Catnip

My husband passed away the week before Christmas. It will be 9 years for me. I'm still having a hard time with the Christmas joyful season. It's supposed to be about the birth of Christ, not the death of my husband. I'm still working on separating that. Peace to you as the holidays approach. ~Catnip

What a huge decision! But it sounds like a good plan. Good luck, and happy house hunting!!! Watch HGTV.

I'm so sorry. But don't give up on God. A few quotes: "Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him." James 1:12 "Father to the fatherless, defender of widows-this is God, whose dwelling is holy." Psalms 68:5 And from Abraham Lincoln: "I have been driven many times upon my knees by the overwhelming conviction that I had no where else to go." Peace to you, ~Catnip

I worked 12 years in the medical field and resigned at the birth of my second child. I then had a third child. I was home full time for a few years and then returned to the medical field part time. When my oldest started high school, it was my husband's idea to go full time and work at a college so we could get free tuition for 3 kids. So I am working here at the college I received my bachelor degree, and where I met my husband! Now, all 3 kids have their bachelor degrees! A family tradition. However, it was my husband's idea. We made the deal that I would put the 3 kids thru school and then I could return home full time. I held up my end of the bargain. He did not. Sadly, he never lived long enough to see any of his sons graduate from college. And here I am, stuck. I've been here 16 years. I have a pension. With this economy I'm afraid to change jobs. Now that I'm 60 years old (don't tell anyone), I'm just waiting until I can retire. The job is ok, I'm secretary to the dean. I wear my smile every day and pretend. It's the best I can do for a job I never really chose, and with no real incentive to be here now that my kids have graduated. I'm just doing my time, waiting until I can retire. But then, the real question is, can I ever retire in this economy? And what will I do then?

I'm looking forward to staying up to watch the end of the Mets World Series game tonight. I usually fall asleep before the end. Tonight I don't have to worry about getting up for work tomorrow, so getting the extra hour is wonderful. Yes I'm hoping the Mets win, only because I feel I should support a NY team. However, let it be know, I'm a Yankee fan. I hate changing the stupid clocks. I'm just now finding that extra hour I lost the last time we changed the clocks.

Peace to you Maureen. Give Rosie a scritching behind her ears for me! ~Catnip

Next time? I can only hope. Last time, I was totally different. I was interested in finding a husband to set up a home and have children with. I've now done all that. I was young, skinny, then pregnant 3 times. I was energetic, easy going and fun. If it ever happens again, I'm now more reserved and more mature (darn it). I hope I've learned from my mistakes. A second marriage is something I can only imagine.

His name was Dave. My middle son has David as his middle name. Dave was intelligent, professional and handsome; tall, skinny and blond, but what attracted me first was his smile. He seemed to always know something about everything, and could talk about anything. I miss him by my side. He loved computers. His job for 20 years was working as communication data coordinator serving several local school districts. His job was not work, it was pure joy for him. We would go on vacation to Cape Cod and the first thing he would do was work on the computer in the lobby to make it work faster! I?m sorry he never lived long enough to ever have a smart phone. He died in 2006 and only owned a flip phone. I bet he?d be impressed with our modern technology today. His curiosity to find out how things worked allowed him to be able to fix anything. He could do plumbing, carpentry, remodel our cellar, and fix cars. He loved motorcycles and dirt bikes. He restored a 1973 Yankee 500 motorcycle in my cellar, and then set up a web page for others to write in asking him for advice. Dave loved, adored, cared for, was proud of, and was best friend to our three sons. We miss you, Dave.

We have a cat, Calvin (aka the Calvinator). He is now 6 years old. My youngest son moved out of the house and has his own place. He adopted a beautiful purebred German Shepherd puppy, who is now an almost full size 2 year old. He is well trained, they took puppy training classes. My son comes home every Sunday for Sunday dinner, and brings the dog. That's fine, except that Calvin does not want the company of a dog in HIS house. They fight like, well, cats and dogs. So when my son comes, I put the cat in the bedroom and close the door until they leave. It's not fair to my cat, but I want to see my son, and they come together. I can put up with it because it's only temporary. Keeping them separate is the best solution. You, however, have to live in this situation. I question your grandchild. For now, a newborn can be kept away from the dogs, but just wait until he starts crawling and walking. If your daughter plans to move out one day, and you have already given away your pets, you will be alone. I would hope you speak with your daughter about making it livable for all (dogs included!).

I understand the use of the like button, but I've had a hard time understanding why it would be used to like someone else's pain or grief here on a widow web site. It just doesn't seem appropriate to use it here. But that's just me.

