Wheelerswife Posted June 1, 2015 Share Posted June 1, 2015 I suppose we all have our drug or drugs of choice for coping with our losses. Since John died 16+ months ago, tearing my heart out of my chest, I've coped mostly with school and travel. I don't know how I would have maintained any ability to focus if it were not for university classes that I went back to just a week and a half after John died. But breaks from school leave me with too much time on my hands for ruminating, which hasn't felt particularly helpful. So...I resort to traveling. Last summer I spent many weeks on the road on a 25 state 7500 mile road trip. This summer is probably my last summer to have the freedom to travel again. Next summer I'll need to be working an internship and eventually I will finish my master's and I'll have to get a real job and start supporting myself fully again. Tomorrow, I will hit the road from the center of the country heading east. This trip will be different from last year in that I will head to the east coast, where my parents, siblings, first in-laws and my "home" widow crew live, but then in a couple of weeks, I am picking up my 14-year old niece and we will head west. We will venture into places we've never been and try to see national parks and the beauty the geography has to offer. I'll catch some widow friends along the way, but this trip will be more about places than people, and the opportunity to spend time with my niece. Last year, I had my trip planned down, sometimes to the day and hour. This trip will be more open ended. I also plan to inter half of my second husband's ashes along side his late wife...on a bluff over the beach in far northern California. I was last there with him about 2 1/2 weeks before he suddenly died...and we talked about how lovely the setting was that he chose for her...and that some day, half of him would be there, too. It will be about 18 months since he died that I finally get his ashes there, but I'm going to do it. I'll be checking in frequently here...as I've done for over 5 1/2 years. Looking forward to seeing some good folks along the way. Maureen Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DonnaP Posted June 1, 2015 Share Posted June 1, 2015 Safe travels. I will be looking forward to seeing you when you get to Connecticut Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trying Posted June 1, 2015 Share Posted June 1, 2015 Safe travels, I look forward to hearing about all of your adventures! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rifatheroffour Posted June 1, 2015 Share Posted June 1, 2015 Safe travels my friend... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest tableforone Posted June 1, 2015 Share Posted June 1, 2015 You know where I live. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Captains wife Posted June 1, 2015 Share Posted June 1, 2015 Travel is good for the soul - see you on the East Coast I hope : ) Sounds like a fab trip for both of you Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
twistedmensa Posted June 1, 2015 Share Posted June 1, 2015 Travelling is what has kept me alive for most of my life! Have fun. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JeanGenie Posted June 1, 2015 Share Posted June 1, 2015 Safe travels! Hope to see you when you're on the east coast! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
swilson Posted June 2, 2015 Share Posted June 2, 2015 Enjoy the ride, I'll be in touch. Happy Trails! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest IronBear Posted June 2, 2015 Share Posted June 2, 2015 . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SoVerySad Posted June 2, 2015 Share Posted June 2, 2015 I'm looking forward to seeing you on your journey, Maureen! Hugs... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lcoxwell Posted June 4, 2015 Share Posted June 4, 2015 Safe travels, dear lady! May you and your niece have a wonderful trip, making beautiful memories to cherish in the future. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wheelerswife Posted June 4, 2015 Author Share Posted June 4, 2015 It was a good day on the road today...not too much driving, but breakfast with Photojunkie and dinner with swilson. It was such an honor to spend time with you two. Thanks to both of you for sharing stories and listening to mine! Hugs, Maureen Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bluebird Posted June 4, 2015 Share Posted June 4, 2015 Following! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lisa Posted June 4, 2015 Share Posted June 4, 2015 Safe travels, sounds like a nice balance. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DonnaP Posted June 5, 2015 Share Posted June 5, 2015 Hey - we need more info than THAT, missy... How many miles did you log? Where'd ya get to? Did you see the world's largest ball of string yet? Where in the world is Maureen SanDiego? ;D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wheelerswife Posted June 6, 2015 Author Share Posted June 6, 2015 1700 miles into the road trip. I'm on the Canadian border of New York and Vermont, visiting my folks and dodging roadblocks set up to try to catch two dangerous maximum security inmates who escaped the nearby prison this morning. On the NY side, just a half mile or so from the border. I will be here a few days before heading to Maine to see my sister and hopefully TFO. Wish me patience with my father... Maureen. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wheelerswife Posted June 13, 2015 Author Share Posted June 13, 2015 2300+ miles into the trip. Hanging out in Connecticut. Staying with a wid friend, hoping to catch a bunch of folks while I'm in the area. Drop me a line if you have the time to see me this week! Not used to the humidity, but with air conditioning, I've been getting some much needed sleep. I've spend some time with MIL 1 (meh...) and got my hair done by my old hairdresser. (Yay!) Today would have been my 23rd anniversary with my first husband, the 6th anniversary without him. I went to the cemetery 2 days ago. Sadly, we spent our last 2 anniversaries with him critically ill in ICU and it is those memories and the sense of fear that rise most strongly. I'm missing John, too. Fortunately, I can talk about him amongst wid friends. Bago in PA next weekend, then off on the adventure part of the trip with my niece! Maureen Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ursula Posted June 14, 2015 Share Posted June 14, 2015 Maureen, I wish you safe travels, and many new impressions to keep the mind busy and distracted. Travel is a great medicine I believe. Hugs and thinking of you Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wheelerswife Posted June 21, 2015 Author Share Posted June 21, 2015 3000 miles in. Last east coast stop today at the British Invasion bago. Over the last week or so I've been able to spend time with several east coast wid friends. Today I met a few more, as well as many wid kids. Rosie had a fun day, too....lots of kids (big and little) to give her attention on a day off from working. I am always honored to meet new wids and have them share their stories with me. Most of today's crowd I had met before, but new folks were inducted into the clan today and they are awesome people. Tomorrow, I pick up my niece and start the next leg of this summer journey. I hope to experience the awesomeness of our country and find more gumption to keep on keeping on. Indiana, Wisconsin, South Dakoka....next destinations on the road. Maureen Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SimiRed Posted June 23, 2015 Share Posted June 23, 2015 Safe travels!!! Have a Super Fantastic journey with your niece and Rosie!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wheelerswife Posted June 23, 2015 Author Share Posted June 23, 2015 Well, I'm into phase 2 of the road trip. Yesterday, my niece and I set out from Central New York and made it all the way past Chicago. We are just inside the Wisconsin line, heading today to visit some dear friends who knew John through 3 wives. (Yeah, I was #3!) I love these people, who stuck with him through thick and thin and were such a presence in our lives even from a distance. They knew John through and through and also loved the transformation they saw in him with me. My dilemma for today...do I call my MIL and stop to visit her tomorrow? She lives directly in my path of travel. She harbors bitterness toward me...for stealing her son's heart and then not looking after his health. Yeah...she blames me for his death. I haven't spoken to her since the anniversary of his death in January, when she unleashed that tirade on me. I'll ponder it a bit and make a decision later today, I guess. Off we go! Maureen Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lisa Posted June 23, 2015 Share Posted June 23, 2015 Lady you can travel! You will make your own decision. Keep in mind your neice is with you abd although she us in pain mil diesnt have license to abuse you. Take care Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jess Posted June 23, 2015 Share Posted June 23, 2015 Maureen, in my opinion if someone can cause you emotional pain, that is someone you do not need to offer your time to. I do not speak to my MIL, and I am better emotionally for it. Just my two cents. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wheelerswife Posted June 25, 2015 Author Share Posted June 25, 2015 Well, I made a call to MIL this morning and she was in a decent mood. I stopped by and actually took her out to lunch. She has been unwell since January, hospitalized twice and in the ER 4 times, but seems to be doing better. I don't think she truly understands what is wrong, but I think she has congestive heart failure and she has had some bad reactions to medications. Her home, which has always been in some disarray, was worse than I'd ever seen it. She isn't able to mow her lawn and do other yard work either. She has had macular degeneration for many years and her license expired and her eye doctor won't sign for her to drive anymore. She remains quite stubborn and resents her only remaining son's attempts to help her manage (he lives in Alaska). She cancelled a service that calls her daily and only allows meals on wheels to deliver to her one day a week. She honestly didn't look bad (for her) but I'm glad she is no longer my responsibility. She complained a bout a myriad of things during the visit, but she didn't say anything nasty to me or about me! Dutiful DIL has managed to squeak this one by. Now in Minnesota...heading toward the Dakotas...or at least South Dakota. Maureen Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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