Needytoo

If speed dating didn't work well in Boston, it sure in heck not going to work in Northern Ontario but just for fun I just might call and ask them. Had a guy message me today, I read his profile. He is looking for a girl 18-50 years of age. Anyone else a little grossed out by that? Speaking of age difference I have been chatting with a guy for a week and he appears normal. He is 11 years older than me. Any opinions on that?

That does suck, lately I am having guys give me their cell numbers and want to meet right away. I understand this, because this chatting thing and then them go poof, sucks!! My problem is right now I am so dam busy that I can't even find time to go for a coffee so I need to clear some stuff off my calendar. What do you think about speed dating?

I hate to admit it but it really sucks that I can't find balance in my life. Seriously 49 years old, you would think I could get my "shit" together. With therapy and my therapy creative writing course I think I am finally feeling there might be a way. Seriously, maybe there is a way. It is still very much a work in the process. I am working on setting boundaries something that I will admit I haven't done well in my life. It need to work on this in all aspects on my life. For example, my kids 17 & 21 years old don't help me too much around the house but they feel I should be their slave and pay for everything because I am rich.(I am not rich) I can't afford to keep giving them everything so I had to "fill" them in. House hold chores I am getting more demanding on that as well. We are having arguments which is a whole new experience for me, since before I would need to make everything perfect. Now I am finding after the argument we are way better at communicating. Chores are still not being done but hey most Moms complain about this. I have a hard time asking for help and I know it because when I thought the people that are close to me refuse to help me I think why would anyone want to help me. I am finding this one huge lie that I sure wish I found out earlier. I am very slowly asking the new people in my life for help. It is a very weird feeling to accept help. If anyone has any other suggestions I am up for any advice.

I am in the cootie club as well. The abandonment of family and friends was a huge issue with me. Then I was able to accept it and guess forgive them and wow that was a huge turn for the good. Slowly I am gaining new friends, and they are the best!! How have you changed still_lost?

Pipeline engineers too funny. The online dating thing was very quiet for me till this week and now I have three of them chatting with me. First guy is 60 years old and has already asked me out for coffee and to give me a ride on his Harley. He is flirting big time. Hate to judge age but 11 years older than me might be a problem. Second guy is looks kinda like that smaller guy off myth busters and is just as funny. He already gave me his cell number. Third guy didn't send me much of a message just his cell number and wants to meet me for coffee. I am not a fan of this chatting thing especially when we know some of them go poof. I am assuming maybe these guys feel the same way. Any advice? I would really like to meet a someone sane, maybe a pipeline engineer.

Hugs to you Mizpah. I took the positivity path and for me it did a world of good but there still those deep routed issues and so I am back doing the therapy route. When I first started back into therapy I hated it. I just wanted to focus on going forward but the therapist kept bringing me back to that nasty part of my life. I do find this time I am much more open to my issues, I guess self care does get easier with time.

Thank you for all your replies. I thought I was doing so well but deep down I knew there were those "things" that I just didn't wanted to face but knew I had to. It isn't fun at all but I am finally facing all the shit. Not sure what else to call it.

Hello everyone, hope everyone is doing well. It has been 3 years since my husband?s passing and even though it has been a very hard road I do feel I have come a long way. But (always has to be that dam but) I still felt I have some issues so I thought it was about time to try to deal with these issues. I work way too much and also love to get out and try new things and keep finding new hobbies. All of this I think is great if you can balance it all, and once in a while feel a little stretched too thin, but honestly I love it. I love the challenge of just taking life by the horns. I also want to start to date, and online dating is a weird thing that is for sure. I can feel very open and loving but also very cold at times. If and when I do start a relationship I really want an intimate relationship, one where you can just share everything with your partner. So I started online therapy. It was odd at first but after a few emails back and forth I got the hang of it. The therapist is helping me to start to develop boundaries something I am embarrassed to admit I really never did in my life. My husband was an alcoholic and I was a co-dependent but I can?t blame that trait all on him because I feel I was one even before. I am struggling with this but I am making a conscious awareness of how much I lack boundaries in my life. There is this other therapist who offers creative writing workshop for women and I finally got in, I started last week. The therapist is able to dig out that ?shit? deep within your core. Not sure why digging out that shit is so draining but I swear I could sleep for a week. I have questions to ask but having a hard time thinking of the correct words to ask. Maybe I am trying to ask is really working on all the ?shit? worth it?

