Guest look2thesky Posted May 26, 2015 Share Posted May 26, 2015 Giaruja be easy on yourself. The grave means a lot to you, and man can I relate. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Questions Posted May 26, 2015 Share Posted May 26, 2015 Guaruja, I totally get this. I found it hard to do things just for myself too. A friend of mine told me something that helped get me moving. Maybe it'll help you too. She said: "You deserve a nice, clean place to live." I think I was punishing myself for being the one left alive by refusing to take care of myself. I remember being angry at my body requiring so much attention from me: Feed me, wash me, exercise me! I felt dead inside but my body kept reminding me I wasn't & that it wasn't okay to act like I was dead & no longer mattered. Call it survivor's guilt I guess. Somehow being given permission to go on living & do normal things was what I needed to hear. I don't know if this is what's happening to you, but if it is try & remember something: You matter. You don't deserve to suffer even more than you already are so stop punishing yourself. Take care of the things that are bothering you. Nurture yourself & get this stuff sorted so you can put it to rest, have some relief & regain some sense of normalcy in your day to day life. It's ok to keep living even though your heart's broken. You're not the one who died. That automatically makes it ok... Take care of some of these things & I guarantee you'll feel a little lighter & like yourself more. Don't forget to give yourself a huge pat on the back too when it's done.. Nothing about this is easy, but giving up only adds insult to injury.. You can do this! (((hugs))) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gretchen437 Posted June 4, 2015 Share Posted June 4, 2015 I am yet again struck down sick causing me to fall further behind in my studies. I am only half way through the material my comrades have covered. I would like to catch up but I have neither the passion nor energy to fight through the elaborate tapestry of bullshit that is contract law today. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest nonesuch Posted June 7, 2015 Share Posted June 7, 2015 It's been over five years, but every time I take LH's name off something, my heart breaks a little. It's as if he's being erased bit by bit. One day it will be as if he's never existed. His name is still on the electric bill. I just can't bear to change it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MissingSquish Posted June 8, 2015 Share Posted June 8, 2015 One of Squish's close friends who I haven't seen in a long time was totally trying to get me to sleep with him. I told him that my heart was still a bit bruised from Squish and ex BF and he was like "I'll make you feel much better". I said I just couldn't. Radio silence. (Btw, I was never attracted to him at all, like ever) Yuck. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gretchen437 Posted June 15, 2015 Share Posted June 15, 2015 Everything so complicated right. My health, studying, the kids, and everything else has caused me to make a rather rash and illogical decision. Among the most frustrating problems of the decision is, as I opted to marry my husband young, I never bothered to come out. A handful of people know about my preferences and prior relationships with women, but now more than ever I am even more guarded about it, but at the same time I feel too old to live a lie. Sorry just needed a bit of a rant. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Virgo Posted June 15, 2015 Share Posted June 15, 2015 That's a lot going on at once Gretchen. I hope coming out to everyone gives you some relief, and your health issues improve. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest mawidow Posted September 2, 2015 Share Posted September 2, 2015 Getting dressed this morning, I realized that my 'period' underwear now are nicer than my 'nice' underwear when I was married. Apparently, I have overhauled everything, down to my undies. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BrokenHeart2 Posted September 2, 2015 Share Posted September 2, 2015 MA that is hilarious Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gracelet Posted September 8, 2015 Share Posted September 8, 2015 Getting dressed this morning, I realized that my 'period' underwear now are nicer than my 'nice' underwear when I was married. Apparently, I have overhauled everything, down to my undies. Ha, I have period underwear too!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Max2507 Posted September 8, 2015 Share Posted September 8, 2015 After over 2 years I took his towel off the hook in the shower. I only did it because my 16 year old dog died and it seemed like using it as a shroud for him was a good purpose. My dog had a long, happy life, 112 in people years, hardly feel bad about that. Now I just see the hook and miss his towel, miss him so much. Don't think I will ever feel normal again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest TooSoon Posted September 9, 2015 Share Posted September 9, 2015 Changing this post to: I almost drove my car for so long without an oil change that I would have needed a new engine. Again (though last time I actually did need a new engine). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest TooSoon Posted September 9, 2015 Share Posted September 9, 2015 And I have another confession. When my husband was diagnosed with cancer, I started smoking. Yes, I am well aware that that is deeply f'ed up. I can explain what the psychology was at the time but there's really no point. I finally decided to quit smoking once and for all two days ago. So far, so good but I am about to start climbing up walls. Climbing. Up. The. Walls. Or walking laps around my house in the dark. Maybe time to take up knitting, like right now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jen Posted September 9, 2015 Share Posted September 9, 2015 I'll be perfectly honest: over the past year, I have strongly considered taking up smoking. The thing that has stopped me has been the cost. I don't blame you one bit, and I still have days when I think, Fuck, whatever will shorten my lifespan... bring it on. As far as quitting-- of course you can do it!! Jim used rock salt-- whenever he felt the urge to light up, he would pop one or two crystals in his mouth. Yuck, but it worked! He quit cold turkey after smoking for six or seven years, and what eventually became a two-pack-a-day habit. Hang in there! Re upgrades: my underwear drawer must look a lot like yours, Mawidow. My period undies are the cheap cotton ones I had before I was a wid. I've got all new pretty knickers for every (non-AF) day, and I don't even feel bad about it. Also, I've gone on this insane pajamas kick-- I never wore PJs before, but now I have a cute and/or pretty set for every night, if I want one. There's no one to appreciate any of it, but what the hell. I like it. Hugs! