Guest Lost35 Posted April 16, 2015 Share Posted April 16, 2015 It is six years and five months tomorrow. We walked arm-in-arm everywhere. We kissed without fail, when entering the same room. He opened every door, car or otherwise, and I said, "thank-you" with surprise and gratitude, every time. We held hands when possible; in the car, falling asleep, just because... I never took him for granted, yet I miss him more than he will ever know. It is a life well-lived to be so well loved. Part of me wishes I had the same, in this time left. And then I feel guilty for thinking that. Are we allowed to feel loved after something so perfect? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rifatheroffour Posted April 16, 2015 Share Posted April 16, 2015 I certainly hope so. I know how much we loved each other and I'd like to think we did not take each other for granted. We never got or took the chance to talk about what would or should happen after one of us was gone but I have to believe that she would want me to be happy again and find someone to share love with. And I will expect to find perfect for me or nothing at all... holding hands just because and all. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mizpah Posted April 16, 2015 Share Posted April 16, 2015 I know the feeling. We had the same sort of dynamic - treasured each other and always showed it. We always talked about how lucky we were. Too lucky? I don't believe in karma or anything really, but sometimes the thought of "is this my payment for how lucky we were?" crosses my mind. Are we allowed? Of course. I hope you will have it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Neverthesame Posted April 16, 2015 Share Posted April 16, 2015 It is a life well-lived to be so well loved. Part of me wishes I had the same, in this time left. And then I feel guilty for thinking that. Are we allowed to feel loved after something so perfect? Very well put, and yes I think we are allowed. I was five years and ten months out before I went out on a date and I was lucky enough to find ?the one? on the first date. Early on I struggled with whether it was ok to love her as much as I did DW, and at the same time whether it was fair not to. I?m one of those open door, hold hands, say I love you type of guy. In the end I decided that it is ok to love that much again and that she and I both deserve it. Just my thoughts anyway. Bill Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mac Posted April 16, 2015 Share Posted April 16, 2015 DW would hope that I would find love again. I am grateful that I had such a wonderful love and friendship with her. We were friends for 37 years. We were married for 27-1/2 years. Life was good to us and being a happy couple didn't take much effort. If that is all there is in the way of love, I can accept that and be grateful for what I had. My children do hope that I find someone to be with long-term. Seems like it is a bigger goal for them for me to have that, than it is for me. DW's passing was very unexpected. She use to say to me from time to time, including 2 weeks before she passed: "Mac, promise me that if anything should happen to me, that you will get some "arm candy." The neighborhood that we use to live in became very upscale. Many men when they reached 45 or so, would divorce and marry someone younger. This is what made her say that. I've dated several different women - younger, same age and older. No guilt on any level. I am grateful for that. It is nice to hold hands and kiss again. If the table were turned, I would be happy for her if she found love again if that was a goal for her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
anniegirl Posted April 16, 2015 Share Posted April 16, 2015 Are we allowed to feel loved after something so perfect? Yes. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fctyler Posted April 16, 2015 Share Posted April 16, 2015 Lost, I understand perfectly what you are saying. I always thought that I would never want to find love again because I had already had such a good marriage that nothing would ever be as good. I figured so wrong...... When my husband died and I thought about it, I knew I wasn't done loving. I realized that because I had had such a good example of kindness, gratitude, intimacy and friendship, I wanted it again. I do have twinges of guilt when I laugh and love with my New Guy, because once in a while I catch my breath and think, "How can I be so carefree and happy when my DH isn't here?" But then I realize, it's because of what DH gave me that I crave more of it. I guess it is his fault. I wouldn't be wanting love again if he hadn't been so awesome at it!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Lost35 Posted April 17, 2015 Share Posted April 17, 2015 There is a lot of wisdom on this board. I guess if and when someone crosses my path who I can feel similarly about, it will be easier to contemplate. For now, a second love remains a foreign concept. Good to think about. -L. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
klim Posted April 17, 2015 Share Posted April 17, 2015 My husband passed very unexpectedly. No preparing for death, no conversation about a future without him. But I knew him.....his only thought would be for me to do what ever I needed to be happy.....if holding hands was what I needed he would say go for it. We were in love and it was good ...but he is gone and I am here. We are allowed to love again if it feels right........in my opinion anyways. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MissinGrizz Posted April 20, 2015 Share Posted April 20, 2015 It is a life well-lived to be so well loved. Part of me wishes I had the same, in this time left. And then I feel guilty for thinking that. Are we allowed to feel loved after something so perfect? Not only are you allowed, but I believe you are more likely to have another strong relationship when you've loved this way before. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest marian1953 Posted April 20, 2015 Share Posted April 20, 2015 Yes. A hundred, thousand, yeses. Marian. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Captains wife Posted April 27, 2015 Share Posted April 27, 2015 Ahhh...I know....those lovely romantic gestures. I was never a hand-holder before but I really grew to love the affection my husband showed for me. Of course, now I miss it. My new guy isnt a hand holder : ( Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Mel4072 Posted April 29, 2015 Share Posted April 29, 2015 I am in a new relationship. It's been 2 years since he passed. I'm 3 months into this relationship. A couple of weekends ago, I was with my new guy at his apartment and we were kissing and just being very still. At that moment, I knew that my late husband would want me to love like that again. Not just for me but for him too. We were created for it. I could feel my heart beating with new guys. It was a perfect moment. No pressure. No expectations, just enjoying each other and peaceful. I have struggled with this issue of guilt myself but after that moment I realize "that" love is good. It's meant to be shared. Good luck!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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