SimiRed

Congratulations!! Now look at all that planning you'll be doing!

HUGS!!! I'm so sorry you have to deal with this complete nonsense. I am so proud of you for recognizing that this is not something that is your problem...it is THEIR problem, and shame on them!

Congrats to you son! That is just an awesome nomination! Yes, his Dad would have been the one there with the biggest look of pride on his face!

Hugs! Almost hard to believe how fast time still goes.

Oh Maureen, Big Huge Hugs!!! 2 years, almost...WOW! No, it doesn't seem possible. Difficult things take a long time to overcome and learn to live through, impossible things take a little longer. We all know no words will make it better, just know you are always in my thoughts. You're amazing, it's okay to to feel like you've been knocked down. {{{HUGS}}} I'm so sorry John was taken away from you way too soon! Hang in there, hold on to the strengths that John left with you. Love ya!

I'm sorry you had a difficult day yesterday. {{HUGS}} Making the cake was most likely hard to do without the tears streaming down, but you did it. Part of the healing, I guess. And so Proud of you that you shared the leftovers with others that miss him too.

Deb, Yes, being a cancer wid does suck! It is a horrific disease and hard to handle as the caregiver. Sending you "Hugs" and try to focus on the good memories, not the ones that cancer leaves you with.

Hence why I will never go there.... I'm on the "what's meant to be will be" train. I'm thinking it'll take me longer than most, since I won't trust the intentions of anyone anytime soon. The silence just gets louder and louder. I do laugh at the stories above though, it is quite hilarious that one can not remember who they have contacted.

Beautifully written! Hugs Rob and such an awesome letter to Michelle on her Birthday!

You're not a whiner, not at all! I agree with everything you wrote! I have come to really not like my birthday, I have gotten use to it just being another day. Late DH always gave me roses... the last abuser put money in my card, cause he was lazy, didn't feel like caring that day? Who knows, but yes, it does hurt. Just another one of those things that makes us feel so disconnected to those around us. Happy Belated Birthday!!

I totally agree! Alone in the car and just listening to music does make out minds go crazy with sadness. I've tried audio books before, but some of the readers on them are monotone and put me to sleep! Make sure you find one that has a good reader so they hold your interest.

Thank you for your wonderful responses! I know being a widow is extremely emotional, the grief is hard to overcome. Some days I feel like I'm back to when DH passed away, 6 years ago, and starting over alone again. It reminds me and throws me back to those days of accomplishing things solo. Some days the emotions engulf me, but I try to follow all the old rules of getting through it. These feet of mine keep me going. It's a wonderful feeling to know my "family" here has my back, no matter what it is any of us go through, this family is always there.