That is a great vent TormentedTwoStep, I sure would have enjoyed sitting there with you having a few drinks. I too wish I had more single friends. I received a text message from my date, he said his cousin doesn't think we are a good match? I have to agree, if you take your advice from your cousin who I never met we are not a good match. One guy on Match made me his favorite so I checked his profile he is looking for slim woman. I do have pictures and pretty well see that I am not slim. Was going to message him but why should I? Trying to keep my chin up but wow this is rough. It kind of feels like unemployment where you have to keep going to interviews and keep that "positive" attitude.

Wow we all have been busy. My date texted me in the afternoon and we met for coffee and then went out for supper. He is a little bit shorter than myself although he mentioned we are the same height. I am looking for someone that is a good communicator and enjoys life as well as some other things. This guy could talk that is for sure. He loves his fishing, hunting and camping. It has been 8 months since his break up with his 23 year common law marriage. He talked about when he broke some vertebra in his back and other injuries, that was a little weird. He opened doors for me paid for dinner. It was a nice evening. Can't say there was any sparks flying and I didn't think there would be the first date.

I find starting and keeping a conversation going very difficult, but I agree you can tell right away when the conversation just never going to develop. Sorry about your date Virgo. I have no particulars on my date tonight. Not sure what to do about it? Still early in the day, hopefully he lets me know.

Love the articles SunshineFL. I think I have a date Saturday. Have no clue what we are doing but I think we are going out for supper. Trying to keep myself calm.

My new mentor Captain's wife. ;D Thanks everyone for your advise. I am back chatting with a few fellows with even more open attitude and will see what happens.

Good morning everyone, thanks everyone for your comments. I do understand how this guy would think I am stringing him along and he doesn't know me but I don't lie and to make that comment I agree he isn't worth my effort to get to know him. Now I need some advice. I found that last two guys have gone poof because it most likely does appear that I am stringing them along. I do work too much and I am trying to cut back on that but it takes time, I need to finish the work and hit the dead lines. Another two more weeks and more work load will have decreased way down. I also take art, exercise and creative writing classes. I really feel without all of my fun stuff there is no way I could handle the stress of all my work. To be able to do all of this I need to schedule stuff way in advance in my calendar. Doesn't seem too hard of a concept to me. I have had two guys give me a days warning that they want to meet and I have to turn them down and they comment that I am way too busy. Is this normal? Sounds a little too demanding to me. Now don't get me wrong I am looking for a relationship that has great communication but also allows the other person to have a life outside the relationship. I do believe in honesty but I also believe in being safe online and all people need is my first name and where I work and they can find out my last name. I think I have had now four of the guys show up under my facebook account as people I may know. What do I do about this? Should I be that concerned? Last question does Match send out icebreakers to people? I had a message from a guy and it appears I sent him something that I didn't?

I thought I was ready to try this online dating thing again but now not too sure. This time around I find I am much more open but maybe I am not asking them the right questions in the first place. I am back in therapy because I feel sometimes I am a "cold fish". My therapist suggested a few things and one of them is to start to set up boundaries which is a whole other topic. Last Friday I had a coffee date planned with one of the guys but came down with a cold and cancelled. I know it must look like I might be wimping out on the date so I actually called him to cancel so he could hear that I had a cold. My schedule is very busy right now and I understand that it might look odd to someone and have them question if am I stringing them along. We planned to meet Thursday night but there was a death in the family and now I have to drive down to the funeral Thursday so I texted this guy. His reply was "looks like we are at different stages of our lives bye bye". Do I reply?

Purple unicorns, I like it. For a while I have been working on myself. Allowing myself to get out there and take art and exercise classes it sure beats staring at the walls at night. I also have taken on a few extra assignments at work. I need to have a plan for my week and to do this I sign up for these classes sometimes months in advance. I tried online dating awhile back and it just didn?t work for me, and honestly I wasn?t ready for it. This might sound a little weird but I really want to start to date but I don?t want to lose myself. I have started e-therapy and I feel pretty good about all of this. I put up my new profile and getting replies from guys. Some went poof, which didn?t surprise me. One of the gents I really liked but he would give me a warning of a few hours to meet him. I am all for meeting but giving me a few hours warning with my schedule just doesn?t work. Is this normal to do? He has gone poof. I made plans to meet this other guy on Saturday but wouldn?t you know it I woke up with one nasty cold and had to cancel. We have been talking on the phone so at least he could hear it in my voice that I am sick. We are planning to meet Thursday after my work and I am so darn nervous. Now for my truth to come out, I am nervous because what if our coffee date takes too long. I was planning on getting my marking done that night. How does one manage all of this?

