Jess

I want to push through until it is done so my mind can slow down, but after that I really want to get away for the weekend and take a little break from my life. Hopefully that will happen.

Ladies with no children- what are you going to do or have you done with your wedding dress if you kept it from your wedding? I kept mine because the plans were to have kids, but now I just don't know what to do with it. I have been considering donating it, but I just don't know. Anyone make any dress decisions?

I moved into a 3 bedroom townhome. One of the bedrooms is just for storage of LH's things. He had quite a collection of pretty much everything. I rented a dumpster before I moved and filled it, but there is still just so much. And I still have things to fetch from the old house, but I have time for all of that. Most of the things I actually need are in the new house, the rest of the stuff is just things to put in the spare bedroom. It is hard to get the new place organized when I feel mentally worn out all the time. I finally got my kitchen together and that made me feel better, but I pretty much feel like I need a Xanax most of the time because my anxiety is just through the roof.

No matter how it was typed, we hear you. You are not an idiot. Keep posting. No one cares about typos. We just care about you and each other.

I would feel no shame at this at all. I made sure my realtor was well aware I was a widow. Whether or not that information was used I will never know, but I put it out there for sure.

You are not just taking up space. You are not useless. Bill was not and is not the only person that thought you are not useless. You are important. You are needed. You are loved.

(((BillsKim))) There have been many times I have felt like the end of my time must be coming soon. A spouse having a sudden death has a way of doing that to you. Sometimes I can almost feel like my heart is going to seize up and give out at any moment. Yet, here I still am. And here you still are. And you are going to do what you always do, which is keep hanging in there for another day, then do it all over again the next day and so on. Being overwhelmed is such a weakening feeling. Things going wrong and being overwhelmed is a terrible combo, but you have battled through before and you can continue to do so. We all care about you and support you.

I found YWBB three days after being widowed. I signed up for an account at seven days and on day eleven it was finally approved. Since then, I have made lifelong connections. This community means the world to me. It saved me on many dark days and gave me hope. I hit 10 months on Monday and I really feel I would not be as functional as I am without all of you. You all have my eternal gratitude. Cheers to you all!

Movers are here now. I had to excuse myself once to gather myself but now am feeling better. I suspect I will have a good cry in the drive to the new place. All of everyone's kind words mean the world to me as this has been a sanity test for sure.

Still furiously packing and getting various work done on the new place. Today, painters! I decided two key things that I think has removed some stress, though stress is still very much there. 1. I will not be trying to make decisions on Joe's things. I am simply packing it and will put it in one of the spare bedrooms to go through things at my own pace. 2. For the first time, I am hiring movers. I have always done moves myself or gotten friends to help, but professionals sound like the better option this time around. I will update more when I am settled in at the new place!

I took off my ring after 2.5 months. Since a little more than a month out, I felt like it was a lie to wear it as though I was still married. It made me sad and I felt like I wasn't accepting my reality by wearing it. But, I wasn't really ready then. I made a decision to wear it until my wedding anniversary and take it off the next day. I followed through on that and also took his ring off of the necklace I only took off to shower, which let's face it, in those days was not often enough! There was no guy or new relationship then, it was all about me and my head space. I had no idea what to do with the rings either, so I actually ended up hanging the rings on a ceramic figure that cracked my husband up. It is an alligator sitting in a lounge chair smoking a pipe. The rings hang from the pipe. When I am ready, I am going to put the rings in a pouch and put them in his urn, but I am not sure when I will be ready. Put simply, there are no rules for the right or wrong time to take off your ring. It is as personal as your marriage, your love, and your grief.

Hi treedweller. It looks like you deleted your account, but I am hoping you are still reading and maybe will create another account so you can share if you need to do so. Before finding this community, I didn't know any other widows either, much less younger widows. I felt completely set adrift and couldn't even orient myself to know which way the shore even was. It breaks my heart because I know how impossible my own journey feels at times to see so many others understand what I am going through due to first hand experience. I am wishing you much peace and comfort.

Just wondering if Jen is home from work yet...

Positive thoughts your way. You are a heck of a lady and I know you will get through this.

The truth is that we can never know anyone 100%, but we can love them 100%. I think that you would be hard pressed to find anyone here that didn't discover something, be it big or small, that was a surprise and probably often that surprise was disturbing or disappointing. I know I did. I memorialized my husband's FB account early partially to not be tempted to read messages that he exchanged with other people- not because I didn't trust him, but in every marriage you need to communicate outside of your spouse and sometimes that communication can involve venting, etc. You trusted your wife 100%. I think it doesn't harm anything to keep that level of trust in her. The things to hold on to are the things that molded you into the person you are today, and an email account you didn't know about is not one of those things. The account would likely be easily explained by your wife if she was here so I know it is difficult to wrestle with the curiosity and the what ifs, but if all you have is speculation it is not something to hold onto.

My husband and I worked at the same company and I still work there. They did an amazing job immediately taking care of anything I needed. However, I do feel like when people see me they see the W on my forehead. I switched office locations after he passed and that helps a little because I know less people and keep to myself most of the time, but I still feel like people are looking. I also feel like I spend a lot of energy on appearing okay and functional. I am functional these days, just not optimal.

I keep it simple and just say "no". I stopped wearing my ring the day after my first anniversary without him and that probably spares me from follow up questions. Yesterday however I did make a fool out of myself. I was at the title company signing paperwork for my new place and I had to sign something regarding my marital status as being "unmarried". The lady launched into a big explanation about why that was important And then said "ok good, signing that confirms you don't have a spouse somewhere out there!" Cue crazy widow tears. Sigh.

Nothing to add, just sending positive thoughts.

I think this thread shows why having this particular space set aside is important because people that have found new relationships and happiness CAN shout it from the rooftops. So, share and shout away and leave the guilt at the door here. And also, thank you for being the type of people that are sensitive to others' journeys. It is a hard line to walk sometimes.

I think it is progress

Jen, I was blown away by the video. It was great! I LOVED seeing a genuine smile. It really made my day. You have some serious talent, lady!

6 months was very tough for me, and I know for a fact I did not have as much to deal with as you do. The shock peels off and it starts really sinking in this is real and the dreamlike fog of the first several months no longer is there to comfort you. It is just one more phase of crap. When things are really hard, I really focus on looking to the examples of survival turning into living of those that are further out from us. It can be done and you can do this, too, even when it feels impossible. Keep hanging in there.

Thank you for all the encouraging posts. They mean a lot and I sure need them. The move is out of necessity as the chopping of household income of more than 50% means I cannot afford to stay here. I find myself putting off the tough areas and I have no choice but to just do it. So that is the plan today. I set it up so friends are picking up his arcade cabinet tomorrow that won't fit in the new place and at this moment there is so much stuff in there that no one could physically get in there to get it. So it is kind of forcing myself to have some urgency to get going on it. I will be glad when this is behind me and I am settled in the new place, but there is just so much emotionally taxing work to get there.

To me, it is honest to tell him that whether that relationship continues is dependent on the SIL. If you set boundaries and she is willing to accept them, then there can be a relationship. If she is unwilling to accept them, then there won't be. Boundaries could include visits only when you are present, she comes to you and M doesn't go to her, etc. My guess, she won't accept them and that is better for all involved anyway, but it makes it sound like you are open for his peace of mind.

That is so beautiful. Thank you for sharing with us.