Wheelerswife Posted June 25, 2015 Author Share Posted June 25, 2015 Tonight I get to see whiteirony and her brood! :D :D :D Maureen Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guaruj Posted June 26, 2015 Share Posted June 26, 2015 Maureen - I hope you continue to enjoy your trip. I recall reading elsewhere about mother-in-law #2 blaming you for your husband's death. Having read your more recent posts, I can see that she's simply unable to think reasonably. You are very kind to save some time for her during your travels. |+| M a r k |+| Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SimiRed Posted June 26, 2015 Share Posted June 26, 2015 Maureen, I'm glad that MIL was decent to you!! Safe travels, my friend!!! Have fun tonight!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wheelerswife Posted June 26, 2015 Author Share Posted June 26, 2015 It was lovely to see whiteirony again, and this time, to meet her wonderful young children and her fianc?, "Uncle Eric". The relationship between Uncle Eric and her children is just beautiful. I'm so happy for them! Rosie even had a playmate in their dog Marley and I think Rosie corrupted Marley by teaching her how to play in mud puddles! Such nice and relaxed hospitality! Today is scheduled as a long drive after we stop and see a retired nun that John and I met at a Catholic mission - on trips to Peru with university students. John and I always admired the work of justice that Sister Peggy dedicated her life to for the poorest of the poor in the desert coastal city of Chimbote. Now...to wake up my sleeping niece... Maureen Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DonnaP Posted June 26, 2015 Share Posted June 26, 2015 Well, you are indeed a kind-hearted soul -- to visit a woman who has been mean and spiteful to you, despite all the happinesss you brought to her son. I have a similar dilemma with my MIL, as you know. I have not initiated contact since Christmastime, when my efforts to put together a little family luncheon basically blew up in my face. Glad you were treated decently. And, kudos for having the patience to sit and listen to her complaints. Enjoy the next phase of your trip! Post some pictures when you get a chance Donna Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carey Posted June 26, 2015 Share Posted June 26, 2015 Ive enjoyed following your travels. I couldn't do that much time in a car though it does sound daring and adventurous! I'm glad you got through the MIL experience virtually unscathed ... I don't talk to mine either so I totally understand that. looking forward to the next installment of your journey so I can live vicariously through someone who has the guts to do something I never could. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
whiteirony Posted June 26, 2015 Share Posted June 26, 2015 Always a pleasure, Maureen!! Thank you for going out of your way to meet my brood. Eric was so glad to have met the woman who instigated the courage in me to take that leap of faith in the relationship between him and I. You're an amazing woman and can't wait to hear about your future endeavors across the country. Much love Mari Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wheelerswife Posted June 28, 2015 Author Share Posted June 28, 2015 Spent the day in the Badlands and the Black Hills of South Dakota. Drove through some beautiful scenery. Most of what went through my head - John should be here! I got teary several times but hid most of it from my niece. She is doing well, reading maps, choosing hotels, getting interested in the places we are going. She has been really good meeting people (such as a retired nun John and I met on our trips to Peru.). We are heading to Kansas for a couple of days after one more day here tomorrow. Then off to the desert Southwest. Still, though, wishing that my nightmare would end and my polarbear would just come back. We had so much life left to live together. Sigh. Maureen Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hachi Posted June 28, 2015 Share Posted June 28, 2015 ((aww hugs Maureen)) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JeanGenie Posted June 28, 2015 Share Posted June 28, 2015 {{Hugs}} Maureen...much adventures and heartache mixed up all in one. Your niece sounds like a gem though. Must get that from her Aunt! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wheelerswife Posted June 29, 2015 Author Share Posted June 29, 2015 Heading home today for a mid-road trip intermission. I need to go through my mail, pay some bills, catch up with a few local supporters and gear up for the next 4 weeks. I'm in my usual funk that I find myself in every time I go back home after being away. He is supposed to be here, damn it! I'm hiding most of my angst from my niece (who is currently in the shower and behind schedule for getting on the road this morning!). I hope not to have a big breakdown when I get home. Maureen Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
swilson Posted June 29, 2015 Share Posted June 29, 2015 {hug} Maureen. Dorothy's famous line, "There's no place like home" has a dampened feeling for some widdas. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ATJ Posted June 29, 2015 Share Posted June 29, 2015 He is supposed to be here, damn it! I hope not to have a big breakdown when I get home. (((Maureen))) I do understand how difficult it is having to "come home again" to one's reality. Meanwhile, I wish you much joy and peaceful moments as you embark on phase II of your big trip. Be safe and well! ATJ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SimiRed Posted June 30, 2015 Share Posted June 30, 2015 ((( HUGS))) Sending the biggest hug I can!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DonnaP Posted July 1, 2015 Share Posted July 1, 2015 A virtual hug cannot compare to the real thing, but here's one from me anyway (((HUG))) Love you! I hope having your niece along on the trip is providing a bit of a buffer between you and the grief monster. Good luck, and safe travels. Donna Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carey Posted July 1, 2015 Share Posted July 1, 2015 Hugs to you .... but I have to say I'm just so damned impressed and quite a bit jealous. I love reading your uupdates and imagining the unforgettable summer you are giving your niece. I'm up for adoption btw .... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wheelerswife Posted July 2, 2015 Author Share Posted July 2, 2015 Home has been okay. I have my niece with me and that has added distraction from missing John. I've been able to see some friends here and I took my niece to campus a couple of times to get the feel of a college of this size and to meet some staff and professors, too. Last night we went to an outdoor concert of the band Parmalee. My niece was in heaven...and we waited in line afterwards so she (and my dog Rosie) could get their pictures taken with the band. Tomorrow we head into Colorado, then down to Santa Fe to spend a little time with an seasoned board widow and then on into Arizona to catch up with Jess! Then it is on to San Diego to see my nephew, then up the southern California coast to catch a couple more people. The scenery should be amazing. That should take us through the next week or so! Maureen Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SoVerySad Posted July 2, 2015 Share Posted July 2, 2015 It sounds amazing (and so brave), Maureen. I'm glad you have your niece to share these experiences with. How wonderful for you both. Hugs, Carol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wheelerswife Posted July 6, 2015 Author Share Posted July 6, 2015 Checking in from Santa Fe. We have been the guests of Ann E for a couple of nights and we've gotten a bit of a tour of Santa Fe. Before that, we spent some time in southern Colorado - getting to see the Garden of the Gods and Pike's Peak in the Colorado Springs area and then and the Great Sand Dunes National Park. Who knew there were amazing sand dunes in Colorado? Santa Fe feels like it is an entirely different country - very different culture, very soft-spoke people, a very peace-filled place. Tomorrow, it is on to Arizona. Step by step, I am making my way toward northern California, where I will inter half of John's ashes beside his late wife Cheryl. My chest tightens when I think about it. I know they are "only" ashes, but I am letting go of the part of him that rightly belongs with his other love, as he wished. I'm still sad, though. I want him for myself...but I can't have him....that I know intellectually. He is no longer here. Emotionally, I'm still so sad that our life together came to such an abrupt end nearly 18 months ago. I want him with me now, as I explore this country as we would have eventually if he was still alive. So many feelings and emotions. I want to write something to say at his interment. I've played some things over in my mind while I drive long miles. How do I say goodbye? How do I let go of half of him? July 23. That is the day. Sigh. Breathe. Maureen Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jen Posted July 6, 2015 Share Posted July 6, 2015 I wish I had more. but... ((((((((HUGS))))))))) I just got back from southwest Colorado, still my favorite place on the planet. I scattered some ashes at the highest point in Mesa Verde National Park-- a place I always wanted to take Jim, and never got to. It was hard... but I felt better once I'd done it. I hope your experience is similar, but I wish with all my heart that neither of us had to do it at all. much love, Jen Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
linda5 Posted July 6, 2015 Share Posted July 6, 2015 Maureen, I've enjoyed reading your travel encounters. I'm glad you've got your niece with you. I'm sure it's going to be hard to leave some of your Polarbear in California. I'll be thinking and praying for you ... that you and your niece stay safe, have fun, and that July 23rd is another step forward in your healing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trying Posted July 6, 2015 Share Posted July 6, 2015 Maureen, this is such a big journey for you. I hope that you can feel peace knowing you are following his wishes. One more difficult step that I wish you didn't have to face. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hachi Posted July 7, 2015 Share Posted July 7, 2015 Oh Maureen, I am so sorry you don't have him here with you to experience these places. Letting little pieces of Craig go in the places we were planning to visit was very hard. I struggle every time I do it. A little piece here, another there. I wonder if he will be upset that his remains were not all together. Hmm, knowing him as I did, I know none of this mattered to him, and the truth is.... I lost ALL of him three years ago today. Letting the little bits of his remains pale in comparison to that loss. My heart goes out to you, Maureen. You were robbed. You should be traveling together with him for the summer the way you always intended. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wheelerswife Posted July 7, 2015 Author Share Posted July 7, 2015 Good morning from Phoenix. I'm hanging out, still in bed, snuggling with my dog, letting my niece sleep in. We will eventually hit the road for southern California later this morning. I'm feeling sad, wishing for both time completely alone or just rewinding my life to a time when I was incredibly happy. I've spent the last few days driving through some really gorgeous terrain, multiple climate and ecosystem changes, amazing geology. John would have been in heaven. He would also be reading about these locations from books, pointing out the formations, explaining their geological history, relating to the cultures of the native people here....I could go on. I'm feeling the depth of sadness over his loss, yet I feel like I don't really have the space to show my emotions. Part of me wishes I could believe he is with me in spirit. The other part is glad I believe he isn't with me because he would just feel my pain. I really miss him. Damn, I miss him. Sigh. I have had the opportunity to meet another wonderful and kind widow Jess. The next few days will be more distracting and focused on fun for my niece. She has been an amazing trooper with all of the traveling (over 4000 miles for her in the last 2 weeks!) I think that we will get some beach time and she will get to spend some time with kids her age. She is excited to go to California. She also wants to go to Las Vegas, and we have that location on the itinerary soon! Meanwhile, I cry softly and keep taking deep breaths. Maureen Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jess Posted July 7, 2015 Share Posted July 7, 2015 It was really lovely to meet you, Rosie, and your niece. Safe travels to all of you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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