momtokam

Klim, I am at a loss to understand some of these men. The sad part is, it must work for them or they wouldn't suggest these things.

I'm so, so, sorry...

First date suggestion after initial meet and greet.... "Would you be up for coming to my place tonight and chilling?" Sigh.....

Sunshine my friend, you are a strong woman. Biggest hugs....

I'm sorry klim..... I was there last night too. I'm not sure how I will survive this week! So much still to do and all by myself....sigh...

Thanks for the encouragement ladies! I just said yes to number 15 but no match yet. He either said no or has not done it yet. Oh well. No worries as I still had a fun night.

So what does a crazy widow do when she finds herself free on a Saturday night without kids and the weather outside is questionable? She goes speed dating downtown of course! 😁 I have been thinking about trying this for so long and have tried to get others to go with me without luck. I really don't have many single women in my social circles. The on line thing is wearing me down and I thought the in person meeting could be intesting. So here is my review .....Sorry it might get long but entertaining for sure! I am 51 but don't look my age (I've been told). Almost all the speed dating events I see near me have females up to 49 only. I could lie but that doesn't' sit well with me. This particular group's usual age grouping is 40-55 for men and women. Not a bad fit for me but this month they regrouped ages to 35-55. I emailed to clarify and they told me almost all the men were 47-56 for this round. So I booked my spot. I arrive early because of the bad weather and the organizers are not there yet. I sit at the bar and order a sparkling water. It's set early in the evening before the bar crowd heads out, so those now arriving are only there for this event. Now you have to understand. I have never ever gone to a bar by myself! EVER! I sit there and have no clue what to do! I am an extrovert and can talk to anyone, but there is something about sitting at a bar, by myself, that freaked me out! The organizer arrives and has name cards with numbers on them. The numbers are stations. There were 15 tonight so 15 mini 5 minute dates. The women sit at their station and the men rotate every 5 minutes when the bell goes off. The organizer gives you a date card with everyone listed so you can take notes and it lists some icebreaker questions in case you are stumped. I was number 12 and went to get settled in my station. Number 12 man was to start with me and then 11, 10, 9 etc. Would follow. The stations were a bit tight, mine had 3 couples talking in one booth! (12,11,10) The woman next to me and I had to to devise a knee location spot for the men to get around us! Number 14 man was sitting with me before it starts and is very chatty, nice enough but a little too eager! He has done this before and tells me his crazy stories. The bell goes and everyone goes to their spots to begin. My first is a Russian man, I think older than me, who has a very small child and has only been separated a year and a half. He was so not ready to date! I talked to an actor, who wouldn't stop taking about himself. I'm not sure if he even asked me a question! I taliked to a younger man who wanted to get married and have kids. I talked to new to my city men who wanted to meet people. I listened to men tell me most of the women there were from out of the city. I am in the city but in the north east end so I think I was ok! 😁 It was interesting how all the men assumed I was divorced. Asking about my ex and my custody arrangements. Seeing the poor guys faces after I dropped the widow bomb was interesting at first and it got funnier to me as the night went along. Morbid I know, but I couldn't help it! You are trying to be lighthearted and have fun and then I drop the "my husband died' card! Mr number 15 sat down with me during the halftime break. He had not talked to me yet. It was nice and I looked forward to his turn! I didnt talk to him long as I was trying to fix my notes. I was mixed up and started notes at number 1 and not numbet 12! His turn came. He sat down and immediately had to go to the bathroom! He got back in time for the bell! Ok! So the night ends and I go to get my coat. Number 15 is there and aplogizes about the disappearing act in a very funny way. I told him I believed him and I knew it couldn't be because of me! He found that confidence very appealing he says! The next step is to go on line in the next 24-48hrs and make my selections. If 2 people say yes and match, you are sent each other's emails and you go from there. If you don't say yes to anyone, you get a freebie to come back. The only man to intrigue me in any way was number 15. Will I say yes to explore more? Probably. Overall it was quite a fun an interesting night. I would recommend it as another avenue to try. Success will depend if the men there will interest you or not. If you like to talk to people, then you will have fun, even if you don't make a match. Sorry this got so long! You must know by now I like to talk! 😁