I was hesitant to write, because it seems non important in the widow world. Today would have been the 3 year anniversary that I was married to the abuser. Last night he sent an email (cause his numbers are all blocked on my phone), with the words? ?Happy Anniversary Baby, I had to send this, my dear. I have not been with anyone nor do I desire to. Believe what you want God can vouch for me!? All I can say is it hurt, it upset me?I cried myself to sleep. Why? I have no clue. I know he doesn?t care. Why send this? I can not even tell you how badly I wanted to reply back with a screen shot of his dating profile that he posted in August, I guess he didn?t really ?desire? to do that either, did he? Idiot, does he think me a fool? Or maybe he just thinks I?m not smart enough to see through the manipulation and will come running back? Today, I just really wish I had a friend to steal me away and go somewhere with. To help me laugh or to just listen or keep my mind off of it. There were moments where I just cried and wanted to rip my caring heart out. Why does it feel so bad? He betrayed me, he lied to me, and he used me. He was supposed to protect my son and me and he hurt us instead. How about an anniversary gift of the money he owes me instead? Nope? Yes, I know the truth? The relationship I BELIEVED we had was only an illusion. The reality is that he never seen me as an equal, but just someone to dominate. What I never got was true companionship, intimacy, or validation?instead I got manipulation, control and hostility. And I cry over this? Someone tell me why? Why does it hurt? All I can say is this is a different kind of hurt, but still painful. It upsets me because I did care and I did try. Please, please, when looking for your chapter 2, or if you are in a relationship, don?t ever fall for this. It?s a horrible experience and it will tear you apart one day. When someone says something mean then says, ?I?m just kidding?? they?re not, you know the difference. No one should tell you that you are over sensitive, that?s telling you they don?t care about your feelings! Trust me, don?t wait to have external scars before you figure this out. Emotional and verbal abuse leaves deeper scars than any wound could ever show. Obviously he hasn?t gotten a new supply hooked up yet or he wouldn?t have even remembered the day. I just needed to get this off my chest, like widowhood, friends disappear. And being where I?m at? totally somewhere new, I have no-one around me. What I should be focusing on is what I have to be proud of, of what I have accomplished in 3 months. ✓ A new home ✓ I am mastering hanging pictures on drywall! ✓ I have some furniture ✓ I am no longer eating off of paper plates! ✓ I have a wonderful son who smiles again and asks me to play cards with him ✓ I have all my pets with me ✓ Medical insurance (not the best, but I do have it) ✓ I am proud of myself for finding the strength to follow through and leave ✓ I will be warm this winter! No more waking up to 54? ✓ I do not look over my shoulder and wait for the next insult ✓ I do NOT have to wash that glass in the sink ✓ I am proud of myself because even with everything I went through, I'm still able to see and appreciate the beautiful things that life has to offer, and because I have not lost hope. I am trying to tell myself that I am a strong person. Tears do not show weakness, they are only showing strong emotion. Yes, I do have a caring heart, an emotional heart? some days it just gets the better of me. I miss the contact with friends, a lot. But?as always, keeping my eye on the prize. My son, he is a typical teenager with some issues he is working on. He finds himself replying to me in a way that the ex did, he thinks it will get him his way. However, as hard as it is, I will tell him that that is not the proper way to speak to me and he needs to think about how he is verbalizing something and come back and try again. Yep, I get the teenager stomping, eye rolling and groaning?but he?ll be a better man for it later! Thank you for listening, thank you for caring? Thank you for not bashing me for crying over something so not worth crying over.

I am so sorry you lost Tomasz! I had my cousin do all the phone calls, I just couldn't do it a the time. I am glad you found this group of wonderful people!

Ya'll are much braver than I am. I haven't even wanted to go out to a coffee shop, diner, restaurant alone. I don't even know where to go. I have done a movie alone, but at least then I'm sitting in the dark and no one notices anyway.

So happy to hear the scans showed no detectable cancer!!! Fantastic News!

I am so thankful for all the pictures I have. My 14 yr old son love's to look at the pictures. It has been six years, he was almost 9 when DH passed. I agree that we can sometimes grieve the loss through our children's eyes. I grieve the loss of a Father my son will never truly know, that hurts just as much as the loss of a wonderful husband. Pictures make my cry, but I am so very thankful that I have as many as I do. They are special to me and my son. Your kids will remember Mom, trust me.

Awww, Love Rosie!!!

{{Hugs}} Yes, completely understand the feeling older than we are.

{{{Hugs}}} Eight years, but that day still comes...and it will always have an impact on us. Time is a strange thing, sometimes it feels as though it stops, other times, we can't get it to slow down.

CJF... Would've been 25 for us this year, we also made 19. Kinda stinks we never hit that "20" mark... Happy Anniversary {{{HUGS}}}

Whining? Nah, you have a lot on your plate and a 3rd grader to keep up with too! We all have days when we feel incredibly overwhelmed by everything we need to accomplish. Be Gentle with yourself, you are doing it the best that you can! Just remember...you can do anything, not everything.

fern, Yes, my friends headed for the hills too. I don't really know if they are afraid to face the thought of "it can happen to me", or if they just don't know what to say to you anymore. It was no longer the two of us, so maybe they just felt uncomfortable. You're not "fun" to be around? Hmmm, can't imagine why? I know it's hard, makes you feel even more lonely or like you have some terrible disease that no one wants to catch. It's not you, others just have no clue what to say, so they avoid you.

September 2009, checking in.... Maureen...Lots of Hugs! Paperwork, yea, for some reason I still have the application for when we bought our house in NC. That house has been sold twice now since I've left. Lots of love and always...sending you my best!!

Hugs! Safe Travels... and of course, do what your heart tells you to do! You are not being weird at all, you are doing what feels right for you. I'm sorry your Grandmother is ill, my thoughts are with you on this journey and hope it brings some peace of mind for you.