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BrokenHeart2 Posted September 9, 2015 Share Posted September 9, 2015 Love it Just Jen. PJs just for you! You rock girl!! ❤️ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wheelerswife Posted September 9, 2015 Share Posted September 9, 2015 I never wore PJ's before. Now I wear the granny kind. Sexy, eh? I'll gladly go back to sleeping in the buff when I find great love #3. One of my qualifications for love #3 is that he also enjoys sleeping in the buff. Maureen Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jen Posted September 9, 2015 Share Posted September 9, 2015 Yup, the next Mr Jen has to want to sleep at least mostly nude. Much better for oxytocin production. In the meantime, buy ALL the adorable jammies!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lcoxwell Posted September 9, 2015 Share Posted September 9, 2015 Since you have brought it up, I managed to lose 17 pounds in a relatively short time after my Kenneth died. When you are 5'1", even 5 pounds can be a big difference. Needless to say, I had to go by all new EVERYTHING, including clothes, pajamas, bras, and panties. SOMEHOW, I managed to end up with about 30 new pair of cute, sexy panties. I could literally go an entire month without having to wash, and still wouldn't have a need to wear the same pair for more than a day. (Actually, I think the appeal of not having to wash clothes might have at least something to do with why I have around 30 pair of panties, but that's another confession). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
twistedmensa Posted September 9, 2015 Share Posted September 9, 2015 I guess I'm boring. I've never been one to wear sexy anything. My sleepwear consists of shorts and t-shirts until winter when I switch to sweats. I've been this way my entire life and see no need to change it now...especially now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MrsDan Posted September 9, 2015 Share Posted September 9, 2015 TS, I started smoking after my dad died. Of lung cancer, how's that for fucked up. I quit, but started up again after Dan died. I just needed something, and because of the way he died, I can't drink, can't even stand the thought of alcohol. The guy I've been chatting with, his profile says he'll only date an occasional smoker. Oops. But hey, he likes Phish, so he's got to smoke something, right? Confession 2, I am getting to know and really like a guy who likes Phish, and I may, on one occasion or another in my past life, made fun of that whole phenomenon. Next confession, I asked my SIL to watch DD both days last weekend, so I could work on the house one day and have lunch with a friend from out of town the other. It's not entirely untrue; I did see the friend, but she came over and we hung out while I worked on the house, and then I had lunch with that guy the next day. The fourth confession is that I really don't feel as bad about it as much as I think I should, because my life sucks so bad I needed something to look forward to. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trying Posted September 9, 2015 Share Posted September 9, 2015 I love pretty PJs, not exactly sexy, but pretty and comfy. I put weight on after DH died so haven't spent much on sexy anything. I'm losing weight now and see a big shopping trip in my future when I reach my goal! For now I'm enjoying shopping in my closet, finding things that haven't fit for almost 2 years. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jess Posted September 9, 2015 Share Posted September 9, 2015 Another widow smoker here. Sigh. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bunny Posted September 9, 2015 Share Posted September 9, 2015 Bless me widows, for I have sinned: 1) I, too, took up smoking again while my husband was dying of cancer. Have spent the last year trying to be completely quit, but keep having relapses. 2) I started drinking alcohol after he died- he'd been sober the last 10 years of his life. I rarely drank the entire 17 years we were together. My first couple years of widowhood were spent in a drunken haze. 3) My boyfriend is so much more laid back- life is easier with him in many ways. I'm relieved to not have to deal with my husband's shitty temper tantrums anymore. I no longer feel guilty about this. 4) I've been angry at my husband for about a year now. I'm trying to let go of those bad memories, want to go back to remembering all that amazing happiness we shared instead. I'm frustrated by my seeming inability to do this. It's so hard to be stuck in this part of my grief. I really, really want to let it go. I wish I could win the lottery just so I could start seeing a therapist who specializes in complicated grief. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Virgo Posted September 9, 2015 Share Posted September 9, 2015 Pj's are to wear around the house, not while I'm in bed. My confession: I went back to bed after my daughters went to school today and it felt great! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MrsT85 Posted September 9, 2015 Share Posted September 9, 2015 I went from a 1-2 cigarette a week smoker (mostly pawned off and snuck with a friend) to a 1-2 pack a week smoker for the first 12-18 months after he died. I'm back down to just a few a month - usually with that same friend. But oh boy...did my alcohol consumption pick up after he died. Holy hell, have I become good at drinking cheap tequila! And while I don't feel the need to get fucked up right after work every day or need to drink myself to sleep every night anymore, I probably still imbibe more than I should. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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