Carey

It's clich? and old fashioned, but I am what I am .. the way my daddy raised me. I won't call a man first. I more than likely won't text or message a man first. I know it is somewhat unfair to put all the onus on the man stereotypically, it's just hard to change who you are. So offering me your number, you will probably never hear from me. Asking for mine, maybe a "tad" leary... an exchange of numbers but you call me first, I'll probably do.

I would LOVE LOVE LOVE to get the chance to go to one, but so far everything I've seen has been far away from me and I just don't have the money to travel/fly To be sure I'm not the only widow in Eastern NC lol

OMG.... THIS is perfect. Priceless. Even 16 months later this still applies lol but I don't think I could get anyone to go for it.

after meeting several that tanked after the first in person meeting and I felt like weeks had been wasted "chatting", I got to thinking. Before dating sites, you met someone face to face (one HUGE hurdle crossed already). Because admit it, no matter what we all say, really you look at someone and can fairly easily determine if you want to know them. Yes, I did meet Chad randomly on the phone and it worked out. But for the most part, no relationship really ever starts without seeing someone. So I've decided that I'm not going to be one of those emailer/texter/chatter people. Meet me. IN PERSON and then we will go from there. I just feel like so much of online dating is useless time wasted on things of no substance.

My heart goes out to you DeeDee. You have definitely found the right place. Reaching out is a good first step. I am so very sorry you have reason to be here, but glad you will be here surrounded by so many who DO get it. {{{{HUGS}}}}

fingers and eyeballs crossed :

lol isn't it wonderful to have memories like that? Great story, thanks for sharing, I needed a smile.

Ive struggled to find the words to express this exact thing. You say it perfectly. Those were the moments that kept me from leaving him though every thought I was nuts for staying. And I lost him over and over and over. Hugs to you today my friend.

I despise this. Yet I know it's unintentional. They are at a loss for words about a situation they cant comprehend and pray they never have to. Personally? Dear whatever doesn't kill me, I'm strong enough now thank you.

Long story, but I stumbled into this "career" if you can call it that 4 years ago. I had been a medical transcriptionist with my own business making very good money. However given the advent of ObAMACARE and electronic medical records, that was phased out and I didn't have much schooling to fall back on. I had been office staff in several doctors offices in the past and that was really the only experience I had. I find myself working in the Audiology (hearing and hearing aids) department at an ENT office and at first it was novel doing things other than typing all day and I enjoyed it. However the pay sucks and without Chad's income that's no good. And I resent the amount of work I had been doing for a measly $10/hr. I've gotten one raise in 4 years though they promised yearly raises when I was hired, however a year later there was a raise freeze put in place that has not been lifted since. I find myself being totally irresponsible at work. Sitting on this board too much. Playing Mahjong. Cruising yahoo stories. ANYTHING but working. And I am actually feeling guilty about it now but my heart is so not in it. Truthfully my heart is not in ANYTHING. I give myself the same pep talk almost daily that TODAY I'm going to get some real work done and it just doesn't seem to be happening and the work is piling up and my give a damn is busted. But really it's not just work. Only one friend to speak of, kids drive me nuts, I hate my house, just everything ... there's no drive to do anything at all really. As I'm typing this I realize that sounds like depression. Sad thing about that is insurance at said crappy job is not good and I can't afford to go to a doc. My regular doc relocated so now I would be considered a new patient anywhere I went and that would take awhile plus the copay is high. Between health issues I'm concerned about, dental issues I can't do anything about I just feel like a mess. Pitiful as it is I can't afford to lose this job but no matter what I tell myself I find myself so easily distracted, or really, just not caring. Has anyone experienced anything similar that you could offer some advice? Cause right now my office mate is out of the building and I'm seriously considering laying my head down on the desk and just going to sleep :-\

I'm not just saying this .. tears are literally flowing as I read this. What courage and strength and what a wonderful wife you are to him. It sounds utterly heartbreaking, but in another way, a gift. To be able to know that everything had been said that needed to, that he knew how you felt, he knew you were there, those were priceless days and I am so glad you have taken the time to write them. Your writing speaks volumes of the love between you and your Kenneth. I was just thinking, we should have a section of this board for those who KNOW they are about to be widowed. It would be of immeasurable comfort I would think. Warm hugs to you today, I know you're spent from the sheer mental and emotional exhaustion from the remembrance.

I have to admit this is still a phenomenon that makes me go I lost my BEST friend 5 days after Chad died. She wasn't there for me when I needed, when she SAID she would be and I was just out of my mind enough to let her know it and I have never seen or spoken to her again. MANY friends from high school were quick to respond in those immediate days and I did expect them to fall off. I did not expect one of them to step up and become my lifeline and my very best very only friend. I also did not expect my family to bolt the way they have. I did have to move, but I still live in the same county for crying out loud. I might be 20 minutes away. You'd think it was 2000. And I'm still just scratching my head over there. Do we have cooties?

I have nothing to add other than ditto to Mrs.Dan AND to those who expressed that we have a fresh start here with unlimited potential and we KNOW more care will be taken with the newbies as far as being let in as soon as they come knocking. I am in awe of all that has been done here in so little time and will be forever grateful.

