Carey Posted May 5, 2015 Share Posted May 5, 2015 Ok. Dating sites. UGH. I am trying to give some of these guys the benefit of the doubt. I tell myself that men are just more sexually driven and maybe that's all they know, they connect on a more physical level and talking about sex may be their idea of flirting, or whatever. I try to remember that Chad talked a LOT about sex on the phone before we actually met in person and I went ahead and married HIM lol. But really ...what is with the guys whose profiles read like a fairy tale and then when they start talking to you it's all about the booty? This one guy said in his profile that he wants a relationship, that he doesn't like fwb's. Then when we're talking EVERYTHING is sexual innuendo. He texted me this morning, "good morning how are you?" ... I said sleepy , he said frisky. I laughed, tried to blow it off with a "lol". Then it's "What would it take to get you that way?" I said I honestly didn't know. He comes back with a description of how good he is with his fingers. This after I spent an hour last night trying to convey that while I love sex and I'm no prude, with someone I have never actually met in person I tend to be a little more reserved. He quit talking for awhile then I noticed he was online on POF so I teasingly said "You find that piece of tail yet?". He laughed, said no he gave up. I came right out and told him, Dude you need to change your approach. THEN it's "well I haven't even looked past you. I wanted to meet you". SO I had that awww moment, which is the only reason I talked to him this morning. I guess what I'm asking is, is it me and I should cut him/them some slack and quit expecting fairy tale life? Chad himself was that way so then I just wonder maybe if I give them a chance and meet in person that they'll show more of an actual personality. Am I being overly picky? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maddalena Posted May 5, 2015 Share Posted May 5, 2015 i think you deserve a little adult conversation before he gets to how good his fingers are. I mean, what about manners? You're not ready to talk about sex yet. You need to find out what this guy is. Sex is great for the first 6 months, but if there's no relationship there, it all falls apart. So to answer your first question, yes. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
robunknown Posted May 5, 2015 Share Posted May 5, 2015 Short Term? Yes Long Term? Varies It sounds like you two don't have aligning priorities for what you want. It sounds like he wants a "quickie" first and (maybe?) a relationship if that just ends up happening. If I was looking for a good time only, I'd be pretty forward. If I was looking for a real meaningful relationship I wouldn't be this much of a jackass. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
serpico Posted May 5, 2015 Share Posted May 5, 2015 Do all (single) men still only want one thing? Sure, and all (single) women are only looking for a sugar daddy. Generalizations are fun! ;D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carey Posted May 5, 2015 Author Share Posted May 5, 2015 Read the thread title ... I didn't say "all". I'm not trying to generalize. Trying to decide if its ME that's the problem. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rifatheroffour Posted May 5, 2015 Share Posted May 5, 2015 You are not overly picky in my opinion. I would love to have those enticing conversations again but yes a little real conversation and getting to know someone first is important to me. I don't want just one thing I want it all... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest look2thesky Posted May 5, 2015 Share Posted May 5, 2015 Every woman I ever talked to, on a particular dating site, were chatting snd texting with multiple men. The ones that said they were looking for a relationship had a shopping list written and verbally a page and a half long. It also depends on the site. 98.9 % players, both genders. Most young people like sex, but it depends upon what you want. No men are not all the same. But driven by the same full moon ? Perhaps yes. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Virgo Posted May 5, 2015 Share Posted May 5, 2015 I think a lot of men have the "might as well ask, never know" mentality. I don't mind it, but if the majority of the conversation was about sex then I would make a decision as to whether that's all I wanted out of the relationship. I've been talking with four guys, all but one has talked about sex. Two have shared photos of their 'special purpose'. lol Sexting seems to be the norm. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
messageinabottle Posted May 5, 2015 Share Posted May 5, 2015 Yep Well a lot of men. I didn't really know what a FWB was until the last few years. I find that is what men want that I have encountered. All the benefits of a relationship with none of the commitment. It has proven frustrating. But I do know there are good guys out there just takes time to find them. I have said this before too online dating is like online shopping to some they cannot have enough shoes. To some men/women they cannot have enough texting contacts or interests to boost their ego. It is a very frustrating world to me this online dating but I do not have time to meet a man really any other way. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MissinGrizz Posted May 5, 2015 Share Posted May 5, 2015 It is tactless to be so descriptive before you've even met and shows a lack of respect for you.bsezy flirting is okay, but finger skills is not a get to know you conversation Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
klim Posted May 5, 2015 Share Posted May 5, 2015 okay I must say generally I don't seem to have attracted that type of conversation when I was on a dating site. I would not appreciate that..........fun and flirty was great. Down and dirty not so much. I had lots of great conversations, a number of first dates....,a few multiple date runs (that i terminated) but through all these i actually found the guys very timid. Fun but timid. Just my experience. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BrokenHeart2 Posted May 6, 2015 Share Posted May 6, 2015 Uhg is this what dating has become. I'm not at all into on line dating so I guess I'll be alone. Eww No problem I'm not ready for dating anyway. Maybe someday. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest look2thesky Posted May 6, 2015 Share Posted May 6, 2015 Yes. Like shopping for shoes analogy. Have found this Absloutely True. Do You think I'm beautiful ? And let me check in with my "man friends". O,...Kay , do that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest nonesuch Posted May 7, 2015 Share Posted May 7, 2015 This one guy said in his profile that he wants a relationship, that he doesn't like fwb's. Then when we're talking EVERYTHING is sexual innuendo. Small red flag waves in the distance. He texted me this morning, "good morning how are you?" ... I said sleepy , he said frisky. I laughed, tried to blow it off with a "lol". Then it's "What would it take to get you that way?" Flap, flap, flap. I said I honestly didn't know. He comes back with a description of how good he is with his fingers. This after I spent an hour last night trying to convey that while I love sex and I'm no prude, with someone I have never actually met in person I tend to be a little more reserved. Clueless, not because he obviously likes sex, but because he's not listening to you.That red flag looks brighter than before. He quit talking for awhile then I noticed he was online on POF so I teasingly said "You find that piece of tail yet?". He laughed, said no he gave up. I came right out and told him, Dude you need to change your approach. THEN it's "well I haven't even looked past you. I wanted to meet you". SO I had that awww moment, which is the only reason I talked to him this morning. I guess what I'm asking is, is it me and I should cut him/them some slack and quit expecting fairy tale life? Chad himself was that way so then I just wonder maybe if I give them a chance and meet in person that they'll show more of an actual personality. Am I being overly picky? I'm a big believer in listening to one's gut. Me, I don't like the sound of this guy, but he doesn't want to meet me, either. I think he's telling you who he is, but he's not listening to who you are. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest look2thesky Posted May 7, 2015 Share Posted May 7, 2015 Did you message him back saying there's just a little bit more to life than talking about sex ? Just a little ? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sugarbell Posted May 8, 2015 Share Posted May 8, 2015 Well I do think that certain dating sites....you are more prone to find men and women looking for sex/hook ups. I would assume you find more people just wanting sex on say POF or AdultFriendFinder than say Single Christian Mingle or whatever it's called?.?....Not all.....but it seems more prevalent. Personally...I think technology in General makes men and women more prone to blurt certain things out without thinking of consequences:...Things they normally wouldn't say on a first in person date or even phone call.:. Sex-texting...phone sex....them if it goes to IRL sex without any dates/courtship....it's usually a wash that a relationship isn't going to happen. Not ALL the time of course...:but odds usually aren't too good. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lisa Posted May 11, 2015 Share Posted May 11, 2015 If I'm not looking to hook up I just stop talking to them. I've been at this awhile I judge someone by how he acts not what his profile says Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Mel4072 Posted May 11, 2015 Share Posted May 11, 2015 I believe it's up to you to set boundaries. See if he respects them. The guy I'm dating talked about sex the first time we met. I very abruptly said "I don't sleep around." He asked me for a second date. The second date I told him I would wait for marriage. We are going on 4 months now. Met online. He has now met my family. I think it's up to you to let people know what your boundaries are. It's even fine to set those boundaries by text or message. Yes, it's a technology age. Don't be afraid to tell him that you feel he is a little too forward in his conversations skills. But if you like him, say that too. Without those boundaries, it's very hard to get to know somebody. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carey Posted May 11, 2015 Author Share Posted May 11, 2015 I really am trying to give benefit of the doubt. I don't know how to phrase what I'm thinking exactly. I try not to let it put me off completely if something gets said but when they ask for "pictures" or "I cant wait to lick your a**" .........those I RUN from. It's just the middle of the road ones that I don't know how to gauge. Theyre not prince charming, but they're not exactly crude either. I did totally stop talking to that one guy though that I started the thread about and he will still pop up occasionally and ask how I am. Its disheartening really. But I'm not to the point I can pay for the "good" sites. I think I'm going to just take a step back altogether. Right now just may not be good for me either. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maddalena Posted May 11, 2015 Share Posted May 11, 2015 Carey, sounds like you're doing the right thing. Tell the middle guys what you don't like? feedback helps! good luck. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest look2thesky Posted May 12, 2015 Share Posted May 12, 2015 If it's just about sex why bother. He occasionally keeps popping up because he's been shot down by everyone else who's possibly somewhat normal. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest IronBear Posted May 12, 2015 Share Posted May 12, 2015 Testosterone controls much of our lives for many years. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carey Posted May 12, 2015 Author Share Posted May 12, 2015 love it when the guys chime in on posts like this. lol Glad ya'll are here to have your brains picked. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Captains wife Posted May 14, 2015 Share Posted May 14, 2015 I feel as though I have ALOT of online dating experience so will chime in here - and I also am not into men who are too forward on this topic, too quickly. I feel as though there are different pools of men out there - those that so obviously want sex and that is their priority and others who also want it but would also like a relationship attached. I feel as though the men who are into just finding a new sex partner make their true colors shown VERY quickly. I think some sexy remarks or flirting is great but some men just take it too far, too quickly. And I personally keep away from those ones as I am looking for more than just a fling. Use your judgement - I find filtering via a phone call works wonders as sometimes things can get miscontrued via text. But if men are asking for nude shots, making nasty comments up front, block them immediately and move on. There are lots of gentlemen out there ! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sugarbell Posted May 14, 2015 Share Posted May 14, 2015 My very limited 3 week experience on Match....it was only the young 25 year olds who would message "You're a MILF let's hook up" that were blatant about sex. Really the men in my general age group were looking for substance/relationships. But again...my experience was VERY brief. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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