SimiRed

Gentlemen? The lady is waiting. LOL, I thought everyone was just out of breath!

That's a great memory! I've never heard of a phone bar either, but it sounds like it was fun!

WooHooo!!!! Oh...I love my finished basement! Congratulations, it sounds perfect!

Hmmm...what would be the "right" questions? Seems like I would have a ton of questions! But, I would scare anyone away with all the questions that are in my head. I agree, that anyone recently divorced or separated is not a date I would choose to go on.

Tormented, I think you handled telling your dates that the relationship won't go any further perfectly. You're honest, mature and sensitive to them by not "ghosting" or just vanishing without a trace. Honesty is the best policy, I'm sure telling someone "I'm not interested" is a bit uncomfortable, but it does give the other person closure. I agree with Captains Wife and TalkstoAngels, no long winded explanation is needed. As long as you are being yourself, you are not doing anything wrong.

Thinking this thread is getting better than the book I'm reading! Loved the Betty White SNL skit! LOL

{{{Hugs}}} My heart sinks knowing how sad and angry you must feel today. Know that many of us across the country who know you through this group, and other walks of life, are all there with you, and are here to give you strength when you need it. You are in my thoughts today and everyday.

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Maureen, you are truly loved by many! Maureen flew to visit me in March 2009, after our husbands died in September 2009. Thank you, I loved the time spent with you and Avery. I'll always remember stepping out of my element to visit with you and Toosoon in Philly too. A most treasured moment in my life. People here are amazing, words have a lot of power and the virtual friends that have been made are long lasting. As Maureen and RIFF said, Reach out, Have fun, find support, make friends and mainly, and I do mean this from the bottom of heart, never give up. Never give up on yourself. Life is rough, life is unfair but life can be beautiful too. If you never give up, you may find that day when the smile comes back on your face. And when it does come back, for the first time in however long it's been, you will notice, look back on your experience and find a surge of inner strength that will carry you through.

So happy for the both of you!!

Leaving was the best thing I ever did! StillWidowed, love what you wrote, and yes, it was the "illusion" of what we wanted it to be, that is what kept me stuck for so long. Someone should have hit me over the head with a cast iron skillet! It would have been so much less painful.

lcoxwell.... UGH, my heart breaks for you! Many, many hugs! I'm sure you have done everything you can to find your files! Did you upgrade the operating system? Do you remember how you saved the files? As a word doc or text document? You can run a search on your computer for "*.doc*" that will bring up every word document you have, or if you saved it as text, do a search on "*.txt*" that should show you all documents that are saved as text files. If you are not sure how to run a search on all the files on your computer, PM me and I'll give you detailed instructions. {{{HUGS}}} I'm frustrated for you!

I get it too! I also have a teenager, but don't worry...I talk to the animals most of the time too! {{Hugs}}

{{Hugs}} Like what SVS said, "Aging isn't bad when you're aging with someone you love". That's what makes it much more difficult, I have a birthday coming soon too, and it just seems time is going by and I'll never have that special someone again. I think it's something that I have to be okay with, maybe then, it'll be okay to not focus on the age thing. "Big virtual Hugs!"

{{{Hugs}}} No advice, just some virtual hugs. Forever is an incredibly long time, don't think on "I'll forever be alone". Just take it day by day and know that you are not alone in these thoughts.

I couldn't have done it without the strength of the "widda pose'" standing beside me!! Thank you!!!

