Posted January 17, 2016 I?m so sorry for your loss. How someone can be alive one day and gone another is so hard to understand. :'( Cry. Be angry if feel like it. Scream. Try to eat and drink. If possible lean on friends and family for support. Take all the help that is offered to you. My husband died suddenly and after his death I made a photoalbum/book that the funeral guests could write their last words/regards to him. It helped me just to put the photographs in the album and have something to do. Don?t be afraid to look at photos or listen to music and really cry your heart out. Afterwards you feel a bit lighter, only a bit but somehow the crying is soothing. Sending love and hugs to you. Take care and remember that you can vent whatever you want here. I?m so thankful I found this forum. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amor Posted January 17, 2016 Share Posted January 17, 2016 Do take care of yourself the best you can right now. Take things minute by minute or if needed second by second. One thing I would have liked since I did not remember much from the memorial service is for people to write down a story of my husband. Many people said great things about him but I now can not remember what they said. (((hugs))) Amor Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fran721 Posted January 18, 2016 Share Posted January 18, 2016 Oh skytrancegirl, I am so sorry about the loss of your husband. The early days are so hard but you are handling it, you are doing it. Just do what you can and don't worry about the rest. Ask for help. Don't feel bad letting other people do things for you. I know how hard the crying is - so physically and emotionally painful but it's okay to let it come out. Everything you are feeling and doing is normal when you have lost the person you loved the most. Hugs. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lcoxwell Posted January 19, 2016 Share Posted January 19, 2016 I am sorry for your loss and that you have a reason to be here. Some of the others have given great advice. Please know that anything and everything you are feeling now is normal. I wish there was a way to make it go away, but there just isn't. My advice is to do whatever you can to take care of yourself. The single best advice that was ever given to me is to just remember to breathe. Stopping to take a few deep, concentrated breaths always helped immensely. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quixote Posted January 19, 2016 Share Posted January 19, 2016 So incredibly sorry about your husband. It's the most awful thing in the world, especially when your lives are so intertwined like yours were. This is damage control time. The pain is overwhelming, where you have to give yourself permission to grieve. Don't try to grieve "correctly". Just let it out. It's okay. And please use this space to vent as needed Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jess Posted January 19, 2016 Share Posted January 19, 2016 I lost my husband suddenly as well. I never used to give much thought to death. I had the assumption that Joe and I would grow old and gray together and that when we had to say goodbye, it would be after decades well spent. We were together 10 years, married just shy of 8 years. And now he is gone. In the early days it is impossible to wrap your head around. Hell, some days it still is just so unbelievable. Your job right now is not to wrap your head around it. Your job is to keep taking care of your basic needs and accepting any help offered to you. You have gotten great advice in this thread so I won't rehash. You are right- you are strong enough to do this. You can and will do this. We will be right here the whole way and are rooting for you. I am so terribly sorry for your loss. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jen Posted January 21, 2016 Share Posted January 21, 2016 I can't add anything, except that I am so, so sorry for your loss. I wish none of us had to be here, but at least I can promise that none of us have to do it alone. ((((((HUGS))))) The shock is a blessing, in a way... it's protective. Just be gentle with yourself, drink water, try to eat at least once a day. Cry all you need to. Scream. Rant. Post here. We get it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amor Posted March 14, 2016 Share Posted March 14, 2016 Just wanted to let you know I am thinking about you today. (((hugs))) Amor Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wife of Tomasz Posted March 14, 2016 Share Posted March 14, 2016 I am so sorry for your loss, and that you had to join the club that no one wants to be a part of. My husband also died suddenly, and I was in a terrible state right after. Just know that what you are feeling is normal for what you are going through. The shock of the early month is a great protraction mechanism and I think it really helped me out in the beginning. Like the others have said. Try to eat when you can, drink water when you can, and sleep when you can. Don't think about the future, just take it a min at a time. I had to ask for people to bring me food and make me eat in the beginning. I also asked for a lot of help with the memorial. I just could not function so my family and friends had to take care of a lot of the basic things. As you have mentioned for the first 2 month I would wake up everyday and re-realize that he was gone, it is so painful to have to go through that. However over time I don't have that crushing feeling when I wake up as much. It has been 6 month for me and I don't know where the time went. Just take it one day at a time and it will get better. Hugs to you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jen Posted March 17, 2016 Share Posted March 17, 2016 Right now... breath by breath. Hold on. Drink when you can, eat what stays down. I am so, so sorry. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mrskro Posted March 17, 2016 Share Posted March 17, 2016 Everything I'd say has been said so I'll just give you virtual hugs. I am so sorry. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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