Well, I'm impressed, no matter who you went with! Congratulations on going to such an event. Well done! ~Catnip

You are blessed. Thanks for sharing. ~Catnip

Fuck the fall. Why do all those leaves have to fall in my yard? Why don't they go away and melt like the snow does? Oh fuck, winter is right around the corner.

Fuck that my hair is now turning gray. Fuck that I know why-it's this stressful widow journey I've been on for the last 8 years. Fuck my hairdresser who's becoming fucking rich because of me. Or rather, bless her for at least trying to cover it up. Fuck her for never losing her job while I'm around. Fuck that I love and hate her all at the same time.

Yes, and now, in Upstate NY, I go to bed with my electric blanket on. Then I wake up sweating. Because of the electric blanket, not because of, well, you know. No wait, I've forgotten what that was like. *sniff*

I got married June 14, 1980. Why did the time go by so fast? It seems like yesterday I was walking down the aisle. I look at our wedding pictures and it's hard to imagine that's it's over. My parents are even gone now. At our wedding, I read one of the readings. So at his funeral, I read one again. The beginning and the end. Peace to you Barney, ~Catnip

Yes, I like clean and order. That, to me, gets rid of stress. Actually, right now, I'm on the computer because it's Saturday, I just mopped the floors and I'm waiting for them to dry. I've found that if I don't clean the house every weekend (I work full time), it just gets dirtier and I'm the one that has to clean it anyway. I still have 2 sons at home, but we all work. My one son will do the vacuuming for me, because that kills my back. I just did on-line banking,too. That, too causes me stress. If I don't do it the minute a bill comes in, I panic that the computer won't be working when I need it, or that I'll die and I'll have bills to pay. Yup, that's what happened to me when my husband died. He worked in computers over 20 years and did all the bills on line. He died and I didn't even know the passwords to get into the computer. I'll never let that happen to my kids. They now know how to do it if something happens to me. I, too, have to finish stuff each night before bed. The kitchen has to be clean and house picked up before I can sleep. Floors are almost dry. Both bathrooms are clean. Laundry is still going. Off to dust and windex, then I want to make an apple crisp for dessert tomorrow.

Not juvenile at all. That's what we have made birthdays to be- to be recognized. We are recognized for being born, our entrance into the world. That we are HERE. Yes, it hurts when no one notices us. And that's a big hurt. Peace to you.

Happy dance just for you!!! Way to go Maureen! Whew!

Maureen, thank you for saying what you just did. I'm finding myself in that "alone" group. I'm not actively looking for someone (no on-line dating for me, and no bar scenes) but I'm not a hermit either. I'm just resolving myself to the fact that it's been almost 9 years and no one has tickled my fancy (or anything else for that matter!). And it's okay to remain alone. Thanks, ~Catnip

In the ER they worked on him giving him CPR, then they would stop and the line would go flat. The next person would come up, give chest compressions, and the line would go flat. Then, the line remained flat. They pronounced him gone. I looked at the clock. It was 10:10am. (But the death certificate read 10:00am, pulmonary embolisms.) They filed out of the room and I was there, alone. My kids had not yet arrived. I was silent. No crying, no screaming. I took it all in, processed it, and remained silent. But the silence was deafening. And it is seared into my brain. Peace to you, May you have more pleasant dreams. ~Catnip

Haaaaaaaapy Birrrrrrrrthdaaaaaaaayyyyy toooooooooooo yooooooooooooooooou!! Keep dry ~Catnip

Yes, the weather increases my grief and my blood pressure. Without my husband, I've had to deal with a leaky roof, frozen pipes, loss of power, downed trees, and now I have to worry about another storm coming my way this weekend. It's not even winter yet! Today was miserable and it was only rain. It was a crummy ride into work this morning, but I leave very early anyway, and got here ok. I work at a college and many professors did not make it in because of flooded roads and backed up traffic. If the teachers made it in, many students did not. I hate the weather. I live in upstate NY. I get all 4 seasons. The wind today is blowing some leaves down. The rest of the leaves are just beginning to think about falling. That's a huge project at my house, to rake leaves. Grrrrr

I have a few questions, too. Why did you marry in April and not move over the summer with your kids, to start them all in new schools in the fall? If this is the love of your life, how can you go another minute without him in your life? Wouldn't a step-father be a good influence for your 16 year old now, before he goes off to college? You said your children like this man, but it really sounds like they are definitely manipulating you to not move in with him. Good luck in your decision. You made the decision to marry him, but you are not following thru on the commitment of marriage. What is this teaching your children?

I understand. It's been 8 years for me. On this board, there have been many postings asking what you miss most about your spouse. Most answers are sex, companionship, salary, etc. Yes, all those are true, but for me, the most I miss is fun. He could make anything fun; chores, grocery shopping, living life. I miss fun. I guess love does make the world go around. Peace to you, ~Catnip