Momtojandj, I am at the point of walking away from most of the on line craziness. I have been encountering many fakes and very few real genuine people. I'm not sure if it's me or just the nature of the beast around here, but it is wearing me down. For me deal breakers are smoking, long distance, height, being separated, being married(too many of those on line), and being gainfully employed. I am not going to be driving an hour or more to see someone. Height, I want someone a little taller than me. I'm 5'7" and sometimes wear heals. I don't want to look down at anyone, it's not comfortable for me. My first post wid relationship was with a man that was separated. It had been 5 years and they despised each other but it wasn't moving forward for his kids sake. I'm sorry, but that wasn't healthy. I try to stay away from that now. You have to be ready to move on for me to be interested. I don't care what they do for a living, but they need to be able to support themselves and not live in their mothers basement! Questions are all over the the place depending on the conversation. They begin with weeding out the deal breakers. Questions of kids come up, interests, past relationships in a general way. What they are looking for. I'll talk more about questions in my new thread about speed dating. The kid issue can be a big one. Some men without kids don't really understand our situation as solo parents. Very little kids could be a deal breaker for me. So much depends on the person and the situation though. I often think that if that right person comes along and you click on so many things, perhaps some deal breakers won't matter. I guess I'll find out if that ever happens. When I was younger, I don't remember having deal breakers. You met people and went with the flow. I am trying to go back to this outlook but it's not easy. I guess we are at a different stage in our lives now with different needs. I just wish it was simpler.

I told him my actor story and he couldn't believe it! 😁

It's nice to finally get a chance to meet a nice person, and have a great conversation for almost 2 hours. I was beginning to doubt they existed or if they would ever cross my path, through on line dating. He even asked to see me again. Who knows where, if anywhere, it might go, but it was nice to meet a true gentleman.

If my dating life was not comical enough already... I am meeting a 6'3" actor for lunch today! If you have read any of my recent posts, you will find this pretty amusing!

Hugs my friend SFL, and stay safe!

I'm sorry MS. I know it hurts and I don't know why some people are like that. They really are not worth you effort or time or energy. Try and concentrate on other things and other people. If someone wants to be in your life, they will make the effort. If no effort is there, move on. This is my new mantra in life!

Learning experiences......not mistakes.

My theory is all the tall ones are taken! 😁

Yup, yup, yup, and yup!

Yes klim... I tried a new app. Bagel meets coffee. It's supposed to be more about communication and no swiping based on looks. Started a pleasant conversation. I asked what part of the city he lives in as it states he lives in my city. He says a town almost an hour west. I say not XXX then (my city). He says here in my city. I say his town is almost an hour away. POOF! He vanished!

Good luck Widowat33. If you are comfortablewith the way things are going, give it a shot. You really won't know unless you try. Thank you for all your input as well. Lots to think about.

Gotta love some scammers for entertainment! Tinder match with a B level celebrity. I didn't notice until he mentioned it. He is engaged to a super model but things are "not going well" and is looking for someone "different and genuine". Women there only want him for his money and sex. I told him I didn't have interest in his money but sex would be good. 😁 Said he was deleting the app and wanted to communicate off site. Told him I messaged his Facebook page and to reply to me there! (I actually did with a screen shot of the conversation. Not sure if they can go after him or not but thought I would try.) He said I was ignorant and insulted him! Yet, he kept trying! Pure entertainment I tell you! I couldn't stop laughing!

Still in PJ's today. Well deserved day to veg. Flipping channels and Pretty in Pink is on. This was the first date ever with DH. I am actually smiling while remembering. Younger 2 kids are creating in the kitchen with pizza dough, spices and cheeses. Not sure about sexy (insert sarcasm here)....

Thank you so much for all your insights. I know every situation is likely different. It's hard for me to get my head around the difference between casual dating and FWB. Having a FWB with someone you already know, vs someone you meet for that specific purpose. It often feels like finding someone to be in a loving relationship seems improbable yet the physical need for intimacy can be so strong. You can date someone casually and clearly say there are no expectations but sometimes the communication gets blurred, unclear, and confusing. Sometimes I wish I could just look at the physical aspect separately from anything else but I'm not used to that. The buildup, courting, cuddling, affection etc are such a big part of the physical experience for me. It's so hard to believe that at this point in my life, these are some of the things I'm struggling with.

Widowat33's post has me thinking about what FWB really means. It's seems it can be different things to different people. Are there rules? What can and can't be said? Are there lines that shouldn't be crossed? If you have had these connections, what wisdom do you have to share? Good, bad, ugly...Everything is welcome. No judgments or backlash in the discussion please. Just some honest sharing will be appreciated.

This is me as well. I'm not going to play the games like waiting "X" amount before replying etc etc. Doesn't work for me. However, I also will not chase either. If they don't have an interest to initiate part of the time, I'm out as well. I like even give and take. Mutual interest and initiative works best for me.

You may not be ready. But sometimes it's not the right person making you feel not ready. Concentrate on you and your son for a bit. When the right person comes into your life you may feel differently. Big hugs.

So funny klim.... I was at a regular meetup today. It's not a singles one. For the first hour and a half it was me and 3 guys having a great conversation. Same as you, good guys, but no potential suitors....but the mind does wander when the hormones are racing.