SimiRed

Thankful I have a home, thankful I am safe and my son is safe. Thankful that I get to spend Thanksgiving with my parents for the first time in 20 years.

Hi klc, Yep, another six here too, 2009 group. Glad you had an "okay" day, even though at times six years feels like six days. {{Hugs}}

thejourney, Of course it will be a difficult thing for you to do. It is very different than widowhood, like you said, this is a choice you will make. Becoming a widow was a choice that was made for you. I ended a bad second marriage after only 2 years, I just couldn't do it any longer. (You can read my story in past posts if you look...I won't go into it on this thread) It was all about "him" and quite honestly the "blending of families" were all his way. "But she loves you", are you sure? Or maybe she's in love with the "idea of you". Do you "love" her? Or do you love the idea of what a family can be again? Do you love the "illusion" of what you want her to be or what you envision the blended family to be? Just some thoughts for you to ponder on. You will only go into a hole of despair if you allow it. What can you learn from this to take forward into a better more fulfilling chapter 2? Some "Hugs" on your decision, do what your gut and your heart tells you to do. Marriage is much harder to get out of then breaking the engagement. If you're not ready, she should understand that if she is truly in love you.

Willpower and determination! Great job!!

Yep... Many on my FB are listed as "Acquaintances". They don't see everything I post and I don't see all their posts. But, no feelings hurt with "unfriending" them.

Six years, and yes, I still cry.

We are an Only parent, not a single parent. That is a huge difference in my book. As a widow, we lost our spouse when we were happy, and also for me, as a recent divorcee, I terminated the marriage because we were not happy. I never want to associate with this person again, never want to hear his voice again...never. He was divorced and never understood, always called my late husband my ex. But he always said he knew what widowhood felt like because of the "death" of his first marriage. This relationship was very abusive, not all divorces are, but still not comparable to death of my husband, him...I'd love to be able to talk to again. Both divorce and widowhood involve grieving, yes, but as a widow, the marriage ended through neither of our "choosing", our marriages ended by a sudden or lengthy illness, accident, tragedy or other situation. No, no comparison. I just need to say that I also believe death by suicide is not a "choice" to leave, it's not that they wanted to leave, is was a personal pain (illness) that did that. Like kjs1989 says, just listen and nod, because they are not going to get it anyway.

Sounds like a great move! You're children will thrive in a new environment and of course a better education!

Beautiful! I love getting signs like that! It's what has carried me to where I am today, and what picked me up off the ground when I thought I could never stand... {{{HUGS}}}

Our kids don't take away the lonely, since we really just want some adult conversation! Like Bear said, fake it until you make it. I try to do some things to get out of the house, and not isolate myself. If I don't like it, move on, try something else. Walking in the park, etc. Never thought about going to check out the High School games, that may be fun too.

Love these! Yea, I guess we are all "stronger" now, huh? Sometimes what doesn't kill us makes us weaker. We just now have a better understanding that the greatest strength is knowing that it's alright to be weak.

Too far....waaaaa :'( ....need the widda bus!

Yea, "exactly" seems to fit!

What in the world did people do before all these "dating sites" were available via technology? I'm not venturing onto dating sites...there may be "real" honest people on there, but I'm not in the mood to be "fishing" through a lot of lunatics to find one. I do enjoy reading some of your classic adventures though, some are just plain ridiculously funny!

I would like to think so, but I'm afraid of the potential after effects! The thing is, it's a two way street. Yes, we have learned what real love is and what it is like to lose it. I guess in my chapter 2, love was conditional and trust was nonexistent. Not in the beginning, but soon after marriage. My question to myself would be "Can I let myself be loved well again?" Like Mr. C, I married my High School sweetheart, we dated at 16, married 19 years and he died at 41. No, a future someone will not get what he got, we grew up together, we "knew" each other...completely. I've changed, for the better. I'm stronger emotionally, however, I'm afraid I will shy away from any prospect of a chapter 2 (cause I'm not counting "the infestation" of 2 years as a chapter 2). I gave everything I had. I guess I'm trying to say that loving someone means learning to wisely choose whom to love. Love isn't finding someone and "loving too desperately or too little", we have to learn to love healthy. And we have to get that love back, just as healthy as we give it. Love is found when someone is listening and cares more about your soul, which may be a gradual process, and that's okay...for me. Assuming lightening can strike 3 times....