Thank you everyone for all your replies. I think I have finally moved on from all this family stuff. Not one family member was there for us. I remember begging for help from my SIL and got nothing. I am not angry any longer but still jealous of people that have supportive families. Last night my oldest son said he doesn't consider anyone but his brother and myself family. You are right Mrskro "why fake it". I emailed my SIL to let her know.

I will try to keep this short. I never had any support from family and only my SIL and her family are local. I have accepted this forgave etc. My SIL and her family are different even before my husband's passing if we were invited over the whole family would disappear and we would be left in the living room by ourselves. The kids and I have gone over a few times and through their weird way I think they have tried to be involved in our lives but it just comes off as poking their nose into our business. My BIL also lost his wife and quickly started dating again and I do wish him well. He wanted to be their for my kids but that didn't happen. My SIL son has come out that he is transgender, my kids are having some issues with it. Not sure why since we don't see any of their cousins when we go over they are all hiding in their rooms. My SIL only emails me, never calls. I will admit I never call her either. She invited us over for a few hours on Easter Sunday. It has to be a only a few hours because her husband's family is coming over. My kids really don't want to go, as my youngest puts it they don't care we don't care why fake it. I am at a loss on what is the correct thing to do. What would Miss Manners say in a time like this?

I totally understand ieh2. In my area we do have over 40 single dances and I would love to go if I just could have one single girlfriend that would go with me. It does sound a little "high school" but I would be so much braver to have a friend go with me. I know of two single ladies my age also widowed but told me they aren't ready to do the dating thing. A while back I tried online dating and it didn't work so well. So I looked into our local match maker service. I never got the guts to call her but what I researched was it was very costly. Well I really want to take that next step and start dating. The truth is this is how people our age meet. One of those dating advise people held a online course on how to make an online profile. It really helped me spice my profile up. I also started e-therapy to work on my "intimacy" cold fish issues. To make a long story short I I am getting way more responses. I think your statement that you have to give 110 % might be bang on.

Yesterday was the three year anniversary of my husband?s passing and I proud to say I have come a long way during this time. I know people that haven?t lost a spouse most likely wouldn?t understand this but I think I have found out who I am the single me. The single me can now say widow without finding the word evil or I can say single. I also will respond to Mrs. I am also a single parent. I accept all of it to be me. Everything, the house, child rearing etc is all up to me. I have made good decisions and bad decisions regarding a few things and I totally accept that it is me who has done it. I finally got my dream job and my career has taken off so much in the last six months. I have accepted my life and forgave the anti-supporters and really feel I am in the process of opening myself up to all the new opportunities for my chapter two. I have accepted that I need help with this and finally getting professional help. After being an enabler and submissive wife I am in the process of learning how to have some boundaries without having guilt. I am trying the online dating again and this time it is going to much better. I feel at least I can communicate better than before but also I am keeping it very light and not feeling any pressure. Now your turn.

Thank you everyone for your kind words. Yesterday pretty well sucked until my drive home. I think in the early days I received "signs" from my husband but honestly I can't remember my last sign until I turned on the radio. Every song playing on the radio was from a band my husband loved and I swear to god they were all about "moving on". Somehow in a weird way that got me out of my rut.

Three years ago my life changed forever. Who could imagine that someone could pass away in their sleep? What a road I have been on the last three years. It wasn?t a fun journey that is for sure, but I can say I have grown so much in the last year I am amazed at myself but today I just feel ????? worn out. Yesterday I thought about writing about how much I have accomplished but today???? the words are just not there. Thanks everyone for reading my words.

Oddly, I find comfort in this post. People always come and tell me their problems but I find it hard to open up and talk about problems and right now I rather keep life positive. But just like you Trying I think their is a time and place to talk about "issues" and I thought maybe I am one heck of a cold fish/bitch. I actually just started e-therapy because of this. Now I don't feel so bad. Thanks for posting about this.

I could almost have written everything imissdow has written. I have gone out and have found some great hobbies and have met a few people that I say our my friends. I am so grateful for the few friends I have but I thought I would have so many more. Why is it so hard? I know in the past I was just so filled with anger but that is all gone, so I keep working on myself and just trying to be as positive and fill myself with gratitude. Early on I tried online dating and it didn't go well. I paid for a membership at e-harmoney and match. Didn't get one person from e-harmoney make contact. Match was better but still didn't make any really contacts with anyone but deep down I wasn't ready. Now I can say I am ready even took a cheap course on how to write my profile. I am getting more responses now. But still get those people that just vanish but it doesn't bother me like it did before. How was your kick boxing lessons imissdown?

Have to love these comments people do. This was the third Christmas without my husband and I actually got a gift from a family member. A book on grieving. Say what?!? Have to say it but me in a bit of an angry mood for a day of so.