Needytoo

My kids and I had no one that offered support. Besides losing my husband it was the second most traumatic event of my life. It has been 3.5 years since my husband's passing and not one family member has come to the house. Not one even came by during the funeral. For the longest time the anger sucked the life out of me. Then one day I just seemed to accept it and then some time later even forgave them but of course I haven't forgotten. Good for you for coming this far. Sending you a hug.

Thanks to Rob I contacted an old friend. One who I thought wasn't there for me etc. I am now able to leave all that stuff behind me. Last night we went out for supper and a movie and had a great time. I just wanted to mention it because I am sure we all have those people in our lives who we have felt they abandoned us and maybe it is time for a second chance.

Very nice Sunshine and Captain's wife. Didn't sign up for the speed dating, forgot I had plans that weekend. Going to go see Adele. ;D Signed up for OurTime,and it is odd site. It automatically sends you notices so it looks like people are interested in you. It is creepy. Did message two guys. First guy doesn't like crowds and rather just stay home. Kind of hard to date when you are like that. The second guy too early to tell. Since online dating is far from what I was hoping I thought I would try volunteering at one of our local charities. I went to a meeting and all the members were speaking french. (I don't speak french) Guess that one isn't for me.

Hugs to you. Trying you should be very proud of yourself you have been and still are huge positive influence. It is finding the peace and then keeping the peace. Hope you enjoy the conference.

I hate this feeling. I have been working on developing boundaries with people. I did it with my sons and at work and I am amazed that everything has turned out for the better. I need to work on it with my friendships. But having that betrayal part is a huge block. Back to taking one day at a time.

Career wise life is great, I am very busy and slightly overwhelmed but overall doing well. That other part of me is struggling. Due to some unfortunate events in my life has caused an extreme case of anger, mistrust and hatred. I couldn't sleep at night so I got on sleeping pills which caused horrible nightmares. I hate this feeling. Again I am finding I have no support in this. Due to the unfortunate events, I am stepping away from a friendship. It hurts and then a second later I am filled with anger towards her. I did reach out to a few of our members here, and so thankful for their responses. It is dam lonely when there is no one to talk to. It did help but still that anger, mistrust and hatred was sucking the life out of me. So back into therapy I went. I hate this feeling, I want it to stop.

Support given. If does help to discuss our problems with people like us. That get it. Hugs to you.

Hugs to you. I haven't really dated yet so maybe I shouldn't even put my two cents in. But during a few of my coffee dates the guys totally opened and spilled out so much information that I felt like I was some kind of therapist. It didn't sit well with me. I have opened up to some new girlfriends and I feel sometimes they have brought my issues up at the worse times. It actually feels like it could be a scene from bad girls. lol So I am not going to give that out information till there is a deep set of trust. What is wrong with just going out and enjoying each others company? Just a question I am throwing out there?

So glad your lunch date went well Rob. So far I reached out to one person and she turned me down, so I tried the next one on the list and she is really interested in getting together. Then the first one sent me a message because she didn't read it correctly the first time. This is all feeling good. Now to set a time and see if they show up. My other friends cancel on me all the time so hopefully we don't have a repeat. I hear ya Jean. I feel like the nerdy teenager trying to make friends. And I see so much promise in those people people AprilRain, keep them close.

Good luck to you Sugarbell. I think you are going the right thing. I think most of us need to work on the communicating part and then work on that weird guilt feeling that we sometimes get afterwards and then that is when I am stuck too.

Sorry you are going through this, but I am also glad you brought this up. I haven't been in post relationship but what you are going through is something that is in the back of my mind. I love having good friends but sometimes they drive me crazy. My therapist talks about setting boundaries, allowing people in and also not settling, and also asking for help? All of this I am trying to work on. Have you told him how you feel? Are we suppose to wait for sex 6 months or longer to make sure we like the guy? Cause for me it has been a hell of a long time, if you get me on that one. How do we react to this situation like an adult?

I did reach out to one of my old friends and she shot me down right away, ouch. The next day she emailed me back and apologized she read it wrong. So maybe hope is there. Loving my exercises classes but can't say I have made a friend there. I have new neighbors as well. Senior couple who use to race horses for a living. I recognized them right away, I use to take blood out of their horses for drug screening. How did things turn out for you RobT?

