SimiRed

Oh, Maureen....I'm so sorry! That sucks! I'm just happy it was at a slow speed and you didn't let it frazzle your nerves. You had a lot on your mind and the blazing sun glare wasn't helping! Glad you are okay and sounds like the other driver handled it well too. Hugs!

I totally understand what you are saying. If your stepson was invited to stay over, your son should have been invited to stay also. They've known each other over a year? I would be feeling the same way you did, it would definitely make your son feel excluded, and it would tick me off! I think you handled it well, you and your son will find something to do together and Dad and his son can go to the birthday party. Blended families are so difficult in some situations.

{{{Hugs}}}

Stormy, exactly what Guaruja said, you deserve better. I know it's hard right now to understand, but if he was mean to you, and she is the "sweet" one now, you probably avoided a potential abusive relationship. She won't be the sweet one for long, he'll move on and she will become the bad one. Hugs, many of them. It hurts, yes, but it would've hurt worse the more you gave him of yourself and he kept taking.

(((Hugs)))

I'm ok being alone too. I guess after what I've been through, (not my late dh, but the abuser after...) I'm scared to trust anyone. No way am I trying dating sites since I've heard too many stories of what is out there. Sure, there has got to be decent people on them, but I guess that I will never find out since I won't create a profile. Like Max, I am not sure I can get lucky twice in a lifetime. I am thankful for the years I had with my late DH, and yes, it gets overwhelmingly lonely but it's okay. Time to take care of me and my son.

It is nice when our kids say something nice about us, glad your daughter gave you that bit of information and made you feel good about the values you are teaching her. Like you, if my son didn't make a good decision, I would jump on him for it. I like in the book where it mentions to give them choices when we want something done. An example from the book is, "Would you rather wash the car this morning or this afternoon?" It puts them in a situation where he/she can't say no, but rather have a choice to make. Making the choice makes them more responsible to get the task done. Try not to make the choice a threat, don't use the "do this or else I'll do that" technique. Good reading and does make you think differently.

Welcome MountainMan, glad you found this great group of people who understand a lot. It is difficult being an only parent, my son was 8 when his Dad passed, also from Cancer. He was initially diagnosed as CUP, but after 4 years of treatments, finally said it was Neuroendocrine cancer of Unknown Primary. It is rough to move to a new area and a new home, it brings back all those empty feelings from the beginning. It'll get better, enjoy your new home and ask that wonderful daughter of yours for some decorating ideas! I'm sure she'll be happy to help.

I agree with trying2breathe, "postpone the conversation". I found that my son will negotiate for hours, and eventually we give up and give in. I will just tell him that it's "non-negotiable" at this time. If your attitude changes, or circumstances change, we can discuss at a later time. Or, I'll tell him that the conversation is over, since we are not achieving anything and just keep going in circles. Give him a time-frame, I need a break from this conversation at the moment, we can talk about it again after dinner.

Sugarbell, My son has a photographic memory like his Dad did. Yes, it's very hard to keep "one step" ahead of them! He remembers details like you mentioned about your son. He's the same way with homework and studying. Can get all A's without reviewing anything. Trust me, you won't "screw him up". He will challenge you on many things! Parenting is very difficult since they remember every word you say and then pull those words out of their back pocket months later when you are trying to discipline and he will "remind" you of what you said on blah, blah, blah day. Frustrating and makes you stand there dumbfounded with no response! Of course, there are many times that I needed my late DH, since he would be much better at understanding how my son's mind works. I just have to do the best I can...and try to keep "one step" ahead of him!

Drive safe and enjoy your trip east!

Maureen... Next time you visit and he misses the bus, we'll both go in our pajamas and engulf him in girl hugs...ewwwwww!!! Bwaaahaaaaa, I bet he will never be late again! Seriously, I think I should just plop some curlers in my hair, that's be a much better look!

I really liked what you said about me being his "clock", so, I took your advice this morning. I will admit, I was biting my nails, biting my tongue and holding my breath, but I did not tell him what time it was. I did tell him while he was eating breakfast that he has two clocks downstairs and it was time that he become accountable. Of course he told me that he pays attention to the time and I just annoy him by reminding him of it. Well, happy dance, he actually made it to the bus. And I was tortuously ready to drive him to school... Thanks Rob! Looking forward to more positive ways to get though these teen years!

Happy Birthday, Ricky. We miss you, the love you gave your son and I is enough to last us a lifetime. I hope that I make you proud, I miss our talks, your laugh, your smile and your strength. Your words continue to guide us through life. The best way to honor you is to honor myself and become what I am and carry your strength and wisdom inside. You always found a way to be hopeful, no matter what our circumstances were. I don't understand why you're not here and don't know if I ever will, but, I give you my word to keep your memories alive in our son and to keep our family safe. I love you, I miss you and there are many days that I need you. Your son is amazing, just like you...he has your quick wit, intelligence and determination. Of course this leads back to why some days I need you more than others. You always did have the right words to make me feel stronger, or to give me confidence. I want to be everything you could have been to our son, you kinda made it hard for me, since you were much better at challenges than I am. I'm getting there, Ricky, I'm learning to have the confidence that you always believed me to have. Happy Birthday, I wish you were here to blow out the 48 candles that I would have put on your cake. As always, I love you.

