Needytoo

Years ago when I first ventured onto the sites I thought it was going to be so easy. Little did I know how many "weird ones" there are out there, but I guess it is better to find out online than in person. Then I find someone that I think there is hope, but they end up ghosting, just want to chat or want to meet right away and sometimes my schedule I just can't make it on short warning. Maybe I should suck it up and try one of the paid sites again instead of the free ones.

I have been chatting/talking with a guy that lives 3 hours away for months now. I like the guy but I just don't think it is going to go anywhere. I keep asking when we are going to meet and he avoids that question. Time to move on. Went out with supper with some old friends this week, each of them met their significant other online so I opened up my profile, yet again. Lots of "likes" and one message. The guy's profile is so "wild", it is so long and doesn't make any sense at all. I am trying to be open, but...????

I think it is way too soon to have any opinions on. Just allow yourself to get to know him.

Hope the pasta was fantastic. Hugs to you.

What a great thread. Everyone has great aspirations for the New Year, which is great. I feel I have grown so much but I do still have a problem with balancing it all out. I hope to achieve it this year.

Your right my brother shouldn't have brought it up. No worries about getting involved with me ex he lives on the other side of the country.

Thanks, Eileen good to know someone else was raised up with the "shut up" attitude. lol

Have to say so far the holidays have been good, with of course a few unexpected twists and turns. I opened up to my sons before Christmas on things that I hate about it, and I did it without any guilt. I got a friend request on Facebook that I didn’t see coming. It was from my first husband. We were high school sweethearts and married young. Our marriage went bad quickly and only lasted 10 months. Since the day we separated we only spoke once. I think our maturity level and a few other factors were what caused our marriage to collapse so quickly. He has apologized for how he treated me and has stirred up those old emotions. Then on Facebook another old schoolmate posted that an old boyfriend contacted her. I checked her friends and wouldn’t you know it, it was my ex-husband. I always suspected something was going on. Had a few “nasty” thoughts, I wanted to write to both of them and just let loose but I thought I better sleep on it. The next day I noticed her post was down. It has been 27 years, I just don’t know if I should even go down this path to heal old wounds, or do I? Christmas day with my sons was great, I allowed myself to be calm and relaxed. It was around 2 pm when I started my calls to family. I first called my father. (my father married my mother’s palliative care nurse shortly after my Mom’s passing. This woman made visiting my father a horrible ordeal. I never addressed the issues because that is how I was raised. To keep your mouth shut. My father never came to the funeral or has visited since my husband’s passing) My step-mother answered the phone when I called. The week before they had to euthanize their dog, my father and her loved their dog more than my sister’s family and us. Usually they are already in Florida for the winter but my father is getting treated for macular degeneration so their trip is delayed. She said she just wanted to leave and she misses her dog. I told her I understand which I do. I worked in vet medicine for 23 years and lost 4 of our pets in a year and a half but I really didn’t feel too much empathy for the woman, lets face it losing your dog isn’t the same as losing a spouse. My brother and his family spent Christmas with my father, of course we weren’t invited. Last night I got a phone call from my brother. He said I ruined their Christmas. Shirley was so grief stricken after our phone call because I didn’t give her any condolences. I was a little shocked at his response and said I really don’t want to discuss and go down my horrible grief road. I will admit there have been many times in my life that I hide away from my emotions and didn’t open up and try to resolve conflict. I am really trying to stop this. I am not sure why my ex contacted me and I really don’t know how to handle my step mother, father or brother. I would greatly appreciate any feedback? I think my husband is spending a lot of time with us now, I am smell a lot of cigarette smoke, which I believe is him coming to visit. Not sure what he is trying to say.

I hear you Eileen, there is parts of Christmas I love and parts I hate. I have dysfunction on both sides of my family. There was only one Christmas spent with my Father since my Mother's passing and my step-motheringathinger made sure that was the only one. I use to give out really big hints that someone invite us for Christmas but no one ever did. It isn't ever going to happen and I accept it now. But for some reason we still buy each other gifts? Why? My sons and I are really great people and fun to be around end of story. Tonight we are having our Christmas Eve drinks and going to play poker and just be silly and if we sleep to noon on Christmas day then we will. Guess we will find our new traditions together. Not even sure what my point is here. lol

I quit smoking and there is no way I can date anyone who smokes. I also find having young children a deal breaker. I am alright with grand kids. I also feel I am horrible at asking questions and certainly up for suggestions.

