Virgo

Honestly if she was my youngest it wouldn't bother me. I've told her that too. It's just not appropriate with two younger siblings in the house. Plus, it's great motivation for her own independence.

Needytoo, I was married at 19, built our first home at 21, and a mom at 23. Probably not the norm in the 90's, but definitely not the norm now. I think we as parents do to much for our kids, and they expect it to some degree. My oldest is 18. We have the then vs now talk quite a bit. What I was doing at her age. She's had a steady boyfriend for a year and a half. This causes all new debates and discussions. She is an "adult" and wants him to stay over. He has on occasion when her sisters and I aren't home, but otherwise my stance is "get your own place together. " Fun times. 😉 Arneal, I'm glad you heard from your BF. It's good that he acknowledged how he acted towards you.

Arneal- Maybe a different approach with your guy could be "when you do X (shut me out) it makes me feel X. " It's hard when you get shut out because you feel like they would want to lean on you for support. I hope he contacts you soon and everything goes as planned for the weekend.

Needytoo- I have two girlfriends that I talk to daily. Both give me different perspectives about blending NG with my girls. One is a widow. The other lost her mom when she was 8, so the child's perspective. I think as widows we try to protect our kids from any further pain, understandably. My non wid girlfriend told me I'm not doing my girls any favors by completely avoiding them being around him. By doing that I would be enabling them not to deal with the idea of me dating and falling in love with someone. I have 3 daughters. My oldest and youngest are comfortable around NG already. My middle daughter is always a little resistant, but she's doing better. I told her that I expect her to be respectful to him like she would any other adult family member or friend that was a guest in our home. Normally I wouldn't have had NG around the girls, not so soon, but when we first started seeing each other he helped with our Halloween party as a friend. The last guy I dated that was around my girls was a friend of my LH's, so they knew him. They're the only two that have been around my girls. My middle daughter would have full blown meltdowns after the first guy I dated left. We have worked through a lot of her issues by talking it out. She felt that if she likes a guy I'm dating then she's betraying her dad. Anyway, I think gradual interaction is the way to go. My NG hasn't been around my girls a lot yet. Boys might be different, but maybe talk to your son after your NG leaves to see what he's thinking.

Another great night with my guy. We probably won't see each other again until Friday. My girls schedules are so crazy and just changed again. My middle daughter started her first job. She works with her big sister. So when she's not working she has choir practice until 9:30. That means I now need a babysitter for my youngest if I want to go out. Her grandparents were with her tonight.

Peony, it's definitely easier when you're younger and have no responsibilities. I think you should always go with your gut feeling. Don't second guess yourself.

I guess maybe I'm stuck on the logistics of dating. I doubt my LH would be out anywhere we could actually meet. 😊 I'm sure that connection and physical attraction would be the same. Although, I ran into my NG at the gas station so I guess if you're meant to cross paths you will somehow.

Trying2breathe, my NG is a Bears fan. Poor guy. 🤣 Here's another perspective to dating. One of my girlfriends asked me if I met my LH now would I have dated him? I told her I would like to say yes, but I don't know. He honestly wouldn't have had much time to date between work and kids. What do you think? Would you date your LH/LW if you met at this point in your life?

tybec, I agree. Dating as an older adult is different than dating as a young adult. I married my LH at 19, met when we were 16. We basically grew up together. No responsibilities. Everything we earned we did so together. No past relationships. No ex drama. No blending families. It's just different. I'm not saying it should be extremely difficult now, but we can't expect it to be like it was before. I think we will all know when we're done. When the relationship just isn't moving forward. I'm not settling for less than what I deserve. I had a great night with my NG. He invited me over for dinner and to watch the Vikings game. I'm still smiling. We talked a lot, deep conversations. I told him my LH's birthday is the 28th, and he died a week after on February 4th. February 4th is the Superbowl. My LH and I are/were Vikings fans. I like that I'm comfortable talking about my LH with him and he always gives me positive feedback. Most of the guys I've dated got uncomfortable or gave me a blank stare. I was telling him I was debating a Superbowl party if the Vikings make it. Normally my girls and I celebrate my LH's birthday and ignore his death date. He said, in so many words, that having a Superbowl party would be celebrating my LH because he loved the Vikings too. I agree. That's basically what my girls and I said. We just weren't sure if we wanted to invite family, or just friends.

I decided not to date both guys. I would rather focus on NG and see where that goes. I really enjoy spending time with him. I think the other guy and I are better as friends.

We haven't really labeled our relationship, but we discussed dating exclusively before he shutdown those two weeks. I think we should have that conversation again soon.

My NG came over today and helped me with my dryer since my friend kept cancelling on me. He was so sweet about it last night. He said, "it sounds like it's making you anxious. Let me help you with that." Even the mundane task of cleaning out my dryer venting was fun with him. We went to the store for a vent cleaning kit too. We're always laughing, joking, very playful. The other guy knew about my dryer and basically said, "good luck with that. Hopefully it doesn't start on fire." Well...thanks.

Thanks for the feedback ladies. I was doing a lot of over thinking last night.