Rob, never heard the terminology "energy drain"...does it work? He might just give me the "yeah, right" look. Since we're new to this area, he hasn't established the kind of friendship when they go over to play, or come here yet. Abitlost, Liking the idea of taking the phone til he hits the door to walk down to the bus, I may do that. The bus was coming as soon as he walked out this morning, so he cuts it close every single time! If the bus driver is ever one or two minutes early, he's running. You'd think a part of them would not like the in a hurry all the time. Sounds like Rebecca is trying with dinner, at least sometimes. Glad she apologized, it shows she knew she was late.

I've had the "break up" dream too, I thinks it's because we feel like they left us... Yea, it makes you wake up feeling lousy!

Count me in too. I've tried the "Natural Consequences" too, but sometimes it ends up biting me in the butt. Like my son (15) running late in the mornings when he needs to catch the bus. I've been told to just let him miss the bus. But, without the nagging...hurry up, you have 5 minutes, you have 3 minutes...hurry up!, he'd drag his feet and never make it. My problem is, if he misses the bus, I end up driving him to school, so this "Natural Consequence" takes it's toll on me, not him. He still makes it to school. No way will I let him just stay home because he missed the bus. I guess I need to figure out which things need to be the "Natural Consequences" lesson? Rob, not sure on the shower thing. I have been trying to voice the "consequences" ahead of time and following through. You could say, if the shower situation is not under control in one week, I will be purchasing a timer for the hot water heater that will automatically shut the hot water off at 10pm and turn back on in the morning. This would eliminate the need to run to the hot water heater breaker everyday to flip it off or on. imissdow: Hmmm, fighting over the tv and seats? How about a first come first serve rule? If fighting persists, then no tv, they can resort to reading a book. If they know you can make the house a "blackhole", then possibly the fighting will stop if you disconnect it often enough every time they fight. Rob: I wouldn't fire her from cooking, that would be a task/chore that you are taking away from her. She may look at that as a positive thing. Can you discuss and give a consequence ahead of time? Tell her the day before, for every minute you are late with the meal, you must leave your cell phone/tablet (whatever she has) on the counter for that amount of time. So, if she's a half hour late with dinner, her phone stays on the counter for a half an hour, or in a place you know where it's at and she can't have it or steal it back without your knowledge. OR, for every minute late with the meal, she can sit in the chair, living room, where you can see her and do some reading, or just sitting, who cares...just somehow try to show her what those "minutes" feel like when she's late. My son is a huge procrastinator! He is late all the time, but is getting better. I have now made him leave his phone upstairs in the mornings and he can only have it back when he comes upstairs and is ready for school/bus. It's getting better, slowly, but getting better. He still pushes the limit though! I do like the "keep cooking until you get it right option", her sister will have more free time and she may not like that.

Huge hugs to you Alyssa, bonay and lisaj. I'm so sorry for your losses, but glad you found a safe place here on the board. This is a wonderful place to find the support you need and the freedom to express your feelings without judgement. We all understand, unfortunately, the anger and pain. I lost my husband of 20 years to cancer six years ago, but I still miss him everyday. More so this year than those in the past for different reasons. Somehow, it feels like I'm starting this journey all over again...but, that is due to past circumstances that should have never happened. No, of course not, no one here is the grammar police, so post away... Like Maureen says, we find a way to appreciate the little things more deeply, in time, it doesn't hurt so bad. Hugs!

AMEN! Yes, ONLY parenting sucks! My son is 15, but thinks he's 30, or thinks he's something. Oh, I get the back talk, the dwaddling on chores, the empty water bottles on the floor in his bedroom. Of course, I also get the, "it's a dumb rule that my wi-fi and data goes off at 11, dumb, stupid, etc". See, I don't take his laptop, xbox, cell phone away. It doesn't help and just makes him mad. Nope, I have family base on Verizon and can control "time-restrictions" on his phone where the data won't work, internet won't work. But, it works with wi-fi, so I then log into the router, get the IPaddress from the xbox, phone and laptop. Put time restrictions on those IPaddresses only. This way, I'm not begging for his phone, it just doesn't work after a certain time. Oh, he's a good kid, he's just a teenager that is pushing every single button I have. Rob, my son constantly is saying, "I can't do this right, I fail at this, what's the point in trying", etc. I do think this is a normal thing at this stage in their life, and yes, it makes you feel bad and maybe you'll feel sorry for her and loosen up on your rules. Hmm, nah, don't loosen up on the rules. Vent, vent, vent... cause it makes me feel more normal and less likely that I'm just failing at this only parent thing!

I fell too fast, and like Maureen said, wished I had my eyes open wider.... But have seen others fall in long lasting loving relationships that are truly an inspiration.

That is priceless! A treasure to hold onto for sure! Hoping it made you smile and not bring sad tears.

Yes, lonely down times to think too much. Up-Coming holidays just emphasize the loneliness. ((Hugs))

Also hoping it was a good celebration. So thoughtful of you to cook her a special dinner.

((Hugs))

{{{HUGS}}} Try not to focus on it, if he wasn't someone who you could see "blending" with, then he maybe he isn't the right one for you. Definitely not easy to get over, he moves on quickly and most likely makes you feel like you weren't as important to him as he was to you. More Hugs!