Jess

I am sorry you can relate because this is really tough! I hope you make it through your move smoothly and then both of us can say in the future to people going through it "You can do it, I did." (((hugs)))

I really love the note leaving more than I can express. Thank you for sharing it and making me feel less bad for still having his dirty laundry.

Thanks calimom. I know this will be good for me to keep moving forward with rebuilding my life, but it is really exhausting me emotionally. Yet somehow, there is an amount of excitement around it, and that is what I am using to motivate myself.

I have 12 days until I close at my new place and my fingers are crossed that everything goes smoothly. In the meantime, I am less than half heartedly packing up the house. I do not plan to immediately move at closing as there are a few things I want to get done at the new place before moving, but it is still getting down to the wire. It is hard, so hard, and I am not getting everything done fast enough. There are entire areas of the house I haven't even touched since my husband died, and now not only do I have to go to those places, I have to make decisions or pack it up and take it with me to be sorted later. I keep telling myself it is just stuff, but my heart says differently. I am just so overwhelmed.

Hi, thanks for the question. I figured I would field this one. Guests can view posts but cannot view profiles of members, post, message, etc. We had discussed whether or not to hide portions of the board, but decided people may need to get a feel for our community before making the decision to sign up. Therefore we are following the example of our predecessor and keeping it open. It is always going to be a difficult aspect of this sort of board to balance privacy versus accessibility to new members. I am not sure what the ultimate correct answer is, but the longevity of the old board is something we aim to exceed and the openness may have contributed.

I hope things continue to go great and that we maybe get a pic at some point. Wonderful!

This topic has been moved to Social Encounters. [iurl]http://widda.org/index.php?topic=522.0[/iurl]

T minus 13 days until the scheduled closing on my new place. The house is still bursting with things, but I am going to get it done somehow. Minor stuff today... kitchen drawers, under the bathroom cabinet, the magazine rack.

Congrats! Many blessings to you and your new family member!

Welcome Biscuit. I am so sorry for your loss, but so glad you found us. I can relate to the suddenness. I kissed my husband goodnight and about ten minutes later he was having a seizure and dying in our living room. You are right, no one should have to witness that. I hope you can find comfort in our community here. Read and share as often as you like. People understand here.

I can totally relate to this, but it was a bit earlier for me. I found I had trouble recalling him from the time he died and to a certain extent, still even now. It feels almost like being brain damaged. Memories of him have been coming back and he is getting easier to remember. I think it is just a coping mechanism our brains auto initiates. He is in there and when it is right, you will get the memories back- at least that is what people tell me.

You know, yesterday I said to someone "I am so SICK of being a widow." I am sick of hurting. I am sick of having to figure out things by myself. I am sick of taking out the trash. I am sick of being the only one to clean up after the dogs. I am just sick of it. Here's what I think. What you are feeling is normal for this crapfest for your specific journey. We all deal with this differently and while I wish with everything I have in this moment you had an easier path, this is the path you have. I also think those moments you had where there was even a small glimmer of light, no matter how fleeting, is proof the light IS THERE. I have no idea how to make it better for you so I have no suggestions or advice... but what I do know is it is there. I am sure of it. Don't give up looking for it. Hugest internet (((hugs))) I've got! And remember, we are all real people behind these screens and I consider you a real friend.

My husband was really into the value of therapy dogs for emotional support. He and I worked at the same place, but with very different job functions. His work took quite an emotional toll so he used to say "If I can get our company to have a therapy dog, I can leave my job happy." In the days after he passed, HR called me to touch base and it popped into my head that he would keep saying that so when they said "Please let us know if there is anything we can do" I answered "Well, yes, actually there is something." and talked their ears off about getting a therapy dog for employees. About a month later, I got a picture of an adorable dog and was asked for my opinion about him joining our staff. He was indeed "hired on" and he stops by my desk every other Tuesday to say hello. The dog's therapist handler and I have a pretty good bond.

My friends were given this as a wedding present. A few days later they came home and it was destroyed and the wife says the phrase "damn it! The dogs ate the dildo kit!" was born, which became their go to phrase to express frustration.