{{Hugs}} You are an inspiration to so many people, including myself. You are the most genuine person that I know with motivation and perseverance that is unimaginable. Any person would be lucky to have you in their life, I hope you find someone who values you and showers you with attention!

This... Exactly. Even now, I have texted a friend with no response back. I have tried to call with no answer, I give. I lost friends when my first DH passed away. Now, out of the abusive marriage, my friends think... she's okay, she's strong, etc. It's quiet, I enjoy talking to others, interacting, actually having an adult conversation once in a while instead of the eye roll and grunts from a teenager. The last text I sent to my "friend", 3 days ago, after I asked her a question over a week ago.. "I'm hurt when you don't answer. I know you're busy, but still hurts". She is currently unemployed, has called me when she had questions for completing a resume' or other things, and I answer right away. Probably cause I crave the interaction. I give up and I'm just plain done trying. It was difficult to send the text, but I must be honest with myself and set those boundaries of not allowing anyone to hurt me. I didn't point a finger and say "You're hurting my feelings by not responding"... Nope, I just made it is an "I" format. I agree, we need to go out and find the social interaction ourselves. I've tried the library, a local shop that does some crafting, etc. It's okay, it's a new place and new people. But, I can't get the interacting cleaning the house 24/7 and isolating myself. I hope you and your child enjoy the party!

Happy Belated Anniversary!!! A vent for me.... Nightmares go away!! Why? Why am I having nightmares when I am in a safe, comfortable place? The dreams are horrible... all about the abuser and raging at me, making fun of me, hurting me... I do not think about the abuser all day, then...wham, 3am...I am waking up in a complete feeling of being there all over again. Ugh... Vent over, focusing on the positives in my life now. Courage, keep going, I'll be okay!!

Jeeze... If it were any bigger, it'd smack me in the forehead!! Thank you for pointing out where the unread messages are!

I also like the "like" button. I do find myself looking for a "New Posts" button that is non existent. That button is on some of my hobby forums and it's nice to click the "new posts" to see what is more recent.

Awesome! So proud of you for focusing on the positives in your life. This takes a lot of concentration, but in the end, it's worth it, isn't it? YOU took control to eliminate the negative feelings. Yes, they're still there, but you don't linger on them and for that, I'm PROUD of you! Sometimes we all have a lot of negativity and focus on the sadness. Sometimes it's easier to do this. You have managed to be aware of this and create a plan. That is awesome! Don't give up! As with everything we learn to do in life, it starts with the first step. Then eventually, each step after becomes normal and a little easier. I wish I was closer, I'd go wine-tasting and sailing with you!

(((Hugs))) Such an incredible story. Thank you for sharing it with us.

Hugs, I can honestly say that I would have probably moved out of my house that late DH and I had. Yes, I moved into a stupid, bad situation. That's history... But, even if that hadn't have happened, I would have moved. If I look back, that life was full of what "we" made it, of the friends "we" had. It was a wonderful home that we had built together, I loved that house. But it would not have been a "home" without the reasons why is was one to begin with. The home I'm in now is home for who I am now. That makes me happy. Don't be a "visitor" in your own home, it's uncomfortable and makes you both sad. If better arrangements with "A" is coming soon, then sure...hold out, but if it's not as soon as you want it to be, look for something that makes you feel good about where you are putting your feet everyday. It was not easy letting go of our home, heck no... but it was also not the hardest thing I ever had to do. Hugs!

OCD, ADD.. I'm every letter of the alphabet. I can not even sleep at night if there is one glass in the sink. Somehow, someway, I think it is my way of being able to control something. Since I was an Extreme caregiver for six years, then in a place where I was controlled... trying to control things on my own now has sky rocketed. Anxiety, yep, panic attacks..yep. I just have to remember : Every time I start obsessing or worrying about something, I need to re-focus, go for a walk, watch TV, read, etc. I need to do anything/something that settles down the OCD.

Hugs! Such Heartbreaking moments, they are so hard for us. Your son sounds amazing, and very thoughtful. "Patted your back"... awwww, now my tears are there too.