Hi Arneal and momtokam. Going through some renovation nightmares, jerk I hired did a shit show of a job and everything has to be redone. Taken me two weeks to get a lawyer and I meet with her next week. In the mean time I hope we don't get a good rain fall or my basement might get flooded. So needless to say I am having a bit of a trust issue. I did before all of this mess did update my profile and made it less girly hippie and did get more responses. One guy did seem promising then I mentioned my weeping tile issue and he said he has his own issues and actually told me to F off. That is when I took down my profile. I haven't slept a whole night since this all started and started online therapy again. This therapist thinks I am so resilient, haha got him fooled. Got some more sleeping pills from the doctor and slept well last night. Sleep does a body good, doesn't it.

I have been having the same issue for awhile. I make people a priority but they don't do the same. Maybe it is me, I am just putting too much feelings into our friendships. It is time to find out what other friendships I can try to grow. I don't think I am going to "go meta" with anyone for awhile. One of my "friends" will say the most cruelest things to me and I just not going to repeat that and go down that path until I have a deep sense of trust. Good luck tomorrow.

I have been lurking for awhile. Right now because of some other issues I am facing I decided to take down my online dating profiles. I might try speed dating, next event is Oct. 1. Hope someone is having success with it.

I am loving this thread. For awhile I have been thinking about contacting some of my "old" friends and this post is giving me the inspiration to do at least think of what to write in my letter.

Big hugs to you Jen and huge "Fuck You" to your situation. Unfortunately my crap is blocking any positive feedback for you. First off I must start of to saying a big FUCK YOU to myself. Why do I keep doubting my own intuition. That good old gut feeling is there for a reason and because I have doubted it time and time again and now I hope I have learned my lesson. A huge FUCK YOU to the contractor that ripped me off but I stopped his further con work. Watch out for these assholes. Fuck you insomnia and couch paralysis. I am responsible for not trusting my gut now deal with it. (might need some Valium to help ). Another Fuck you to myself. Because of not trusting my gut it most likely caused a friendship to end. Fuck you to my old passive self, time to play like a grown up and stand up for yourself and not just sit on the couch and eat away your troubles.

I do have widowed as my marital status. In the beginning of online dating I found when I read that a guy was single I found I "judged" thinking there was something wrong with them. I don't feel that way now, guess time has changed the way I think about all of this. Maybe I should change that as well.

New revision, and I am up for suggestions. I find guys ask what I do for a living before asking what my name is so I thought I would answer that question. I live up in Northern Ontario and most of the guys online like fishing and hunting. I have fished but haven't for years. Do guys really want girls that hunt? I can swing a hammer (but I wouldn’t stand too close, seriously stand back a bit), kayak, zip line, and get thrown gracefully off a sea do. But there’s a lot more to me than that, I’m a traditional and sophisticated/outdoor, a lady who loves to have fun and let loose. Here’s what I figure, I’m living my life enjoying my friends and family and love to explore new places but feel something is missing. Yes, I am employed and have the best job. I get to challenge my mind and inspiring others to do as well. I am very outgoing, but sometimes I just like to sit back and listen. Currently, undergoing a bunch of home renovations and have to admit I am a little overwhelmed. Just had the weeping tiles changed no more leaking basement which is great but where the heck is my lawn? Now to make my new shed, I hope I got this. So glad there is such a thing as wine therapy. On a brighter side all of this has urged me to find the perfect recipe for Sangria. One of my favorite places on this planet is sitting on the beach at Windy Lake watching my dog swim and just observing the waves and the landscape. I am now out venturing other lakes and going kayaking, sure would be nice to have some company. You also have created some security and success in your life, but that doesn’t define you….you know there is so much more. If you’re smiling and this sounds good, get in touch with me and let’s talk.

Thank you for the advice Mike. I think you are correct drop the girly stuff. I will try to change things up and get everyone's opinion. Momtokam I find writing these profiles very difficult and showing the real me is very difficult. My sons and I had some pictures taken with a photographer I included one picture in my profile and one guy said he would be worried my sons would kick his ass. At first I was worried about posting a picture with them but I think I will keep it for awhile.