I agree, this is a hard one. I think my husband and I made a huge mistake raising our sons. They got mostly what they wanted and we they honestly didn't have to do much for it. For their own sake and my own bank account I needed to cut back but it isn't easy and I have no idea what to do. My oldest I paid for his degree and he lives at home. He wants to go to another university to get his masters. He is working full time and I asked for $400/month he paid two months and is now refusing to pay. His cell phone is still in my name and he hasn't given me a cent. At least his car insurance is in his name. Right now I will give some time and see if he goes off to school. If he doesn't I have no idea what to do. My youngest is in school and I am footing the bill. He has a huge bank account but still expects me to pay for everything. Today they are going skiing and they expected me to give them money to do it. I didn't and in their eyes I am the most selfish bitch in the world. I wish I had solution DonnaP, maybe klim's solution is the best.

One of my friends has no feelings for her husband anymore. I didn't have the "ideal" marriage but if I had a second chance I would have done things different so I encouraged her to talk to him. She finally mustard the courage to talk to him and they have decided to separate. I feel horrible and she said I have given her so much inspiration she knows she will be alright. Yikes!! I inspiring marital break up? Then after work I went to get my hair done. The hairstylist's husband is very ill and right now hard to live with. She basically said I am more lucky because my husband is dead. Double yikes. The things people say? I thought I was beyond it. I know I have come a long way but those periods of being so a long are stronger than ever.

So sorry for your loss. I also don't have the closest relationship with my father. He remarried my mother's palletive care nurse shortly after her passing. Over the years she created a wedge between my father and I. I didn't make an issue I guess because I felt he just didn't give a dam about me anymore. He didn't come to my husband's funeral. This caused me so much h anger. I have let all of that go but I am left with something that the best I can explain is an empty void. I have the feeling he is going to pass this winter and I feel nothing or is it calmness? I think it sure beats the anger and sorrow. Sending you another hug.

Thanks for the smile twin_mom. The weird things is a year ago my cat and dog both passed and I got two rescue cats. One of them died on the surgery table and the other one ran away. So I thought ok, maybe the universe is saying no pets. Yesterday I saw a cat run across the street and I swear it is my cat. Maybe the universe is telling me something different now. immissdow I am so glad you have some friends that have stuck it out. After my husband's passing I was so pissed at people that I thought should have been around but now I see things a little differently. I was the one that really didn't let people in. My husband was an alcoholic and one of my sons had a mental illness and I just never made that time for friendship. Now I am trying to be a more open person. I have done exercise classes and other classes and I love it but still haven't made that connection. I have inspired other ladies to do it but still haven't really made a good friend. Rob my mentor, I'm not sure what exactly my point is. This online dating thing I am still finding it so difficult. I am more open with members here than I am on these online dating sites which is weird because I am not a shy person. I have been chatting for over a month with two guys and one of them have talked to on the phone. But you are right I am most likely making a mental image of these guys that isn't correct. I have gone on some coffee dates and all of them were the same. Extremely nervous guys who went on and on about themselves and never asked me one question. I also have gone out with some old acquaintances and just like you some of it has been good. So far not one have them contacted me after our get together. Now to your niece. My niece is in Toronto. Thirty and in my opinion beautiful but she didn't want to date and wasn't doing anything. She has also joined a Meetup group for axe throwing. I kid you not, she is loving it. I am not sure if I am suffering a little bit of a depression and I just need to do something different just to see if I can change things. I am going to try going to a few meetings at a Lions club and see if I like it.

Part of me feels really strange writing about this, but what the heck maybe someone will give me advise and things will be great. I am really tired of being single, I want to take that next step. I am chatting with a few guys but still no real talk about getting together. Since all my other coffee dates were a disaster I thought I would try this route. One of my friends waiting 8 months to meet her guy and now they are married, so I thought might as well take it slow. One of the guys is really amazing, he is everything that I am looking for. The friendship thing has taken a big down turn lately. I am going to be turning 50 years old in one week and pretty sure I am going to be celebrating it alone. I can't lie it hurts deeply. I am taking some personal couching lessons and it is fun. I have done so many other courses etc but still haven't gotten a friend out of the deal. Really not sure why? I don't think I am a bad person. Sometimes late as night I feel so alone and then 15 minutes later I feel great and soak in the solitude. I fear I might be turning into the crazy cat lady who doesn't have any cats. Suggestions?