I just wanted to give a quick update for those that think about me and wonder how I'm doing. I don't remember the last things that I've updated on, but I am doing so much better than I was just 8 months ago, leaving a bad mistake. Wow, eight months and what I have managed to accomplish is just short amount of time is mind blowing. It feels like forever ago, but sometimes it feels like yesterday that I was writing in complete fear on here to my many supporters that gave me strength and courage to keep my feet moving. Thank you, I don't think I could have done it without you. Seriously, I didn't want to let any of you down, I had to survive...keep moving and I did it! I find myself thinking of my dear late husband so much more lately, I miss him so much and I felt for a long time that I had just let him down, I disappointed him with the path I chose, the wrong path into a relationship that broke me down, made me feel worthless and that I never deserved better. My first step was finding a safe place for me and my son and I have accomplished that. I am finding stability in my life everyday, it's so different. I feel like I can breathe again without the fear. It's an awful feeling to be emotionally and mentally attacked by someone everyday. It's an awful feeling to watch someone violently attack your child and leave bruises. That's over now, I feel amazing! I have a beautiful home that I decorated with my touch, my things, my heart and soul. I have reconnected with ordinary life, I had forgotten what that was like. I have my late husbands urn sitting on the hearth, it was the very first thing I carried into my home. Walking into an empty house for the first time was so scary, but I carried my heart in my arms, even if in spirit, and it felt amazing. I cried when I placed the urn on the hearth, overwhelming feelings came over me. Feelings of "I made it", see, I did it, I'm safe, our son is safe, and we're okay. It feels good to have it where I can see it, and know I am where I finally belong. I had no furniture, no bed to sleep on, no plates or cups or the simple everyday things we all get use to. But, I have those things now, little by little I've built my safe place, my home...the first time in a long time that I can say "My Home". My son is a straight A student, he's responsible, he has faith in me again, and I have gained some faith back in myself. I plant my flowers in my yard, I'm happy again. Wow, can you imagine...I'm allowed to plant flowers and leave a spoon in the sink! I can do this...yep, I can do it and I can do it well. I can get on that 32' ladder and clean my own gutters, I can fix the leaky faucet and survive the flood in my basement after 11" of rain in one day. Yep, pouring down rain and I'm outside digging a ditch to re-direct water. But, it's okay...cause I'm okay. I put in a drain basin and resolved that problem all by myself. (See, I'm not a moron like x said I was). I have a new job! It's been stressful learning a new job, but you know what...I can do it, two others that started when I did have already quit, I'm not a quitter. I had to drive 3 hours one way for training...for three days. I made it, even though I was fearful of getting lost or being late. Of course, I stayed in a hotel since I wasn't going to drive back and forth for three days. But I did it. I wake up everyday at 4:45 am, wake my son up before I go out the door at 5:50am. My son makes me so proud, he hasn't missed the bus yet, he gets up, gets dressed, fixes himself something to eat and finally when he's on the bus, I get a text. "Hi Momma, the door is locked, everything is okay, see you this afternoon". He has changed so much, he is so much like his Daddy, it's amazing. He sings in the shower again, he laughs again, he's happy. Leaving an abusive relationship is only the beginning of a journey, I still have to mentally heal, I have to learn to trust again, myself first, since I don't ever want to fall like that again. I have to learn to live again, for myself and my son...not for others. Someday I may learn to love again, but I don't know about this one. I need to learn to respect and forgive myself , that's the hard one. Unfortunately, I'm scared. I almost like the quiet now, it's not so loud. Thinking of my late husband comforts me. Life is too short to wake up everyday with regrets, love the people who treat you right and forget about the ones who don't. I'm taking my second chance, grabbing it with both hands. And, Oh... I'm restoring that hot rod I mentioned in the past. I will learn to love the things I have forgotten or wasn't allowed to do. Just learning to live again....the sad thing is, I miss my late husband so much more, I want him by my side again, so he can be proud of me and know that yes, I will be okay, and I will make sure our son is okay. He was a great man, a wonderful husband and someone who I will always be proud of and no matter who comes into my life, they need to accept that....or keep walking!

Whew, Maureen...Glad you got that information out of him!! And I can't believe he stuck you with the bill! Good for you for getting out and meeting others!

Hugs! All I can ask is, "Are you happy?" I wish I had good advice or the right words to say, I struggled with my second marriage..I'm now divorced. I don't know what other "red flags" you have, but does you now husband support you at all? I noticed you mentioned he doesn't want anyone else in "his" home, this is your home too. You also mention that your friends don't come around because of the "new guy", that's another red flag. If you stood on the outside looking in, what would you tell a friend to do in your situation? I know how hard it is to make a decision for your future and your family. If new guy won't even consider counseling, then he's not willing to help you out at all. Will he talk to you about your children's situations? Compromise? Like others said, I don't know your whole story, just give yourself time to think about things. Write down a list of all the negatives and all the positives about new guy and go from there.

Captains Wife, I'm super PROUD of you!! You are an amazing person and good for you for holding your ground. It's okay to be angry and disgusted! No, you don't deserve the silent treatment, and if/when he does text or try to call, maybe stand your ground some more and ignore it, for at least 7 days! It would make my mind crazy thinking of all the why's of why he's not contacting me....but then, I've learned, that he probably wasn't thinking of me at all and I was only making myself crazy. Don't do that to yourself, be proud for knowing and acknowledging that it shouldn?t be like this. Trust your feelings and your instincts. You deserve love, and you can get it....from someone else!

I'm sorry you're dealing with this CW, it hurts and yes, very juvenile. I don't have any words of advice, but the silent treatment would really make me turn my heels and wonder if this is how I want to spend the rest of my life? The answer to that, for me, would be a definite "No". If he gives you the silent treatment now, how will he handle anything in the future? To me, the silent treatment is a form of control, a way to demoralize you. It's a form of punishment for you doing nothing wrong at all and, from experience, I can tell you that the affect of this method of passive-aggressive control is sheer torture. It makes you feel lost, sad, and helpless. Unfortunately, you said he's done the "silent treatment" before, there will be literally hundreds more to come. When I was with x (cause he doesn't deserve the capital "E" in front of that letter), I simply couldn?t believe that anyone could do something like that to a person that they supposedly cared about. You know what it reminds me of? My son, when he was two and he would hold his breath until I gave in. Well, he couldn't hold his breath forever, so he didn't win the game. It's just a way a person tries to get the upper hand of the situation. Don't let him know you have negative feelings with the silent treatment, take control of it, tell him that his behavior appears immature, controlling, desperate, manipulative, ridiculous, etc. Pretend if you have to, appear relaxed, shrug it off as if it had no effect on you. Ugh, Hugs, I know it's hard emotionally!

Blank, and it'll probably always be just blank. I don't post a lot on FB, since abusive ex was a stalker..and even though I've changed my name, to not even my "name", he may still stalk, but hopefully he can't find me. It's all private, and people are blocked. But, I'll still leave it blank. The people who care about me and who know me would know my "status" anyway. Which.... is "blank".

Happy Birthday!

{{Hugs}}

{{Hugs}} So heartbreaking :-(