Not sure if it is just the bad luck odds from dating sites but I am attracting some weird ones again. Here is my profile any advice I would greatly appreciate it. I can swing a hammer (but I wouldn’t stand too close, seriously stand back a bit), kayak, zip line, and get thrown gracefully off a sea do. But there’s a lot more to me than that, I’m a traditional and sophisticated/outdoor, lady who loves to have fun and let loose. Here’s what I figure, I’m living my life enjoying my friends and family, seeing and exploring new places, challenging my mind and body and inspiring others to live their best lives. I am very outgoing but sometimes I just like to sit back and listen. Meantime, I keep learning and getting inspired by taking all kinds of classes from yoga, meditation to the arts. I have to say I am more connected to life and living in the moment than ever before. I am loving life but still missing that connection that amazing wow factor of life. One of my favorite places on this planet is sitting on the beach at Windy Lake watching my dog swim and just observing the waves and the landscape. Combine that with the right man would be one of my ideal perfect portrait of a wonderful day. You understand that being bold and gentle, adventurous and kind can co-exist. You also have created some security and success in your life, but that doesn’t define you….you know there is so much more. Maybe you haven’t travelled the world but you accepted your past and who you are. If you’re smiling and this sounds good, get in touch with me and let’s talk.

I am so sorry UnacknowledgeWiddow that you are going through this. I too didn't receive support from family and all my friends disappeared. This caused me so much pain, anger and suffering. I am a firm believer that we need to grieve and this process isn't pretty. By allowing ourselves to do this we can learn so much about ourselves. It took me over a year to finally find help. I remember the therapist told me about taking care of myself and putting myself first. I had no clue what she was talking about. I even remember thinking "wasn't she listening to me, no one cares about me". I too also faked it and told people I was doing well. I finally found a support group and this former support site. I then started art classes and exercise classes. I then found I accepted my life which was one huge step for me. The next step was forgiveness to those people that made me so angry. Soon after this I was able to give gratitude . Sure I still have my "days" but that anger is mostly gone and I am able to see things so much different than I did before. Remember we can't control these people they are responsible for there own thoughts. I find now if I have issues with people I am starting to talk calmly about the issues or am able to let it all go. Hope I made some sense. Sending you a big hug.

The no photo thing is a hard one but I do know some females that have done this because they just don't feel it is a good idea to have their pictures posted online for professional reasons. The one guy who said he is taking a break from online dating was online yesterday. Not really any of my business but when a person tells you one thing and then shows it is a lie it is very hard to trust. On the weekend I got my tarot cards and a physic reading both pointed to a new relationship. The psychic said it is going to be a relationship that is going to take time to develop and the man is much older than me while the tarot cards she felt it is going to come within two months. Of course I am not totally buying into all this I just do it for entertainment. But........... Yesterday one legged man messaged me. He appeared very honest why he stood me up (two times). He is worried about our age difference etc. he is 60 I am 49. Have no idea where to go from here, still stuck on the trust thing. Wow Captains Wife I would be a little creeped out by that guy.

I totally agree with Trying FB is the devil. I am so sorry markb74 that your family has done this to you. I kind of have the same problem with my family and the deep anger I had inside me because of it, totally drained me and caused me so much stress. My only advise is this, but an effort into yourself. For me it was a combo of therapy, exercise and mediation and a bunch of other stuff thrown in there. It is their problem not yours. I hope I am making some sense. Also venting in a safe environment also helps. Big hugs to you.

Wish I could give you advice SemperFidelis but I have nothing. I too am trying to be able to open up and really trust people too. Was chatting with this one guy, it really seemed great. Got a message yesterday from him saying I seem normal but he is overwhelmed right now and his friends are hooking him up with some blind dates. Good for him, not so great for me. Chatting with another fellow. Again another guy who asks what I do for a living before even knowing my name. I get it, way too many welfare people in our area but shouldn't you ask what your name is first. He said he is self-employed and I asked for hints on what he does and he gave me no reply. Red flag? Had another message from one - legged man again. Adding to my list of things to get "matching bras and panties". lol