Brenda Posted May 8, 2015 Share Posted May 8, 2015 The in-law saga continues. Not content on cutting me off after my wife's death earlier this year, one of them has now written me the nastiest, most horrible letter I've ever read in my life, essentially blaming me for every single fucking problem in the entire family. Just as I thought things had settled down into an uncomfortable, silent truce, this fucking idiot decides not just to open up all the old wounds, but also to slash a few more fresh ones. And I'm not sure why. Yeah, I get it, the family doesn't like the fact that my wife liked another girl. Big deal. But in this day and age, and after what happened, I simply cannot understand how anyone would so aggressively push me away. Were my wife alive, she'd have gladly told her own family to go fuck themselves. Sadly, she's not here and can't speak up for what she felt. Instead, they've unleashed the most backward homophobia I've ever heard. I don't get it. I thought that us leaving each other alone was enough, that they'd driven me far enough away. But I guess not. There's some on my wife's side who clearly want to chase me down and harass me. They are nasty, bitter people. Sorry for the filthy language, but I can't find any polite words to use under the circumstances. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
linda5 Posted May 8, 2015 Share Posted May 8, 2015 So sorry things are flaring up again. I guess they are just trying to see how far they can push you ... but don't let them! Ignore, ignore, and then ignore them again. People like that don't deserve your time, and save your energy for things that matter to you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gabzmom Posted May 8, 2015 Share Posted May 8, 2015 I am so sorry that you are having to go through hateful things like that. I hope there's a way you can sever ties with them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jen Posted May 8, 2015 Share Posted May 8, 2015 ((((Brenda)))) These people don't deserve another minute's rent space in your head! I know it's not that simple, but they need to GO. I am so, so sorry. They may be mourning as well, but grief is no excuse for cruelty. (((((more hugs)))))) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Kamcho Posted May 8, 2015 Share Posted May 8, 2015 It hurts my heart that my LGBT wids often get to deal with the extra crap layer of ignorance. I'm sorry. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gracelet Posted May 8, 2015 Share Posted May 8, 2015 Brenda, I'm so sorry. i can copy and paste everything you've just written. literally everything. i know how much it hurts. all i can say is that, with time, you'll need to let go of the anger - as will they - as it will eat you up inside otherwise. big gay love x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brenda Posted May 8, 2015 Author Share Posted May 8, 2015 A good night of sleep put some distance between me and yesterday's events. Still can't stop thinking about it - and I've got a thousand things I need to be thinking about other than this stuff - but the initial "wft?" has started to ease a little. All the advice and support given here is really appreciated, and far more than I've ever received from my wife's family. I'm hoping that in a few years, I'll be settled into something of a new life, sitting in my little garden on a warm evening in a far away place with a glass of wine and (perhaps) some great new company, and I'll be able to look back on these events with half a smile and say, "Yeah, those were some strange times, but I got through it in one piece." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
robunknown Posted May 8, 2015 Share Posted May 8, 2015 DW family is nuts, and they constantly try to pull me in. One of the best pieces of advice I got on here that I still use wiht the in-laws is, "You aren't obligated to answer the phone, or answer the door." If I get some kind of nuts-o request, or wacky message. I ignore it like it never happened. Though they aren't directly vicious to me like you are getting. I still say you ignore. Like they say when someone is road raging on you, just ignore, and keep looking forward. The agressor typically gets deflated and moves on. I'm sorry these toxic folks are harassing you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carey Posted May 8, 2015 Share Posted May 8, 2015 I'm so sorry you've had to deal with this. I've totally removed myself from any conversations whatsoever with my mother-in-law after more than once she accused me of being responsible for Chad's death. I feel that way enough on my own lady, don't need any help from you. My kids are 16 and 17 so I'm ok with letting them determine how much she is in their life. Luckily we live several states away and have only actually seen her like 4 times. At this point if I were you I just would refuse to participate. If something comes in the mail, hard as it may be ... I'd throw it away. Curiosity will be hard, wanting to see oh what have they got to say THIS TIME ... but you can't unread it. Like Rob said ... they're just plain toxic for you. They are lashing out and you are the unfortunate target Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brenda Posted May 21, 2015 Author Share Posted May 21, 2015 OMG, they're doing it again. The f**king in-laws, they just can't leave me and the kids alone. They are literally making my f**king blood boil! The last thing I need at the moment is more unnecessary stress, and that's precisely what they're doing. You guys don't need the details. Wanted to vent, that's all. But about to wring their necks! Grrrr. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jen Posted May 23, 2015 Share Posted May 23, 2015 More hugs, hon... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SoVerySad Posted May 23, 2015 Share Posted May 23, 2015 I'm sorry for the stress and hurt, Brenda. Sending you hugs... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brenda Posted May 25, 2015 Author Share Posted May 25, 2015 (Ignore. Said too much.) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Skitwin Posted May 28, 2015 Share Posted May 28, 2015 Letter Refused - Return to Sender. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dahlia Posted June 7, 2015 Share Posted June 7, 2015 I told you once to always try to have a good relationship with your in-laws, and I still believe it is in your best interests to keep as many people in your life as possible. But the issue here is that someone is hateful, afraid and incapable of self-realization, so they turn that shit on to you. They take a part of your identity that is real and valid and change it into something unreal and invalid. Fight it, fight that injustice as much as possible. Having said that, I hope you don't look as the entire family as feeling that way. Families are complex and built on mutual dependence, so people may appear to agree with someone awful, but they really don't. The right people will shake themselves free of people like this. Please keep yourself open to a good relationship with some people who share your wife's DNA. Your ability to visualize a lovely future will serve you well.... I believe in you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SieOma Posted July 25, 2015 Share Posted July 25, 2015 I'm hoping that in a few years, I'll be settled into something of a new life, sitting in my little garden on a warm evening in a far away place with a glass of wine and (perhaps) some great new company, and I'll be able to look back on these events with half a smile and say, "Yeah, those were some strange times, but I got through it in one piece." 5 years later, I am settled into a new life. I was sitting on my little balcony on a hot day in a fairly far away place with a bottle of water when I read your post. As I hit reply, the heat drove me back inside, but whatever. I have great new company, though at the moment, I am enjoying some peaceful solitude. I read your original post on this thread. I had a couple of vicious in-laws like that. The day I met them was the day of his funeral. There was, of course, a reason we were never introduced, and I was quite aware of it. That fact did not stop them or the hurt or the chaos they caused. I also got a letter that basically shoved a fistful of glass into my deepest ever wound. They started rumors, vicious rumors that were so far from the truth... They were awful. Just awful. At the time, I wrote to my wid-family that I sincerely believed the only reason they weren't accusing me of killing my husband was because they couldn't figure out how to get people to believe I threw an SUV in his path that day. And I know because I was there living it, they would have done it if they could have gotten it to sound remotely possible. Today, when I read the quote above, I looked back at that time... They sure gave it their best. They really did. You know what? ;D I survived WELL. Start designing that garden, Love. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brenda Posted July 26, 2015 Author Share Posted July 26, 2015 They sure gave it their best. They really did. You know what? ;D I survived WELL. Start designing that garden, Love. Thank you ever so much for replying! It's great to hear that so far down the road you've thrived and the turmoil of the immediate aftermath has faded. Garden planning time it is! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stevesbabyness Posted September 21, 2015 Share Posted September 21, 2015 This. This was exactly the thread I needed to see today. It's been two years today that Steve had his accident, resulting in his death two days later. I've dealt with lawyers' letters and high court lawsuits this entire time. (His parents demanded money less than three weeks after his death which they'd given him for the deposit on our flat seven years earlier--before I ever lived in the country, much less knew him.) I thought I was coming out of it until today, when the monster shit-law has demanded double in costs, and I fell apart this afternoon. Thank you for the reminder that I will still be able to design my garden...sometime...hopefully soon. Big hugs to my fella widdas dealing with shit-laws... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
oscarsbeloved Posted September 27, 2015 Share Posted September 27, 2015 that's awful. love has no gender, it's just love. can't they understand that? the heart wants what it wants. they sound like my Oscar's parents. he cut ties with them long ago, they're religious nuts. they turned his memorial into propaganda for their church and censored most of the things i said because i wasn't his wife, just a fiancee. they keep acting like all of our problems were because I'm catholic/was married before/was living unwed with their son. people like that have to blame others because they know deep down they're the reason their kids want nothing to do with them. take comfort in the fact that your wife chose YOU to love. none of us can choose our families. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pms1954 Posted October 8, 2015 Share Posted October 8, 2015 You don't have to take this. Get a no contact order that prevents them from making any contact with you. This is hard enough without stupid people making it worse. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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