Five year anniversary of diagnosis

[cmf]

How on earth have five years passed?  June 1, 2010. V. went off in the morning to have an MRI (or maybe it was a CT? it seems I've forgotten some details) for what the doctor was certain was really bad bronchitis. I went home at lunch to see him, already worried and already knowing it wasn't really bad bronchitis. He was on the couch with an appointment to see the doctor again that afternoon. I said I would go with him. When we got to the doctor V. insisted that I only come back if it was something really bad so I waited, but within 60 seconds of him going back the doctor called me back as well. Has a doctor ever called anyone back?  The doctor explained to us that there was a mass in his lungs that might be terminal. On a random June 1 day, a primary care doc told us that he was likely terminal. The oncologist the next day told us to pray it was lymphoma, but it wasn't. Stage IV lung cancer at age 50. Dead 11 weeks and five days later.

 

I feel this day in my chest, in my heart, like a brick, or more likely an elephant sitting on me. Five years have passed since that miserable day and I still feel it like I was sitting in the doctor's office that horrible day. There isn't much to say, but I had to say it somewhere. Screaming it from my office rooftop or on a street corner didn't seem like the best option so I am here, forever grateful for here.

 

 

 

_________________________

11/8/59-8/22/10

[ATJ]

How on earth have five years passed? 

I feel this day in my chest, in my heart, like a brick, or more likely an elephant sitting on me. Five years have passed since that miserable day and I still feel it like I was sitting in the doctor's office that horrible day. There isn't much to say, but I had to say it somewhere. Screaming it from my office rooftop or on a street corner didn't seem like the best option so I am here, forever grateful for here.

 

 

(((cmf)))

 

I heard your scream of pain! Sadly, memory is not a respecter of time and can haunt us for many years. It would be nice to be able to flip a magic switch and stop these images. In two days I'll hit my 10th anniversary, and your proverbial elephant seems to be making the rounds. Let's both give him the big "Heave-ho"!

 

"Memory may be a paradise from which we cannot be driven,

it may also be a hell from which we cannot escape."

 

~~ John Lancaster Spalding

 

 

 

 

Sending you Rays of Light and Hope for better days ahead!

 

ATJ

 

 

[patriciad]

((((hugs))))

i so understand. Different date. Same diagnosis. 137 days later he was gone.  My husband's doctor told us to pray it was tb or sarcoidosis.  But that spot on the lung turned into a stage IV cancer.

Isn't it amazing how you can remember every detail?  I forget so many things these days but I can remember those days in detail.

 

Pat

[BrokenHeart2]

My heart goes out to you CMF and all of us others that endured a similar situation. Hugs

[CBB]

I to was in the doctors office and called back to the room where the oncologist was with my hubby. I still can remember the numbness in my hands and my throat closing up as he told us the terrible news. Hubby said "I am going to beat this doc!" but I just knew from the doctors facial expressions, this wasn't good. Stage 4 colon cancer with metastasis to liver and bone. He never had a chance. I hate my brain for remembering such awful details.. So I am trying desperately to remember the good ones he left me. Hugs everyone.. CANCER SUCKS BALLS!

 

Cyndi

[Guest TooSoon]

I remember, too.  They didn't even have to open their mouths and I knew.  Glioblastoma multiforme IV.  I'd never even heard of it before that day but now those words will forever send chills down my spine and take me right back.  I remember when they confirmed it after the craniotomy.  The neuro-surgeon said, "6 months to a year" and some social worker took me into a room and I was weeping and not making much sense and she said, "You need to calm down and be strong now."  Really?  Right then?  Some social worker.  Why wouldn't it always traumatize us?  Life can go on and we can move forward but it still happened and it is still traumatizing.  Hugs.

[marjoe]

I get it. Seven years in a month, and those memories are with me. I've said this before and I'll say it again - there are some memories that never, ever, soften with time. There's nothing about a terminal sentence and watching my husband die that will ever get "better". Hugs to you, CMF.

[jlp]

"there are some memories that never, ever, soften with time. There's nothing about a terminal sentence and watching my husband die that will ever get "better".

 

This.

[lovedroses]

"there are some memories that never, ever, soften with time. There's nothing about a terminal sentence and watching my husband die that will ever get "better".

 

This.

 

Absolutely. 

[canadiangirl]

I get it.  I've said this before and I'll say it again - there are some memories that never, ever, soften with time. There's nothing about a terminal sentence and watching my husband die that will ever get "better". Hugs to you, CMF.

 

Right on, marjoe.  Here too, CMF.  We had 4 years after diagnosis but believe me, it was an extension of the torture described above.  2010 was the year they told us it was terminal.  Not a good year.  There's a scream living inside me as well.  ((CMF)) 

[ManutesGirl]

That date for me is Jan 6th...hate that we have to deal with so many days that are hard.