I totally understand where you are coming from imissdow. I had a jam packed schedule and when these guys ask me out, usually with very short warning I had to say no. Most of them ghosted soon after that. I can see their point who would want to date someone that is always busy. Due to a change with relationship status with some friends I now seem to have more free time on my hands, but now I can't seem to land even a request for coffee. It is good to have alone time but mine is starting to get a little too much. I have joined some committees at work but still it not filling my time. Really trying to decide what my next step should be. Should I volunteer, join a social club, try a matchmaker etc. I don't want to get back to where I was insanely busy either. Not sure why life balancing is so hard.

I have two guys that right now driving me a little nuts. First guy I have chatted with for a long time, he stood me up once for a coffee date. Every couple weeks,he sends me a message. I don't get it. This other guy I really don't know what to think.I swear he is always online. Why? Doesn't he have a life outside online dating sites? A year ago he chatted with me and ghosted and now I am his best friend? I don't get it. Really trying to be open, but I am finding it hard. Might need a break soon.

Good work Kilm, I once snuck onto the guy side to see what woman were posting. I was kind of shocked and what I saw. Lots of girls with pictures of them on beds. Have to say my less hippy profile has if getting more attention some good and some bad. I had one guy send me this huge long letter and then said my profile was simple. Couldn't even reply to it. Two others asking for sex on the third message and some repeaters that don't even remember we have chatted before. I had one guy find me on facebook. I swore I didn't give him enough information to do that but he has managed to find me and wants to be friends. I have been chatting with two guys for awhile, still no hint of actually getting together. Just going to try the slow thing and see if it makes a difference.

I am also tired of being alone and also tired of looking. In my case I am also looking for friendships as well as a relationship. My closest friendship is over and I think it is beyond help and although I gave her a another chance she cancelled 10 minutes before we were suppose to meet up for supper. Nice friend. I do a lot of activities and have meet a lot of people but still can't say I have found a friend but I am ok doing it all on my own but it would me nice to have someone to share it with. As far as relationships I keep trying the online thing until I need a break. Been chatting and talking with one guy on the phone and he has so many qualities I am looking for, but he lives 3 hours away. I just can't see how this is going to work.

Big hug to you. I finally dealt with my weeping tiles this year and it wasn't fun. First contractor took my down payment and kept putting the work off. The next guy took my money and did a horrible job and I had to get it redone. Now I have to bring him to court. The stress is not fun at all. Guess the only thing I have learn about this is how to spot a dishonest contractor by reading their contracts. I also got some window's changed. I didn't go with an expensive window company I got mine from Home Hardware and had them install it. It cost less than half than those other places. Very happy with my windows. Be careful with the roof, lots of fly by night companies. My dishwasher is also leaking and I haven't dealt with it. All of it is so dam stressful. If you need any advice checking out a contractor I am more than glad to help you.

You are so right Serpico. I battle with the being safe and the trust side of things and then decided to go with trust. I gave this guy my number who was messaging me a lot using the online dating app since giving out my cell number haven't heard a thing. Very confused but moving on. Had one guy message me and ask why I was single. I told the truth and then asked him the same question. He said it was because he hasn't met me. He has down on his profile he is a chef, so I asked where he works, and he told me MacDonald's. Yep, trying not to judge.

Best wishes to you.

I have given it out in the past and you are so right Momtojandj it does weed out those people that really not ready for a relationship. I need to get over this darn trust issue and the only way if is I trust again. This guy that wants my phone number so far is someone I really want to get to know better, the problem is he lives 3 hours away. Not sure how this is going to work out.

Yikes momtojandj. I have been chatting with a few guys and now they want my cell number. I have given it out in the past but really having trust issues right now which I know isn't helping me get a date. Wish my brain would shut up.

Question for everyone, when do you give out your phone number?