Carey Posted June 25, 2015 Share Posted June 25, 2015 If you were sick, with something pretty serious but potentially not life threatening, would you tell your children (teenagers) so they would understand why you're fatigued and not well for an extended time or not tell them so they don't worry? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
widowat33 Posted June 25, 2015 Share Posted June 25, 2015 Firstly I just want to say I hope all is well... My children are afraid something will happen to me, all I can tell them is I can't promise them that nothing will ever happen but that if anything did they would be taken care of and they would be okay. I believe in being honest with them even if it's something that they might not want to hear. I expect honesty from them so I always try to be honest with them. So yes if I had an illness I would tell them and talk to them about it, especially if it affected me physically or mentally. But that is just me, everyone is different and every situation is different. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Virgo Posted June 25, 2015 Share Posted June 25, 2015 Yes, I would definitely talk to them about it. We were open and honest about my husband's leukemia from the very beginning. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trying Posted June 26, 2015 Share Posted June 26, 2015 I am so sorry to hear you are facing medical issues and hope you are getting the care you need. It is so difficult to think about adding any stress or worry to our children who have suffered so much but I think, especially with their ages, that you need to be honest with them. You can frame it with a positive outlook but they deserve the basic facts. They will find out eventually and it will be hard for them to trust you if you haven't been honest. Wishing you nothing but the best. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Portside Posted June 26, 2015 Share Posted June 26, 2015 If you were sick, with something pretty serious but potentially not life threatening, would you tell your children (teenagers) so they would understand why you're fatigued and not well for an extended time or not tell them so they don't worry? For me it would depend on the child. Would the truth cause more anxiety than that of a bit of a stretch? I lied through my teeth repeatedly to my boys when it was necessary for a period to not cause them undue worry. A white lie is just another tool in the parenting tool chest that, when applied intelligently, is the right tool for the right job. It was necessary for my youngest sons for a time as they had replaced their farewell of "Good bye" with "Don't die." Why would I add to that burden? They were serious. Best wishes - Mike Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lcoxwell Posted June 26, 2015 Share Posted June 26, 2015 I agree with Portside, on the level of openness being somewhat related to the individual child's anxiety. For the most part, I have always been very open and honest with my children, and I tend to prefer that approach. Kenneth's daughter, though, was always one, who struggled with anxiety and would often work herself into hysterics. With her, we often had to downplay the severity of Kenneth's hospitalizations, for her own good. Sad to say, but I used to be able to be more truthful with my two, who were 7-9 years younger than her. All five of her siblings knew to keep certain information from her. I am sorry that you are facing health issues, and I echo what others have said. I hope that you are getting the medical treatment that you need and that everything is alright. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carey Posted June 26, 2015 Author Share Posted June 26, 2015 It's a brain tumor...........BUT, it's not malignant and is just a recurrence from something I dealt with in 2013. It happened right after Chad went to Saudi, I didn't tell him then because he was overseas and would worry too much, so I didn't tell the kids because I didn't want it slipping to him. My line of thinking was like portside's ... my kids are still very upset, particularly this week after father's day, and they do the "don't die" thing too. I was only considering telling them because the drug I have to take to shrink the darn thing again is pretty strong, it's actually a form of chemotherapy just in pill form and maybe not as strong. But side effects are bad and I find myself wanting to scream at the kids "why are you bothering me with this don't you see I don't feel well?"....and I keep thinking if I told them theyd be more understanding and helpful, but that seems like a very selfish reason to worry them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SoVerySad Posted June 26, 2015 Share Posted June 26, 2015 Carey, I'm so sorry you are facing this medical issue. I do not think it is selfish to want the kids to know why you may be responding as you are. I had to tell my kids about my medical issues so they know what to do if I suffer consequences of it - ie. they need to know what to tell medics, etc.. I actually have a little note hanging on the fridge with relevant info they need to share if something were to happen. I really didn't want to tell them, but I also didn't want them to be in a situation where they weren't prepared in any way for me to experience side effects or episodes which might scare them even more, especially given my husband died suddenly in their presence. I think you can share this info while stressing it is treatable, etc.. Let them know you are keeping on top of it so you'll continue to remain healthy. I think there is a risk if you don't mention it and eventually are forced to do so or they learn about it another way, that they will wonder if there is anything else you are keeping from them. Given that we are the only parent our children have left, I think the trust issue is really important. Given that your kids are older, I think they are at an age where they can handle this information. One word of advice - be sure to tell them your medical situation is unique to you and your doctors are watching closely. My son did some online research into my medical issues. As we know, looking up medical issues on the internet can cause unnecessary worry. I told them just to ask me if they have questions. I hope your treatments go well. Tight hugs... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lcoxwell Posted June 26, 2015 Share Posted June 26, 2015 SVS makes quite a bit of sense, given the uniqueness of your situation. Under these circumstances, I would likely tell your children and follow her advice. I want to add that I am sorry you are having to deal with this medical issue, on top of everything else you have been through, and I hope that the side effects aren't too bad and that the tumor shrinks quickly. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
linda5 Posted June 27, 2015 Share Posted June 27, 2015 I believe I would tell my children. I think when they see you not feeling well, they will start to assume the worst. I concur with SVS. Sending you positive thoughts and prayers that it shrinks quickly and NEVER returns. Hugs to you! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carey Posted July 1, 2015 Author Share Posted July 1, 2015 I came up with a compromise on the two. I just couldn't say the word tumor to them, because I was afraid that I wouldn't be able to convince them enough that it's NOT cancerous. They do know that I have a history of migraines, so I just told them that I was taking a really strong medicine to help with the headaches that has some pretty strong side effects and that I wouldn't be feeling all that great for awhile and might need some extra help and understanding from them. That seemed to go over okay ... and it's not a lie, the headaches were what led me to get it checked out and the tumor found. This is day 7 and I have NO energy at all and this is our big holiday weekend at the beach and I'm worried how I will be able to pull it off, but I'm not going to let it stop us from going. They cling extra tightly to traditions these days. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MissinGrizz Posted July 2, 2015 Share Posted July 2, 2015 I am very open with my teens. I think it lessens anxiety when they know that they can trust me to be forthright with them at all times. Also, having your teens know can also be helpful if something bad happened. If you were brought to the ER, for example, and they were asked if you were on any medicines, they could answer. I know it can be scary for them, but if you word it correctly, they'll likely not only be more understanding, but they'll know they can trust you to tell the truth. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Captains wife Posted July 2, 2015 Share Posted July 2, 2015 Im very sorry you are dealing with this. I wish widows/widowers would just get a break from all the other crap life throws at us. I read a very good book about talking to children about loss and it was very clear in being truthful with your children about sickness and death (in an age appropriate way). They also need to know if you arent yourself so its good that you did talk to them. I wish you all the best for your big holiday weekend away - please try and take it as easy as you can (and enjoy just lying on the beach doing nothing), explain to your kids you need down time and the good thing is that they are old enough to help take care of you a bit, including helping wiith meals etc. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lisa Posted July 2, 2015 Share Posted July 2, 2015 Best of luck to you Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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