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Confessions of a widow


Tweety76
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Guest TooSoon

 

Confession 2, I am getting to know and really like a guy who likes Phish, and I may, on one occasion or another in my past life, made fun of that whole phenomenon.

 

This made my morning.  Thank you. 

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Pj's are to wear around the house, not while I'm in bed. :)

 

 

Exactly!! They make me feel cute and, well, alive-- in some weird inexplicable way. Like if I feel as though I'm still human enough and girlie enough to deserve nice jammies and knickers, maybe... maybe someday someone else will think so too.  :-\

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Jeez, I thought I was the only widow smoker. I didn't smoke at all until after she died. Then I took up cigars and cigarillos  Btw, she died of cancer and the irony isn't lost on me. She also hated the smell of smoke. Probably would slap me silly if she were around.

 

Then again, I quit drinking a year ago. Smoking is harder to quit, but probably the lesser of two evils

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I suck.  I bought a pack of cigarettes on the way home from work.  Allow me to reiterate, I suck.

 

If my Kenneth were still alive and here to read this, he would tell you that, technically, you don't suck - you inhale. (Sorry, couldn't resist the cheesy humor. My head hurts and I am medicated.)  ;)

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Confession 2, I am getting to know and really like a guy who likes Phish, and I may, on one occasion or another in my past life, made fun of that whole phenomenon.

 

This made my morning.  Thank you.

TS I am so stupid. He mentioned in his profile he's been known to go to a show or two. Then last weekend he texted me, mentioned he was at s Phish concert. I thought, wait, and googled his profile name, yep it's the title of a Phish song. No real reason I would have known that. I only know one song by them. It was a song Dan liked, and I used to give him (good natured) shit for it. Actually, I've only met two other Phish fans in my life. One spent a year following them and she was this totally awesome, brilliant chick. The other was a total asshole. It's funny how your perspective on people changes with widowhood. I now feel like I've been a judgmental asshole about a lot of things. Like seriously, it's a band. He's nice to me, and seems to think I'm cool.

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  • 2 weeks later...

Two years out and am still googling witchcraft spells, curses and black magic to use on my monster shit-law.

 

I'm still angry with DH for dying in such a ridiculously random way.

 

I drink wayyyy much more than I ought to. But I rationalise it as "being social", as I don't drink alone. That's ok, right? Rightttttt?

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I absolutely have no idea when a text exchange is supposed to end. Are we having a conversation? Do I inform the other person that I'm leaving? Is it weird that I answered a particular text, because we were not, in fact having a conversation? It's fine when it's people I know well, they'll forgive my texting ignorance. But when I'm talking to uh, a new person, am I coming off rude or needy?

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I absolutely have no idea when a text exchange is supposed to end. Are we having a conversation? Do I inform the other person that I'm leaving?

 

This one made me laugh because this is soooo me. I always feel like I have to respond.  I don't want the other person to feel like they are being ignored :)

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Just like we women know we are included in the term "mankind", you widowers are always included in the term "widow". Confess away! If you get to read anything embarrassing, pathetic  or cringe worthy about us, we should have the same pleasure😉

 

My confession, I am going away for the weekend without kids and I hope the ferry breaks down Sunday so I dont have to come back!  I love my kids with every fiber of my being but I NEED to have a weekend of no responsibility.  I envy divorced people who get every other weekend off.

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From here in eastern PA where no one has been talking anything but the Papal visit for days, I say confess away! 

 

Here's mine:  I have a friend of the widower persuasion coming in town this weekend to visit and I left the mouse my cats killed earlier this week (outside) and plan to call on him to clean it up for me.  Yup, my feminism runs deep but dead vermin might be my limit.  (if you see this, because I know you're lurking around these parts, you're also going to have to help me move some heavy stuff ) :)

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Okay, another confession--  I don't iron, fold, or really put away laundry.  I usually leave it in the laundry bags and root out what I need.  I used to have nicer clothes, but I'm pretty much down to jeans, white tube socks and various t-shirts/knits.  If I go somewhere fancy (defined as "a place where someone brings food to your table"), I try to remember to wipe the barn dirt off my boots before I go.

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My confession tonight is... I'm in a pretty good place right now. That may change tomorrow, and I know it, but in this particular moment... I'm at peace with my life. I think I could say that.. right now, anyway... I'm happy. And I feel a little guilty about it, like I don't deserve to be happy and still have a place to come for hugs and support and everything that this community gives me. Thank you all.

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He was a mechanic. So I stop in front of every auto repair I pass by, close my eyes and embrace the smell. For just a second it's like he just came back from work and I can almost here him yelling "Hi honey, I'm home."

I also regularly find an excuse to take my car there. 

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He was a mechanic. So I stop in front of every auto repair I pass by, close my eyes and embrace the smell. For just a second it's like he just came back from work and I can almost here him yelling "Hi honey, I'm home."

I also regularly find an excuse to take my car there.

 

OMG, me too!!!  I actually look forward to getting the oil change or (happy happy joy joy) a warranty recall.  It smells like my sweetie's hug when he got home from work.

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I also took up smoking Don's cigars ...just love the smell

I know bad habit but at this point don't care

I will confess I see men that look like my don ,shaved heads,bright yellow shirts (he was a dpw worker )

and I am have been so tempted to stop and just ask for a donnie hug

plus right now wearing his flannel shirt 

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  • 2 weeks later...

I've been pretty lonely missing my DH lately, but mostly loving living in my new town close to family. Only problem is the unexpected drop ins. For example today I was attempting to get a quick O before my kids got home from school when the door bell rings with my MIL at the door. Quickly throwing on a pair of pants and slamming my comp closed and rushing to the door took me a bit longer than expected, leading to a disappointing look on my MIL's face when I opened the door.  :-[

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