A couple weeks after my husband died, my parents had their 44th anniversary. I was happy for them as they do have a good marriage, but they insisted I join them for dinner. Celebrating the longevity of their marriage when mine would never even hit double digits was too much. I know they meant well, but that was a rough night for me.

I went to one in person grief group and everyone was in their late 60's through 80's. They were lovely people and clearly felt for me, but we couldn't relate to each other. It's just how it is. I personally need a community like this one because people can relate to my circumstances and yes, age makes a difference on being able to relate. I am glad you found us and hope you take the same comfort I have found here.

Today marks nine months. I don't count as much as I used to nor does the week leading up to the sadiversary fill me with dread, which I suppose is progress. I wonder when I will stop thinking about the months in general. Time moving forward is an odd thing. On the one hand, it seems impossible he has been gone so long. When he first passed, I just remember thinking I wouldn't make it to see the sun rise without him here, but I did. It has continued to rise and set completely unphased by my personal tragedy. On the other hand, it feels like it has taken years to get to this point. It is hard to explain to someone that has not been this way how those two converse feelings somehow make my reality, but it is how it feels. So much has changed. I often think about my July 25th self that had no idea that she was living the last "normal" day she would know. I think about how if I could somehow go back and tell her what life would look like now, she would think I invented time travel just to play a huge practical joke on myself, which let's be honest, I wouldn't put past me. So, taking a self assessment, I am "okay". In some ways I am stuck and in some ways I am moving forward in ways he would be proud of. I still am sad, but it is more of a fog of pain instead of a crushing weight. The fog lifts enough for me to function when necessary, but I don't push myself the way I used to and probably need to. I know this will come and I can't rush it. I'm not really sure why I needed to type this up. I think it is partly because people in my life have moved on and probably don't even think of today as anything else but a lovely Sunday. I know that here, every day is possibly one of significance to someone and today is one for me.

This topic has been moved to Relationships/Remarriage. [iurl]http://widda.org/index.php?topic=519.0[/iurl]

Nope, it doesn't make you messed up at all. We mourn our spouses but also who we were with them, and part of that was that we were sexual partners. Of course losing that is devastating! This does not make you a bad person or crazy, it makes you honest, which I appreciate.

I have a lot of guilt I am working through. A couple weeks before he died, LH told me he wasn't feeling well. I said "Maybe you should go to the doctor?" and he brushed it off. I know now I should have said "I'll make an appointment for you to go to the doctor." If I had pushed it, maybe he would still be here... but maybe he wouldn't. The fact is I chose our path that night by not forcing the issue. I remind myself he was an adult and if he was really concerned he would have gone, but he is not around to blame, only I am, which I think for many may be the crux. I also feel guilt over the little things I would get angry at that were so freaking meaningless now. I feel like sometimes I have lost perspective over whether I was a good wife or even if I am good person.

I just got off the phone with a friend that also knows my MIL. Apparently, MIL has been hounding her to ask me for stuff. I have tried to cut off communication between MIL and myself for my own sanity, and it seems to be working since she is now bugging others. As background, when LH was alive she helped him sell an old car of his to pay for our wedding. She kept the money that we had already budgeted for the wedding ($3000) and then threw a fit because we went to a restaurant instead of having a reception because we couldn't afford it and her bill included gratuity due to the size of our party. When LH went to buy a house, the credit check showed she had stolen his identity and allowed a card to charge off. When LH passed, people kept an eye on her in my home but she still managed to steal his Kindle. After a few months of others trying to get it back, she finally returned it and now she feels entitled to his old things. But, the thing is she does not understand all of his things are now my things and she has no right to any of it. I thank goodness right before he died she moved across the country. UGH!

LH had taken up Zen doodling before he passed as a method of stress relief. He could zone out for hours and get out of his own head. I have considered it, but it is too "him" to be an escape for me yet.

I have been describing the feeling as bittersweet. 500 people represents so much loss and pain, but also so much compassion and resiliency. If we have to travel this tough road, I at least take comfort in having my fellow travellers by my side.

I'm so sorry. It is never "just a cat".

I am so sorry. It is so tough.