My NG and I talked. He said everything I predicted he would. It was somewhat satisfying to know that I'm starting to read him already. I'm not sure where it will go from here. He said he feels like he doesn't have a lot to offer me right now. He's fresh out of a long term relationship and adjusting to being single again. We went out last night and talked a lot about how we're feeling, great conversation. We always have a great time together. During the weeks that we didn't talk I started talking to a guy I dated before. We've been talking for over a year, been friends even longer. He worked with my LH. When we first started talking he was off and on with his then girlfriend. After he ended their relationship we went out a few times. He said he wasn't ready. Dating just didn't feel right. Now he feels ready and wants to go out. I don't know if I want to date both. Honestly I prefer to date one guy and get to know him, build on that, see where it goes. Both asked me out tonight and here I am sitting at home. I told both of them I was waiting for a friend to come over to look at my dryer, which is true.

I think for now I'm done. We went a whole week without communicating. He texted me Happy New Year. I replied with the same. That was it. I'm sure he was waiting for me to act as if nothing happened and make it ok. Not happening. He needs to work through whatever it is he's going through on his own. I'm thinking this was just bad timing, but time will tell. I'm not going to wait around. I suppose I'll be leaving this thread. I have two other men that have been asking me out, of course I said no before, but maybe sometime soon I will meet them for a drink. I got exciting news yesterday. I have an interview tomorrow for my phlebotomy certification program. They choose 6 people per class. There's only one spot available for the January class, but I think I'm interested in the May class. It's just better because of my girls schedules. I'm excited, but scared. I've been a stay at home mom since my oldest (18) was born. Long time!

Arneal- It sounds like your mom is happy for you. Since I didn't hear much from my guy during the weekend I decided not to contact him. The last time we spoke was Sunday, and we texted Monday. I find it hard to believe that work is so busy and stressful this week that he can't send a 5 second text message here and there. Even though we planned on being together this weekend I'm starting to make other plans. We've been talking about NYE for weeks now because we have a bet going for the Vikings vs Bears game. It's been fun teasing each other about it. Honestly, even if he does want to get together this weekend I'm not sure I want to. We'll see.

I'm a little disappointed with how my new guy is handling the holidays with me. I understand that the holidays are rough for people for different reasons, obviously I can relate, but barely any communication at all. I guess I expected more...to much maybe.

Thanks for sharing Arneal and Klim. Of course my NG acted as though nothing had changed. His absence was from illness and stress. He came over the night we talked to get my snowblower running and clear my driveway. Very thoughtful. I didn't realize the reason I had avoided using my snowblower until that moment. Phil was the last to use it, and because of his cancer he could barely push it. It was painful to watch him struggle physically and mentally with a basic task that he had always done. It's interesting to me how small things get tucked away and prevent me from doing certain tasks because of it. Anyway, I'm still not going to plan dates with my NG. I'm letting him initiate. He asked to see me last night, but I already had plans. I volunteered for the local Shop with a Cop. Not my LH's police department, but our local PD. NG mentioned seeing me during his lunch today, so hopefully we'll be able to.

Arneal...gaming with your NG should be fun! My over thinking causes the roller coaster. I was confident in my relationship with Phil. We were solid, stable. I miss that stability. I just need to remember I had 22 years to build that. Just take one day at a time. T2B- It is funny to have labels at this age. I still refer to my guy as...the guy I'm seeing. I'm going to share a little about myself since we're all talking about kids and Christmas. It made me wonder about ages and the different challenges, perspectives. I'm 42. I have three daughters, 18, almost 16, and 10. My 15yo's birthday is the 29th. My NG is also 42, never married, no kids. He has met my girls. He helped with our Halloween party, and then we spent a Sunday afternoon at his house. My oldest and youngest enjoyed spending time with him. My middle daughter doesn't like the idea of me dating at all. Well except for one particular guy, family friend. We've had several conversations about that and me dating in general. I always tell her that her feelings are valid, as are mine. I give her different perspectives. She has come a long way since I first started dating. I'm not pushing her to spend time with him, just exposing her in very small amounts. Dating with kids is tough.

Well...right after I posted my response he texted me. We'll see what happens.

If the feelings are mutual, the effort is equal. That's why I decided not to contact my guy. I haven't heard from him since Saturday. I just wondered if it was because of his recent breakup, but either way he's obviously not wanting to see me. I already have plans for this weekend.

We had minor annoyances. The first thing that came to mind was Phil teasing me about how often I changed our bed sheets. He hated his pillow fluffed. I started leaving his pillow case on his pillow so it wouldn't be fluffed by me. See, I'm a problem solver.

My mom also said, "never say never." I can't imagine selling my home and moving, but you never know.

Hilarious! I haven't ventured into online dating. Facebook is as close to online dating as I think I'll get.

I still have the last shirt he wore at home hanging in my closet. I used to smell it daily. Sometimes I slept with it. It's never been washed. It will never be washed again. It has been almost 4 years, so his scent is very faint but still there. I'll never forget his scent even after it completely fades from his shirt.