Virgo

I still haven't heard from him. Normally we get together on Tuesday, but I've already decided I don't want to. Unless he specifically says we need to talk about the lack of communication this weekend.

I've definitely been making all of the effort this week. The lack of communication this weekend just proved that to me. We'll see what this week brings.

I know this probably seems immature on my part, but I'm not contacting him. I feel like I was the one making all of the effort since Tuesday. I'm not sure what is going on, but I'm not going to beg someone to spend time with me. I haven't heard from him since Friday. We'll see what happens. Like always, I'm cautiously optimistic.

Trying2breathe- don't give up. Just give it time. I'm not sure what is going on with my NG. It seems like when he takes a step forward, I hesitate, but when I get to his level he backs off. Since explaining my reaction to him saying I love you he has really backed off. We talked Saturday, saw each other Tuesday, and have had minimal communication since. Very abnormal for us. If I don't feel equal effort I naturally pull back, so today we didn't talk at all. Normally we spend all day and night together Saturday. I just went out and did my own thing.

Arneal, all three of my daughters were with my LH. Since I started dating I've been open with my girls so they could adjust to the idea. My middle daughter has come a long way, but she still can't get past the idea that if she likes the guy I'm dating she's betraying her dad. Your son definitely should be respectful too.

So true! We go through all of the normal teenage stresses with the addition of their grief. She has really come a long way. I'm not going to push for that connection. It has to happen naturally, at their pace, but I expect her to always be respectful.

I do feel guilty sometimes. Then I feel like just giving up on dating and waiting until they're out on their own. Very frustrating! Not just for us, but for the guys too. My guy is very understanding. It doesn't happen very often. I'm thinking if it did, and I was in his position, I don't know if I could stick it out. She went to the gym with me tonight, so we talked about it more. I told her it wasn't just disrespectful to him, but to me too. She apologized.

A little vent about my middle daughter. My daughters are 18, 16, and 10. NG called me when we were on our way to meet my dad for dinner. He always calls me when he gets home from work. Well, my middle daughter was being loud and obnoxious so that it made it difficult for me to talk to him. He was trying to tell me about the lab results he received today. Needless to say we had a talk as soon as I hung up with him. I've only had a 5 minute conversation with him today, so disappointing. Then at dinner I referred to him as my boyfriend when I was showing my dad pictures of the Corvette he bought. It was easier. My dad would have said, "Mike who?" He has brain damage from a stroke so he doesn't remember his name. Anyway, my daughter said, " he's not your boyfriend." I said, "what is he then?" She said, "your guy friend. " It feels like one step forward, two steps back with her sometimes.

Thanks everyone for sharing. I was just curious. I think I'll stay in the budding relationships thread. I'll just read here. My guy and I have been seeing each other since August, but officially dating since November. Things are going well, but of course I'm still cautiously optimistic.

I'm just curious before I step into this thread how long you've been dating your significant others?

My first thought was, "having his cake and eating it too." Either way, he's unstable and obviously not ready for an exclusive relationship. If that is what you want then I would move on. If you're okay with casually dating him and other men then continue seeing him.

My guy and I addressed the "I love you " again. This time I explained my reaction to him. I'm glad we talked, and we're on the same page. I could see the relief in his face as I explained. I think he's been thinking about it since he said it. I know I have.

I'm happy for you! There are two ongoing relationship threads that a lot of us share updates in, budding and treading into deeper waters. Feel free to share with us!

Congratulations Needytoo on your award. I'm sorry your new guy couldn't be there with you. I think a lot of what we're all going through is new relationship doubts. We need to remember that we went through similar doubts with our LH's. It's all a part of getting to know someone and deciding if you're truly compatible. I think we forget because we were with our LH's for years and knew them almost as well as we knew ourselves. This is non related, but I wanted to share. We all know how awkward some people can be when they hear that we're a widow. I was visiting a friend Thursday who lives three hours away. We decided to get our nails done. The conversation led to my girls having separation anxiety about me traveling "so far" alone. When I mentioned that my LH passed 4 years ago my nail tech asked what happened, pretty common, and then she says "you're such a pretty lady, really pretty lady, you'll have fun with it." I'm really not surprised anymore, but had to share. I'm hoping to see my guy tonight. We've both been pretty busy and haven't seen each other since Tuesday.

I agree with Klim and Arneal. We all have baggage and part of our baggage is grief. We all deal with our grief differently. Especially when it comes to recoupling. Being with my NG is easy. We really enjoy spending time together. Our time apart is what I struggle with. Time with my thoughts of over thinking the future, doubt, and feeling guilty.The closer we get the more I think about my LH. It makes me want to pull away and stop dating all together. I'm hoping it's a growth cycle because I care about him, and I will eventually get past it.

It's all about perspective. "The best ideas emerge when very different perspectives meet." Frans Johannsson

Needytoo, that's a good sign if you feel comfortable sharing the deep shit with him. I can see his mom being an obstacle. He's a grown man. She needs to realize he has his own life to live too. My NG is still not feeling 100%, so we're going to postpone the trip to Chicago. We're going to spend the weekend together just more laid back. Dinner out Saturday, movies, and staying the night together at his house. Just relax together Sunday too. It will be nice. It's been awhile since we've been able to stay the night together.

Right now our definite days are Tuesdays and Saturdays. The rest of the week we try to see each other whenever we can. Last week I also saw him Thursday and my daughters went with me to his house Friday.

Arneal, I understand what you are saying too. I guess I just look forward to the few days we do see each other because of my schedule. We're not going to see each other tonight. I miss seeing him, he said the same thing, but he obviously can't help that he's sick. I hope he feels better by this weekend. We were talking about going to Chicago this weekend for a short getaway. We need it!

We normally see each other on Tuesdays, but he started feeling bad last night. Bad timing. I haven't heard if he still wants to get together tonight. I really want to see him to help ease my over thinking about Friday.

I don't doubt that some women have a low sex drive, some men do too, but I think it's more of a ploy for casual sex. I am 42 and have a high sex drive. I always have. I hope that never changes. ☺

tybec, it's hard sometimes to focus on the here and now. We know though, more than most, that as much as we plan there are no guarantees. One day at a time. I enjoy the support here too.

Needytoo, it sounds like maybe you two do need to communicate more. That's good that you talked about it.

I am the type of person that will say it often and freely when I actually mean it. I wouldn't have said it if I didn't. The hesitation was because of my LH, over thinking. I have caught myself almost saying I love you to my NG. Especially as we're saying goodbye. Our goodbyes have been a little awkward lately and I think it's because he was building up to saying it. I actually told my girlfriends a couple of weeks ago that I thought he almost said it. That is why I feel bad about my initial reaction, but I can't really change that. I can only explain it. We have talked a lot since Friday, but we haven't seen each other. I haven't brought it up since Friday either. I would rather have that conversation in person.

Needytoo, I'm sorry your NG wasn't there for you. Sending you hugs. I try to see things from their perspective too. Maybe he was just trying to give you space. New territory for me tonight. My NG said I love you, but then he started backpedaling after my initial reaction. It was a long pause, but I did say it back sort of quietly. Honestly, I was processing. He said it as I was leaving, so we texted a bit when I got home. Then he called me. He basically said he was trying to tell me how much he adored me and it came out wrong. I think my reaction scared him. Then later this evening I cried in the shower. Why? I've only said I love you to one other man, my LH. It wasn't a sad cry, but more like a realization or a release. Another small step forward...