Sammy Hagar's "Where Eagles Fly". It ironically starts with the words "Sunday morning, 9 a.m. I saw fire in the sky, I felt my heart pound in my chestk, I heard an eagle cry.......". it was precisely 9 a.m. on a sunday morning when they told me he was gone. He had so many demons and alcoholism was a monkey on his back. Flying Eagles has been a theme with him all his life , right down to his work on the F-15 Strike Eagle. I stumbled across a youtube video that was a pilot montage of the F15 Eagles set to that song. It was Kismet. And then I cried buckets when I saw that there were planes with the mighty SJ on them, from OUR base. Planes HE PERSONALLY had touched and I knew it was from him. That song literally sprang to my mind the day he died when no other cohesive thoughts would come. I knew he loved it, he had played the video so loud the walls shook more times than I could count. He had posted it to his FB page just a day or so before he died. I KNEW this was his song. With these Lyrics "Now I'm alive and I breathe the air They wash the earth from my face I catch a glimpse of another dream I turned, I looked, but there's no trace" To me, that sounds like what the last moment of his life might have been . Now he's TRULY alive and free, the earth and its addictions and fears and trouble are washed from his face and he caught that first glimpse of that "other dream"...Heaven and looked back here and saw no trace. The video has been removed now and that makes me incredibly sad. I did find a way to save the audio from it, because the jet noise in the background was just SO HIM...there's a jet that breaks the sound barrier flying straight up at the end and in my corny little mind I would like to think that is how he left this world.

There are no words of comfort as you know. But I admire your strength and wanted you to know that. I'd also like to kick your DHs relatives in the ass.

I guess grief amnesia struck us all. chad's First funeral, the one at the church was 3 days after he died and his body was still overseas. Seemed surreal and that is the one I remember nothing of. I stumbled across a flash drive with the audio from it the other day and listened to it and was floored. I remembered NONE of it, and definitely not all those who were there. However, he was laid to rest 2 months after he died and I guess the shock had worn off some because I remember every heartbreaking detail ...especially that trumpet playing Taps and the SNAP the flag made as they folded it...the honor guards shoes on the concrete, all the other flags at the cemetery whipping in the wind. I can tell you who was there and where they sat or stood. I honestly don't know which is better. didn't mean to ramble about myself ... I'm glad you came back, it's not a crutch, it's support.

Am I missing it or is there not a way to view just what's new since your last visit? I'm kinda sneaking at work so I well may have overlooked it.

Whoa Linda .... that was not only obnoxious it was hurtful and downright mean. Hope you don't have any contact with that person anymore. Sheesh............some people .....

In the words of the honorable Bruce Almighty, "Smite me Almighty Smittteeeeerrrrr"

Ya'll ready for me to take the prize here? A year later I can laugh, but wow.... So my husband died 11/23/13, his body came back from Saudi Arabia 1/6/14, and he was finally laid to rest at Fayetteville State Veteran's Cemetery 1/17/14. I live about 45 minutes away from Fayetteville. One of my childhood friends lives there now. We're talking like elementary school. Didn't go through middle school or high school together because he moved. When he moved back to NC as an adult we picked back up a facebook friendship and he came to visit me once while Chad was in Saudi and helped me with a car issue. Chad's death was complicated by the overseas thing and there were lots of details over 6 weeks that were mind boggling. Trey helped with some of that since he lived where I was burying Chad. So fast forward to the day of the funeral. Outdoors, January 17th, military honors. We were in a committal shelter but it was COLD. Trey put his coat around my shoulders, which was a nice gesture. I was just completely strung out. I ended up kneeling in the dirt after they buried him and just couldn't get up. He took a pic of me then which I thought was weird. Later, we all went to his restaurant he managed. He is a 5 star chef and it was FANCY. He comped the bill for all of us ... like 20 people. Long story short, the people I was spending the night with weren't feeling well and I had left my truck at their house. I asked Trey if he would take me back to the cemetery, I just wanted to go back for a few minutes and he said he would. We get there and it's dark and cold and he is standing behind me with his arms around me which I was fine with. UNTIL he turned me around, KISSED me with tongue..........and tried to run his hand UP my dress. Yup right there at the fresh grave. Do I get an award for most obnoxious encounter in widowhood? UGHHH......

I don't know about anyone else, but that thread had a phenomenal impact on how I look at my circumstances, and it let me know how NOT alone I am in this walk.

Gates of Hell in the Special Circumstances one. That I think more than anything saved me.......it would be undeniably sad to lose such a resource.

If ya'll could have seen my face this morning when I saw that message on ywbb.......it was already a classic Monday in every sense of the word. I NEEDED my ywbb fix. I should have known that the awesome people here would have a solution already in the works. I know it's work to maintain a BB having done it before myself so thank you from the bottom of my complicated grieving heart lol.

Hi. I was Amy_Carey on the other forum. Decided maybe it wasn't best to have my full name as my username but couldn't be creative this early on a Monday to save my life I joined YWBB 9 days after losing my husband on 11/23/13. His death was complicated and I guess I am a complicated griever. Our 17th wedding anniversary was a week to the day after he died. He died on his 42nd birthday. I loved my Chad, I know that I did, but our marriage was not easy and living with him was hard. He had a severe problem with alcohol but also had all the good intentions in the world. He was a jet engine mechanic. He had been in the air force and then worked for 16 years doing the same job as a civilian contractor. He was VERY good at his job and was devastated when the military cut the contract positions and he was laid off. He didn't know who he was or what to do without that job. VERY long story short, he took a temporary civilian contractor position for one year in Saudi Arabia. He died there after he had been there 9 months due to sleep apnea complicated by alcoholism. The story is much longer but that's the nutshell. I am so very thankful to this board being here now that YWBB is gone because I am still struggling quite a bit and the support of fellow wids has been invaluable. My heartfelt thanks for taking this on.